Barrie, J M - Tillyloss Scandal

by Tillyloss Scandal

For a moment Tammas did not see how they could pass, unless by returning to the house, when he could follow them and so get rid of himself. Then he had the idea of descending.

  " At the same time," he said, picking up the lost words, " my name "

  A TILLYLOSS SCANDAL. 21

  " Dinna argy bargy with the leddies," said Chirsty, tripping down the stair like a lady herself, hut not hoisting the color that would at that moment have best become her.

  " You must come out to Balribbie again and see us, James," the elder lady remarked by way of good-night.

  Tammas turned a face of appeal to his other visitor, who had been regarding him curiously.

  " Do you know, James," she said, " I would not have recognized you again ? "

  " Very like," answered Tammas, " for ye never saw me."

  " Be ashamed of yourself, James," cried Chirsty, shocked to hear husband of hers con- tradict a lady.

  The young lady, however, only smiled.

  " Oh, James," she said, playfully, " to think you have forgotten me, and I poured out your tea that day at Balribbie with my own hand."

  In his after years Tammas, tempted to this extent, would have answered in some gallant words such as the young lady could have taken away with her in the carriage. But that night he was only an ordinary man.

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  " I never set foot in Bal " he was reply- ing, when Chirsty interfered.

  " Well he minds of it/' she said, audaciously, " and no farther back than Monday he says to me, ' That was a cup of tea,' he says, ' as I never tasted the marrows of.' '

  " Wuman ! " cried Tammas.

  " See to the house, James," said Chirsty, "and I'll go as far as .the carriage with the ladies."

  When Chirsty returned, five minutes after- wards, her husband was standing where she had left him.

  " My name, mem," he was saying to the stair, "is not James, but Tammas, and it's gospel I tell ye when I say I was never at Balribbie in my born days."

  Chirsty passed him without a word, and went into the house, slamming the door. Tammas and his tantrums did not seriously disturb her, but she had been badly used on her way back from the carriage. While helping the ladies to their seats she had been happily conscious of Kitty Crabb peeping at the proud sight from the back of the doctor's dyke, and as Kitty was the most celebrated gossip in Tillyloss, Chirsty

  A TILLYLOSS SCANDAL. 23

  thought to herself, " It'll be through Tilly before bedtime."

  " Ay, Kitty," she said, on her way back, looking over the dyke, " that was the Balrib- bie family calling on me."

  Kitty, however, could never stand Chirsty's airs, and saw an opportunity of humbling her.

  " I saw nobody," she answered.

  " They've been in my house since half nine," cried Chirsty, anxiously, " and that was their carriage."

  "I saw no carriage," said Kitty, cruelly.

  "I saw ye gaping at it ower the dyke," Chirsty screamed, " and that's it ye hear driv- ing east the road."

  " I hear nothing," said Kitty.

  "Katrine Crabb," cried Chirsty, "think shame of yourself."

  " Na, Chirsty," rejoined Kitty, " ye needna blame me if your grand folk ignore ye."

  So Chirsty entered her house with the dread fear that no one would give her the satisfac- tion of allowing that the Balribbie family had crossed its threshold. She was wringing a duster, as if it were Kitty Crabb, when Tammas stamped up the stair in no mood to offer sym- pathy.

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  He kept his bonnet on, more like a visitor than a man in his own house, but as he plumped upon a stool by the fire he flung his feet against the tongs in a way that showed he required immediate attention.

  " I'm waiting," he said, after a pause.

  " Take your feet off the fender," replied Chirsty.

  " Tell me, my name immediately," requested Tammas.

  " That's what's troubling ye ? "

  " It is so. What's my name ? "

  " Sal, whatever it is, I wish it wasna mine."

  " Your grand folk called me James."

  " So I noticed."

  " How was that ? "

  " Ye couldna expect the like of them to ken the ins and outs of your name."

  " Nane of your tricks, wuman ; I wasna born on a Sabbath. It was you that said my name was Jeames; ay, and what's more, ye called me Jeames yoursel'."

