by Sharon Booth
Freya sighed. 'Not really, but I don't suppose I have a choice. Go on.'
'She's been having it away with a married man.'
Freya faked a yawn. 'Big deal. Bit of a hypocrite, aren't you? I mean, you were a married man when we got together. And you were married to me when you were shagging that scrawny little scrubber, Lucinda Farquhar. And a scheming little Farquhar she was, too.'
'Never mind all that. This particular married man is strictly off limits.'
'God, you'd think I was shagging the Pope,' said Honey.
'The Pope would hardly be a married man,' Eden said.
'Why? Is he gay? They can get married, too, now, you know. Honestly, you must start reading the tabloids, Eden.'
Eden gaped at her. 'How much did her private education cost you, Cain?'
Cain was too busy glaring at Honey's mother to notice.
'Go on,' said Freya. 'Surprise me.'
'She's been shagging Crispin Cavendish.'
There was a silence for a moment while that sunk in. Then there was a shriek.
'What? Honey, how could you?'
'Mother, don't try to pretend that you care about Crispin's chances of becoming the next leader of the Conservatives, or whatever,' said Honey.
'Of course I don't care,' snapped her mother. 'But you're screwing a Tory, for God's sake!'
'Makes a change from them screwing us,' Eden said, foolishly trying to lighten the mood.
'How could you do something so disgusting?' Freya looked furious. 'When my friends find out you're sleeping with the enemy, my life won't be worth living.'
'Oh, you and your socialist pals.' Cain laughed. 'Now, who's the hypocrite?'
'What do you mean by that?' she demanded. 'I have very strong socialist principles. I always have had. I believe in a fairer society, where everyone is treated equally and given the same opportunities to succeed. Not like you lot, with your I'm all right, Jack mentality.'
A loud crash and a wail came through the iPad, and Freya disappeared.
'What happened?' Eden said, peering at the screen.
Honey shrugged. 'Another drama for my mother to enthral me with in one of her tedious weekly texts.'
Freya reappeared, her brow furrowed.
'Looks like your Botox is wearing off,' said Cain helpfully. 'What was that about?'
'The stupid maid dropped the tray with my Emma Bridgewater teapot. Well, that's a tenner a week from her wages. Thank God it wasn't my Gien. She'd have been paying that back for months.'
Cain threw his hands up. 'Same old Freya. Champagne socialist. Priceless. Anyway, what are you going to do about Honey and Crispin?'
'What do you mean, what am I going to do? What do you expect me to do?'
'Well, you're her mother, aren't you?'
'And you're her father. You've had her under your roof for the last five years, for God's sake. Why is it my responsibility all of a sudden?'
'Typical of you. Pass the buck. Wash your hands of her. Well, if you want all your communist pals to know that your daughter is doing the deed with a true-blue Tory boy, that's up to you. Your credibility as a fully paid-up member of the Labour party will be obliterated. You won't be able to face them ever again, once they know you have a traitor in the midst. Up to you, like. No pressure.'
'Oh, shit. This is all your fault. If you'd been firmer with her, if you'd been a proper father to her, instead of chasing the next bit of skirt, this would never have happened.'
'How dare you say that? You only palmed her off on me in the first place so you could bugger off to all your wealthy lovers' holiday homes in the sun. Funny how you never shag anyone who's skint. They don't call you Freebie Freya for nothing.'
Honey stood up. 'Well, while you two are reliving the halcyon days of your marriage, I'm going upstairs to change. Nice to see you, Mother. Look forward to chatting again. In about six months.'
She headed out of the room, paying no attention to the shrieks of protest from her mother or the angry shouts from her father. She hesitated in the hallway as, behind her, she heard Eden's voice.
'I'll go after her. You two need to stop bitching at each other and think of a way to stop her. While you're arguing about who's going to be humiliated the most, there's a marriage at stake here. I don't see why Crispin's wife should be hurt and embarrassed, so Honey can score points in this weird family game you've got going on.'
'Crispin's wife? Hurt and embarrassed? You've obviously never met Lavinia Cavendish,' she heard her mother say.
