by Maegan Abel
"Pix?" He blinked and pushed himself up to his elbows, rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong? Do you need something?" He threw his legs off the bed and stood, making his way over to me. He leaned his face close to mine. "Are you okay?" He wiped a thumb across my cheek, brushing away tears I didn't realize were still falling. "Lili, talk to me."
"I just…" I took a shaky breath and swallowed hard, reaching up to hold his hand to my cheek. His eyes widened as I leaned my face into his palm. "I don't want to be alone right now," I finished, knowing it was the truth, even if only in part.
"Oh." Zane looked into my eyes for a second before glancing over his shoulder to his bed and back to me. "Come here." He led me to the bed, helping me get comfortable before he moved to the other side and crawled in.
We lay in an awkward silence for a few minutes until I rolled, turning my body toward him slightly so I could see his face. He mirrored my movement, resting his face just inches from mine. The light from the hallway behind me seemed to brighten the blue of his eyes, making them even more piercing.
"Better?" he asked, giving me a slight smile as he reached up, brushing my hair off the bandage on my forehead. My eyelids fluttered in response to the touch and I nodded.
I slid down further into the bed and nudged myself closer to him. I knew I would regret it in the morning but I couldn't find it in me to care. I buried my face against his chest, inhaling the scent of him and resting my head on his arm. It was stupid and I knew that. I was taking advantage of the situation. I knew Zane wouldn't push me away because I was hurt, but I also knew that he would pull away emotionally if I got too close. It didn't stop me. I would deal with the consequences to my heart later. Tonight, I just wanted to feel safe and knowing Zane was with me helped me feel that way.
"How long before you have to get up for work?" I mumbled the words against his neck, not raising my face away from him as I spoke. He inhaled deeply and rested his hand on my hip, carefully pulling me closer.
"Not going," he said softly. The fingers of his hand near my head moved, slowly brushing through my hair.
We didn't speak after that and I thought he had fallen asleep. I blinked into the soft gray light filtering in behind his curtains. The sun must just be starting to rise. I tilted my head back, expecting to find him asleep but his eyes were looking down into mine. I smiled and we both exhaled an embarrassed sound at being caught watching the other.
"I thought you were asleep," I whispered. He shook his head, the look in his eyes so different from the Zane I'd always known.
"I doubt I could sleep right now if I wanted to. Which I don't." He took a deep breath as his hand moved at my hip, repositioning us again until he was comfortable. "But, you should rest."
I tilted my face back down and pressed my forehead into his shoulder before shaking my head slowly. "I'm scared," I admitted for the first time.
I'd almost let myself admit this to them a few days ago in the kitchen but Lizzie's appearance had stopped me.
Lizzie.
The reminder of her sent a stab of pain through my chest and I sighed. She was in this bed last. I shouldn't be here. I pulled back slightly, already feeling the familiar walls rising but Zane's arms tightened, holding me in place.
"Is that what this is?" He kept his arms around me but leaned away enough to see my face, tipping his head down to look into my eyes. "What are you scared of, Pixie?"
I blinked back the moisture blurring my vision, letting myself get lost in the depth of his eyes. I'd never studied him this close before and I noticed for the first time that the pale blue of his eyes was broken in the center, intersected with gray in something almost like a starburst right around the pupils. It was so similar to the shade of the blue that I'd never distinguished the difference when he was wearing his contacts or glasses.
"Everything." The word barely made any sound. I slid myself closer, pressing my face back into his chest just to break the eye contact. He tightened his arms, carefully avoiding my ribs as I let my eyes drift closed. Just before I lost the battle with sleep, I felt his lips against the top of my head.
"Me, too." His breath fluttered against my hair. I barely understood the words as I drifted off.
"You need to move back. We can't help if you won't let us by." Help is here. Commotion around me. I cough as the pressure is removed.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Love
ZANE
I watched the room lighten slowly, my eyes heavy, but I wasn't about to miss a second of this night.
