The Cat Ate My Gymsuit

by Paula Danziger

  3. Demand aspirin from the school nurse.

  4. Steal all the chalk in the entire school.

  5. Put out an underground newspaper.

  6. Put out a contract on Mr. Stone.

  7. Short-sheet the beds in the nurse’s clinic.

  8. Go to the Guidance Counselors and ask for guidance.

  9. Boycott the school cafeteria.

  10. Capture the intercom system and announce that school has been dismissed.

  11. Picket.

  12. Steal the faculty-room coffee pot.

  13. Put a padlock on the faculty smoking lounge.

  14. Circulate petitions showing support of Ms. Finney.

  15. Have every kid in the school light up a cigarette at an assigned time, so that the entire student body would get suspended at once.

  16. Burn all the copies of the intelligence tests, or make Mr. Stone take one and announce the results at the next PTA meeting.

  17. Plant grass on Mr. Stone, call the cops, and have him busted.

  18. Deflate all the volleyballs.

  19. Call all the major TV networks and have them cover the story.

  20. Try to get our parents to support Ms. Finney.

  21. Turn in all our assignments written in crayon.

  22. Refuse to leave homeroom until we get a promise that Mr. Stone will listen to us.

  23. Cut school and then forge notes saying that we were absent because of cases of acute acne.

  Needless to say, we decided not to do most of those things. What we planned to do was get petitions signed, try to get our parents to help, and refuse to leave homeroom until we could talk to Mr. Stone. We thought that if we could organize and get at least ten kids from each homeroom to refuse to leave, we would mess everything up, and then Mr. Stone would have to listen to our representatives. They voted and elected four of us, Joel, Nancy, Robert Alexander, and me. They said that we were the logical choices because Joel and I had nerve enough to talk up in class, and Nancy did some nutty things but had sense, and Robert knew how to speak Mr. Stone’s language. Another first for Marcy, the kid who was afraid of being chosen last for gym teams.

  Mrs. Sheridan came down to the recreation room and told us that it was time to be heading home for dinner. I said good-bye to Nancy, and she said she’d call me later.

  Joel walked me home. We talked about what would happen when our families found out that we were leading what was happening. I said that my father would probably yell and threaten to cut off my allowance and tell me how stupid I was, and then my mother would try to calm him down. After that, I wasn’t sure what would happen. Joel said that he thought his father would approve, but even if he didn’t he’d still allow Joel to go ahead with it. I asked what his mother would say and he said, “That’s a long story. We’ll talk about it at Nancy’s party, if you can go.”

  I said, “O.K. I’ll ask my parents tonight.” Then we were at my door, and I said good-bye and went inside.

  CHAPTER 11

  My mother immediately came up and said, “Marcy, did you have a nice day? Who was that young man? Is he the same one who called? Where did you go? What did you do?”

  I waited to make sure that she was all done asking questions. Then I answered.

  “Yes, I had a nice day. His name is Joel Anderson, and he called last night. I went over to Nancy Sheridan’s to talk about school. And Joel asked me to go to a party at Nancy’s on Saturday night. Can I go?”

  My mother just stood there and beamed.

  “Oh, yes, of course, dear. What are you going to wear? Do you know anything about his family? Is his mother in the PTA?”

  “I don’t know. All I know is that his father is on the Board of Education. And I’ll probably wear blue-jeans and a sweatshirt.”

  “Oh, Marcy, you can’t. We’ll have to go out Saturday afternoon and buy a nice new dress. What will everyone be wearing?”

  I was so happy that she said yes that I didn’t say I didn’t care what everyone would be wearing.

  “Look, Mom, I have to go do homework,” I said, and headed up to my room.

  While I was sitting at my desk, trying to study and thinking about Joel, Stuart walked in.

  “Marcy, play with me.”

  “What do you want to play?”

  “Play teacher.”

  I took out paper and a felt-tip marker and printed the alphabet in large and small letters.

  “Here, Stuart, practice your letters.” Stuart sat on the floor and went to work. He was really getting good at it. I continued to do my homework.