'She's right,' said Cain. 'We need to sort this, pronto. Go on up, Eden, and try to talk some sense into her, while I do the same with my dear ex-wife. Least you can do since it's all your fault.'
Honey rolled her eyes and went up the stairs. Between her mother and father, it was a miracle she'd turned out so nice and normal.
****
Sitting on her bed, Honey flicked through the latest issue of some glossy magazine. She didn't even look up when Eden walked into her room.
'Save your breath,' she said. 'I'm not listening. Have those two shut up, yet?'
'Thought you weren't going to listen,' Eden said, sinking down onto the bed beside her. 'Listen, Honey, I know you think we're all nagging at you, but it's really important that you end this now. I don't know what point you're trying to prove, but it's going to end badly. Not just for Crispin, but for you, too. There's nothing the press loves more than to destroy a woman who's wrecked a politician's marriage. It's not worth it.'
'Who says it isn't worth it?' she demanded. 'For your information, it will be totally worth it.'
'Really?' Eden frowned. 'Are you saying you actually love him?'
She shrugged. 'Maybe. Like I said, he's sweet, and he's so much better in bed than Troy was. Power is such an aphrodisiac, don't you think? Anyway, this is my big chance.'
'Your big chance? For what?'
'To make a name for myself, without being known as Cain Carmichael's daughter. This could lead to modelling contracts, magazine features, an advertising campaign. I could get my own reality show.'
'You're not serious?'
'Why shouldn't I be serious? I'm not going to be stuck in that poxy little shop for the rest of my life.'
'The shop was your idea! You made your father pay for it, and you stock it with all the stuff you like.'
'It's boring. Besides, I'm sick of being stuck in there every day. It's incredibly restrictive, having a nine-to-five job.'
'Nine-to-five job? You have to be kidding me. If you turn up for three hours, it's a miracle. You don't even bother to come in at all on Saturdays, which is the only day we get any real trade, by the way. You're hardly chained to the till.'
'Look, it's all right for people like you,' Honey said. 'Shop work is your sort of thing, but I'm not cut out for that life. I need more. Crispin could be my ticket to better things.'
'Like being branded a marriage wrecker and a slut? Thanks. I'd rather be a shop girl.'
'I'm sure you would,' Honey said, in a tone that didn't sound at all complimentary.
'Can't you, for once, do something nice?' Eden asked.
Honey flung the magazine aside and stood up. 'You're getting as bad as my father,' she announced, heading to the window to gaze moodily outside. 'I'm sick of being told what to do. I'm sick of being controlled. I'm sick of—fucking hell! What the fuck happened to the cars?'
Eden went cold. She'd forgotten Honey's room had a view over the drive.
Honey threw open the window and leaned out. 'Holy crap. How did that happen? Dad's going to explode.' She turned to Eden. 'Was this something to do with the eunuch?'
'Please don't tell your dad,' Eden pleaded. 'If Cain gets hold of him, he really will end up a eunuch.'
'Oh, this is a hoot.' She threw herself back on the bed, surveying Eden with a big grin on her face. 'I think my little escapade with Crispin will pale into insignificance, when he cops an eyeful of his precious Roller. You'll be for it. The mood he's in, you'll be lucky if you get
away with being fired. And the eunuch will be sued to within an inch of his life. He'll be stripped of every asset he possesses. Supposing he has any assets. I couldn't see much evidence when I looked at him.'
'Leave Joshua out of this,' Eden said. 'I'll take the blame. It was my fault. I shouldn't have let him sit in the damn car. I was trying to be kind, since I'd just dumped him.'
'Really?' Honey looked at her with something that unnervingly approached respect. 'Good for you. Oh, hell, here he comes. Round two. Ding, ding.'
Chapter Four
Triumphantly, Cain threw open the bedroom door, still carrying the iPad. He was barely able to wipe the grin off his face. 'Right, young lady. We've sorted it.'
'Really? What are you going to do? Buy me a chastity belt?'
'Nope. Tell her, Freya.'
'Yes, Mother. Do tell me.'
Cain passed her the iPad. Behind him, he felt Eden peering over his shoulder.