I continued running my fingers through Lili's hair long after her breathing evened out. I'd never watched her sleep before but now I knew she slept with her mouth open, possibly because of her broken nose, and she snored very softly. I never expected to have her in my bed, or even in my arms this way, especially after what happened the last night she was home.
As I ran my fingers over the bandage on her forehead, I couldn’t feel anything but relief. As much as I hated Adam, as much time as I spent plotting the many ways I could hunt him down and make him pay, having Lili in my arms right now dissolved my anger. I would find a way to make him pay, without a doubt, but my focus from now on was going to be the girl in my bed.
The thought shocked me and I paused with Lili's hair wrapped around my fingers.
How did I not see it before now?
It’d happened slowly, over two years of familiarity and friendship, and I'd completely missed it at the time. I loved her. I had for so long I couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had happened. Maybe there wasn't a single moment. Maybe it was a love built on the tiny moments we lived in every day. But, as I held her, refusing to sleep and lose a second of the time I had her in my arms, I knew. And I knew I couldn't deny it any longer.
I heard footsteps in the hallway and I cringed when Kas' voice called out to Lili from the other end of the hall. No doubt she had found her empty bed. Lili didn't even stir in my arms so I carefully placed my palm over her ear and hissed Kas' name as loud as I dared. After a moment, she appeared in my doorway, her eyes widened as she took in the scene.
"Interesting. How did you manage this?" she asked in a whisper, leaning against the doorframe.
"It was all her." I didn't want to say much for fear of waking Lili. When she woke, she would probably regret coming in here and leave. I was dreading that moment of reality.
"She doing okay?" Kas asked and I nodded. She shook her head but I could see her smile as she reached for the doorknob. "Don't fuck it up this time, Zane." She winked before closing the door softly.
I must have dozed off at some point because I was startled awake at the sound of a soft cry. I immediately focused on Lili's face. Her eyes were closed and her small features were pinched in either pain or fear. I waited through a quiet moment before she made the sound again. It tore straight through me, hearing her whimper in her sleep that way.
"Pix?" I whispered softly, not wanting to frighten her further. Her eyelids fluttered but didn't open. At the first sign of the tears on her lashes, I started feeling panicked.
"Pixie. Lili, wake up." I touched her cheek, trying to keep my voice calm so I didn't scare her further.
Her eyes flew open, glancing around quickly as she tried to focus. "Zane." She choked on the word, pain evident in every panicked breath she took.
"I'm right here," I said, running my thumb along her cheek, trying to draw her eyes to my face.
She looked up, focusing on me as she exhaled on a sob. She leaned in, pressing her forehead into my collarbone as she sobbed quietly, her body shuddering as I held her. "You're safe, Pixie. I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere," I whispered into her hair, trying to soothe her.
After several minutes, Lili's trembling breaths calmed. She kept her face down and scooted far enough away from me to pull up her hands and wipe carefully at her bruised eyes.
"Sorry." The word was so soft I almost missed it.
I reached down, touching her chin gently and lifting her face to look into her eyes. I looked past the dark bru
ises, ignoring the bandages as I stared. "Don't you dare fucking apologize to me. I don't…" I took a deep breath before pressing my lips against her forehead. I heard her shocked breath and I lowered my eyes, touching my forehead to the spot I'd just kissed. Keeping my face close to hers, I continued, "I'm not finished apologizing yet. You have to wait your turn."
Her eyes shined with the tears she was holding in and I watched her closely as she blinked several times. Finally, her mouth curled on one side as she exhaled a small laugh. I sighed, grinning at the reaction I'd hoped for.
"You'll tell me when it's my turn?"
"Yeah, Pix. I'll tell you." I nodded, releasing her chin as she burrowed her face against me again.
"Zane," a voice whispered and my eyes opened in a panic. The bed was empty. I sat up, looking around the room quickly. "She's taking a shower."
