The Missing Children

by Jin (Shizen no Teki-P)

  What’s a snake?

  I didn’t know what the word meant, but whatever it was clearly struck fear into the creatures’ hearts.

  That, at least, I could vaguely understand.

  Shortly afterward, one of the creatures to the rear shouted out.

  “Go back! Go back!”

  I heard the sound of feet against hard ground.

  They must have taken off in a hurry.

  But why would they leave so quickly?

  Was that how much this snake creature made them quiver in fear?

  I was still unable to see anything, but that helped make the meaning behind the echoing sounds all the more clear to me.

  The other creatures dashed off in a mad flurry, following the first one. They seemed to be heading for the exit.

  And may they stay away forever, I prayed with all my heart.

  Even after the panicked group’s frenzied footsteps faded away, the remnants of sound they left behind reflected again and again off the stone walls, ringing pointedly for a while longer.

  For whatever reason, the group was gone. I managed to escape with my life.

  Or did I? I wasn’t sure.

  I still couldn’t see the cavern around me, and the pain was already gone.

  Perhaps I was dead, well and truly.

  As the thought occurred to me, I heard something pulse, a loud thump in the silent darkness.

  It wasn’t from the outside. In fact, it seemed to come from within me…

  “…Nh?!”

  Suddenly, the burnt parts of my body screamed in pain, sharply stabbing at my brain and making me groan out loud.

  As if on cue, my vision returned, and my muddled mind began to kick back into gear.

  Taking a hurried look around, I found that the pondside creatures were truly gone.

  They had opted to retreat after all.

  I breathed a sigh of relief, but intense pangs of pain, accompanied by a loud, throbbing sound from within me, shot across every inch of my body.

  Pain. A sensation, unerringly linked to fear, that was difficult to cope with.

  Judging by how that rabble acted before, they were presumably subject to the same sensation as well.

  “Pain” gives birth to “fear”…

  I feared I knew that all too well now.

  The continuous pain I felt indicated to me that it was going nowhere very soon. But even though this “pain” remained, it felt like nothing too drastic compared to the specter of death.

  It was a surprise to me, how my body seemed so suddenly vital and precious.

  As my mind gradually restored itself to normal, it naturally began to dwell on the events that just took place.

  Who were those…things, these creatures that carried fire with them?

  They clearly had murder on their minds. They had tried to kill me.

  The more I reflected upon them, the more terrifying they seemed.

  From my perspective, they must have been my “predators.”

  My body began to shiver again, much to my anguish.

  Fear. A sensation I wish I had never known about.

  I wanted to forget about it as soon as possible, but it had already rooted itself deep within my body. I doubted it would be forgotten anytime soon.

  …That must have been it. The expressions I beheld on the creatures the moment they faced death. That must have been what caused it—fear.

  The foreboding I had just had, the thought that everything I was made of would be lost for eternity; the feeling of falling into a bottomless darkness.

  Here in this world, moments of such abject desperation were endlessly repeated, day after day, a countless number of times.

  As I thought about that, the world began to feel terrifying to me.

  Look at me. I had only the most cursory, superficial knowledge of the world, of myself.

  That was how much the transformation within me was changing my view of the world.

  And just as I gained that full concept of exactly how clueless I was, I simultaneously began to feel that, as of right now, I was a part of the planet.

  The thought never occurred to me before that I had anything to fear. Perhaps it was best to let my own body figure out how best to endure this monumental change.

  …Come to think of it, they shouted “snake” toward the end as they shuddered in fear. What was that, anyway?

  Curious, I turned to the area where they were standing, only to find something creeping and wriggling on the ground.

  It was a deep shade of black, long and tentacle-like, as it knotted itself up and slithered around the pond.

  “Ee…!”

  The moment I recognized it, my mind fell to pieces once again.

  Fear was apparently something that came back far too easily once it was learned. It was proving to be quite an adversary.

  Is that the “snake” that made the creatures bearing fire tremble in horror? It looked like there were several of them; would they go after me next…?

  I shivered, sensing the danger to my physical form, but what I imagined to be one of the “snake” creatures ignored this, crawling right up to where I was.

  It appeared my recent transformation allowed other creatures to sense my presence now.

  That I knew well enough. But I had no way to defend myself against them.

  If I was attacked again, I doubted I could do very much any longer.

  I flexed my muscles, preparing myself to flee from this approaching terror.

  But, as before, my body wasn’t listening to me.

  The strength I called upon failed to materialize, dissipating off into space, as if I had completely forgotten how to move my body.

  But even as I helplessly flailed about, in a useless attempt to run away, the snake came close enough that a single strike was all but guaranteed to do me in.

  “Agh…D-don’t, don’t kill me!”

  I instinctively let out a cry, my mind in a panic.

  The voice echoed off the cavern’s stone walls, repeating itself over and over again.

  It was the first time I had done anything like that, of course. The surprise at what I did sent a tingle across my entire body.

