Perfectly Broken

by Maegan Abel

  Lili shook her head. "Your bedroom. Watching cartoons." She held the gauze to her lip, her nose wrinkled in irritation.

  "Will you go check on him?"

  "Sure," Lili said, heading in the front door.

  "Why didn't you go?" Jackson asked, stepping up beside me on the sidewalk.

  "If he didn't see anything he shouldn't have, then he doesn't need to know I'm home. He'll just ask questions," I said as Lili slipped back out, closing the front door quietly behind her.

  "He's fine. He yelled at me for interrupting his show," she said with a soft laugh. I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my chest for a moment. This could've been so much worse than it was if it hadn’t for Lili. She's always watched out for Conner and it meant more than I realized to know she would go to such lengths to keep him from seeing his mother that way, even after what Lizzie said about her. And Conner loved her. That was the truth of it all.

  "Thank you." I pressed my lips briefly against the top of Lili's head before releasing her. I lifted her hand, still clutching the somewhat bloodied gauze, back to her lip before heading back to the rig with Jackson.

  Standing in the middle of my workshop, I stared at the piece I'd been working on the last time I was here, the day before my birthday. The day before everything turned into this giant clusterfuck. The last day I could think clearly. If I'd held onto any hope that I would find some sort of cosmic answer here, in a place no one had ever been but me, I was sadly mistaken. I was just as lost here as I had been all week.

  It was strange to consider that the day before my birthday my life had made perfect sense. Here it was, one week later, and I was a fucking mess.

  Conner spent most of the week with me. After work today, I'd dropped him with Lizzie's parents. They had been begging to spend time with him and as much as I worried about Lizzie coming around while he was there, I couldn't control everything. Not without the court documents to back it up. I could take Tish's advice and call my lawyer, but I wasn't sure I was ready for the possibility of losing him altogether. My head was just a mess. Nothing seemed to help.

  I blamed Lizzie, or I tried to anyway, but my thoughts always came back around to Lili. What the fuck had she done to me and how could I make it all go back to how it was? Sighing, I lifted a hammer from the workbench, tapping it against the already dented wood. That was the worst part, really. I didn't even want it to go back. Whatever change had happened to make me see Lili clearly, I didn't want it to go away.

  But how could I keep this up? Smiling and pretending it didn't feel like razors in my blood stream to hear her talk about this fucking cocksucker she's hooking up with? It was torture. At least he was leaving town in a few days. I'd never seen her get stuck on anyone for any length of time so maybe once this guy headed off, I could talk to her. But what would I even say?

  Shit, I hadn't needed to think about what to say to a girl since high school. I'd met Lizzie when I was sixteen. She was it for years. By the time we split, I'd learned just enough to be smooth and get a girl into bed. That was all I needed. And what did I even want to happen? It wasn't like I wanted to be with Lili. I just… didn't want her around that fuck weasel anymore. From what I'd overheard, he sounded like a tool. Probably some pretty momma's boy who joined up with his buddies thinking he could prove he was tough and make daddy proud.

  Fucktard.

  Maybe the problem was that I hadn't been laid since before my birthday. I could remedy that tonight. It was Thursday so I could go to Lust and find the perfect distraction.

  I dropped the hammer on the workbench and turned to lean my hip against it, staring at the piece. It was still in the beginning stages, a messy heap of different bits that I knew I'd placed together for a reason. It didn't look like much of anything yet but as I stared, the part of me that had been dormant all week, the sane and logical part, could see how it would take shape with some hard work. I let out a relieved sigh as I felt the creativity that had been held hostage inside all my tormented thoughts this week start to break free. I grabbed the long-sleeved flannel shirt I kept on the bench and tugged it over my white t-shirt before hitting the button on the radio, cranking the volume and emptying my pockets so I could get to work.

  "One. Two. Three!" As we yelled the final number, we each dropped a shot glass into our cocktail glasses and chugged. She was a champ, not a drop spilling on her tight purple dress as she kept pace with me while we drank. I finished mine, slamming the glass down on the bar. She laughed, nearly spewing her drink everywhere and shaking her head as she kept swallowing.

