Finding Brielle (a Forever & Always novel)

by Paige, Alyvia

  “What the fuck happened?” I question, my voice laced in panic.

  “37’s tire clipped him out of the rut, they already cleared the other four bikes, but Boss is the only one not moving.”

  “How long, Bryan? I woke up to this, so how long has he been down?”

  “Ten minutes, they’ve been treating him on the track as they get everything set back up. Barry is over there, trying to give me a play by play but there’s not much to tell me.” I suck in a shaky breath at his words. “Brielle, it’s going to be okay. He’ll be fine, just a road bump.”

  “A road bump,” I laugh coldly. “Ten minutes is more than a road bump.” Fixing my eyes back to Jase, I see movement by a medic. Jase is hoisted onto the long orange stabilizing board; tears prick my eyes, threatening to fall. The cinematographer spins around catching my expression, until a burst of voices and claps erupt throughout the building. My eyes hone in on the man lying on the makeshift stretcher as the medics walk toward us, he’s waving at the crowd. Son of a fucking goat, he’s waving. Wait, he’s waving; he’s okay, he’ll be okay.

  Perhaps I spoke too soon, once the medics and Barry reach me, I see Jase’s face – pale and his eyes drooping.

  “Ma’am, we are heading to Indianapolis Regional, will you be following or riding.” The tall medic asks.

  “Riding,” I announce, pivoting, I spot Barry pushing the bike toward the trailer and he gives me a thumbs up. I sure hope that means he needs to follow. The crew obviously knows their tasks and it’s the last of my concerns. Once Jase is secure in the back of the ambulance, I am escorted to the front passenger seat where Bryan meets me.

  “Brielle, you’ll need this.” He hands me my purse, cell phone and a humongous hoody of Jase’s.

  “Thanks, Bryan. I’ll see you at the hospital. Oh, I’ll call Shellie too.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Once at the hospital, I sit in Jase’s assigned emergency room, he was taken for a CT scan about ten minutes ago. Picking up my cell, I redial Shellie; our last call was just brief enough to let her know he was stable.

  “Hey Shell,” I say quietly.

  “Sweet Ellie, how are you holding up?”

  “Oh, I’m fine. No worries here, I just wanted to call back because I was so brief before. There still isn’t an update, other than he’s having a CT scan done right now. They just need to ensure they aren’t missing anything from his physical exam.”

  “That’s standard, dear. Try to rest when he does. I’m going to move my flight up a few days to help Tracie for the wedding and you two can recuperate a bit more.” Shellie’s voice, always calming and understanding.

  “I’ll be sure to let him know. Hopefully we are only behind a few hours, not days,” I laugh softly. Deep down if, this is bad, we aren’t going anywhere. I will refuse and force his stubborn ass to stay.

  “No rush, sweetie. You both need to relax, no offense but you looked like hell on the television.” Her soft laugh warms my heart. She’s the best mom, a fun woman to be around, but she cannot hold back the truth even if tempted with the greatest gesture.

  “Oh, I’m sure I looked about fifty times more of a hot mess than usual. I had just woken up to the quiet stadium and saw him on the screen. Oh well, I’m not in this for a beauty contest, I’m only here for him.”

  “Damn straight you are; it’s nice to see him so… happy.” Her voice goes quiet at the acknowledgement.

  “So am I, Shellbelle, so am I.” I respond then quickly wrap up the call as Jase comes rolling into the room on the stretcher.

  “Oh Brie, I’m sorry.” Jase says once they have him situated. I can’t help but stare at him, what in the hell is he apologizing for?

  “Don’t be sorry, that’s stupid. All that matters is you being okay.”

  “Who won?” he asks genuinely.

  “Lucas, he was a half second ahead of Shann.” I respond. Yes, I followed up via my cell and the hospital television when he wasn’t in the room. Sue me; I know where his focus is. “How’s the noggin?”

  “It hurts and I’m ready to get the fuck out of this bed.”

  “Oh shut up, you’re lying there until the doctors clear you.” I scold as I watch his eyes wander around the room.

  I swear these hospitals make their money by the hour, because we’ve already been sitting here for two, and aside from nurses coming and going there has been absolutely no doctor stepping through that door… until now.

