Thrive

by Rebecca Sherwin

  “Yes.” My voice was hoarse and I took a mouthful of coffee. “Where can I find him, Beth?”

  “Skye,” she sighed, concerned. “He’s done the disappearing act for years.”

  “I know. Where can I find him?”

  I knew she knew. We may have been separated for years, but I knew my sister, and she knew where our father was.

  “He has an office back home. Do you remember that big ugly office building on Baker Street?”

  “Yes, I remember.”

  I had to walk past it every day on the way to the coffee shop to work. It was ugly; dark, grey and dirty, with random triangular shapes jutting out along the entire length of the building, and it always seemed to come with its own storm cloud, which hung over it and wrapped itself around the top three floors.

  “He works there now. I had to send his wedding invitation there. I have the address in my phone, shall I forward it to you?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “Is everything okay, Skye?” she asked. “We’re just about to leave for the airport, but we can rebook if you need us.”

  “I don’t,” I snapped. “I’m not crazy. I just need to do something.”

  “Call me if you need me, okay? We’re just a flight away.”

  “See you in three weeks.”

  I hung up and stared at the screen until the address came through. When I had my father’s most recent location, I left the coffee shop and flagged down a taxi, instructing the driver to take me to Kent.

  Six

  Charlie wanted us to make a hit. A hotshot American banker was in town house-hunting and she wanted to send him back to the states in the last tailored suit he’d ever own, with peanuts in his bank account and just enough change in his pocket to call his parents and beg them to book him an economy flight home.

  How was I supposed to do that?

  How did men share a life with more than one woman at a time?

  Even the thought of it had my fists curling up tight, and the vicious stir in my body told me I had to get rid of Charlie. Now.

  Uncle Phil.

  He had to pay. It was all I could think about now…

  Until Charlie left in a tantrum because she didn’t get what she wanted and Angelica burst in my office to tell me Skye had vanished in a cloud of I-should-have-seen-that-coming smoke.

  Gut instinct told me she wasn’t far away, and I let fate lead me to her…after I’d signed the goddamn papers for Yusef.

  ~Curtis~

  It was getting dark when the taxi drove into my old hometown and sped along the road towards Baker Street, pulling up outside. The driver had said nothing the entire way here, and said nothing when I paid the fare and climbed out of the car, armed only with my handbag and leather jacket; he wasted no time pulling away and I watched the car disappear before turning to face the ugly grey building. I didn’t think this through. The offices weren’t open and I had no idea where to go – I was alone and afraid of the dark. It reminded me that I wasn’t as strong as I needed to be. I needed to have been stronger so I could have been a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend and lover and life partner. I fought hard; I put my all into every punch, but it was never hard enough.

  I sat on the wall outside the offices and watched people whizz by, on their way home from work to their families, or heading out to dinner with friends. I’d never felt more alone.

  I’d come forty miles to be stranded with nowhere to go.

  Then I remembered where I was. My hometown. Curtis’ hometown. My father, his uncle, had two lives here; two families and two homes. Mine was no longer an option, but Curtis’ was. I pushed off the wall and prayed my memory would serve me well enough to lead the way.

  I stopped at the end of a lit driveway. There was space for two cars, but only one space was filled, with a white Peugeot. I knew it wasn’t Dad’s. I knew he wasn’t here, but still I took a step onto the property. I’d never met Lois; Curtis had never let me get that close, but I wanted to meet her now; the woman who was married to my father. The woman who had raised the man I was treacherously bound to. I walked along the short path, remembering when I’d been here last – New Year’s Eve, 2002. I could almost taste the beer, hear the cheers of the Hulk army and the soundtrack to their celebrations playing in the background. I could feel Slasher’s lips on mine when I’d begun to let go; I could remember my fear when Oliver attacked him and Curtis brought him to heel with a simple instruction and a cool tone. And I could feel the pull from Curtis; the protective energy that I hadn’t noticed all those years ago. I knocked on the door, quietly, like I had that night, and hoped time would reverse itself, allow me to see Curtis for the first time all over again and save us from the future that awaited us.