  Mother called us down for dinner. My father had a late business meeting, so it was just Mom, Stuart, and me. We laughed a lot. It was really fun.

  After dinner, Stuart and I went upstairs and I read to him. In the middle of a story, Stuart asked, “Who’s Finney?”

  “Do you mean Ms. Finney?”

  “Yeah. Mommy and Daddy fight about her.”

  “Oh, Stuart, she’s this really great teacher. She talks about good things, like feelings and people and good books and lots of stuff you should like.”

  “Will she be my teacher when I grow up?”

  I thought about that and sighed. “I don’t know. I really hope so. I don’t know anything anymore.”

  Then I kissed him good night and watched him shuffle out with Wolf, leaving a trail of orange pits.

  Once in bed, I immediately fell asleep and had very strange dreams about my being caught in a bowl of jello.

  When I got up in the morning, I dressed quickly and ran down to breakfast. The rest of the family was already there.

  My father said, “I hear that you are going to a little party Saturday night with a young man. I’m not sure that I like the fact that my little girl is growing up, but I suppose that I’ve got to get used to it.”

  Then he smiled. I smiled back. He continued, stirring his coffee very slowly.

  “His father is a radical on the school board. Goes for busing and progressive education. I don’t want my daughter involved. You understand, don’t you?”

  My cornflakes got caught in my throat.

  “You know, Marcy, I really don’t understand you anymore. You used to be such a good child. Now I just don’t know you.”

  My mother interrupted, “Martin, please don’t start. Marcy is a good child. She’s just going out. All the girls do at her age. Why, lots of them have been going out for much longer. And I’m sure that Joel is a nice boy.”

  I just sat there.

  Stuart smiled at me across the table. I really loved the weird little kid at that moment. I smiled back and said, “Stuart, tonight I’ll read you and Wolf another story.”

  My father just grunted and said, “That kid and his teddy bear! Stuart, you’d better start growing up.”

  First he complains that I’m growing up too fast and then he complains that Stuart isn’t growing up fast enough.

  I asked to be excused, and got my books and went to school. Joel met me outside the building. It felt really good seeing him. A bunch of kids, the same ones who had been at Nancy’s, gathered and we made plans. All of us were supposed to spend the day rounding up anyone who would be willing to remain in homeroom after the bell rang. The plan was to organize and be prepared to do it the next day. We settled things pretty quickly, and the day went on.

  It was a strange day. Everyone was walking around very quietly. Even while passing between classes, it was almost too silent. People walked around whispering, trying to figure out who was in on it and who wasn’t. Nancy, Robert, Joel, and I knew, because we were given the lists, but no one else was positive.

  Then it happened. We were sitting in English class, still diagramming sentences, when the room phone buzzed. The sub went to it, and stared around the room while she was listening. She kept shaking her head, and then said, “All right. I’ll send them right down.”

  Then she put down the phone, paused, and said, “Robert Alexander, Joel Anderson, Marcy Lewis, and Nancy Sheridan are wanted in th
e principal’s office immediately. Take your books with you. I don’t think you’ll be coming back here today.”

  Everyone turned and looked around. Then all of a sudden someone said, “Uh oh, you guys are gonna get it.” The four of us got up, grabbed our books, and left the room. The sub closed the door after us.

  We all stood outside the door to the classroom. “What now?” Nancy asked.

  “Maybe Stone wants us to audition for the talent show” was Robert’s answer. “Perhaps my fame as a harmonica player has spread.”

  Nancy laughed and said, “I can always do my imitation of an electric toothbrush.”

  Joel said that he could play his guitar, and I started to tap dance. All the money my parents had put into my lessons finally paid off. We all stood there laughing.

  Then I said, “Listen, I’m really scared.”

  Nancy looked down and said, “Me too.”

  Joel said, “We’re all scared, but we’ve got to go . . .unless we all plan to run off to Alaska, and that doesn’t seem too sensible. We knew what we were getting into, so let’s go through with it. At least we’ll get our chance to talk to Stone.”