  " Do ye think I was to conter grand folk like the Balribbie family?"

  " Conter here, conter there, I want to bottom this. They said I had been at Balribbie."

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  " Weel, I think ye micht have been glad to take the credit of that."

  " It's my opinion," said Tammas, " that ye've been pretending I was Jeames Pit- bladdo."

  " Ye micht have been proud of that, too/' retorted Chirsty.

  " As sure as death," said Tammas, " if ye dinna clear this up I gang to Balribbie for licht on't."

  " She looked me in the face at that," Tam- mas used to say as he told the story, " and when she saw the michty determination in it she began to sing small. I pointed to the place whaur I wanted her to stand, and I says, ' Now, then, I'm waiting/ '

  " I never pretended to ye," said Chirsty, " but what it was touch and go my no marry- ing Jeames Pitbladdo."

  Tammas nodded.

  " The leddies at Balribbie thocht it was him I was to marry."

  " I daursay."

  " They dinna ken about you at that time."

  " They dinna seem to ken about me yet."

  "Jeames used to come about Balribbie a

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  heap, and they saw he was after me, and Miss Mary often said to me was I fond of him? Ay, and I said he was daft about me. Then he spiered me, and after that they had him up to the house."

  " So, so, and that was the time he got the tea?"

  " It was so, and then I gave up my place, them promising to come and visit me when I was settled."

  " Ay, but Jeames creepit off after all."

  " Weel ye ken it was his superstitiousness made him give me the go-by."

  " I've heard versions of the story frae folk in the toon, but I didna credit them. Ye took guid care never to tell me about it yourseP. Ye said to me it was you that wouldna have him, no that he wouldna take you."

  " He wanted me, but he was always a super- stitious man, Jeames Pitbladdo. He was never fonder of me than when we parted."

  " All I ken," said Tammas, " is that he wouldna buy the ring to ye, and that must either have been because he didna want ye when it came to the point, or because he was a michty greedy crittur."

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  " He's no greedy ; and as for no caring for me, it near broke his heart to give me up. There was tears on his face when we parted."

  " Havers ! what was there to keep him frae buying the ring if he wanted it ? "

  " His superstitiousness."

  " What is there superstitious about a ring ? "

  " It wasna the ring ; it was the hiccup did it."

  " Ay, I heard there was a hiccup in the story, but I didna fash about it."

  " Jeames did though, and it was a very queery thing, I can tell ye, though I didna put the wecht on it that he did. As many a one kens forby me, he walked straight to Peter Lambie's shop to buy the ring, and just as he had his hand on the door he took the hiccup. Ye ken what a superstitious man Jeames is."

  " If I wanted a wife it's no hiccup would stand in the road."

  " Because you're ower ignorant to be super- stitious. And Jeames didna give in at the first try. He was back at the shop the next nicht, and there he took the hiccup again. Then he came to me and said in terrible disappointment as it would be wicked to marry in the face of

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  Providence. I never saw a man so crushed like."

  " Ay, I'm no saying but what this may be true, but it doesna explain your reason for calling me Jeames."

  " I
call ye Tammas as a rule, when it's neces- sary to mention your name. Ye canna deny that."

  " Tell me how Fm Jeames to the gentry."

  " I wasna to disgrace mysel' to them, was I ? "

  " Whaur's the disgrace in Tammas ? "

  " Ye maun see, Tammas Haggart, dull as ye are, that it was a trying position for me to be in. When I left Balribbie the leddies thocht I was to marry Jeames Pitbladdo ; did they no?"

  " I daursay."

  " And I had told them Jeames was complete daft about me ; and so he was, for he called his very porridge spoon after me, a thing you never did."

  " Did I ever pretend to you I had these poetical ways ? "

  " I wouldna have believed it, though you did. But was ever mortal woman left in sich a predicament because of a superstition ?

