by Maegan Abel
It felt like the world stopped for a moment. Her last sentence repeated in mind through the silence.
I'd broken her heart?
She cared about me and I'd hurt her. I wanted to walk away. I wanted nothing but to be away from the source of the pain that was growing with every pounding beat of my shredded heart. I had fucked this up beyond repair. I closed my eyes, swallowed back all my self-loathing, and ran a hand through my hair as I tried to decide whether to speak or remain silent.
"I trusted you and you brought her, of all people, to the house," Lili continued, her voice small. My eyes flashed open, finding her face immediately. I ignored her earlier refusal of my movements and took the four steps to put myself at her bedside.
"I don't even know how to apologize. I can't. Not to you." I squeezed both of my hands around the side rail of her bed, wishing I could find the right words to fix my colossal mistake. I watched my knuckles turn white from the grip. "Fuck it. I'm sorry. I am. I regret it more than I can ever explain and I know it was a mistake. She's the biggest mistake of my life and she has been since I met her. I was…"
I paused, taking a breath and meeting her eyes again. "I was so worried about you, Pixie. You have no idea. Once we figured out that Adam had tricked you, we were all looking for you. I was out of my mind worried and he was sending me fucking pictures. I thought that if I had a few drinks I could calm myself down, but all I did was open myself up for that conniving bitch to step in again."
I felt drained when I finished speaking, both physically and emotionally. It was as if all the words I was struggling to find had taken every bit of my energy as I expelled them. I dropped to my knees beside the bed, my hands still gripping the rail as I pressed my forehead against the cold plastic. I was aware of the similarities in how she apologized to me hours ago at the house and I hoped she understood how much I meant the words. "I never meant to hurt you. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do, Pixie. I'm sorry."
Lili inhaled a shaky breath but before she could speak, there was a knock on the door and two uniformed police officers entered. I pushed myself to my feet, glancing back in time to see Lili's hand drop to the bed. Her expression was flat, all emotion wiped away except for the trails from the tears still fresh on her cheeks.
"Miss Cortez?" The first officer, the female, addressed her as they stepped forward. "I'm Officer Thomas and this is Officer Davis. We'd like to ask you a few questions. Alone, if you don't mind." Officer Thomas looked me over cautiously but I glanced back at Lili, unsure of whether to leave her now. She didn't even look at me, she just stared at a point on the wall across the room, her face completely void of any reaction.
"It'll only take a few minutes." Officer Davis held open the door, gesturing for me to leave. When Lili still didn't respond, I nodded, taking a few steps toward the door.
"I'll be down in the waiting room with Tish and Kas if you need me," I said to Lili as I left. She still didn't react. I frowned before heading down the hall.
When I reached the waiting room, I collapsed into the chair next to Kas, rubbing my temples with trembling fingers.
"Well, how did it go?" Kas asked as Tish took the chair on the other side of her with a cup of coffee from the vending machine at the end of the hall.
"I don't really know. She's pissed and hurt but I knew that already. I think I said everything I can but the police are with her now."
Tish stood, pacing as I finished. He stared down the hall like he could see into the room from here if he tried hard enough.
"What the fuck are you doing, Zane? What exactly is it you're doing with Lili? Or with Lizzie? What is going on with you?" Tish stopped in front of me at the last question, crossing his arms over his chest while he waited for a response.
My hands pushed back from my temples, my nails scraping my scalp as I pulled at my hair in frustration. "I don't know, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Fuck! I don't know how I screwed it all up this much. Lizzie has been a massive mistake since I met her and last night was no exception and Lili…" I trailed off, shaking my head, not sure I had the nerve to say the words out loud. I wasn't even sure there were words for it. "I don't know," I finished, the words coming out as a groan.
"She'll forgive you," Kas said, her hand rubbing my back comfortingly. I shook my head a few times before resting my forehead on the heels of both hands, glancing sideways at her.
"What makes you so sure?" I asked, my insides at war. A part of me desperately wanted to know her answer while another part of me was terrified of the truth. My brain reeled with questions I couldn’t answer.
What if Lili did have feelings for me? Did I want her to? What would that mean for me? For us? Did I have feelings for her? Could we bounce back from this if she did?
"That girl has been in love with you for two years, Zane. Don't tell me you really didn't know that." Tish sounded incredulous as he dropped onto the table across from me, irritation rolling off of him in almost visible waves. I lowered my arms and lifted my eyes to my brother's slowly. The hope and fear caused by his words warred inside me.
"Lili doesn't believe in love." My voice trembled with my hands as I tried to keep the hope from taking over. "She doesn't believe in trust or love."
"One thing you should learn about women is we can be the world's best liars when we choose to," Kas said, continuing to rub my back. "Lili has been lying to everyone, herself included, about how she feels. She's scared. She doesn't want to love because she doesn't want to trust, but I was with her in the bathroom. Believe me, she couldn't have cared less about her injuries. All she was worried about was how to make things right with you."
I couldn't take it any longer. I shoved myself to my feet, my exhaustion completely lost in the rush of adrenaline that chased her words through my mind.
