Erica's Choice

by Sami Lee

  Griff shot him a look that was probably supposed to warn Corey off. But he was too open now, as transparent as cling wrap after all he’d been forced to reveal tonight. By Erica, the intuitive, wonderful woman between them. Corey smiled. “You know it’s true. You love her, you love me. You can’t live without us.”

  “Shut up and make this woman come, or do I have to show you up?”

  Corey rolled his eyes, happier than he’d ever been in his life. He’d bug Griff about his feelings later. He swirled his tongue around Erica’s ear. “I love you, Erica. I love how brave you’ve been, how you came here ready to fight for my relationship with Griff. I love your eyes, and your mouth and this body. God, these breasts.” Corey moved his hand upward so he could cup one in his hand. She hardened under the brush of his fingers. “I love these breasts.”

  She let out a choked sound. For a moment it almost sounded like a sob. “I know.”

  Moving his hand down, Corey delved into the curls at the juncture of her thighs. “I love this clit. Making you come is the easiest, most beautiful thing in the world.”

  “Oh, God, Corey. You make it impossible for a woman not to fall for you.”

  Music to his ears. “Have you fallen for me, baby?”

  Corey circled a finger over the bud of nerves that ached for him, just as he ached for her. Reluctance came off her in waves, but she nodded.

  Heart expanding, Corey turned her face so he could kiss her, delving into her mouth with his tongue the way he delved into her ass with his cock. He built up a steady rhythm, alternating entries with Griff who lay beneath Erica, tilting his hips and burying himself in her tight heat.

  “Cor, can’t last much longer.”

  Tension marked Griff’s face as he watched the two people above him—Erica riding him with sensuous bows and twists of her body, Corey fucking her, seducing her with words. Griff always teased Corey that he was the youngest and horniest of the three of them, always impatient to blow his load. Not this time. This time he’d wait and watch the woman and man he loved turn themselves over to him completely.

  Corey eased Erica forward, until she lay on top of Griff, breasts to chest. Immediately Griff took her mouth with his, as though he’d thirsted long years for the taste of her. Corey rocked into her, knowing each plunge made Erica’s clit rub against Griff’s body, knowing that and the way Griff made love to her mouth with his would make her feel incredible.

  She whimpered and squirmed, thrusting her pussy forward and her ass back, begging for every inch of contact. Griff moaned into her mouth, his hips tilting one last time as together he and Erica gave over to ecstasy.

  Only then did Corey let himself go, the hot seed jerking from his body.

  Perfect. Everything was perfect.

  The knowledge warmed Corey as he collapsed onto the mattress beside the two people he intended to spend the rest of his life with.

  This was not going according to plan.

  Erica had arrived at Griff’s house, her intentions firm in her mind. Use her body to bring Griff and Corey together, force Griff to acknowledge his emotions. Perhaps, selfishly, allow herself this one final encounter with them. Then leave and never return.

  It had all worked out exceptionally well—except for the leaving part.

  Dark shrouded the room. Griff had turned the light off some time ago, signaling his intention to finally sleep. After being exhaustively made love to three times by two men, Erica hadn’t possessed one iota of the energy required to escape while he and Corey dozed. Not the energy—or the will.

  Now, the light of predawn filtered through the blinds. She could just make out the shape of Griff’s taut body where it lay stretched out beside her, his arms flung above his head. Corey was pressed to her back, spooning her so close their heads shared a pillow. Fortunately the size of Griff’s bed meant Erica never felt crowded sharing it with two such large men.

  No. All she felt was safe.

  Erica blinked back the sting of tears. Almost as though he hadn’t been asleep at all, but attuned to her every emotional shift, Griff’s hand came down from where it had been buried in his pillow to stroke over her hair.

  His gentleness made the tears burn a path to the pillowcase. “You were supposed to keep me safe from him,” she whispered.

  Griff tilted his head, opened his eyes and looked at her. “From Corey?”