  "Dammit!" She laughed again, dropping back down onto the stool beside me. She crossed her legs and my eyes trailed down her dress. I stared at the exposed flesh, her dark tan looked incredible against the purple fabric and her legs went on forever. I remembered how the dark purple top Lili sometimes wore always made her skin look so much lighter. I shook my head. I had to stop thinking about her. Tonight was about… Fuck. What was her name again?

  "Best two out of three?" I offered, needing more to drink to push the unwanted thoughts aside. I raised my hand to the bartender, gesturing that we needed two more.

  "I think you're trying to get me drunk," she cooed, leaning closer to me as she spoke. I gave her an innocent grin, raising my eyebrows.

  "Would I do something like that?" Using my foot, I hooked her stool and pulled it closer, making her squeal before she giggled. I scanned my memory for her name. Sandy? No, but it was something like that. Mandy!

  "Why would I want you drunk, Mandy?" I asked as I leaned in, running my nose along her neck while my hand found her hip. I grazed my lips along the spot where her shoulder met her neck. She made a soft sound I knew well and leaned in to hook her fingers in my belt loops. Perfect. One more drink should seal the deal.

  "Here you go." The bartender stopped just long enough to remove our empty glasses and slide the new drinks toward us. I winked at her, leaning back slightly from Mandy.

  My phone buzzed on the bar again, causing me to roll my eyes. Probably another text. It had to be the fourth or fifth in the last hour. I hadn't checked any of them and I wasn't going to. I was avoiding everything tonight and focusing on Mandy. On what I could do to her to get my mind off the fucking nightmare that was becoming my life.

  "Is your girlfriend getting worried?" Mandy ran the tip of her index finger along the edge of the shot glass and gave me a sly smile. Apparently, she preferred thinking she was doing something forbidden. She was one that wanted a vacation fling with a good story. I took a chance, giving her a careless shrug, still ignoring the phone as I reached for my shot glass.

  "One," I began, holding it over the cocktail glass and she mirrored my movement. Finishing the count, we downed the drinks once again. I was already feeling the strong buzz from the alcohol I'd consumed. I was a bit sloppier than usual. I tried to space out my drinks further so I could maintain control, but I just kept hoping that the next drink would finally wash her out of my thoughts. For now, my plan was to pull Mandy to the dance floor where I could get things started before we headed out. I pushed my stool back, holding a hand out to Mandy as she slammed her empty glass onto the bar beside mine. "Dance with me."

  It wasn't a question and she didn't argue, so I slid my phone in my pocket and led her to the dance floor. We pushed our way to the middle of the crowd and I grabbed her hips, pulling her against me as she wrapped her arms around my neck. She was almost eye to eye with me, only a few inches shorter in her heels and every part of her body I wanted aligned with mine was pressed against me. It was completely different than dancing with Lili. Fucking shit. Why was I still thinking about Lili?

  I remembered how she moved on this dance floor in a way I'd only seen in movies. She had such control over her body. My thoughts drifted to how easy it was to lift her, holding her right where I wanted her against me. How it felt to kiss her while my fingers slid across her damp skin…

  Mandy turned, sliding a knee between mine and lifting her leg towa
rd my hip. My hand traveled to her thigh, to the bare skin revealed in her dress as she moved. I grazed higher, letting my fingers slip under her short dress in the way she obviously wanted me to. I touched the edge of her satin thong just as her nails scraped along my scalp. The feeling immediately brought to mind more thoughts of Lili. I tried to push them aside as my body reacted automatically, tightening and tensing in anticipation.

  "We should go back to my room. I'm not far," Mandy's voice was husky. She traced the edge of my ear with her tongue. I felt a weight in my chest as I nodded, shoving against any thought other than burying myself deep inside her. She slid from my grip as she took my hand to lead me out. This was what I wanted — what I needed — to get my life back. But, as we headed toward the door, I stopped mid-step. Mandy paused when I released her hand.