  The door opened and the first thing I saw was a flash of orange hair, beautifully fiery and full of life. It shined, emanating a light glow that drew me in and gave me a sense of comfort I didn’t know I longed for. I wanted to hate her for keeping my father from me, but I couldn’t. When I looked at her, I saw Curtis. A young, carefree Curtis who had no idea what the death of his parents really meant; I saw him struggling to get past their deaths and punishing the world for punishing him. I saw the softness I knew he once had, but the years had stolen it from him and replaced it with a hard shell, both magnetic and unbreakable.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it, her voice raspy yet strangely musical.

  “Skye.”

  I blinked once, twice, three times. How did she know my name?

  “Is he here?” I asked, worried I hadn’t noticed his car outside.

  “Curtis?” I nodded. “No, he isn’t here.”

  “Then how do you know who I am?”

  “I’ve just boiled the kettle,” she said. “Don’t stand outside in the cold.”

  I stepped inside and followed Lois through the house into the kitchen at the back. The house still smelled like lemon and as I looked around, I noticed how freakishly clean and organised it was. I knew that was my father’s doing – I knew he had been here. I hated myself for inheriting his obsessive compulsive behaviour.

  “How do you take your tea?” Lois asked, grabbing a mug from the cupboard.

  “A little milk, no sugar, thank you.”

  “Just like Curtis.” She smiled at me over her shoulder as she popped a sweetener into her cup.

  I knotted my fingers together in front of me, the guilt moving in. I’d planned to storm in here and expose Phillip’s dirty little secret and watch Lois hurt like I did, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t hurt her. I couldn’t tell her something so life-changing. I couldn’t take that choice away from Curtis. But now I was here, in her house, with no purpose but to keep the truth from her.

  She made our tea and picked our cups up off the counter, nodding her head for me to lead the way into the living room. She curled her petite body into the corner of the sofa and held my cup out to me when I’d done the same. We were facing each other and as my eyes met hers, the same shape and shade as Curtis’, a calm washed over me. I’d always loved his eyes and it was a relief that he’d inherited them from Lois. It was a reminder that, despite Curtis and I being related in some sick, twisted way, we could still hold onto a sense of freedom.

  “Curtis told me I’d know when I saw you,” she said, smiling as she assessed me and seemed satisfied.

  “What do you mean?” I curled my hands around the mug, drawing confidence from its heat.

  “I knew all those years ago that something had changed him.” A sadness filled her eyes, bringing glistening moisture with it. “He was such an angry boy. I tried to help him, I really did. Geoff tried to help him…but it was you who finally gave him a purpose. That’s all he’s ever wanted. To feel needed. I don’t know how he could have ever let you go.”

  I hid my trembling bottom lip behind my cup. “He told you about me?”

  “Curtis has always struggled to express himself. He always preferred physical expression over anything verbal.” I looked
away. I knew exactly how he expressed himself, I just didn’t know what he was trying to say. “I knew he’d found someone. I’m not his biological mother, Skye, but I raised him. I know him.” She took a steadying sip of her tea. “I asked him about the girl who had given him his life back. All he would tell me is that he’d betrayed you, and I’d know when I saw you.” She shrugged with a smile. “And here you are.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I muttered.

  “Fate has a funny way of getting us to where we’re supposed to be.” I nodded, cursing fate as I had done hundreds of times before. “Will you stay the night? I’d like to get to know you. You can have Curtis’ old bedroom.”

  I hesitated, but eventually let out a sigh and nodded. “I’d love to.”

  ***

  I stirred as gentle hands slipped around me and pulled me into a warm, hard body.

  “Thomas?” I whispered, turning and nuzzling into the chest of the man behind me.