  “Hi, Jase, I am Dr. Keck. We looked over your CT and aside from a fairly nasty concussion; you seem cleared of other injuries.” He appraises Jase and begins to do a thorough exam before continuing. “All right, I’m going to send you home. No driving or drinking alcohol, drink plenty of fluids and be sure not to hit that hard head of yours again. You have a moderate to severe concussion and need lots of rest. That means, no racing until you are cleared again by your PCP.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Keck.” I offer.

  “You are most welcome.” He nods, and strolls off to other patients.

  “All right, let’s go.” Jase says sitting up slowly, his body rejecting his efforts showing me just how much he is hurting.

  “Hold up, cupcake. You need that IV out and discharge paperwork.”

  Bryan ensured the motorhome windows were completely blacked out and stocked the refrigerator and pantry with all our necessities, even following Brielle’s diet restrictions. We finally boarded around 12:30 this morning, showered, now the only noises that remain are the engine hum, tires treading the asphalt, and Brie’s soft snore.

  Barely opening my left eye, I peer over at the alarm clock sitting atop Brie’s nightstand, the illuminated numbers reading 5:45am. My headache began to ease a few hours ago, but it’s back with a vengeance. Brie stirs, nuzzling her back to my front. Forget the medication I should be up taking, I’d rather have a few minutes holding her, and the pain is worth the wait. After the bout of pain she was in last night, she needs her rest.

  “Uggghhh,” she groans softly.

  “What’s wrong Ellie?” My whisper is quiet, although my brain is registering each syllable at a screaming decibel rattling between my ears.

  “I hurt so badly,” she sniffs, pulling away from me as she scoots off the bed.

  “Where ya goin’ babe?”

  “Medicine,” she mumbles making her way to the kitchenette outside the bedroom. “I’ll grab yours too… it’s time.”

  Just a short while later she’s back, both of us now re-medicated. A soft sigh escapes her lips just as her head finds comfort against my chest. The illuminated digits slowly blur as I drift back off to sleep, succumbing once again to my exhaustion as the bus comes to a stop. Acting quickly, I text Bryan to avoid waking Brielle again. She will plaster on that fake face and insist on seeing Hannah immediately, instead of taking care of herself.

  ME: Hotel is ready. Room is under team

  name.

  BRYAN: Alrighty Boss. Text if you need me.

  I toss my phone to Brie’s side of the bed, pull her closer, and nod off to sleep. Almost immediately, the alarm rips through the silence of the room. Releasing my hold on Brielle, I roll from the bed, disarm the offensive alert, and squint to see the time displayed – 11:00am. I swear it was just five minutes ago that I fell asleep. Oh well, time to start the day. Quietly exiting the room, I pull the door closed behind me, empty my bladder, and briefly wash up before starting the coffee. The open space of the bus fills with a medium roast Dunkin Donuts aroma within seconds.

  The Speed Network Channel is running through last night’s events with the bottom banner discussing my released medical information. Filling up a cup of joe, I grab my laptop and make myself comfortable in the recliner opposite of the screen. Fighting through the brightness of my laptop and the soft rumble coming through the sports channel, I manage to answer most of the important emails that were filtered into my inbox as well as set up a few interviews while I am in Columbia for the week.

  A few hours later and an
other pot of coffee just finished brewing as the bedroom door opens. I didn’t wake her for a few reasons – she needed the rest, especially from the pain she’s been in and, selfishly, because she is a fucking Princess Fiona if you wake her before she is ready. Brie says she isn’t a morning person, but truth be told, she isn’t functional in the slightest when she wakes up, and before caffeine. After her last flare up, I accidentally woke her, and nearly lost a very important appendage. So, I should revise, she is the ogre version of Princess Fiona when she is woken… what? She’s scary as fuck when she gets angry.

  The bus is silent… well it was a second ago – now the water is running in the shower. Brie must have made her way from the couch to the shower without waking me up, leave it to a stupid electronic device to ruin my peace. Another chime sounds through the speaker of my phone alerting me of an incoming message… or messages as it appears. I can’t believe I passed back out again.

  HAN: Hey J, how’re you doin?

  HAN: Hello?