  I leaned away, looking through the crowd for the flash of pink I could've sworn I'd seen. Through a break between people, I spotted Lili again, her pink highlights perfectly matching her dress. What the fuck was she doing here? She hated clubs and she knew Lust was one of my favorites. She'd never come here without me.

  She was watching me with an amused expression as she held up her phone, indicating I should check mine. She winked as she leaned toward the guy standing beside her at the bar. He nodded but continued trying to flag the bartender as she waved me over. Fuck. I didn't know if I could do this.

  "Hey, one of my friends is over at the bar. Can we make a quick detour?" I asked, offering my hand to Mandy once again. She looked a little confused, glancing toward the bar before she nodded and slid her fingers between mine. I had to be cool about this. Lili was here with someone, but so what? I was about to leave with someone. It didn't matter. We were friends. We were roommates. Nothing more.

  I caught small flashes of Lili as we moved that way. The dress, a sleeveless pink and black thing I knew I'd never seen her in, was tight and short, even on her tiny frame. I was surprised to see she was wearing heels since I knew she preferred her boots when she was being dragged to a club. Maybe she hadn't known they were coming here when she got dressed. Or maybe, after last week, she was a little more open to the idea of clubs and dancing. It didn't really matter either way. She was here with someone. I had to keep reminding myself of that.

  "I tried to text you and let you know we were coming to your turf," Lili said, leaning closer to yell the words as Mandy and I broke through the last of the crowd separating the bar from the dance floor.

  I barely heard the words.

  Her date, the Marine she had been fucking around with all week I assumed, was standing with his back to me while he ordered their drinks. The second he turned to face me with his smug smile and cocky expression, all thoughts of keeping my cool flew out the window. He wrapped his arms around Lili's waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. Any remaining hope that I could hold my rage disappeared behind a veil of red.

  "Just try to breathe." Jackson's voice is close again. "Stay calm."

  CHAPTER NINE

  Blind Side

  LILI

  I saw the change in Zane immediately. The glassy look in his eyes disappeared as Jordan wrapped his arms around my waist. Before I could react, Zane had me by the arm, yanking me from Jordan's grip as he tackled him.

  There were screams from those closest to the scuffle as everyone backed out of the way. Zane pulled his arm back, landing several punches straight to Jordan's face before Jordan even had a chance to put his hands up.

  I was frozen in shock, my back against the bar where Zane had pushed me behind him. The shock quickly melted away and I jumped forward, grabbing at Zane's shoulders as I avoided his elbow. I screamed for him to stop, but he didn't listen.

  Just as I was about to throw myself against Zane to try and knock him to the side, Jordan twisted, attempting to toss Zane's weight off. My legs got tangled with his, causing me to hit the floor hard. I landed on my back, barely managing to keep my head from hitting the ground as the wind was briefly knocked out of me.

  I coughed and gasped for air, my eyes meeting Jordan's. He was quite a bit smaller than Zane and he used that to his advantage. He slid out from under Zane but, before he could get away, Zane grabbed him by the leg and held him down. I pushed to my feet as I caught my breath, intending to throw myself between them this time but a bouncer pulled me back, forcing me to the side as he tried to restrain Zane.

  "Calm down." The bouncer was tugging Zane back as he spoke.

  Jordan wiped his hand along his lip, smearing blood across his face as it continued to stream from his nose. I reached for Jordan and he pulled me close, keeping his body angled between Zane and me. I'd never seen Zane lose it like that. The fury in his expression still hadn't abated as Jordan took a step back, forcing me toward the door. I stared at Zane, trying to catch his eyes but his gaze stayed locked on Jordan until I could no longer see him.

  "Your roommate is fucking crazy," Jordan said.

  He had his hand on my lower back as we exited the club, moving toward the street. I shook my head, my eyes still wide as my brain struggled to process the last few minutes. Nothing had been said, had it? I told Jordan my roommate was coming over so I could introduce them and Zane just attacked him. We walked quickly for several blocks, blending into the crowd as we broke out onto The Strip.

  "I've never seen him like that before. I'm so sorry. He was drunk and…"

  And what? What else could I say? I couldn't excuse what Zane had done.