  His body was too hard, too physically haunted to be Thomas and as consciousness moved in, I realised it was Curtis.

  He’d found me.

  I tried to move away, but my body was exhausted and my mind lacked the energy I needed to push him away, when it wasn’t really what I wanted.

  “Shh.” He stroked his hand through my hair and cupped my face. It was dark, but I felt his eyes on mine and sensed the warmth I thought they’d lost. “Just let me hold you.”

  I nodded and slipped my arm under his to hold him back. His body tensed as if my touch burned him, but clamped his arm over mine when I tried to retreat.

  “Hold me,” he breathed, his voice thick with conflicted emotion. “Hold me and fall asleep in my arms.”

  I snuggled down in the arms of my dark, tormented man and closed my eyes.

  Seven

  I laid awake all night and watched her sleep. I tried to find a way to explain my life to her; to find a way to give her the information she needed, without her pushing far enough away that I’d never be able to get her back. How do you tell the woman you love more than the air you breathe, that you’ve failed? How do you tell her that you break the law, steal from people – ripping away a child’s future, or a woman’s dream of a happy home, free from worry of debt and wondering how they would feel the hungry mouths of their children? How do you tell her that your days are spent covering it up, your entire existence devoted to stealing and concealing the truth? How do you explain how much you long to be the man she needs, the man she deserves and the man she’d read about in fairy tales as a little girl? There’s no easy way to expose yourself to the person who has the power to bring you to your knees and make you wish you were never born. There’s no easy way to tell her that everything you’ve ever tried to be, to earn the right to be loved by her, you’ve failed at.

  Like before, on the night I sent her away, Skye whispered my name in slumber. Her voice was filled with desperation to be closer to me, and laced with the adoration I’d never deserve. I wanted to deserve it. I wanted to be her Prince Charming and whisk her off into the sunset towards our happy ever after.

  But the darkness would only follow us if I did. I had to let her in.

  The only way to do that was to show her the darkness and sacrifice myself…to offer her the choice to walk away and prepare for the consequences of her inevitable absence.

  Without her, I’d be nothing. I’d wave the white flag, throw in the towel, and hand myself to the wolves.

  ~Curtis~

  “Skye?”

  A soft voice roused me from sleep and I opened my eyes, blinking rapidly until I could focus. Curtis was sitting on the edge of the bed, showered and dressed in sweats and an old t-shirt. He held out another pair towards me and I grabbed them as I sat up heavily and rubbed my eyes.

  “It’s still dark,” I said, my voice gravelly from sleep.

  “It won't be for long. I need you to see something.”

  He stood up and offered me his hand; I accepted it and climbed out of bed, pulled the trousers on to cover up my bare legs and match the t-shirt of Curtis’ Lois had given me last night. Once again, I was dressed in his clothes, the appearance of the girl I was before our reunion forgotten.

  He threw an old worn woollen jacket over my shoulders and I shoved my arms into it before letting Curtis lead me down the dark staircase and through the house to the conservatory at the back.

  “What are we doing in here?”

  A chill rippled through my body when I looked around and pictured Oliver standing with his friends on New Year’s Eve, happy in his drunken teddy-bear state.

  “I want to show you something.”

  He nodded at two steaming cups of coffee on the table. I picked them up; Curtis grabbed a blanket from the ottoman by the doors and opened them, stepping out into the garden and disappearing into the darkness. I followed, curious and still sleepy, as he led us to the lawn where he’d laid the blanket down and sat on it, waiting for me. I handed him the cups, sat down next to him, and we stared out towards the back of the garden for what felt like forever. I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

  “What are we waiting for?” I asked.

  “The only way I can explain what’s going on is to show you. After you ran away yesterday, I realised I have to give you something…this is the only something I can give.”

  “I saw you and the blonde together. There’s no room for me in your life, Curtis. Don’t keep me by your side because you pity me. You owe me nothing.”