'Do you remember my cousin, Jemima?' Freya asked Honey through the iPad.
Honey shook her head. 'Nope. Next question.'
'Don't be rude.' Freya scowled, confirming Cain's suspicions: her Botox really was wearing off. 'Jemima was the daughter of your Great Uncle Sebastian. You met her once, when you were a little girl. She was like you. A real rebel. Kept doing things to annoy her parents. She went a bit further than you, though. She actually married her lover.'
'Oh?' Honey looked suddenly interested. 'Was there a scandalous divorce?'
'What divorce? The man she married was single.'
'Oh, well, what was so rebellious about that?' demanded Honey.
'Eliot wasn't — shall we say — one of us.'
'You mean, upper class.' Cain tutted in disgust. 'So much for equality.'
'Dad is hardly upper class,' pointed out Honey. 'It didn't stop you marrying him.'
'That was different,' Freya said hurriedly.
'Yeah. I was loaded and could keep her in the manner to which she'd like to become accustomed. Her dad may have had the family tree, but he was pretty short on dosh. I think the entire family benefited from my success. My Greatest Hits album paid for a new roof on their west wing. Ungrateful bleeders.'
Freya obviously chose to ignore him — much as she had throughout their entire marriage, Cain thought ruefully. Pretty she may have been, and a lady she most definitely was, but she was a prize bitch and no mistake. She could have won the champions cup at Crufts.
Anyway, Jemima met Eliot Harland when she was on holiday in Yorkshire,' his ex-wife said, her cut-glass tones still having a disturbing effect on him. He was a sucker for the gentry. 'She was staying at the estate of my other cousin, Lucas. They'd gone to a country show, and Eliot was showing some sheep, or something. Freya thought he looked rather handsome and remarked as much. Of course, the family immediately told her to stay away from him, which was like a red rag to a bull. Within half an hour, she'd introduced herself to him and was flirting outrageously. He fell for her, of course. Why wouldn't he? She was stunning. Anyway, the family disapproved most strongly. She was on the verge of becoming engaged to someone far more suitable, you see, so they banned her from seeing the sheep farmer, but she took no notice. She was totally in love with him. They married secretly, and she went off to live with him.'
'Very romantic,' Eden said.
Freya peered from the screen. 'Who's that? Oh, it's the babysitter again.' She looked most put out that Eden was party to the conversation. Her sense of social justice and equality for all didn't stretch to being polite to the hired help, obviously. 'Cain, why is she still here? I thought this was private family business. It's not for staff to listen in on.'
Cain felt indignant on Eden's behalf, in spite of the fact that she'd let him down. 'Eden's not just staff,' he said. 'She's looked out for Honey for the last three years, which is more than you've done, so shut up moaning and get to the point.'
Freya bristled. 'Well, really. Is there any wonder our marriage didn't last?'
'The wonder is, I married you in the first place.'
'Never mind all that,' said Honey. 'Finish this story, will you? It's Christmas in five months.'
Freya tutted. 'For goodness sake. Well, the marriage was successful. Eliot and Jemima were very much in love and had three children. They would still be together now, but there was a terrible accident. Poor Jemima was killed in a car crash two years ago. It's a terribly tragic story.'
'It's a terribly pointless story,' said Honey.
Eden wiped away the tears from her eyes and sniffed. 'How can you be so heartless?'
'Why should I care if some woman I met once, years ago, snuffed it? Don't be such a drip, Eden. What's all this got to do with Crispin and me, anyway?'
'Oh, please,' said Cain, stepping forward with a smirk on his face, 'let me tell her.' Frankly, he could hardly wait. Serve the little git right.
'Very well,' said Freya, graciously.
'Tell me what? What's going on?' Honey sounded nervous, to his satisfaction.
'This Eliot bloke's been well and truly landed in it. I mean, poor bugger's stuck out there on the Yorkshire moors —'
'The Yorkshire Dales,' interrupted Freya.
'Yeah, the Yorkshire Dales. Anyway, he's stuck out there with only sheep for company, grieving for his lost wife and trying to cope all alone with three motherless children.'
Honey shrugged. 'So, what?'
