After We Fall

by Melanie Harlow

  “How’d it go?” Georgia asked, hands in her back pockets.

  My heart was still beating too fast as I moved inside the shed and stacked boxes against the wall.

  “Great,” Margot said. “I had a ball.”

  A second later I felt her hand on my back—a brief, reassuring touch. She didn’t say anything, didn’t even make eye contact, but I knew what she was doing…and I appreciated it.

  “A ball?” Georgia laughed as we came out.

  “Yes. And I have a bunch of ideas for you.”

  We began to walk back to the truck, and Georgia followed. “Margot was a natural,” I told her. “We sold out of everything we brought.”

  “Really? Wow!”

  “Did you get to see the house?” Margot asked.

  Georgia shook her head. “Tomorrow at ten. Want to come along?”

  “I’d love to!” Margot looked at me. “Unless Jack needs me for something.”

  Fuck, she was cute. I smiled at her. “No, you can have tomorrow off.”

  We reached the truck and Georgia peeked in the back. “You really did sell well today, huh?”

  “It was all Margot,” I said. “I’m telling you. She’s got some kind of magic in her smile. No one can say no to her.”

  Margot beamed. “That’s very flattering, but all I did was sell what you grew. That’s the real magic.”

  Georgia looked over her shoulder at us, and my face felt hot. Why had I said that about her smile? Now Georgia probably suspected something.

  “Come on, let’s get this done.” I tried to sound businesslike, but I was positive my sister-in-law’s mind was ticking. She stayed quiet the rest of the time it took us to unload the truck, and she’s never quiet.

  “Well, goodnight, you two,” she said breezily when we were done. “Thanks again for working the market today. See you tomorrow. Oh Jack, you still on for babysitting tomorrow night?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Great, thanks. Night!”

  “Night, Georgia,” Margot called. As soon as we were alone, she looked at me. “She knows.”

  “Seems like it.”

  “Are you OK with that?”

  Rubbing the back of my neck, I thought for a second. It wasn’t so much I minded Georgia knowing, but I didn’t want her telling my brothers. They’d have a field day. They’d ruin it. But that wasn’t Margot’s problem. “Yeah, I’m fine. Georgia gets me.”

  She nodded. “Seems like it.”

  We stood there for a moment while the crickets chirped and wind rustled through the birch trees nearby. Lonely, nighttime sounds. But I don’t want to be alone tonight. More than that—I don’t want to leave her.

  “So.” I took a step closer to her.

  She smiled. “So.”

  “What would you like to do?”

  “Honestly? I really need a shower.”

  I cocked a brow. “What a coincidence.”

  I stared at the tub. “Really? A bubble bath? I don’t think I’ve taken one of these in thirty years.” We’d stopped in at the cabin—Margot had waited on the porch—so I could grab clean clothes, then gone back to her cottage, where she’d filled up the bathtub with hot water and bubbles.

  Margot giggled. “Then you’re due. How old are you, anyway?”

  “Thirty-three. You?”

  “I’ll be thirty next month.”

  “And you still take bubble baths?”

  “As often as possible. And I never travel without my bath foam.” She breathed in, closing her eyes. “Doesn’t that smell good?”

  I inhaled the scent of lavender. “I have to admit it does.”

  “See? A little luxury is nice sometimes.” She looked pleased with herself.

  We peeled off our clothes, and Margot got in, leaving me standing there staring at the tub. “There’s no way I’m going to fit in there with you.”

  “Yes, there is.” Scooting toward the back of the tub, she looked up at me and splashed the bubbles. “Come and play.”

  Somehow I managed to get in without falling, and we spent the next five minutes scrubbing up and rinsing off with some kind of fancy shower gel she’d also brought from home. It smelled delicious, just like her skin, but I couldn’t resist giving her a hard time. “I’m going to smell like a girl tomorrow. What’s the matter with plain old manly bar soap?”

  She frowned. “It’s not good for your skin.”

  “Oh.” I started washing my hair with the gel and she looked appalled.