  For whatever reason, I felt an odd sense of embarrassment, my mind entangled in an even deeper jumble than before.

  I knew what I meant to communicate with my cry. But did it come across that way?

  The “snake” stopped moving at once, flicked its tongue out a few times, then began to speak.

  “We attacked the humans because they are onerous creatures who threaten to destroy our home. We have no reason to kill you.”

  I was able to clearly comprehend the snake’s consciousness.

  It said they wouldn’t kill me. That was how it sounded, at least.

  Whether they heard this statement or not, the pile of writhing snakes by the side untangled themselves and slithered off, disappearing in all directions.

  This cavern must be where they all reside, I supposed.

  So much time must have passed as I sat and thought over things, enough that these creatures were born and thrived while I wasn’t paying attention.

  Then—perhaps out of my happiness at sharing my will with the “snake,” perhaps out of relief at their lack of hostility—the area around my eyes began to grow warmer.

  “What, are you crying?”

  “…Crying? What’s that?”

  “Oh, you don’t know? …Hmm. I see. You don’t know anything, do you?”

  The snake coiled itself as it spoke, offering two flicks of its tongue.

  For some reason, the snake’s accusation made me feel a touch of anger.

  “Of course I do. I’ve looked on at this world for far, far longer than you have. I know most of what there is to know.”

  I blurted out the words, even though I had only just realized how much of the world I truly had no idea about.

  Regret began to swirl in the back of my head. I could have been honest and admitted to my igno
rance, but no. Why did I have to brag like that?

  “All right. In that case, who are you?”

  As I should have expected, the snake’s question stopped me cold.

  Whether it was aware of this or not, it fired a salvo unerringly at the subject I knew the least of all about.

  This vicious bully, I thought to myself, resentment pooling in my stomach. But, since resenting the question wouldn’t solve anything, I decided to be truthful.

  “I…That, I don’t know. I was just thinking about how I wanted to learn.”

  Saying “I don’t know” was not exactly painting me in a positive light, but that was the only answer I could reasonably offer.

  If I boldly proclaimed that I did know, it would inevitably come back to bite me. I resolved to avoid saying anything that needlessly painted me into a corner.

  The snake gave a straightforward “I see” to my response.

  It sounded chiding, judgmental, and I felt the anger return to my head. I held it back as the snake continued.

  “Well, sorry about that. I was just wondering, since you were using our language. But why do you want to know about yourself? You’re a strange creature.”

  I could hear the snake’s words, but failed to understand them.

  It’s “strange” to want to learn about oneself?

  I had no idea what the creature meant.

  “What are you talking about? Do you know what I am at all?”

  “Not really. I couldn’t wager a guess.”

  The snake mockingly flicked its tongue at me again.

  “Oh, but perhaps the humans could offer guidance to you. They seek to understand what they are as well. Maybe they could serve as a ‘mirror’ to you.”

  I pondered for a moment over what “humans” were. When I realized it meant the creatures that attacked me earlier, I flew into a rage.

  “You want me to mingle with them? They almost killed me a moment ago! How could they ever teach me anything about what I…”

  I stopped suddenly, the words vanishing from my mouth, as I recalled one of the words the humans lobbed in my direction.

  “…Monster!”

  Yes. They called me a “monster.”

  And given the total lack of hesitation they showed as they called me that, the humans must have known something about me.

  But…

  “…Indeed. Judging by their words, they seemed to know me well enough. But they nearly killed me as well. If I ran into them again and they attacked, it would be an unwinnable battle.”

  It was true. I was afraid of another strike.

  It filled me with inscrutable fear, giving me an all-new appreciation of why all the creatures of this world strove to avoid it.

  “Would it? Well, it would be best for you to decide what to do. You are the only one here capable of knowing anything.”

  “Ngh…But what should I do?”

  If I didn’t make an effort to meet the humans again, I would never learn what I was.

  But if they brandished their fire at me again, I would have both no knowledge and no life to spend learning it.

  The snake, perhaps sympathetic as it watched me agonize over this, slowly spoke up.

  “Hmm. Then think about this. Why did the humans attack you?”

  “…Because I am different from them, I imagine. Another breed. That’s how all the other creatures I’ve seen acted.”

  “So what can you do to avoid being attacked?”

  I thought for a moment.

  “What can I do? …Would looking the same as them keep them calm?”

  The snake cocked its head to the side. It apparently meant it as a signal to look back toward the pond.

  “…Huh? You want me to see my reflection? What purpose is there to that?”

  The snake did not respond, instead repeatedly cocking its head back in an effort to coax me toward the pond.

  “What is with this creature…?”

  I ruefully began to stir myself in an effort to reach the pond, but my body still doggedly refused to listen to me.

  “Grh…and what is with me, for that matter…?”

  But compared to my last round of flailing, things had improved somewhat. It took time and effort, but I finally managed to begin moving.

