Pretty Remedy

by S. E. Hall

  Rhett pins his eyes on his Jarrett. “Really? Bit much, even for you. And, oh, I don’t know, when we’re about to eat? I just can’t imagine why they don’t come visit more often. Now get your ass out there and apologize.”

  Jarrett, still rubbing the back of his head, gets up and goes in pursuit of Liz.

  “Sorry, man,” Rhett offers Cannon.

  “Yes, very,” Landry adds.

  Would you look at that—she’s already apologizing on Jarrett’s behalf. That triggers an inkling of guilt. I want, more than anything, for Landry to find happiness; maybe I jumped the gun on my plans.

  “Shit, I’m used to Jarrett. Don’t be sorry he said it. Be sorry he’s right,” Cannon grouches into his coffee.

  “Breathe.” Rhett does just that in my ear. “Liz is more than used to Jarrett too. They’ll be back in five minutes.”

  “Are your gatherings always this colorfully uncomfortable?” I ask inconspicuously, head dipped.

  “No, they’re usually worse.” He laughs. “Nothing but love though, Tea. We’d do just about anything for each other.”

  “Um…” Oh shit, the waitress is still standing there, her mouth open in shock, eyes glazed over with stunned abhorrence. “Should I, uh, come back?”

  Cannon sighs. “Sommerlyn, you ready to order?”

  Between watching the Jarrett “situation” unfold and glowering at me, she probably hasn’t even looked at the menu. She continues stewing, letting out a “hmpff,” and poor Cannon rubs his forehead and sighs louder.

  “Um, we’re gonna need a minute.” Landry gives the waitress, who can’t disappear fast enough, a pity-filled smile then turns a smug grin on me. “So, Reece, good visit?”

  “Um, yes,” I mumble, shifting in my seat.

  “Glad to hear it,” Liz adds from behind me. She and Jarrett have returned, both seemingly back to normal. “Where is it you live, Reece?”

  Landry’s eyes go wide. She knows I don’t usually like people delving too deep into my specifics, but she doesn’t know I’ve already told Rhett.

  “I live in Los Angeles,” I lift my head, refusing to speak to the table, and meet Liz’s eyes.

  “L.A.,” she repeats with a whistle. “What do you do there?”

  Landry gasps, raising in her seat ready to jump in and save me, when Jarrett saves us all.

  “Fleaver, babe?” he asks Landry.

  Again, what did he just say?

  Rhett groans. “I’m already sorry, and I apologize to the whole table in advance, but I just have to know. What the hell does fleaver mean?”

  “You know, when a woman’s sitting down and farts?” Jarrett looks at Rhett incredulously, positive everyone knows random stuff like this. “If they’re on their ass, especially if their pants are tight, sometimes a fart is forced in a new direction and fluffs its way up their beaver. A fleaver.” He puts up either “ta-da” or “duh” hands—I’m not sure which. “It gives ‘em a shocking lil’ tickle, like oh, ahhhh.”

  Rhett lets his head drop forward and shakes it slowly. “Did you read Urban Dictionary on the way here this morning? Seriously, man, information overload for one breakfast.”

  ”Dude, I already knew that. No reading required,” Jarrett boasts.

  “Landry, I’m actually starting to worry about you. He’s my brother and all, so I have to hear it, but you’re making a conscious decision to put up with”—Rhett waves animatedly in Jarrett’s direction—“all that.”

  “Well, let’s see,” Landry drawls, tapping her chin with one finger. “Most of what he says is crude, yes, but also funny as hell. He’s kind, plays guitar, sings like an angel, body by Ford”—she leans across the table on her elbows to meet Rhett’s eyes dead-on—“and being brothers, you’ve seen his dick, right?”

  Dear God. I can’t imagine what lunch conversation, when everyone’s had some caffeine and are really feeling lively, would entail.

  “Okay!” Liz claps. “Now that we are way too thoroughly educated on vaginas and their many fascinating tricks, thank you for that Jarrett, I believe I was asking Reece about L.A.”

  I don’t know why I tense under Rhett’s hand, which has never left my leg. I’m comfortable talking about L.A., but I don’t get the chance.