  HAN: Aunt Shellie says you should be here… Hello?

  HAN: WTF…!

  Quickly answering Hannah’s texts before she sends out a search and rescue team, I let her know that we are up and moving. The water shuts off just as I finish filtering through the remaining notifications.

  “Hey you.” Brielle smiles as she steps out of the small space wrapped in a towel a few inches too small. My brain may be hurting, but it’s evident that not all of me is suffering from last night’s injury.

  “Hey,” I yawn. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “I planned on it after I finished getting cleaned up.” In a few paces, she is standing in front of me slowly lowering onto my lap before she lets out a quiet giggle. “Well, he’s awake.”

  “He’s always awake when you are around, some things never change.” I laugh pulling her into me.

  “Mhmm,” she agrees, tucking her head under my chin.

  “Banana texted, she’s overly anxious, I think.”

  “Okay, well I’ll get dressed and you get a shower. We still have time before we’re to meet them at Blanco’s.”

  Thirty minutes later, we stand hand in hand waiting for Hannah and Carter outside the Italian bistro. A loud squeal pierces the air, ricocheting throughout my head. Brie drops my hand like it’s molten lava, moving to Hannah quickly, pulling her into an overly loud and excited embrace. After the uproar dissipates and the rocking back and forth clutched to one another halts, Carter looks to me with a nod and grin. I can’t help but smile, he knows. He knows I’m in so deep, there is no way out. But the best part of all that is… I don’t want out this time.

  To see Hannah in person is so freaking amazing. I missed her so damn much it’s ridiculous! She’s my sister, my person, my best friend. As soon as I saw her in my peripheral vision and heard her scream, I dropped Jase’s hand and went straight to her. It’s been months and I’m sorry to say, as great as Skype, FaceTime, and long distance communication is, it will never beat having her by my side.

  Pushing her back from me by the shoulders, we laugh and give each other a once over. Hannah is just now hitting the fifteen-week mark in her pregnancy, and she has a bump –a very noticeable bump in that shirt. I am incredibly happy for her and Carter. They deserve all the joy there is to offer, especially through the losses they have endured over the years. Once we take our seats, Hannah and I slip straight into wedding talk while Jase and Carter discuss the Indianapolis race. I’ve hinted and brought up the ‘lil butterbean that’s baking, but every time the conversation drifts there, Hannah changes the direction of topics.

  “Han, is there a reason we are avoiding the baby chat?” I finally question in complete confusion.

  “No, I mean… I just didn’t want to focus on it. You know?” Although her voice is kind and gentle, I’m anything but. Why must everyone walk on eggshells around me? Everyone but Jase. He just lays shit out; generally cautious of how he says it, but it is never sugar coated.

  “Han, I’m happy for you! I want to celebrate with you, don’t be weird.”

  “Okay, then you can come tomorrow to my OB appointment. Carter and Jase can get the man stuff finalized and whatever else is on Carter’s list.” Her quick suggestion causes Carter’s attention to jerk toward her.

  “Uh, say what?” Carter interjects.

  “I didn’t stutter.” Hannah snaps back with a smile plastered to her face almost a warning sign for him to back off.

  “Okay…” he mutters.

  “No, no, no. I will not infringe on the mommy-daddy thing. We will just meet up after your appointment and you can tell me all about it.”

  “No,” Carter and Hannah say in unison. Seriously, what am I missing?

  “Um, someone just tell me what time I need to be where.” I sigh and lean my head onto Jase’s shoulder, but not before I see the smile flash across his lips.

  “O.M.G. you two are so freaking cute!” Hannah squeals as she claps her hands. Maybe I am just too tired to understand the hormonal imbalance of the crazy woman across the booth from me, but my sigh comes out louder than I expect, earning me yet another sincere smile from Carter.

  “So, what fun are the boys doing tomorrow?” I ask looking to Carter for a response, but it’s Jase that answers and Carter hides a grin behind his hand.

  “We are just getting the suits, and a few other things. We will be done shortly after Hannah’s appointment.”

  “Mkay,” I say while squinting my eyes in slight perplexity as a smile creeps over my lips. Then Hannah winks at me; she knows, she sees it. I think Jase knows too, but he hasn’t once pushed or pressured me.