  "Hey." Jordan pulled me gently to a stop. I looked up at him. He held a bar rag to his nose with his other hand. It took me a second to realize someone must have handed it to him after the fight. He pulled the rag down and I was glad to see the blood at least seemed to have stopped flowing. "You have nothing to apologize for, Lili." He wiped his face again, raising his clean hand to cup my cheek. "No feeling guilty for this, okay? This is his issue, not yours."

  I couldn't believe how much I enjoyed that small, affectionate gesture. Whatever Jordan was doing to me, I wasn't sure I wanted it to end. Just as soon as that thought entered my mind, I remembered that he was leaving in three days for Hawaii.

  I nodded, not sure I could speak as I tried to swallow down the lump rising in my throat. This was why I didn't get attached. No, actually, I didn't trust people and that was why I didn't get attached but somehow, I thought maybe I was starting to trust Jordan.

  "Okay," I promised. "No feeling guilty."

  He smiled, sliding his hand from my cheek, down my arm to take my hand. "What about you? Are you okay? I saw you fall and I tried to get to you…" he trailed off, squeezing my fingers.

  "I'm fine," I said, waving a hand to brush off his questioning. The last thing he needed to worry about after my roommate attacked him was whether or not I was okay.

  He slowly led me down The Strip, stopping to clean up at the first bathroom we passed while I waited outside. I realized then that I'd left my purse on the bar. I had no belongings with me. Crap. I'd have to go back to the club to pick it up. But, not until later.

  The confusion and fear I'd felt was giving way to my anger at Zane. What the hell was wrong with him? He'd been acting so weird all week, but the part of me that felt guilty earlier for not being around to talk to him about whatever he was going through was completely overtaken by my outrage at his actions. He was all but fucking that chick on the dance floor and was headed out the door with her, yet he attacks the guy I've been seeing all week? Was this some sort of sick payback for the bimbo on his birthday?

  "You okay?" Jordan asked as he touched my shoulder. I blinked, pulling myself from those thoughts and giving him a smile. I reached over and took his hand, squeezing his fingers and nodding. I could see the redness on his cheekbone and around his nose, the starting of bruises that would surely be blooming from the fight. The guilt I'd promised not to feel churned in my stomach once again.

  "I'm fine. Where to now?" I wanted to get his mind off of what happened and I didn't know if he had something else he wan
ted to see while he was here.

  He frowned and looked around, seeming to consider. "I'm not sure. If you have somewhere else in mind, I'm game. Otherwise, I guess we can just hang out in my hotel room." His eyes sparked with mischief and he wrapped both arms around my waist, running his lips along my neck. I dropped my head back with a laugh.

  An older couple walking by watched us, smiling. We must look like any other happy couple on vacation. The thought made my heart stop for a moment. What was happening to me? It was like I was turning into a completely different person. I looked around and smiled as a plan — a very Lili-like plan — came to mind.

  "Come on."

  I tugged him to the crossover, taking it toward the East side of Las Vegas Blvd. He paused, glancing at the lights flickering down the street for miles. I looked with him. In the last few years of living here, I’d forgotten the effect of the glitz and glam side of Vegas. It really was a remarkable place.

  He followed as I pulled him through the casino and to the escalator at the back, leading up to the monorail.

  "Where are we going?" he asked, chuckling as we left the crowd behind us, heading up to the platform. So few people used the monorail it sometimes surprised me that the city still found it worth the money to maintain. "Does this thing even run this late?"

  I glanced over my shoulder at him, winking as I placed my palms on one of the supports for the turnstile and pushed myself easily up and over without setting off the alarm.

  "Only one way to find out." I took a few steps backwards, smirking and curling my finger to beckon him over. "Or are you scared?"

  Jordan straightened, shaking his head slowly as a wicked grin spread across his face. He took a step back and ran toward the gate, hopping straight up onto the metal edge and off to the inside, landing steady on his feet. I laughed, turning to run up the escalator as quickly as I could in heels. I made it to the platform as the announcement sounded, saying the monorail was pulling into the station.