  “Can someone please explain to me why we’re all so fascinated with Rhett’s fuck buddy? Apparently I missed it,” Sommerlyn snipes.

  “Cannon,” Rhett rumbles, grip clenching my thigh.

  “No, no Cannon needed!” Liz slaps the table so hard everyone’s silverware clanks. “Sommerlyn Blackwell, I’m not sure what the hell’s gotten into you lately, but if you don’t snap the fuck out of it, Imma do the snapping for ya! If you’re miserable, fix it, but don’t take it out on everyone else. And by that, I mean you’d better aim that unresting bitch face away from Rhett and Reece and apologize right now for your rude assumption!”

  “Assumption? Yeah right,” she sneers.

  “That’s what I said.” Liz is standing and leaning over the table, braced on both hands, and I’m shaking, deathly uncomfortable in my role in a family war. “First of all, you hardly know Rhett, so why you think you’re an expert or even give a damn about what he is or isn’t doing, I’m not sure. But you’re wrong and making an even bigger fool of yourself, so how’s about some shut the fuck up to go with your breakfast?”

  “Wrong? Who’s assuming now?” Sommerlyn also stands, going head to head with Lizzie, which even I already know is a very bad idea.

  “That’d still be you.” Liz turns from Sommerlyn to regard Rhett; every secret, story, memory, hug, moment of comfort they’ve shared alive in her gaze, then turns back to her sister-in-law. “He’s fighting really hard right now not to tear you a new ass for disrespecting Reece. Which means he does respect her and therefore hasn’t done anything to the contrary. You will respect her too, even if I have to teach you how.”

  “I didn’t marry you, siren. I don’t jump when you say so,” Sommerlyn says with such contempt, it hurts me for her. That is one severely unhappy woman—she’s not angry at me, Rhett, or Lizzie specifically—just miserable in general.

  Lizzie shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath then reopens them. “Cannon?” She turns to him. “Please take your sister away from my family meal and figure out what the hell is going on with her. I’m offering you up your red wings in return. I love you, but I’m done. I don’t get to see them very often, and I’ll be damned if it’s ruined. And Sommerlyn, I love you too, but I suggest you find your Zen real fucking quick, or it’s gonna be a long trip home for you, sister.”

  Cannon rises and kisses his wife’s temple. “I love you too.” He takes an extra second nuzzled against her then casts angry eyes on Sommerlyn. “You heard her; let’s go. ‘Bout time we had a talk anyway.”

  “Some sister-in-law you are,” Sommerlyn gets in one last jab.

  Liz opens her mouth, ready to verbally slaughter her, but Cannon places his hand on his wife’s arm. “I got it. Everyone, enjoy your meal.” He nods at each of us and holds out an arm for Sommerlyn to lead the way. He sends the traumatized waitress back over on their way out.

  Liz breaks the ice with the waitress with an exasperated, but good natured, sledgehammer. “So since we both know that you know I’m having my time”—she quickly scowls at Jarrett then smiles back at the waitress—“it shouldn’t surprise you that I’ll have a number one with scrambled eggs and bacon, and a number ten with hashbrowns and blueberry pancakes. Next!” She yells.

  The rest of us take our turns ordering timidly, eyes straight down at our menus… except for Jarrett, who hasn’t quit laughing.

  “You okay?” Rhett asks me quietly, worry prominent in his expression.

  “I think I may be after some intense therapy. You?”

  “I’m great.” The corner of his mouth quirks in amusement. “Actually, I’m enjoying this. I’ve missed it. Not one thing about this whole morning has surprised me. Except Sommerlyn—definitely something off there.”

 
I look around his shoulder and see Liz sitting alone. “Hey, Liz, why don’t you move down here by us?”

  She looks at me for a moment, then smiles and scoots down a few chairs.

  “Thank you, for that, um, defense? I didn’t want to start any fights,” I tell her.

  “You’re welcome, and you didn’t. I’m sorry I had to discuss your and Rhett’s business, but dammit, I won’t have her taking out her whatever on everyone. I’m especially not willing to let her downplay things that I’ve been waiting to see happen since—”

  “Alright!” Rhett throws an arm around her neck and tugs her in for a kiss on the head. “Enough. Tell us about the girls. How are my Sophia and Stella? And Con Man?”