  After a few hours of catching up, Jase makes it known that we should make our way to the hotel. Bryan texted him during dinner to let us know our bags were in the room, and the motorhome was moved to a different location to deter the fans that tend to follow the races. I’m just thankful it’s nearly time to sleep again, my pain medication has worn off, and the smile I’ve been sporting is beginning to falter. The last thing I want is for Hannah to go into protective mode. I need to enjoy our time together and my mini-vacation, not defend my energy and limitations all weekend.

  March 8

  I missed my Banana so much! She looks as gorgeous as ever and I’m only a tiny bit envious. I mean what if I change my mind at some point and want babies? I mean I don’t right now, no freaking way… I’m young and have a life to live, the world to see, money to spend. Huh, rereading that makes me sound a little selfish, I suppose. Oh well, that’s just my thoughts from my vantage point.

  I wake up in a fog. I feel as if my thoughts are being pulled in a million directions, and the only direction I would like to be focused on is toward the lean body of muscle I am wrapped around. Jase makes the perfect body pillow. I should know, I entangle our bodies together every chance I get. He makes me feel safe, whole.

  Safe and whole, one I am, one I’m not. I’ll never be whole, will I? What does that really mean? If I can’t bear children, if I can’t be the person I always dreamed of being… well up until the negative results began flooding my doctors’ appointments. If this Lupron doesn’t work, and the pain resurfaces, I’ll have to take the next step. The step will be either an oophorectomy or more surgeries. What if Jase wants to be a dad, what if he wants his wife to carry his child… what if I can’t be that person? My heart beats wildly as tears prick my eyes.

  Just as I begin to hyperventilate, Jase’s arms tighten around me and I struggle against him, trying to get away. I hate him to see me like this, when he can see that I’m falling apart. It’s not his job to fix me or hold me together. I’m so scared of all that is to come, I just want to hide. I want to be the girl he fell in love with over a decade ago, not this broken mess, but he refuses to let me run away. After a million times of him reassuring me he isn’t going anywhere, I really should listen. He knows everything and still stays by my side, loving me, my scars, my faults.

  Arriving at Carter’s apartment located just a few mile
s from our hotel in my favorite knit coral boyfriend sweater, leggings, and brown knee boots, I am greeted with a bright smile and banana breath. “Buckin fananas, Han. Those things reek.”

  “So good, potassium is great for bean,” she laughs after finishing off the offensive smelling fruit and tossing the peel into the garbage.

  “So freaking nasty. Where’s C?”

  “In the shower…” she says to my back as I head down the hallway. Stopping at the bathroom door, I bang my fist onto the plywood door in three quick successions before he yells to knock it off.

  “I am knocking… not off, but on.” I yell into the door laughing. “Stop jerkin’ your little gherkin, I gotta pee.”

  “Go away Brie, I’ll be out in ten minutes-ish.”

  “Don’t you ish me, mother fucker.” I chuckle.

  “You two, I swear.” Hannah snickers pushing past me and into the bathroom. “Babe, we are leaving now. I’ll call you for lunch,” she says as she steps back out of the bathroom with her cellphone and charging cord.

  “He ish’d me,” I pout to her back as we make our way to her car. “When did ya get this?” I ask, taking my seat in the newer looking Honda Civic.

  “It’s mom’s. It gets better gas mileage in town, and she hasn’t been using it.” Hannah explains.

  “Aww, I love Momma Tracie. My parents should be home this afternoon.”

  “We can go by the bakery after the appointment. I could kill for a coco-cabana cupcake.” Han moans as we pull into the hospital parking lot. “My doctor’s office is on the tenth floor.”

  Brielle left this morning to meet Hannah via UBER. In all seriousness, that service is creepy as fuck. Oh yeah, the pedophile looking germa-phobe has a slew of five stars reviews, but who are those reviewers? Family, friends, himself posing as users? I’d rather walk, not that I have to; Carter should be here any time. I asked Bryan to get a rental car for us to use while we are in town, so that will alleviate the internal freak out I have while waiting for a confirmation ‘I’m not dead’ text. I grab my cell to text Brielle as my hotel room door swings open with a thud bouncing off the wall adjacent to it.