Until My Heart Stops Beating

by Tonya M Barber

  The following day she signed the lease and paid the deposit. Although she was ready to move on with the next phase of her life, she was nervous about the adventures that awaited her. There were questions about whether moving in together before marriage was a wise thing to do. She addressed her concerns with Declan. He assured her that cohabitation before the wedding would only enhance the love they already shared and it was the right thing to do. He also reminded her that since he had to share his time between New Jersey and Chicago, it would give them the opportunity to miss each other. She agreed that what he was saying to her made a lot of sense for now. Eventually, they’d have to decide where their permanent home would be. Once the children started coming, there was no way they would be able to maintain that arrangement.

  The moment was upon her and it was bittersweet. Knowing this day would come still did nothing to prepare her for the overwhelming sadness she endured. She had been a pillar of strength until she carried the last box to her car and put it inside the trunk. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she hugged her mother. She glanced up at the window at her father who was looking down at them. Feeling exposed, he backed away letting the curtains close in front of him. Leaving on these terms was not her heart’s desire but it was out of her hands. Her dad was not willing to reconcile even after all the time that had passed and all the times she tried to make things right.

  After kissing her mom one last time, she jumped in her car, revved up the engine and put the gear in drive. She couldn’t do it. There was no way she could leave things as they were. He was her father for God’s sake. It’s wasn’t supposed to be like that. The bond between a father and his daughter should be unbreakable, unbendable, solid, and strong. She turned off the engine, got out the car and ran up the front stairs. Entering the house, she ascended the stairs and walked inside her parents’ bedroom. There was a lot that needed to be said before she embarked on the next chapter of her life.

  Her dad was sitting on the edge of the bed staring into space. Approaching him she said, “You were my first love daddy, the blueprint for which to model other men that enter my life. This is all wrong. It’s not supposed to be this way. It’s your job to love me no matter what. I love you. If you never speak to me again, I’ll still love you because you’re my dad.”

  She waited for a response but there was none. She was crushed, disappointed that her dad was so stubborn and unwilling to embrace the choice she was making. She hung her head, shaking it from one side to the other. “I love him daddy and he loves me. Why can’t that be enough? I’m a grown woman capable of making adult decisions and I’ve decided to marry him. It is not defiance against you.” She walked toward the door stopping just before the threshold. “As a little girl I always imagined marrying the man of my dreams and having my father walk me down the aisle. I found the man of my dreams but my dad refuses to walk me down the aisle simply because our skin color differs. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be as disappointed in you as I am at this moment. I would never have thought that you of all people would hurt me so badly. I know you love me daddy, but love me enough to allow me to make my own mistakes if that’s what this is. I doubt it but if it is, it’s my mistake to make.” She bawled as she ran away.

  “Baby girl!”

  Makeba stopped suddenly halfway down the staircase at the sound of her father’s voice. She turned, looking over her shoulders. He was standing at the top of the staircase with tears streaming down his face. She couldn’t recall a time she ever saw her dad cry. Immediately, she ran up the stairs into the arms of the man who loved her first, her daddy.

  “Forgive me. I’m so sorry I hurt you baby girl.”

  They continued to hug for what seemed like an eternity. Finally able to release their embrace, they walked down the stairs only to be greeted by Mrs. Jones who had tears of joy dripping from her own eyes. Moving to the side, she gave them space to enter the family room. Terrence Jones sat his daughter down and began to tell her what she had been wanting to know since this mess started. Why he was so adamant about her not marrying Declan.

  After hearing the whole story, Makeba had a better understanding as to why her dad felt the way he did about white people. He was working on a project at a marketing firm that was going under. He knew if he succeeded with the campaign for Proctor Toys, that his company would not only break even but accrue a hefty profit that would prevent their closure.

  One evening after working late, Terrence agreed to have a nightcap with his co-worker and friend, Danny Dexter. Terrence and Danny had hit it off from day one when Danny joined Weaver, Mark and Simms Marketing Firm. During their outing, Terrence confided in his friend the plans he had for the toy campaign for Proctor Toys. When Terrence returned to work the next morning not only could he not find the work he prepared for the project but when he entered the boardroom, Danny Dexter was giving a presentation, his presentation to Weaver, Mark and Simms Marketing Firm. None of the graphs, ideas or projections were original, not to Terrence anyway. Somehow, before his arrival at the office that morning, Danny had snuck into his office and accessed his files then presented the work as his own. Incensed, he brought it to his boss, Mack Levy’s attention. Unfortunately, reporting Danny did not produce the results Terrence desired. Instead, he was told to put a lid on it and it didn’t make a difference where the ideas came from as long as it worked for the benefit of the company. Under any other circumstances that would have been easy to do but there was a $15,000.00 bonus up for grabs and at that time in his life the Jones' were struggling to stay afloat. Barbara was out of work and on her second pregnancy, a pregnancy that put her on bed rest for almost the entire third trimester. He was the sole provider and the bank was threatening to foreclose on their house. As if that wasn’t enough, Mack Levy released him of his duties at Weaver, Mark and Simms because he refused to sweep what happened under the rug, and voiced his displeasure with Mack for not reprimanding Danny. His parting gift was a two month severance package and an apology that was a far cry from being sincere.