'Poor man,' Eden murmured. At least she had some compassion, even if his own daughter appeared to be sadly lacking in that department.
'Poor man indeed,' said Cain. 'And, of course, the school summer holidays are coming up. How's he going to cope, eh? Three kids not at school, running wild in the house, no one to take care of them while he's stuck out on the mountains.'
'Mountains?' asked Eden.
'Well, as good as. Very hilly in the Yorkshire wotsits. And no one around for miles. Reckon them sheep are his only friends.'
'How disgusting,' said Honey.
'Point is, he's a busy man, and he's all on his own with the little ones. How's he gunna manage?'
'Same as he managed last year and the year before, no doubt.'
Really, Honey was all heart. Eden was in tears, but his own daughter obviously couldn't give a flying fig for the poor bloke's predicament. Well, he'd soon shut her up.
'Well that's just it,' he said smugly. 'He won't have to manage. Not this year. Because he'll have help.'
After a stunned silence, Honey stood up, shaking her head furiously. 'Oh, no. You can't be serious! You think I'm going to go to Yorkshire, to look after three snotty children and Old MacDonald? Forget it!'
'It's all arranged,' said Freya brightly. 'I've spoken to Eliot. It was very lucky, actually. I got his number from Jemima's sister, Juniper.'
'Juniper? Seriously?' Eden giggled then looked embarrassed.
Freya ignored her, which didn't surprise Cain. Well, Eden was only staff, after all. 'I managed to get through on the landline. Apparently, there's hardly any mobile phone signal where he lives.'
'What?' Honey paled.
'And the internet is pretty unreliable, too,' said Cain gleefully. 'What a bugger, eh?'
'How did you manage to contact him, then?' Eden asked. 'Why would a farmer be home at this time?'
Honey looked suddenly hopeful. 'Exactly! You didn't, did you? You're bluffing. This is all a big joke to teach me a lesson, right?'
'Nope.' Cain shook his head. 'Eliot's youngest child was sick, so he's been stuck in, caring for him. He's been tearing his hair out. So he's over the moon that he's going to get some free childcare.'
'Free childcare? Are you mad? I'm not going.'
Honey was almost in tears, a sight Cain had never seen before. He wondered if he could bear it, then remembered his knighthood. 'You are going, so you can save the hysterics for someone who cares. You've gone too far, this time. If you won't end it with Crispin, I'll make damn sure you're well out of his way.'
'I will end it with Crispin, I promise.'
'Never try to kid a kidder,' said Cain. 'Your promises are worth diddly squat. You had your chance, and you blew it. You're going to Yorkshire for the entire summer. That will keep you out of Crispin's way until his wife gets back from her holiday.'
'You can't make me.' Honey seemed to be struggling for composure. He'd never seen her rattled before. It seemed he'd finally outsmarted her. 'I'm twenty-two years old. I won't go.'
'If you don't go,' said Cain, 'I will stop your allowance immediately. You won't get another penny from me.'
'I have the shop,' she said. 'I don't need your allowance. I can support myself.'
Cain laughed and turned to Eden. 'Tell her.'
Eden went red. 'Really?'
'Really. Tell her.'
She gulped. 'The shop is running at a massive loss, Honey. You haven't made a profit, ever. You've never actually broken even. Your dad's been subsidising the business from the start.'
'I don't believe it. You said we were doing well.'
'He told me to tell you that. He wanted you to believe you were doing well. He said success bred success, and if you believed you could do it, you eventually would. I'm sorry.'
'This is your fault. You're in charge of the shop. You should have made it work.'
'How could she make it work?' demanded Cain. 'The stupid crap you sell there doesn't appeal to anyone but you. I mean, it's just any old tat that takes your fancy.'
'It's pretty stuff. I'd buy it. It's not my fault people round here have no taste.'
'You're supposed to study the market. Stock your shop with stuff people will actually buy. You have no business sense whatsoever. It's been a silly little hobby. Well, it stops now. The shop closes. I'm getting rid of it, so it seems to me you've got no choice but to go to Yorkshire for the summer, because if you don't, not only will I cut you off without a penny, I'll chuck you out of here, too.'