  “Jack! That isn’t shampoo!”

  “What difference does it make? It made suds. I’m sure my hair is getting clean.”

  She reached for a bottle on the tub ledge. “Rinse that out. I’ll do it.”

  I rolled my eyes but let her wash my hair with her fancy shampoo, which frankly didn’t even foam up as well as whatever cheap shit I had in my shower. I told her so.

  Sighing with exaggerated patience, she began to massage my scalp. “That is because your cheap shampoo has chemicals in it called sulfates that make it suds up. Frankly, I’m surprised at you, Jack. You know about avoiding chemicals in your food but you don’t pay any attention to them in your skin and hair care products?”

  I could hardly speak, her fingers on my head felt so fucking good. Every nerve ending in my body tingled, and my cock started to swell. I might have moaned.

  “OK, turn around and tip your head back.”

  I had to stand up to turn around, and she started to giggle.

  “What?”

  “Your…” She pointed at my dick, which stuck straight out at her and was covered in foamy white bubbles. “It looks so funny.”

  I stuck my hands on my hip. “For fuck’s sake, Margot. You can say dick. Just don’t say it looks funny.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, laughing uncontrollably. “But I just never pictured you like this—standing in my tub all covered in lavender bubbles with half a hard-on—oh, God.” She shook her head and tried to compose herself while I stared her down.

  “I’m going to remember this when we’re deep in the woods.” Turning around, I sat down again and tipped my head back.

  “No! I’m sorry. Don’t torture me in the woods.” She used a cup to pour water over my head, rinsing off the shampoo. “There. Now stand up again.”

  “Why? So you can laugh at me some more?” But I stood and faced her, making sure this time there were no lingering bubbles on my junk.

  “No.” Scrambling to her knees, she slid her hands up my legs. “I’m sorry.” She kissed my right thigh. “Your dick isn’t funny.” She kissed my left. “It’s very serious.” She kissed the tip of my cock, making it jump like it wanted to kiss her back. “It’s perfect.”

  My breath caught when I felt her tongue on me—soft, sweet little licks that made my insides quiver and leg muscles tighten. I was fully hard in seconds, and she ran her tongue from bottom to tip. Good fucking God, it had been so long…

  I glanced down to see her look up and smile at me, that naughty little grin that always proved to be my undoing. “My turn.”

  “Your turn to what?” I managed as she took me in her hands, angling my dick toward her mouth.

  “To taste you.” She swirled her tongue around the tip. “To drive you crazy.” She took the head between her lips, sucked gently. “To make you come with my mouth.”

  I groaned as her lips moved down my shaft, half my cock disappearing inside her mouth before she pulled back. Then she did it again, and again, never sucking too hard, never moving too fast, never making any sound.

  Her tongue felt incredible on me, her mouth was hot and wet, and I loved the way she kept her hands on what she couldn’t get in her mouth, but Margot was giving the most polite blowjob I’d ever had.

  In contrast to the way she moved during sex, it almost seemed like she was scared of hurting me. Or maybe she was scared of being hurt. A girl like Margot probably hadn’t done this very much. Maybe she didn’t even like it and was only offering to please me.
/>
  Well, fuck—now what should I do?

  My hands slid into her hair, and I forced myself to maintain control, to hold back, but every instinct in my body wanted to take over.

  No, asshole! Let her be in charge! Just because she likes rough sex doesn’t mean she wants to choke on your dick.

  Oh fuck, now I’m thinking about that. I need to calm down.

  I let go of her head, stared at the ceiling, counted to ten.

  She knew what I was doing.

  “Jack,” she drawled. “Are you holding back on me?”

  I looked down at her and saw those blue eyes gazing up accusingly as she rubbed the tip of my dick playfully against her lips. Her skin was wet, and her nipples were hard. Fuck, she was gorgeous. And sweet. What the fuck was the matter with me that I wanted to choke her with my dick? Was I an animal? “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.”