  Livid was an understatement. He gave that company a lot of blood, sweat and tears, leaving his wife alone many nights because he was working late trying to meet deadlines. The worst part about all of it was that he considered Danny a true friend. His financial situation was no secret to Danny which is why his actions were so heartbreaking. That situation was his first lesson in trust and loyalty. From that moment on according to Terrence Jones, white people couldn’t be trusted. You were only good enough to be around if there was a need for you, and they’d take what you have to offer and pass it on, as their own without a bit of shame.

  “But Declan is not like that dad.”

  He glanced at her nodding his head.

  “I'm sorry baby girl. I love you but I just cannot sit here and be okay with this situation as your life.”

  Makeba solemnly looked at her dad, “I am sorry that you feel that way dad but I love him and Declan loves me. With or without your blessing we will marry,” she stated as a matter of fact. She strutted toward the door, looked back over her shoulders at her father once more before exiting, then left, refusing to shed anymore tears over the situation.

  MAE WEST

  Everything was in its place. Furniture had been ordered weeks ago, was delivered and placed exactly where she wanted it. The only task left to tackle was shopping, which she planned to do later in evening after work. That worked in her best interest anyway. Shopping that time of night ensured that she’ll be in and out without the aggravation of long lines and crowded lanes. Shoprite was practically empty that time of night.

  Exhausted, she printed the ‘end of the night’ reading from the cash register, removed her till, along with a shopping bag and walked to Rasheeda’s office to be tallied out. Rasheeda emptied the contents from the till and began counting the money.

  Pulling the goodies out of the bag, Makeba held them up until she was able to get her friend’s attention.

  Glancing at what Makeba was holdin
g in her hand, she froze. “What the hell?”

  Makeba laughed at Rasheeda’s reaction. “This is what he’ll be greeted with when he arrives tomorrow.”

  Rasheeda took the dress and the wig from her hands and held it up to get a better look. “Oh, you’re playing dirty.”

  “I have to. I’ve got to give him a reason to fly home more often.”

  “You’re going to mess around and make the damn man retire if you keep this kind of stuff up.”

  They laughed.

  “You are so silly.”

  “I’m just saying, this role play stuff can make a man lose his damn mind. Let me know if you have his behind screaming your name like a little girl,” she guffawed.

  “I don’t know if that’ll happen but I’m going to damn sure try to make it happen.”

  They jumped up giving each other a high five.

  Returning to her seat she said, “C’mon Rasheeda I have to go.”

  Rasheeda frowned, rolling her eyes. “Girl, don’t rush me. You’re the one who interrupted my count when you pulled your little trinkets out the bag,” she giggled.

  “Just hurry up,” Makeba smirked.

  “Just for that, I’m going to take my sweet time. Shoprite will be closed by the time you get your butt out of here.”

  “Ok, I’m sorry. Can you please hurry up so I can go shopping?”

  “Now that’s more like it.” Rasheeda smirked while rolling her eyes.

  Ten minutes later, Makeba bid her friend farewell and clocked out on her way to Shoprite in Hillside.

  Just as he had expected, the supermarket was nearly empty. By the time she got to the register, she was pulling two carts but she didn’t care. The cabinets were bare and they need to be filled to capacity. She made sure she got the items she liked as well as Declan. She checked out and left.

  Dragging all of those grocery bags upstairs was a task in itself but she was handling it. It took about fifteen minutes to get all that food upstairs. Immediately after taking in the last bag, she began putting the food away. Suddenly it hit her, she hadn’t made arrangements to have Declan picked up from the airport. She couldn’t do it because she had to prepare herself for his surprise. Grabbing her purse, she retrieved a business card of the car service. She called scheduling a pickup for tomorrow afternoon. Excited about his arrival, she knew it would be a long restless night.

  ~*~

  Declan scanned the arrival level for Makeba’s car. He didn’t see it. Walking a few doors down, he noticed a driver holding up a sign that read, “Whitaker.”

  He approached the driver. “I’m Whitaker.”

  “Good afternoon Mr. Whitaker. My name is Louis. I’ll be driving you to your location.” He took Declan’s bags.

  Declan was hesitant but he followed the driver to his car all the while wondering what could have Makeba so busy that she couldn’t pick him up. She was off today and he was looking forward to seeing her face. He called her cell phone after he got in the car but there was no answer. He laid his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. All he wanted to do was get to the house, take a shower and hold her in his arms all night long. He missed her terribly and couldn’t wait to see her.

  Twenty minutes later the driver pulled up in front of a building bringing the car to a halt. Declan looked out the window studying the brick structure before exiting. He admired the craftsmanship. There were designs in the stones that were simply amazing. He continued to admire the outside of his new home while the driver got out, retrieved his suitcase and ran around to the passenger side pulling his door open. One foot at a time he stepped out of the car. The driver accepted his fare plus tip, closed the door behind Declan, handed him his luggage, then jumped back into the car and pulled off.