  Erica nodded. “I knew he thought we could have something traditional, but with you there… It can never be permanent between three people.”

  “Who says?”

  “What happened to walking away?”

  Griff rasped, “You happened.”

  Biting her lip to keep the sob from bursting out of her throat, Erica buried her face in the pillow. “Damn you, Dale. I thought you were using me for sex.”

  “Haven’t you worked out what a phony I can be, Red? I faked not being in love with Corey for five years.”

  Now he wasn’t pretending anymore—not for Corey’s benefit or hers. Griff had always been closed off emotionally, throughout this whole thing. It had given Erica tacit permission to do the same, even as she knew Corey offered so much and wanted, deserved, more in return than what she gave.

  But Griff had opened himself up and been honest with both of them. Erica couldn’t go on lying to them anymore.

  “Tell me, Red.” Griff gave her hair a slight tug, compelling her to face him once again. “Tell me what’s keeping you from wanting this.”

  His voice husked on the words, and Erica’s heart broke to think she could make the brash Dale Griffin feel vulnerable. “I want this more than you can possibly imagine.”

  For the first time Griff smiled. “You’ve got it, gorgeous.”

  Shaking her head, Erica sat up and scooted to the end of the bed. “You don’t understand. You might not want me.”

  “I think we’ve both proven otherwise.” Griff sat up too, drilling her with his gaze. “What’s really going on?”

  They weren’t whispering any longer, and the noise and movement woke Corey. He propped on his elbow and looked at her with an adorable, sleepy expression. “What’s up?”

  Erica had to turn away from the sight of them, they were both so tempting. It would be easy to fall back into bed and keep pretending.

  Right up until she booked herself into the hospital.

  “Is it that dickhead Doug?” Griff asked. “He didn’t want you so you assume that’s about you instead of him?”

  “It was about me,” Erica said sadly.

  “And your Dad leaving you? That was your fault too?”

  “I was too much trouble.”

  “Fuck.” Corey sat bolt upright, his expression more thunderous than anything Griff had thrown at her. “You are no trouble, Erica. You’re nothing but magic. How many times do I have to tell you I love you before you’ll believe it?”

  Sadly, Erica did believe it. At least she believed Corey loved who he thought she was. That was why she had to tell him everything, give him, both of them, a chance to back out. She owed them that and so much more.

  No matter how dreadful the thought of possible rejection was to her.

  She addressed her question to both of them. “Didn’t you ever wonder that first night why a straight-laced type like me was willing to go home with two men I’d barely met?”

  “I wondered,” Griff said. “But I spent most of the time thanking my lucky stars.”

  “I wasn’t myself. Something happened…” Erica swallowed. “I found a lump in my breast, and I was so terrified I was willing to do anything to forget what might lay ahead of me. I’d often fantasized about the two of you and I figured I had nothing to lose.”

  “A lump.” Corey reached blindly for her hand, clutching it tight in his against the mattress. “Was it…is it…”

  Erica shook her head. “I had a biopsy and it turned out to be benign. Can you believe that?”

  “Christ, baby.” Corey let out a sigh that shuddered audibly and brought her hand to his lips
, kissing along her knuckles. “You scared the hell out of me.”

  “That day you came over,” Erica said to Griff. “I was due to get the results.”

  Griff simply stared at her, barely appearing to breathe. There was a wealth of understanding in his eyes. He remembered as well as she did how frantic she’d been that day.

  “Is that why you told me not to call you again? Because you thought you were going to get sick?” At Erica’s nod Corey swore. “You would have needed me more than ever. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Erica could have pointed out the obvious—that they barely knew each other then and he didn’t owe her solace. Instead she said, “You don’t know what it’s like, watching someone battle cancer. I wouldn’t have let you help.”

  “But you know what it’s like,” Griff deduced. “From your aunt.”

  “And my mother.” Erica smiled sadly. “It runs in the family.”