  “Yeah, how the hell is Bubs?” Jarrett rejoins the discussion with love in his eyes.

  And just like that, Liz’s face lights up. We talk about the kids for the rest of the meal, passing around the plethora of pictures she has on hand and oohing and ahhing over two of the most beautiful little girls I’ve ever seen. We share laughter over some heartwarming stories of what sounds to be a wonderful brother. When we’ve all finished eating and it’s time to say good-bye, I step back with Landry while the three old friends share some alone time.

  Landry uses the opportunity to trample her way into my private business. “Jarrett’s packin’. His brother hung too?”

  “God, you’re awful.” I shove her playfully. “And I have no idea. Not that I’d tell you if I did.” I don’t mention that the bulge I shamefully rubbed against felt sizable.

  “Reece, I know you, and you like him. That’s why I didn’t hesitate for one minute when Jarrett asked me to get you back here. Admit it. You. Like. Him.”

  “I most certainly do, a lot, for a list of reasons that do not include the words packin’, hung, fleaver, or red wings. Seriously, I’ve never met a group of people more vocal about their bodies and its functions. And by people, I mean you and Jarrett! Now ssshh, here they come.” I straighten, painting on an innocent smile.

  “It was so nice to meet you both.” Liz’s eyes hold mine though she speaks to Landry as well. “I hope to see you again.”

  “Likewise.” I smile, and Landry agrees.

  Liz doesn’t hug me or anything, but she takes a long moment just… considering me, then turns on her heel. “Be good, boys!” she calls as she gets into the car where Cannon waves from behind the wheel.

  The four of us watch them drive away, then we turn to one another.

  “What now?” Jarrett asks.

  “I have to get to work,” Landry says.

  “You got a job?” I ask, thrilled. “Where?”

  “The casino. Jarrett’s friend Thatcher hooked me up. I’m gonna be a drinks waitress at the card tables!”

  “That’s great.” I pull her in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you. So then, Jarrett, are you free?”

  Looking confused, he nods. “Yeah, I guess I am. Why?”

  “Why don’t you come hang out with Rhett and me? I’d like to talk to you.”

  I scan the lot and spot Jarrett’s truck. Landry’s leaving in her own car, so I quickly intervene. “You know what? Go ahead and grab your truck and meet us at my place. Sound good?”

  My brother’s as caught off guard as I am, but he’s doing a worse job of hiding it. “Whatever you say, I guess. Hurry up though, I haven’t got all day.”

  Yes, he does.

  “Okay, let’s go!” Reece chirps. She’s nervous, and bounces off toward my car.

  I slide up right behind her, a move she knows, and press into her while grabbing her hips. “Not much on the blind side, Teaspoon. Care to fill me in?” I gnarl in her ear. Her hair smells of my shampoo today. Maybe most men wouldn’t notice something like that, but I sure as hell do, and I like it… primitively.

  “I thought we should discuss things with your brother. The contract, and ya know, all the other stuff, details.”

  I whirl her around to face me, and she leans back, staring into my eyes with worry in her own. “Why would you need to discuss things with my brother? Especially since I didn’t even give you my answer yet?”

  Her face shifts, and she straightens. “You didn’t read it?” She shoves my arm. “Glad to see it’s so important to you.”

  “I don’t know if you noticed—I’m guessing not—but since you gave it to me, I haven’t had a lot of free time. I took a cold shower, miraculously went to sleep, woke up, took another cold shower, and just finished breakfast. Obviously I’m gonna need the Cliff’s Notes since Jarrett’s waiting. Get in.” I gently pull her away from the door and open it. “Explain it to me on the way.”

  “I wasn’t trying to be presumptuous, figured you read it,” she says softly when I’m in the car.

  I can’t look at her while I pull out¸ but I don’t need to in order to hear the insecurity in her voice. “And what would I have read that pertains to Jarrett? Just me leaving? I’d need to tell him that? Which, again, I’ve yet to agree to.”