  Declan grabbed his bags and approached the building. He searched the names assigned to the buttons on the intercom. Elated to have finally located their bell, he pressed on it lightly. Hearing a sound that was like music to his ears brought a smile to his face. “Pull the door.”

  He did as he was told. Pulling the glass door, he entered hurrying to the elevator. When he reached his floor he noticed the door was slightly ajar. Gently pushing the door open a little further, he stepped inside dropping his bags by the door. Scented pillar candles illuminated the room as soulful jazz blared from the speakers

  “I’ve been anxiously awaiting your arrival big boy. Finally we can get this thing started.”

  He heard the voice, a damn good Mae West impersonation it was. Looking around, he could see the silhouette of a women standing behind a sheer curtain. One hand was on her hips while the other gripped a cigarette holder. The allure of the sophisticated woman hidden behind the transparent covering that separated them, caused his heart to palpitate and his mouth to water. His body began to overheat as he followed her every move. Slowly she sashayed from one side of the sheet to the other. Leaning back against the wall, she raised her right foot, bending it at the knee as the flat of her foot pressed into it. She took a pull from her roaring 20’s style cigarette holder

  “I’ve been missing you like crazy. Every time I closed my eyes I envisioned your soft warms hands massaging my thighs rising higher and higher until they reach my jewel box. I shiver even now at the thought of you touching my insides. Nobody can make me feel as you do fella.”

  Unable to stand any longer Declan took a seat on the sofa. Not knowing how to handle what he was feeling, he took a deep breath in an attempt to bring his body temperature down to normal levels. His efforts were in vain. Just when he thought he had taken all he could take, she came from behind the curtain. With eyes as big as golf balls and his mouth agape, he stood but she pushed him back down.

  “Patience honey,” still in character. “I’ve waited for you this long, a little longer won’t hurt none.”

  She shimmied closer allowing him the pleasure of examining her body from head to toe. She was stunning in her short wavy blond wig with a black sequined band around her head. The sparkly cigarette holder added another level of sophistication. The dress was black sequined with a split up the thigh. It was cut low, held up with spaghetti straps. The back was left exposed. She moved away the moment he reached out to touch her.

  He rose from his seat.

  “Don’t move fella. Let me just look at you from afar.” She turned around. “You know, I seem to always fall under your spell when I look into those dark bedroom eyes of yours.”

  Declan was about to lose his mind. This wasn’t right. She wasn’t playing fair at all. He was like a crack addict staring at a bag in someone else’s hand as he was experiencing withdrawals. At any moment, he was going to be all over her like whipped cream on a mocha latte. This Mae West thing was a dirty trick. She upped the game on him. This was torture and the smile on her face confirmed that she knew just how much she was getting to him.

  There was a strong desire to rush her and rip off every stitch of clothing that would prevent him from having all of her but he couldn’t. He had to play his role. This was her show, her game, and no matter how difficult it got for him to control himself, he had to in spite of the raging fire engulfing his insides.

  Flicking her cigarette on the floor, she stepped on it putting out the fire. With her hands on her hips she strutted towards him seductively as she licked her lips. Once again he got up from the sofa and tried to kiss her but she slapped him lightly and pushed him back down. Raising her left foot, pressing it against his chest, she added force making sure he sat all the way back. She had definitely raised the bar to new heights with this one, he thought.

  “I’m going to give you a show you're never going to forget handsome.”

  Because it was fairly dark and he was so focused on her Mae West impersonation, he never noticed the stripper pole until she began prancing towards it.

  “Holy shit.”

  His eyes grew wider as his manhood hardened, threatening to burst through his zipper. He glanced at her. “I don’t know how much longer I can continue to be a goo
d boy Mae. I’m growing impatient. I need to touch you.” Now he was totally engaged in the role play.

  She turned quickly. “Patience honey. It will be worth the wait. I promise. Now sit back and enjoy the show.”

  She switched the music in the cd player to something she could dance to. Moments later she appeared in front of him removing her white glove one at a time throwing them in his face as she swayed her hips to the music. Removing her dress, exposing her white lace thong, free flowing breasts decorated with pasty stars, and the garter that held up her stockings, she wrapped her hand around the pole pulling herself up like a spider monkey climbing a tree. Effortlessly she flipped upside down opening her legs as wide as she could never allowing her hands leave the pole. She did some tricks that if he hadn’t seen himself, he would have thought was not humanly possible. At the end of her performance she crawled on her hands and knees like a lioness on the prowl. Reaching her destination she removed his tie tossing it to the side. His shirt was ripped open as buttons popped off rolling on the floor to God knows where. He removed his belt and unzipped his pants. He stood as the pants dropped to the floor giving her a sight that let her know just how much she was missed. Slowly, she kissed the tip of his penis sending a spark through him that was sure to enflame, if it didn’t extinguish soon. Removing her garter and then her thong, Makeba pushed him down placing one leg on each side of him gradually lowering herself down on his stiff erect penis. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as she rode him like John Wayne riding off into the sunset. He burst, releasing his juices deep inside her hoping one day he’d plant a seed.