  “You don’t know what I want to do to you right now.”

  “Tell me.”

  I groaned, knowing I was unable to say no to her.

  “Teach me, Jack.” Her cheeks colored as she placed her hands on my thighs. “I don’t have much experience with this. But I want to learn. I want to make you feel good. Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want.”

  I swallowed hard. Tightened my fists in her hair. “Open your mouth.” She widened her lips, and I pushed inside, as deep as I could go. “I want your mouth so full of my cock you can’t breathe.”

  She jumped when I hit the back of her throat, and I thought she’d try to back away.

  But she didn’t.

  She wrapped her fingers around my shaft again and looked up at me expectantly.

  “Good girl. Now listen to me. I want you to stop being so fucking polite. Use your hands. Get messy. Make noise. Forget about being queen of the prom and suck me off like the greedy little slut under the bleachers. Got it?”

  She got it. Oh my fucking God, she got it. She went at me like a porn star.

  Five minutes later, I came so hard I saw galaxies born on her bathroom ceiling and thought my body might rocket into space, and she eagerly swallowed every last drop.

  “So,” she said, breathing hard. “Was that greedy enough for you?”

  I reached under her arms and pulled her up to sit on the edge of the tub, then I dropped to my knees and pushed her legs apart. “Fuck yes, it was.” Lowering my head between her thighs, I stroked her clit with my tongue. “But I’m about to get greedier.”

  Twenty-Six

  Jack

  “Tell me about these.” Margot’s hands brushed over the ink on my side, sending a shiver down my spine. We’d probably been in this tub for an hour, the bubbles were gone, and the water wasn’t even that hot anymore. But I was reluctant to get out. It’s not raining tonight. I have no reason to stay.

  “They’re swallows,” I said.

  “Can I look at them?”

  I turned around and sat so my back was to her.

  “You have two of them.” She traced them with her fingers.

  “Two tours of duty.”

  “Ah. Did they bring you good luck?”

  I closed my eyes. Heard shots fired. Saw bodies in the front seat. Smelled blood.

  Swallowing hard, I clenched my gut and forced the ugly memory from my head. Here and now. Here and now. Here and now. “I didn’t get them until I came back.”

  “So they’re more of a symbol of a journey completed than a good luck charm?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Are you glad that you did it? Joined the Army, I mean?”

  “I’ve asked myself that question a lot. And I guess the answer is yes. I mean, if I had it to do over again, I know I’d still join up when I did.”

  “You know, you’re the first person my age I’ve ever met in the military.”

  I looked at her over my shoulder. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. I think someone in my graduating class went to the Naval Academy, but I’ve never personally known a real soldier unless you count Veterans of World War II or something.”

  “Wow.” Her life had been so different from mine. So different.

  She kissed my shoulder blade. “I’ve never met anyone as brave as you.”

  I snorted, but I liked the compliment. “Thanks.”

  “Or someone who works as hard or knows so much about things I don’t.”

  “Or someone whose hands get as dirty as mine do every day. I bet most people you know wear suits to work. Have their shoes shined. Get regular haircuts.” Own boats, golf clubs, and stock portfolios. It was hard not to compare myself to those guys.

  “Hey.” She poked me in the back. “I like that you get your hands dirty every day.”

  I didn’t quite believe her. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. It makes you different from other guys I know. Same with your tattoos.” Sighing, she looped her arms around my neck and leaned back against the tub, taking me with her. “I don’t have any tattoos.”

  My back rested against her chest, my head in the crook of her neck. The tension drained from my muscles. If only I never had to leave this bathtub. “I didn’t think you would.”

  “Why not?”

  “You just didn’t strike me as the kind of girl who’d have them is all.”

  “I’m not,” she said after a moment. “You’re right. The truth is, I think they can be beautiful, but they seem very exotic and forbidden to me. Something for people who are braver than I am.”

  “Why? Are you scared it will hurt?”

  “No, not exactly. More like I’d be scared of what people would think about me.”

  “Fuck people.”