  We got to the office and went to the front desk. The secretary had the look on her face that she always had whenever a kid was going to get it. I bet when she was a kid she always told on others.

  We filed into Mr. Stone’s office. It was filled. My mother was there. So was Nancy’s. And there was another woman and a man that I didn’t know. I glanced to my right and saw Stuart sitting there, clutching Wolf and sucking his thumb.

  Mr. Stone said, “I have called your parents here to discuss your plot to undermine my school.”

  We all stood there. Then Joel said, “There has been no plot to undermine your school. We just want to make ourselves heard in our school.”

  Then the man who was with the women said, “See here, Mr. Stone. I’m not sure what you’re trying to accomplish. I’ve already told you that I trust my son and approve of him.”

  I looked at Joel, and he nodded his head. “Dad, I would like to introduce Marcy Lewis, Nancy Sheridan, and Robert Alexander—”

  Mr. Stone interrupted, “Look, there is a time and a place for everything. I have called all of you together to discuss the student rebellion of which you four are the leaders. What I want from you are the names of all of the students who are involved in this plot, or you four will be in serious trouble.”

  I said, “Oh, no. That’s not fair. No way.”

  Mr. Stone turned to my mother. “I told you, Mrs. Lewis. See what she has turned into.”

  My mother looked at him and said, “My daughter has turned into someone I’m very proud of, and I’m not sure that she is doing anything wrong. I don’t appreciate your threatening her.”

  All of the parents started talking at once. So did we. Everything got noisy and very confused.

  The phone rang. Everyone shut up. Mr. Stone picked up the receiver. He listened for a while and then said, “Thank you. That solves a lot of my problems.”

  Then he got up and started walking around. That was sort of hard. There were so many people in such a small place. But I guess Mr. Stone thought he would win the “Principal of the Year Award” for his performance.

  Anyway, he turned and said, “Your plan has no way of working. The Superintendent’s Office has ordered school to be closed until the Tuesday hearing.”

  Then he walked back to his desk. On his way he accidentally knocked over Wolf. Orange pits fell all over the rug, and Stuart started to cry. My mother ran over to Stuart, and so did I. All of a sudden, everybody in the room started to laugh, except for Stuart and Mr. Stone, who turned around and said, “For everyone’s information, these four student ringleaders are suspended for ten days. It will go on their permanent records, and they will not be allowed to make up work missed. You might as well take them home. I don’t want them on school grounds for the entire time that they are suspended.”

  We all walked out of the office and into the hall. I heard my mother inviting everyone over to our house to discuss the situation. Then she, Stuart, and I went to my locker to get my coat and books.

  I said, “Thanks, Mom. I’m sorry to get you involved in this.”

  “Marcy, do you believe in what you’re doing?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Then I’m very proud of you. I wish I had nerve enough to do it. But I’m scared. What is your father going to say?”

  “Mom, I’ve spent thirteen years worrying about that, and I’ve never been happy. So now I’ve got to do things that I think are right.”

  Then I closed my locker and we walked out to the car.

  “Honey, don’t think I’m mad at you, but shouldn’t you clean out your locker? People will think that I never taught you to be neat.”

  I just looked at her and laughed. That’s just like my mother—in the middle of everything, she worries about my locker. But she certainly had surprised me. She was on my side.

  On the way home, I asked, “Mom, how come all of you came to school?”

  My mother explained. “I got a call from Mr. Stone’s office. Naturally, I had to bring Stuart with me. When I got to school, I ran into Nancy’s mother and the other parents. Mr. Stone called us into the office, told us how bad you all were, and how we should support him, especially me, because of the PTA. Mr. Anderson told him that he was proud of Joel and would personally congratulate his son, not punish him. The only one who went along with Mr. Stone was Mrs. Alexander, who cried the whole time. Then he called you in, and you know the rest of the story. Oh, Marcy, what are we going to tell your father?”