  “It terrified me,” he confessed, diverting my response. “I came out of my office and you were gone. I have to keep you by my side.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “I need you by my side.”

  “Then why…?”

  “Just watch.”

  I turned back to face the horizon as the sun began to rise behind it; the soft light of a new day pushed its way into the darkness of the night before.

  “I’m the darkness,” Curtis breathed, hesitating to think about his next words. “I’m the part of the day everyone is afraid of. The part everyone wants to end so they can move onto a better day.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “You’re the light,” he continued, ignoring me, lost in his struggle of verbal expression. “You bring hope and promise. You’re the part everyone looks forward to because it’s exciting and full of energy.”

  “Where are you going with this?”

  Curtis curled one arm around my shoulder and his free hand pointed to the sky in front of us. I followed his direction, to where the light and dark met and battled for attention with shocks of bright orange and hues of fading purple.

  “We’re that part, right there, you and me. We’re bound to collide. It’s inevitable, unavoidable. Visually it’s beautiful, but in reality, it’s a bloody battle. The darkness will always eclipse the light. Even now, when the sun is rising, the dark is trying to squash it.”

  “Curtis, I know what you’re trying to say, but…”

  “No, you don’t. If you stay around me, you’ll lose your light. I can't let that happen.”

  “So what you’re saying is, you found me just to send me away again.”

  “No. I’m saying I made a mistake. I believed for years that if I found you, you would save me. I didn’t realise that I would drag you down with me.”

  “You know,” I smiled and lied back on the blanket, watching the sky change and swirl. “You would have made your point a lot better if you’d have done this at sunset.”

  He turned his head to look down at me, confused. I nodded for him to join me and when he did, I pointed upwards.

  “What do you see?” I asked.

  “The sky.”

  “What colour is it?”

  “Blue.”

  “Exactly. The dark and light will always collide, you’re right. But they’ll always balance each other, and the tables will always turn. The sun doesn’t have it easy. It has to work for its place in the sky, but it wins, Curtis. And then come sunset
, it’s the dark’s time to fight.”

  “Skye-”

  “We’re always going to clash. We’re going to consume each other. We always have.”

  “I want to hurt you.” His confession was low and filled with regret. He dropped his head and looked away, deflating in shame.

  “Good. Because I want to hurt you, too.”

  “What?” His dark eyes shot to mine in shock.

  “I’m in, Curtis. Let me save you. Let me save us both.”

  My back hit the wall and Curtis dragged me across it, his teeth sinking into my neck as we edged closer to the stairs. I squeezed my legs around his waist and my hands gripped his face, holding him to me as erratic breaths escaped my lips.

  “Curtis,” I panted. “Lois.”

  His mouth left me for a second to growl, “Gone,” before he consumed me once more and carried me up the stairs.

  We crashed through the door of his bedroom, knocking old books and trophies to the floor as we fumbled across the room. Curtis shoved me against the wall and I heard the fight night posters tear from the force. Pictures fell, moans erupted from the primitive couple exploring every surface of the room with fervour. Our lips collided, our kisses searing, burning desperation. Our tongues fought like the light and dark, only there was no light this time; it was dark, so dark, and I wanted more. I pulled at Curtis’ t-shirt, but he wouldn’t let go. His hands covered mine at the back of his neck and he pulled, ripping the cotton open.

  “Pull,” he groaned, returning his hands to my waist, sliding them up my t-shirt to squeeze the sensitive flesh.

  I pulled, tearing his t-shirt and exposing his back. My nails dug deep, my heels pushed his trousers down; my hands lowered to grab his ass, pulling him closer and grinding against the growing heat that slid between my legs. My t-shirt was next. Curtis ripped it precisely, in multiple places, until it shredded and fell to the floor in pieces.

  “Mmm,” he groaned, taking my breasts in his hands, and stroking his thumbs over my hardened nipples; my back arched, I begged for more and I moaned his name as I felt them peak.