"No! I asked her. I asked her about this the morning after my birthday and she told me she didn't have feelings for me. You're reading too much into it." My voice lost volume toward the end, my conviction trailing off as I forced myself not to let my own feelings for Lili, however complex, cloud my judgment. They were wrong. They had to be.
"Do you really think she's was going to admit it to you after you spent the night holding her hair back? Come on, Zane. She was hung over and probably couldn't even think clearly." Kas shook her head as she watched me pace. I kept my eyes on her, trying to read her body language. "How did you ask her?"
"What do you mean? How many ways are there to ask?" I locked my hands behind my head, continuing to pace as my gaze moved to the stark white ceiling tiles above me.
"What did you say? Did you bother to tell her how you felt or did you just expect her to admit her feelings first?" I paused with my back to Kas and Tish, my eyes falling closed.
"And, how do I feel?" My voice was hard as I tried to keep my emotions in check.
"Don't be an ass." Tish's words were flat and I turned to face him, dropping my arms to my sides.
"No. Tell me. Tell me what it is you two think you know about me that I don't," I pushed, my gaze moving back and forth between them. I felt desperate and I grasped onto anger because it was easier than begging them to tell me. I wanted to know what they knew. I wanted to be as sure as they were. I wanted to understand.
"Mr. Tishler?" I spun at the sound of my name and Tish stood, moving beside me.
"Officers." He nodded as I realized they were speaking to him.
"Your sister doesn't seem to want to cooperate. She's refusing to speak to us. If she doesn't agree to your story, we can't go after the guy you claim is responsible." The female Officer handed a card to Tish as she spoke. "If you change her mind or she decides she's ready to talk to us, give me a call."
"Yeah, thanks." Tish sighed and shook her hand, pocketing the card.
I headed back down the hall. Why was she letting Adam get away with this? It made no sense at all.
"Zane," Tish called out from behind me but I rapped my knuckles on Lili's door, pushing it open without looking back at him. S
he was pressing the fingers of her uninjured hand into her temple, her body shaking and her eyes closed as she rubbed in small circles as if trying to ease the pain.
"Pix? What's going on? Why wouldn't you talk to the police?" I moved to her bed, wanting to pull her hands away from her face and make her look at me when she stayed silent.
"Lee, you can't protect him like this. What if he comes after you again?"
Tish and Kas moved to the other side of her bed and Kas reached out to brush Lili's hair out of her face. A sharp jolt of something close to jealousy shot through me.
"It's not about him," Lili's voice was rough, thick with either pain or emotion but she didn't open her eyes. "And he won't be coming after me if he can't walk."
We all stared at her but she didn't elaborate.
"What do you mean?" Kas asked, her expression a mixture of horror and pride.
"Ugh. I told you no police and no doctors, dammit!" She groaned wrapping both hands around her head, obviously in pain.
"Okay, baby girl. Let's get that nurse back in here with some more medicine." Kas pushed the button on the side of Lili's bed and we were ushered from the room once again.
"Where the fuck is the ambulance?" Ambulance? I hear the words and I realize for the first time that I'm dying…
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sleepless Night
LILI
"Lili." His voice was soft and I smiled, my eyes still closed as I stretched my body, letting myself wake slowly. "Wake up."
I blinked my eyes a few times but my vision was blurry and tinted with red. I tried to wipe at my eyes but I couldn't move my hands. Something soft touched my face, dabbing around my eyes. I groaned as it touched the tender spot around my nose. As the memories came back to me, Jordan's face came into focus.
"There. I want you to be able to see what I plan to do to you." The soft voice from before was harsher now, more menacing. I struggled against the restraints pinning my hands behind my back. Jordan walked toward the bathroom of the hotel room, the unmistakable handle of a gun visible in the waistband of his jeans. Panic clawed at my insides and I tried to scream, the sound choking in my throat.
"It's okay. Just breathe."
The voice was close again and I tried to push myself away. My arms, suddenly unrestrained, flew to cover my face as I sobbed softly.
"It's okay." The voice repeated, the sound softer. He had retreated further from me and I lowered my arms just enough to see. Tish stood near the window, his eyes full of concern. "Breathe, Lee. The nurse is on her way. It's okay."
I welcomed the oblivion of the medication-induced sleep. It was the moments before waking, when the painkillers had worn off and the nightmares took over, that I dreaded. Those moments before I could break through that barrier into consciousness were quickly becoming a terrifying reminder of the last few days.
"We're keeping her up. She should be sleeping," Sydney said softly from somewhere across the room. I blinked, almost forgetting how to open my eyes again.
"Not tired. Don't leave," I mumbled and was rewarded with laughter from several of the people in the room. I’d said the same thing not ten minutes earlier but I knew I was losing the fight.
Jackson and Sydney had stopped in to check on me while the shift change was happening in the NICU. They were sharing the news that the twins might be able to go home within the next few weeks.
"Mason is definitely the guy you want for the plumbing, though." Tish and Jackson were discussing the renovations to Jackson’s garage apartment now that the previous tenant had moved out.
"Yeah, I knew Zane said you were happy with him last time you had to have work done at the shop."
"What colors did you use on the nursery walls?" Kas asked, but I couldn't focus on the answer.