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  Nat' rally, when I married you, I didna' let on to the Balribbie family as ye wasna' Jeames Pitbladdo, and Jeames Pitbladdo they think ye to this day. What harm does it do ye?"

  " Harm ! It leaves me complete mixed up about mysel'. Chirsty Todd, ye have disgraced me this nicht."

  Here Chirsty turned on him.

  " I've disgraced ye, have I ? And wha has shamed me every nicht for years, if no' yerseF, Tammas Haggart ? "

  " In what way have I shamed ye ? "

  " In many a way, and particularly with what ye say at family worship. Take your feet off that fender."

  " I keep my feet on the fender till I hear what new blether this is ; ay, and longer if I like."

  " The things ye say in the prayer is an in- sult."

  " Canny, Chirsty Todd. That prayer, as weel ye ken, was learned out of a book, the which was lended to me for the purpose by a flying stationer."

  " Ye're a puir crittur if ye canna' make up

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  what to say yersel'. Do you think you'll ever be an elder ? Not you."

  " Wha wants to be an elder ? "

  " None of your blasphemy, Tammas Hag- gart."

  " What's wrang with the prayer ? "

  " Gang through it in your head, and you'll soon see that."

  Tammas repeated the prayer aloud, but with- out enlightenment; whereupon Chirsty nearly went the length of shaking him.

  " Did ye not pray this minute," she said, 66 ' for the heads of this house, and also the children thereof?'"

  "I did so."

  "And have ye no' repeated these words every nicht for near three years ? "

  " And what about that ?"

  " Tammas Haggart, have we any bairns ? Is there « children thereof ? ' "

  Tammas used to say that at this point he took his feet off the fender. When he spoke it was thus

  " As sure as death, Chirsty, I never thocht of that."

  His intention was to soothe the woman, but

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  the utter unreasonableness of the sex, as he has pointed out, was finely illustrated by the way Chirsty took his explanation.

  " Ye never thocht of it ! " she exclaimed, " Tammas, you're a most aggravating man."

  In his humorous period, Haggart could have stood even this, but that night it was beyond bearing. He jumped to his feet and stumbled to the door.

  " Chirsty Todd," he turned to say, slowly and emphatically, "you're a vain tid. But beware, woman, there's others than Jeames Pitbladdo as can take the hiccup."

  Chirsty had strange cause to remember this prophecy, but at the moment it only sent her running to the door. Tammas was half-way down Tillyloss already, but she caught him in the back with this stone :

  " Guid-nicht, Jeames ! "

  With these words the Thrums Odyssey began,

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  CHAPTER III.

  SHOWS HOW HAGGART SAT ON A DYKE LOOKING AT HIS OWN FUNERAL.

  HAGGART must have left Tillyloss with Chirsty heavy on his mind, for an hour after- wards he was surprised to fin d himself out of Thrums. He was wandering beneath trees alongside the Whunny drain, which is said to have heen chiseled from the rocks when men's wages were fourpence a day. Here he sat down, preparatory to turning back. It was now past his usual bedtime, and he had been twelve hours at work that day.

  " I canna say whether I sat lang thinking about Chirsty," he afterwards admitted ; " but I mind watching a water-rat running out and in among some nettles till it got mixed in my mind with the shuttle of my loom, and by that time I was likely sleeping."

  The probability is that Tammas, who met no one, walked west from Tillyloss to Susie Linn's

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  pump, where he took the back wynd and made for the drain edge by the west town end. This is the route we have usually given him though Lookaboutyou sends him round by the den and I have walked it often with Tammas when we were drawing up a sort of map of his wander- ings. The last time I did this was in the com- pany of William Byars, who came back to Thrums recently after nearly thirty years' ab- sence, and spoke of Haggart the moment his eyes lighted again on Tillyloss. Those that saw him say that William was overcome with emotion when he gazed at the memorable out- side stair, and at last walked away softly say- ing, " Haggart was a man." What I can say of my own knowledge is that William met me one day as I was coming into Thrums from my school-house and asked me as a favor to go round the " Haggart places " with him. This I mention as showing what a hold the affair we are now tracking took upon the popular mind. I pointed out to William the very spot on which Tammas fell asleep. The drain edge path crossed the burn at that time by a foot- bridge of stone, and climbed a paling into the Long Parks of Auchtersmellie. A hoarding

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  has been erected on this bridge to make travel- ers go another way, but it is also as good as a sign-post, for ten yards due south from it stands the short thick beech against which Tammas Haggart undoubtedly slept for nearly seven hours on that queer night. Even Lookabout- you admits this.