  “Mom, I don’t know. He’s gonna yell a lot, but I don’t know what to do.”

  Stuart sat in the middle and kept pretending to drive. Poor kid. He’s in the middle most of the time.

  Getting to our house, we rushed inside to get ready for everybody else.

  “Mom, how do you think Mr. Stone found out who the leaders are?”

  “He said that a student told him.”

  “What a rat.”

  “Marcy, you shouldn’t talk about Mr. Stone that way.”

  “I meant the kid, but Stone’s a rat, too.”

  “Marcy!” But then she laughed.

  “Mom, Stone says Ms. Finney never taught us anything, but I know that ‘Stone’s a rat’ is a metaphor. I bet he doesn’t know that.”

  “Marcy, stop fooling around. We have company coming.”

  The bell rang. Everybody came in. We all sat around for a few minutes, getting food and staring at one another.

  Mr. Anderson started. “I’m very proud of our children. Although I think their scheme was drastic, I feel that Mr. Stone has treated them as mindless children, and they’ve proved him wrong. They know what they want and are willing to accept the consequences. I think they’ve learned a very important lesson.”

  Mrs. Alexander just kept crying.

  My mother said, “This won’t keep our children out of college, will it? We do want Marcy to get a good education.”

  Mr. Anderson put down his coffee cup and lit up a cigarette. “Listen, don’t let Mr. Stone intimidate you. We have bright children, and many schools will respect their minds and their initiative.”

  Robert, Nancy, Joel, and I sat on the floor watching the whole scene. Finally Nancy said, “Look. We made the decision to support Ms. Finney, and I’m glad. I’ll use the suspension time to study.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “We can get the assignments and do them anyway.”

  “But we won’t get credit for it. Why bother?” Robert asked.

  Joel said, “We can use the time to learn something, instead of diagramming sentences.”

  We all laughed.

  “I think you should go to the library and get some books out concerning legal rights and privileges,” Joel’s father suggested. “You can learn some interesting things. This situation can turn into a real learning experience for you.”

  Finally Mrs. Alexander spoke up.
“I don’t know about the rest of you, but my Robert will be punished. I don’t agree with the stand he is taking or your attitude about it. Come, Robert, we’re going home.” She got out of her chair and turned to leave. “Robert, I told you that we are leaving. Now, let’s go.”

  Robert got up. He looked upset and mad. I didn’t blame him. I knew what he was going through.

  They left. The rest of us talked about the upcoming hearing. No one was sure that Ms. Finney would win. Mr. Anderson said that he was in a funny position, being a school-board member and everything. He had a feeling that Mr. Stone would try to get him disqualified.

  My mother offered to contact those members of the PTA who might help.

  Mrs. Sheridan offered to work with her.

  Mr. Anderson said that he would help, but it would have to be during evenings.

  My mother said, “Perhaps Joel’s mother would like to help during the day.”

  Joel looked uncomfortable. His father smiled and said, “My wife and I are divorced. She doesn’t live around here.”

  I jumped up. “Does anyone want Coke or coffee or anything?”

  They all said no and that it was time to go home for dinner. I said good-bye to Mrs. Sheridan, Nancy, Mr. Anderson, and Joel.

  After they left, I turned to my mother. “Why did you have to do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Ask them about the mother. If they wanted to say anything, they would have.”

  My mother looked surprised. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. Do you think they think I’m horrible?”

  “I don’t know. I doubt it. But please don’t do it again, Mom. I’m happy that you’re helping me with this school thing.” I hugged her.

  “I did a lot of thinking,” she said. “I’m very proud of you. I never could have done that when I was your age. So now, at my age, I’m learning and you’re my teacher. The world is changing . . .and I’m glad.”

  I hugged her again. Sometimes it’s very hard to say anything.

  “Joel is very nice, Marcy. Do you like him? Does he like you?”

  “I don’t know, Mom. Yeah, I like him. But it’s no big romance. Don’t bug me about it. I think he just thinks I’m a good friend. We like some of the same things.”