  She sighed again. “Muffy would die.”

  “No, Margot. She wouldn’t.”

  “Maybe not. But she’d think I’d gone crazy.”

  “So let her. Don’t spend your life worried about what people think of you, Margot. That kind of fear is like a cage—it will trap you forever if you’re not careful.”

  She didn’t speak right away. Then a question. “What are you scared of?”

  I didn’t answer, because I knew I’d say too much. She was too soft, too sweet, too warm tonight. It would be too easy to tell her things she didn’t need to hear, too selfish of me to reveal things just to share the burden of my truths. She’d only try to reassure me I wasn’t the monster I thought I was, just like Steph had done.

  But it would feel so good.

  “Probably nothing, right?” She squeezed me. “You’re a big tough soldier. Not scared of anything.”

  I spoke without thinking. “I’m scared of becoming unrecognizable.”

  A pause. “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing,” I said quickly. What the fuck was I doing? I even tried to get up, but she held me in place, wrapping her legs around me from behind.

  “What would make you unrecognizable, Jack?”

  Exhaling, I allowed myself to surrender, just a little. Just this once. “Letting go.”

  “Of what?”

  “My past.”

  “You don’t have to let go of your past—it will always be part of who you are. But you don’t have to let it shackle you, or prevent you from moving on.”

  Yes, I do. She didn’t know, didn’t understand.

  “Hey.” She squeezed me again. “Talk to me.”

  God help me, I wanted to. My secrets were pushing up against the underside of my heart so hard I thought my chest might burst open with them. I wanted to admit my guilt. Open my wounds. Bleed for her.

  The temptation overwhelmed me. “The accident. It was my fault.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  I tried to swallow but couldn’t. “Steph’s accident.”

  “What are you talking about? You weren’t driving the car that hit her.”

  “No. But…there was a different car.” My voice was weak, and my body started to tremble. “Years ago. In Iraq.”

  Margot’s hand began rubbing my chest in slow, soo
thing arcs. “I’m listening. Tell me.”

  My throat was dry and tight, but the story forced its way out. “My convoy was moving through the country and we’d stopped to rest. Three of us set up a checkpoint. Cars were being used as rolling bombs, so we had to stop every vehicle from coming into the zone where soldiers were resting.”

  She shivered, as if she knew what was coming. Pressed her lips to my head.

  “We had signs in Farsi instructing drivers to stop, and if a vehicle didn’t stop, we fired warning shots at six hundred meters. It was rare that cars tried to go through, unless they carried IED’s. But one night…” I paused. Inside my head was a voice screaming at me to stop talking, but I couldn’t. Every word out of my mouth relieved some kind of pressure inside me. I had to get it all out.

  “One night someone didn’t stop?” she prompted. “Was there a bomb in the car?”

  I shook my head, swallowing the sob threatening to choke me. “No. But it’s possible the driver thought the warning shots were coming from behind, because the car sped up as soon as they were fired. So I fired directly at the vehicle. I didn’t even think twice.”

  “Of course you didn’t.” Her voice was strong. “Jack, no one would ever blame you. You did your job. You protected people.”

  “I didn’t even see who was in the car until morning and it was time to move from that position.” My eyes filled.

  She went completely still. “And?”

  “The driver was a woman. And there were children with her.”

  “Oh, my God.”

  “Three of them.” My voice cracked, and tears dripped from my closed eyes.

  “Oh, Jack.” Margot’s voice was splintering too. She held me tight. “That must have been horrible for you.”

  I inhaled, regaining control. “You know what? It wasn’t. It barely registered. At the time, I remember feeling proud for doing what I had to.” The words were bitter in my mouth. “Later, after I got home, it hit me what I’d done. I was a wreck. I couldn’t talk to anyone, didn’t feel safe, couldn’t make myself feel normal. Every single minute I was just waiting for the retribution, you know? I was positive there was no way what I’d done could go unpunished. I wanted the retribution. I nearly brought it on myself.”