  Griff’s gaze never wavered. His expression didn’t alter. But Erica sensed him taking it in, absorbing what a family history meant for her. His face was patently unreadable, but he got it.

  Corey didn’t.

  “But you’re all right,” he said. “You must have been so scared, but it’s over now. Promise me you won’t keep a secret like that from me ever again.”

  Dragging her gaze away from Griff’s, Erica met Corey’s. “It’s not over. It’ll never be over for me.”

  She sensed his frustration in the tense set of his shoulders. “That’s a bit fatalistic. We’re here now, Griff and I. If you ever get scared again, you’ve got us to lean on.”

  “I’ve been using you from the start, don’t you get that, Corey? All those times you called me, I hung on to the sound of your voice because it helped me forget what I was going through. I’ve still been using you these past months, to make me feel alive and womanly and sexy. All the things I might not feel the same way again after I…”

  “After what?”

  “I have to have an operation. It’s called a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. I have to, because I can’t live my life searching for lumps anymore, waiting for cancer to win.”

  “A prophylactic bi… What is that?”

  “They’re going to take out my breast tissue—all of it. The only way I can be sure I don’t get breast cancer is to have my breasts surgically removed.”

  It was as though time suspended, freezing everything in the room. Corey’s features hardened in shock. Erica couldn’t take her eyes away from him. The only thing that seemed to move was her heart. It hammered so fast she thought it might burst right out of her chest.

  After what seemed an eternity, he reacted. His glance slid down, touching on her bare breasts for a fleeting instant before darting away. He’d never turned away from the sight of her naked body before. He was already picturing her without the part of her he apparently found most attractive. Picturing it and finding the image…

  …repulsive.

  Erica would never have thought it possible for a heart to truly break from little more than a look, to physically sever into parts that would never knit back together. Corey couldn’t accept it. Just like Doug, like her father. He didn’t want her unless she was easy to deal with and physically intact.

  Her hands had never shaken this badly, not even when she’d first found the lump, or when she’d been the one to gently lower Aunt Claire’s eyelids after she’d expelled her last breath. Erica swiped her black dress from the floor and dragged it on. Without the figure-shaping qualities of the corset, it no doubt looked indecent on her frame.

  How could she possibly care?

  “I know, it’s weird.” Somehow the shaking remained confined to her fingers, leaving her voice blessedly flat. “They’ll do a reconstruction, but I won’t be the same. I won’t feel anything, for a start. And what the heck? I’ll probably go a couple of sizes smaller. I might actually be able to take up jogging in comfort.”

  Erica had never felt the yen to jog in her life.

  Corey’s voice was as toneless as hers. “I don’t think you should do this, Erica.”

  A flash of anger finally gave Erica the temerity to face him again. “It’s not your choice. It’s mine.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cancer. Cancer.

  The very word scared the shit out of Corey. Cancer killed people, and his Erica was not going to die, simple as that. Cancer was not going to ruin her life either, make her destroy her beautiful body this way. He couldn’t fathom the fact she’d been going through this kind of hell and she’d never told him. All their confidences, everything they’d shared. What did any of it mean if she hadn’t felt she could tell him this? Christ, he’d discovered he was bisexual and Erica was the first to know. Now Corey found out she’d honestly thought she might die or get really sick, and she hadn’t said a single bloody word to him.

  And she was going to do this thing to herself. Why? Because she was scared? Why hadn’t she turned to him or Griff and talked to them about it?

  “I don’t get any say in it at all?” he rasped. “It didn’t occur to you to discuss something this important with me?”

  Her expression was shuttered. “It’s not your problem.”

  He loved her. He’d given her everything he had in him. But she decided this was her problem to deal with alone. That hurt. “There must be another way. People get c…” His throat closed over the word. He didn’t even want to link it in his mind to Erica, let alone voice it. “People get sick all the time but they have treatments. Chemotherapy and diet and…”

  “Yes, Corey. I’m aware of the treatments. My mother endured every one available. They made her miserable. They stole her life years before she died. And she had to have a double mastectomy anyway. This way is better—it’s preventative. I don’t want chemo.”