  And that’s the real reason I haven’t made the time to read or agree to anything. I’m gonna need to think long and hard about doing this without my brother. Something—no, everything—about that doesn’t sit well with me. Granted, when he had Ness, it wouldn’t have mattered to him what I did. In fact, he would’ve refused to go without her, as he’s already proven. But that doesn’t mean that’s how I work.

  “Rhett, the contract covers Jarrett too. If you want him in your band and trust his abilities, I would never exclude him. And… I may have looked you guys up on YouTube.” She laughs nervously. “He’s amazing, we’d be lucky to have him.”

  “We?” I barely get out, some weird emotion I’m unfamiliar with clogging my throat.

  “We. You and me.” She lays her hand on my leg. “I believe in you, you believe in Jarrett, ergo, I believe in Jarrett.”

  It’s like someone gave her a map to Rhett. Every secret tunnel and hang-up inside me, she knows how to navigate flawlessly.

  “I guess all that’s left—“ her words so quiet, I lean over and still feel more than actually hear them, “is if you believe in me?”

  We’re in front of my building now, and thank fuck for that, because this girl’s got my brain spinning so badly that I shouldn’t be driving. I shut off the ignition and turn into her. “Look at me.” I refuse to physically make her do it. I want her to give me her gaze. “Reece, look at me.”

  She does, tears brimming on her bottom lids. I can’t take it another second. I capture her mouth with mine all at once, delving my tongue inside without permission. She accepts it, moaning for me and pulling my hair to tug me closer. When there’s a loud rap on my window, she squeaks and jolts back. What the fuck is it with noisy interruptions every time I finally get her mouth?

  “Am I here for a threesome? If so, you’re either gonna need to get out or let me in,” my brother jokes through the window.

  I hold up my middle finger behind my head and yell at him to wait inside. Shithead’s got a key. Reece moves to scramble out the door, but I stop her. “So let me make sure I have this straight. You included my brother in the contract, in the future of our musical deals, because you knew it was important to me?”

  “Yes.” It’s a breath, her eyes searching mine for a reaction.

  “Shit.” I scrub my hands down my face then back through my hair. “Is this the part where I’m a bird too? I’m not sure I’m quite there, Teaspoon.”

  It takes her a second, but then she beams and laughs melodically, beautifully. “You watched The Notebook? Was that before or after Black Swan?”

  “Before.” I grin. “Many times before. You find yourself sequestered on a bus with Liz, you’ll be more than willing to sit through that damn movie however many times it takes for her to go from crazy to putty in your hands.”

  “I can see that.” She snickers again. “And no, we’re not at the ‘you’re a bird’ part. Calm down.”

  I think she may be wrong…

  Jarrett… is not reacting at
all how I expected. He’s pacing back and forth in my living room, his voice rising each time he interrupts me from reading the contract aloud. Reece left, intimidated as all hell, and is currently hiding out in my bedroom. When I’ve read the whole thing—which is more than fair in my opinion—Jarrett’s still trying to breathe fire through his nose, hands on his hips and saying nothing.

  I finally break the tension, puzzled as to why there is any. “What do you think?”

  “What do I think? I think this girl, who’s somehow put a goddamn hex on you, set you up! And her power card is tacking on a spot for your poor, pitiful little brother to ensure you agree!” he yells in one breathe.

  I’m stunned stupid, not a single word to be rounded up. I’m the skeptical, cynical, self-loathing one; I don’t know how to respond from the opposite side of the fence. I won’t deny Reece does seem to have some weird “way” with me, but his timeline is off. It didn’t become a full-blown hex per se until she respected me enough to include my brother…the guy dogging her right now. And set me up for what? She already had the songs free and clear!

  I find my voice and try to tell him all these things, but he just laughs me off condescendingly. “Dude, are you blind? Her pussy can’t be that good!”

  “The fuck you just say?” I’m up, over the coffee table, and nose to nose with him in seconds. “Getting real sick of that mouth of yours, bro. You need to start thinking before you speak again, Jarrett. You’re my brother, I love you, but you talk about her like that again, I’m gonna fuck you up.” And I will. He’s being a little shit. I just haven’t quite figured out why.

  “You’re gonna get in my face for some chick you just met?” he seethes.

  “Yeah, I am! You’re talkin’ out your ass about someone you don’t even know!”

  “Neither do you!”