  To make the scene as vivid as possible, Wil- liam, at my suggestion, sat down beneath the tree like one sleeping. I then went a little way into the Long Parks and came back hurriedly, making pretense that it was a dark night. I climbed the paling, crossed the bridge there being two loose spars in the hoarding and was passing on when suddenly I saw a man sleeping at the foot of a tree. When regarding him I shivered, as if it was the depth of winter, and then noted that he had on a thick top-coat. After a little hesita- tion, I raised him cautiously and got the coat off without wakening him. I was rushing off with it when I remembered that the night was cold for him as well as for me, and flung my old coat down beside him. Then I hurried off, but of course come back directly, the make-believe being over.

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  Something very like this happened while Haggart was asleep, though no human eye wit- nessed the scene. All we are sure of is that the thief was dressed in corduroys like Tammas's, and that the coat he left behind him was a thin linen one, coarse, stained though not torn and apparently worthless. There were twelve buttons on it an unusual number, but not, as Tammas discovered, too many. It is a matter for regret that this coat was not preserved.

  No doubt Tammas was shivering when he woke up, but all his minor troubles were swal- lowed in the loss of his top-coat, which was not only a fine one, but contained every penny he had in the world, namely, seven shillings and sixpence in a linen bag. He climbed into the Long Parks looking for the thief ; he ran along the drain edge looking for him, and finally he sat down in dull despair. It was a cruel loss, and now not his indignation with Chirsty, but Chirsty's case against him, shook his frame.

  " The first use I ever made of the linen coat," he allowed, " was to wipe the water oft my een wi't."

  Only fear of Chirsty can explain Haggart's next step, which was, after putting on the linen

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  coat, to wander off by the Long Parks, instead of at once returning to Tillyloss.

  I did not take William over the ground cov- ered by Hagg
art during the next three days ; indeed, the great part of it is only known to me by vague report. Tammas doubtless had no notion when he ran away, as one might call it, from Chirsty, that he would sleep next night thirty miles from Thrums, At the back of the house of Auchtersmellie, however, he fell in with a wandering tailor, bound for a glen farm, where six weeks' work awaited him. He was not a man of these parts, but Tammas offered to walk a few miles with him, and ended by going the whole way. Of Haggart' s experi- ences at this time I know much, but none of them is visible beside the surprising event that sent him homewards striding.

  It takes one aback to think that Haggart might never have been a humorist had not one of the buttons fallen off his coat. The im- mediate effect of this was dramatic rather than humorous. The tailor picked up the button to sew it on to the coat again, but surprised by its weight had the curiosity to tear its linen cover- ing with his scissors. Then he drew in his

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  breath, extending his eyes and looking so like a man who would presently whistle with sur- prise that Haggart stooped forward to regard the hutton closely. Ne,xt moment he had snatched up the button with one hand and the coat with another, and was off like a racer to the tinkle of the starter's bell.

  When beyond pursuit, Haggart sat down to make certain that he was really a rich man. The button that had fallen off was a guinea gold guineas we said in Thrums, out of respect for them covered with cloth, and a brief ex- amination showed that the eleven other buttons were of the same costly kind. One popular explanation of this mysterious affair is that the tramp who left this coat to Tammas had stolen it from some person unknown, without realiz- ing its value. Who the owner was has never been discovered, but he was doubtless a miser, who liked to carry his hoard about with him unostentatiously. I have known of larger sums hidden by farmers in as unlikely places.