  “You said the lump was benign,” Corey pointed out. “Isn’t this a non-issue? Why don’t you wait until—”

  “Do you have any idea what it’s like to live with an axe hanging over your head? It’s not living, Corey. I won’t wait for cancer to attack me any longer.”

  “But you’re so beautiful.” Corey couldn’t understand how someone so physically desirable would want to disfigure herself, all to avoid something that might not happen anyway. “There has to be another way.”

  “Corey, that’s enough.”

  Corey sent Griff a sidelong glance. “You heard her, Griff. She’s just going to…” …lop them off. Christ, he couldn’t bare the thought of his Erica going under a surgeon’s knife, of anything about her changing so drastically. “Tell me you’re not upset.”

  Griff’s eyes narrowed. “Of course I’m fucking upset.”

  “So we need to stop her. She’s afraid of facing something scary alone, but if we promise to be there for her, she won’t be.”

  “You know what, Corey?” They both turned to Erica, stilling at the note of inevitability in her voice. “I’ve been alone a while, I think I can handle it. I dealt with a mother who was often too sick to play with me and being an only child because the chemotherapy she had after I was born made her infertile. I dealt with watching my aunt, whom I loved like a second mother, die in agony right before my eyes. I dealt with Doug leaving the second he found out there was an almost ninety percent chance the same thing would happen to me. And I can even deal with the fact that I probably won’t have children because…”

  Her voice cracked, and she had to clear her throat before continuing. “Because I’m genetically predisposed to ovarian cancer too, and the next thing I’ll have to do is have them taken out. So you see, Corey, I’ve pretty much always been alone, and I figure I always will be. So forgive me for saying this, but I will live my life the way I see fit. What I do is none of your fucking business.”

  She stormed out before Corey could utter another word. Corey stumbled out of bed, grappling for his pants. He only had one leg in them when the front door slammed, announcing Erica’s departure. He hurried to finish dressing but didn’t chase after her. The soun
d of her car starting already pierced the morning quiet. Corey had no clue what to say to her anyway.

  A ninety percent chance. What the fuck? Her odds had to be better than that.

  She couldn’t have children. That flayed Corey, made his knees weaken until he dropped onto the bed. He had to admit he’d imagined certain things about his future, the future he wanted to share with Erica and Griff. Kids had been a part of that picture. He adored his nieces and nephew and had always figured he’d have about five offspring of his own one day. He hadn’t been able to stop himself envisaging Erica being the one to carry them, he and Griff both being fathers. Lots of kids these days had two dads, or two mums. It wasn’t so crazy an idea.

  But Erica had shut the door on that. She was going to have all the necessary equipment removed. Corey was devastated—for her and for him. Erica, with her difficult-to-ruffle demeanor and empathetic heart, would make a fantastic parent.

  From behind him, the sound of Griff’s voice emerged like the growl of a tiger from the depths of some dark cave. “What the fuck did you think you were doing?”

  “Me?” Defensiveness reared instinctively at the venom underpinning the query. “Ask Erica that. She kept a huge secret from us for months. Aren’t you pissed she didn’t say anything?”

  “I’m not surprised she didn’t tell me.” Griff climbed out of bed and pulled on his jeans with a couple of sharp jerks. “I haven’t exactly been approachable. And you… I suppose she was right not to tell you.”

  Griff looked at him, so much disdain in the expression Corey tingled with mortified heat. “I was only trying to make her listen.”

  “No, you were freaking out.”

  “What do you expect? The woman I love starts throwing out words like mastectomy and c…”

  “You can’t even say it, you piss-weak prick. Erica’s been dealing with cancer her whole fucking life and you can’t even face it. There she was, trying to tell you about her darkest fears and her biggest life decisions, and you acted put out because you weren’t going to get to play with her tits anymore.”