A hand on my arm shocked me, causing me to jump as my heart skipped. I groaned when my ribs protested the sharp inhale.
"Sorry, Pix. We're leaving. Someone will be back in as soon as they let us," Zane said, running his fingers along my arm.
The room was quiet now, the sun had dipped further in the sky. I reached for him as he made his way toward the door. He gave a small smile as he opened it. "Be right back."
"Are you sure?" The doctor was still holding the clipboard with the release form, refusing to let me sign out without trying one last time to convince me to stay. "I would really prefer to keep you for one more night."
I shook my head, reaching for the papers again. "I just want to go home."
Kas had helped me into my clothes and this was the last step to getting away from this place. I signed my name quickly on the line and handed the doctor back the clipboard.
"You understand that you are signing out against medical advice and your signature on this form releases the hospital from any liability in your decision to refuse care." The doctor was resigned as she glanced down at the form before looking over at Kas and Tish. "Keep an eye on her. Someone should be with her for at least another twenty-four to forty-eight hours to check her pupils like I showed you. Her right pupil will still probably dilate slower for another day or so, but if it doesn't dilate or continues longer than forty-eight hours, she should really come back in for a follow-up CT."
"We'll keep an eye on her," Tish promised as Kas helped me to my feet. I irritated the doctor further by refusing the wheelchair, not wanting to feel like an invalid.
Zane had pulled Tish's car up to the hospital doors. He hopped out as soon as I came outside with Kas on one side and Tish on the other. He opened the back door and Tish helped me sit carefully in the backseat before Kas slipped in beside me and Tish got behind the wheel to drive us home.
"Do you need anything?" Zane had taken it completely upon himself to take care of me since I'd been home. I made a face as I tried to adjust myself against the pillows on my bed and shook my head. "It's almost one in the morning, Pix. Aren't you going to sleep?"
"Soon." I gave him the same answer I'd given him a few hours ago.
The three of them had been hovering, but I couldn't blame them. They didn't understand my decision to come home so soon. Sleep was glaringly outside my realm of comfort with all the nightmares, though, especially if I was going to wake up alone. Being alone in this room did nothing for my sanity but they hovered worse when I was in the living room, so I'd excused myself under the pretense of needing quiet.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He stifled a yawn.
I nodded slowly. "I'm great. Thank you." I leaned back against my pillows and closed my eyes to release him from the obligation of standing here to keep me company.
I listened to his footsteps as he moved back down the hall to his own room and forced my eyes open again. They were heavier with each passing moment but I fought the exhaustion. I didn't want to sleep.
I hated the quiet in the house, debating after several long minutes about going back to the living room now that everyone was in bed. With the way my luck had been recently, they would get up to check on me if they heard me. I sighed, trying again to find a comfortable position against the pillows. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, wishing for the pressure in my head to dissipate.
"Did you really think I gave a fuck about you?" Jordan paced the length of the hotel room as I watched through half-opened eyes, unable to force my body to move. "That's a little pathetic, even for a whore like you."
"It was always about me." A voice from beside me, rough, deep, and altogether too familiar, spoke. It seemed out of place at this point of the dream. Usually, his voice was the first I heard and it was the realization that I was mistaking him for Jordan that always ramped up my fear. His voice was my comfort.
I turned my head quickly toward the voice, my eyes landing on Zane. He sat on the foot of the bed, still rumpled from my time there with Jordan. "You really should've seen that." Zane shook his head. Seeing him here, in the nightmare, made it too real. I could feel the beads of sweat burning in my open wounds and stinging my raw skin as they trickled from my hairline. I tried to make
myself stand.
"I'm not sure who's more pathetic. Lili, here, who actually thought this was about her, or you for thinking I wouldn't go after anyone important to you."
My eyes were blurry with tears and the black object Jordan pulled from the waistband of his pants didn't register until the unmistakable sound of a gunshot rang out in the room. I heard myself scream as if from a distance. I blinked the tears from my eyes, allowing them to stream down my cheeks as Zane's body slumped unnaturally on the bed. My body shuddered uncontrollably.
"One down."
I didn't look at Jordan, my eyes unable to leave Zane as footsteps approached and the bite of hot metal pressed into my temple.
My hand flew up to the side of my head, finding nothing but sweat matting my hair to my face where I had just felt the barrel of the gun. I blinked but the darkness of my own room was all that came into focus. I pushed myself to sit up. Too fast, I realized, gasping as the pain streaked behind my eyes and down through my chest.
I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to breathe normally to calm myself but it wasn't working. I couldn't control the tremors as my mind replayed the images I tried desperately to push aside.
I didn't want to be alone anymore. More than that, after that nightmare, I needed to see Zane.
I stood carefully, making my way slowly out of my room. My feet shuffled along the carpet of the hallway as I kept one hand on the wall for support. I moved to Zane's door, pushing it slowly when I noticed it was left cracked. I could see a spot of blonde hair against the dark pillowcase as I tried to force my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room.
"Zane?" I whispered and immediately regretted it. I could see he was here. I knew I was being completely irrational. It was just a dream. I took a step back just as he turned to face the door, taking a shocked breath.