  Why am I doing any of this at all?

  My mind was filled with resentment, aimed toward the snake and its wordless command.

  It wasn’t like anything would change from the last time I saw my reflection. It would be the same shadowy form as before. What point was there to double-checking?

  And when this inevitably accomplishes nothing for me, what should I do to make the snake pay for it?

  Oh. Wait. The snake was strong. A predator. I could do nothing against it.

  Slowly dragging my body along, I finally made it to the edge of the pond.

  Even traveling this short distance filled me with intense fatigue.

  Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I felt a tremendous sense of injustice at it all.

  As I did, I peered into the pond’s surface, only to be rendered speechless at the sight spread out before me.

  On the pale green water’s façade, there was a creature, light orange in color.

  It was clearly, obviously, the form of a human being.

  My body jolted, startled at this unexpected shock. I let out a surprised yelp.

  But the human reflected in the water showed no signs of hostility, instead rearing back itself in the same way, its facial expression difficult to put into words.

  Regaining my wits, I slowly, hesitantly examined the image.

  It required only a few moments of thought before the meaning behind this vision became clear.

  “Is this…me?!”

  It was a dark shadow not long ago, but now, floating on the water’s surface, it had somehow morphed into something highly reminiscent of a human.

  Compared to the humans from earlier, it was a smaller, less robust-looking body. But there was no mistaking this form, these contours.

  It did not bear the strange pelt worn by my attackers, but its structure was more or less identical to them.

  “What…what…!”

  I was thrown into a vast confusion, a feeling worryingly familiar to me as of late.

  As it would be to anyone, I suppose, going face-to-face with this constant barrage of extraordinary events.

  The figure on the surface’s mouth opened wide, mirroring the emotions in my heart as its expression grew more and more enigmatic.

  So this is how I looked whenever I felt flustered. It seemed natural enough to me.

  I applied my strength to an arm. The arm on the surface moved along with it.

  Then I put both hands into the air, using them to feel the contours of my body. The sensation on my palms and across my skin told me that this, before me, was my own corporeal form.

  The faint warmth that emanated from my body felt different than the flame from the humans.

  As I felt around it, the sense that this truly was my own body began to grow clear in my mind. Then, as if willed into consciousness, all my senses from head to toe seemed to make themselves known.

  So the voice I unconsciously let out came from this throat?

  And if I used these legs for transport, that would explain how much of an ordeal moving around had suddenly become.

  I continued examining my body, curiosity getting the better of me, as the snake appeared in the water’s surface I was so carefully inspecting.

  “That was how you looked to me, up to now. But it doesn’t seem you were aware of it, were you?”

  “…I just noticed now,” I said, bringing my exploring hands to rest. “But it makes no sense to me. What’s happening to me, really?”

  “Who can say?” the snake replied. “I certainly cannot. What I can say is that I’ve never seen a creature like you before.”

  I didn’t know how many more creatures were born into this world while I was here, pondering in this
cavern. But this one had seen nothing like me…in its own life, at least.

  From my body to the power of speech, I had gained much. But not even these gifts seemed to provide me with any immediate answer to my one all-consuming concern.

  Considering all the suggestive questions this creature was asking, it was proving to be surprisingly unhelpful. As I thought about this, it spoke again, saying “But…” before falling silent.

  “What?” I replied, a bit startled. I wondered if it was reading my mind.

  “You certainly are quite an unusual creature. You appeared from thin air in this empty cavern, you’ve changed your shape and form in assorted ways, and you can understand the speech of other creatures. And from what I can tell, it seems like you are trying to become…something else, from now forward.”

  “I’m trying to become…myself, you mean? Stop giving me that nonsense. I’ve always been myself. That’s what I’m trying to learn.”

  The snake flicked its tongue, backing away.

  “No, no, I understand. It was just a passing thought. Feel free to forget about it. I had best return to my dwelling now. It’s been very fascinating, encountering a creature as interesting as yourself.”

  “You’re leaving? Well, thanks for your help.”

  “It was hardly anything,” the snake replied, before disappearing through a crevice to parts unknown.

  I was left, all alone, in the ensuing silence.

  On the water’s surface, my form, so classically reminiscent of a human, remained clear.

  “…Human.”

  I raised an arm up high once more, making a fist several times.

  The way it felt now, it wouldn’t take too much more time to move my body around normally.

  If anything was made clear now, it was that I would be unable to discover anything I truly wanted to know if I stayed here.

  “Hopefully they won’t attack me…”

  I imagine, in a short time, I’ll be leaving this cavern and going off to meet the humans.

  I don’t know what will come of it quite yet, but unless I know for myself the portent that lies behind the word “monster,” I doubt I’ll ever satisfy the curiosity welling within me.

  “…This seems like such a frail body, though. Something a bit more stronger-looking would have been nice.”

  What’s happening in the outside world?

  I hope it’s not winter, at least.