I turned to face Kas, who was leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. I stretched, glancing over at the clock.
"How long has she been up?"
"About half an hour. She was still trembling and covered in sweat. I finally talked her into showering to calm down." She paused but I didn't know what she wanted me to say.
My brain was still muddled from sleep so I pulled my knees up, resting my elbows on them as I rubbed my face.
"So?"
"So?" I repeated.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"
I sighed, dropping my hands and looking back toward Kas. "She showed up at my door in the middle of the night saying she was scared and didn't want to be alone. I was half-asleep but she was crying and obviously upset so I held her until she fell asleep."
"That's it?"
"Sorry to disappoint you." I shoved myself out of bed, wanting to check on Lili.
Kas stopped me with a hand on my chest as I went to move past her. "You need to get her talking. If she keeps this all bottled up, she'll never really heal."
"She's barely been home a day, Kas. Don't push her," I snapped, heading toward the kitchen. I paused outside the bathroom door, listening to make sure the water was still running.
"You may want to keep her all bundled in your bed but it's not what's best for her, Zane."
I held up a hand to stop her from continuing and pointed toward the kitchen as I moved. I sat at the table in the same chair I'd been in the night everything went to hell. I looked toward the doorway, seeing the small crack in the drywall from the mug Lili had thrown at me. I deserved that. I deserved that and so much worse.
"I'll try to get her to talk but I'm not going to push her. The fact that she came to me when she was scared isn't something I want to screw up. If I push her, you know what will happen."
Kas nodded, leaning against the counter. "I need to head home for a while and Tish is at the shop trying to finish up his entry photos for the convention. You'll call if you need anything?"
I frowned at the reminder of the convention. Tish had been busting his ass for a long time for this and he'd put everything on hold this last week with Lili missing and now hurt. I'd hate for him to miss this after all work he'd put into it and Lili would hate herself if she figured out why he wasn't going.
"What makes you think I can't handle things?"
"I'm not saying you can't. Stop being so defensive. All I’m saying is that Tish and I can both be here in minutes if you need anything." Kas came over, placing both hands on my shoulders as she finished speaking. She leaned down, putting her face on my level. "She's trusting you. That's a big deal. Be what she needs right now, Zane."
I nodded, swallowing down the nerves that her words stirred. It was a big deal. Lili had always trusted me but the fact that she came to me, even after I'd broken her trust in the worst possible way, spoke of something deeper. I let out a long breath as Kas squeezed my shoulders before releasing me and heading back down the hall.
I heard her pause at the bathroom door, knocking before she opened it. I moved to the doorway of the kitchen, listening to the two murmuring voices before Kas reappeared. The water shut off moments later.
"I'll be back later," Kas said, smiling over her shoulder at me before she disappeared into the living room. The jingle of keys and the sound of the front door closing spurred me to move.
I hadn't eaten all day and that meant neither had Lili. I went back into the bedroom and grabbed my phone from the charger. Ordering a pizza took several minutes and when I finished, Lili still hadn't emerged from the bathroom. I dropped my phone on the bed, walking back to the bathroom door.
"Pix?" I asked, tapping my knuckles against the wood.
"It's open."
I pushed on the door, watching her as she stood in front of the mirror, carefully combing through her still wet hair. She moved slowly, using her left hand as the bandages on her right made it impossible to close her fingers. She was obviously still sore and it hurt to watch.
"Here. Let me." I stepped forward, my hand outstretched for the comb before I could think twice.
Lili's eyes narrowed, scrutinizing me in the mirror. "You want to comb my hair?"
"I want to help," I said, shrugging and not dropping my hand. I waited, suddenly feeling like some sort of pansy as she debated. This was a bad idea. I was pushing.
Just as I was about to drop my hand and blow it off, she placed the comb on my palm. Her eyes met mine again and I could see our reflections in the glass as I smiled.
I carefully avoided the fresh bandages on her forehead and behind her right ear, pulling the hair to the side as I ran through comb through it slowly. Her eyes fell closed, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. I continued moving through the sections of her long hair more times than necessary just for the excuse to make her keep smiling.
I knew — though I never realized before now that I'd actually paid attention — that Lili rarely left the bathroom with wet hair. I grabbed the hair dryer from the messy side of the counter that was hers and straightened out the cord. The smile on her face widened and she laughed softly but didn't protest as I flipped it on. She grabbed a brush from the mess and passed it to me, switching it out with the comb.
I struggled at first, blowing her hair into her face as we both laughed. After several failed attempts, she reached up, covered my hands with hers, and used the brush to pull the hair away, aiming the dryer downward at the section. I still had trouble but eventually, with only a few minor setbacks, it was dry. I brushed through it again just to make sure before I set the brush on the counter.
"Thank you," she said and my eyes found hers again in the mirror. She smiled, turning to face me. I realized just how close our bodies were when her arm lightly grazed my stomach. I clenched my muscles, willing my body not to react to her, but it was far too late. "I don't think anyone has ever dried my hair for me."
I stared down at her, forcing aside thoughts of leaning in and kissing her as they invaded my mind. With her smiling at me that way, looking so happy over such a small act of kindness, it took everything I had.
Then, it happened.
Her smile faltered only slightly as her gaze dropped from my eyes to my lips. I knew that move, I'd seen it on more women than I wanted to think about right now. I didn't give myself a chance to think twice as I bent down, lowering my face to her level. My heart pounded against my chest and it seemed to be the only sound I could hear. I reached up, cupping her cheeks in both hands as her eyes drifted closed. I could feel the apprehension and anticipation between us but I couldn't tell which feelings belonged to me anymore. It felt like it was both of us, blending.
I closed my eyes, taking a breath as I moved to close the distance between us.
The sound of the doorbell shocked us both. I paused, my lips just barely grazing Lili's as she gave a small gasp. I opened my eyes and hers were wide. She pulled back just slightly and, as much as I hated to do it, I released her.
"That's probably the pizza," I said, clearing my throat and taking another step back. She didn't respond. After a second, the sound came again,
followed by a knock.
I closed my eyes, fighting back a string of expletives as I sighed. "Yeah."
I turned, not sure what else to say. The moment was gone, lost to the over-thinking that I could already see her doing. I grabbed my wallet from the dresser and jogged to the door, trying to shake off my irritation.
"I'm coming with you." Don't leave me. I hear beeping as I'm jostled. I try again to open my eyes. To hold on to the voice.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Hush, Hush
LILI
I leaned against the bathroom counter, adrenaline pulsing through my veins as I listened to the deep tone of Zane's voice as he answered the door. What the hell had just happened? I touched the fingers of my uninjured hand to my lips, feeling myself tremble as I replayed the last several minutes in my mind. I moved to shut the door as I heard Zane coming back down the hall, the smell of pizza invading the house as he walked to the kitchen.
How had this happened? My knees felt weak, like the rest of my body at this point, and I lowered myself slowly to the cold tile floor. I had made a fool of myself. I had gone to Zane's room in the middle of the night and sobbed like a child so he came in here to take care of me like one. I covered my face with both hands, unable to stop the tears from spilling over. Pathetic. That's what I was.
But, that didn't explain why he almost kissed me. Or why I almost let him. I started when he knocked on the bathroom door, leaning forward and making a face as my ribs protested the movement.
"Pixie? You okay?" His voice sounded tight and I cringed at the thought of how much he probably regretted what had almost happened.
I cleared my throat as quietly as I could, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible. "Yeah. I'm good. I'll be out in a second," I said. I grabbed the towel that was dangling from the counter and pressed it to my face carefully as I wiped my eyes, taking several deep breaths to stop the sobs. What the hell was the matter with me? I had perfected the art of controlling my emotions and suddenly it was like they were controlling me.