Memoirs of a Courtesan

by Mingmei Yip

  Rainbow took my hand and led me to the sofa. With a flick of her hand, she dismissed the three pink ladies who’d been sitting with her when I’d entered. She then motioned me to sit beside her as I was handed a glass of pink champagne.

  ‘To your beauty and fame, Miss Camilla,’ the gossip columnist said, then raised her glass as all the ladies raised theirs in unison.

  Rainbow opened a silver cigarette box and held it out to me. ‘Please?’

  ‘Thank you Rainbow.’ I shook my head. ‘But I don’t smoke.’

  ‘Never tempted to try?’

  ‘I’m afraid not.’

  She asked teasingly, ‘Why not?’

  ‘I fear smoking will harm my voice.’

  But that was not exactly true. Sometimes I did smoke with Lung to please him. And I’d also smoked with Gao on the luxury cruise ship, when he’d sent me messages of love in heart-shaped smoke rings.

  ‘You’re right. And you should protect your most valuable asset. However, it is a pity, because I believe you would look very elegant smoking, especially with a long jade or ivory holder.’ She winked her false lashes. ‘Not to mention unbearably sexy.’ As if to emphasise the point, she took a cigarette for herself and drew deeply on it as one of the ladies held out a candle to light it for her.

  She let out a chuckle. ‘Smoking will give you the image of a bad, wicked woman. But of course you’re not wicked. You’re our innocent Heavenly Songbird.’

  Did she really believe I was innocent, or was she hinting that she knew better? There was no way to know; everything about Rainbow was ambiguous.

  Someone put on a gramophone, and Johann Strauss’s Blue Danube filled the room. Three pairs of girls held each other and began to caress the polished floor with their feet.

  Rainbow stood up and held her hand out to me in invitation to dance. ‘May I?’

  I let her take my hand and lead me to the middle of the room. We began to swirl. It was a strange feeling for me, who spent most of my time in a house filled with tough men, to be in this pastel-coloured room filled with young girls moving their slim bodies sensuously against each other.

  What was this Pink Skeleton Empire about?

  Holding me rather closer than I expected, Rainbow whispered tenderly into my ear, ‘Miss Camilla, I’m really sorry for your loss.’

  My heart skipped a beat. What did she mean? It could not be possible that she had found out about my baby!

  As my mind was reeling, wondering what she knew, she spoke again in her insinuating tone. ‘Your friend Shadow, do you miss her?’

  Did she guess my intent was to rid Shanghai, and myself, of the interloper magician?

  ‘You know, Camilla, I’m very fond of beautiful girls, and that’s why I write about them, especially talented ones like you and Shadow. But poor Shadow … what really happened to her? I meant to ask you for a long time, but then you suddenly disappeared. Why doesn’t she reappear like you did?’

  I smiled conspiratorially. ‘Rainbow, I’m sure you know what happened.’ I tilted my head towards the girls in the room. ‘Nothing escapes you and your pink entourage’s eyes, am I not right?’

  She smiled handsomely, holding me tighter to her tall, slim body that smelled of cigarettes and men’s cologne. ‘Maybe I do, maybe not. Do you think she’ll come back?’

  ‘What do you mean by “come back”?’

  ‘To perform magic again, of course.’

  ‘I’m afraid it’ll take a magician to find out, not a singer. Anyway, I’m sorry, I really have no idea.’

  Although I definitely hoped not. But I knew that even after the ‘accident,’ Shadow was determined to do another show and had been planning to ask Lung for sponsorship. Now many months had passed, and I’d not heard anything from her, nor had Lung mentioned anything about a visit from her. I would have inquired about the magician, but I’d been distracted by my pregnancy. She must be nursing her wound, if not physical then emotional, and preparing for a big comeback. It was most unlikely that she had left Shanghai. Like me, she was a person who did not give up easily. I made a mental note to call her.

  The gossip columnist’s voice brought my mind back to the present. ‘No idea?’ Then abruptly she dipped me down, then lifted me up, making me dizzy and a little uneasy.

  She raised one painted eyebrow. ‘I believe Shadow is planning a big comeback, only waiting for sponsorship. It’ll be a huge disappointment if she doesn’t. I really enjoy watching you two perform together, so sexy and sensational.’

  ‘But what about your girls here? Aren’t they equally sexy and sensational?’

  She laughed. ‘Ha-ha! Maybe, but they serve other purposes.’

  ‘What kind?’

  ‘They don’t entertain me like you and Shadow do. They work for me.’ She tilted her head to emit a laugh.

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘I pay them handsomely, and they get me information. Besides, I’ve become famous for being surrounded by them. Many people are willing to trade secrets in exchange for an invitation here.’

  A clever strategy. Honour the famous and prominent by an invitation to a luxurious and unique house filled with beautiful girls, where they can drink champagne, gossip, and at least hope it will turn into an orgy. Rainbow had built up a mysterious empire, and everyone was dying to take a peek. Now that I had been granted this honour, it was assumed I would be grateful and therefore help her in return. But what did she want? Information or sex or both? But what could I really offer? Sex would be dangerous and information doubly so.

  As if reading my mind, Rainbow smiled broadly, revealing smooth, pearly teeth. ‘I love to collect famous, beautiful women. Besides being a pleasure to the eyes, they help my business. Who doesn’t want to be around handsome people?’

  I cast glances at the dancing, chatting, drinking beauties. ‘They’re indeed gorgeous.’

  She paused to look at me in a way that made me feel quite uncomfortable. ‘But, Camilla, no one can compete with you. No one comes close. The moon itself would be dimmed by your beauty, and the flowers would stop blooming to let you shine.’

  ‘Overpraise, Rainbow.’

  Finally the music stopped, and Rainbow led me back to sit on the sofa. Minutes later, one of the pink ladies came up to the gossip columnist and whispered something into her ear.

  Rainbow smiled handsomely. ‘Excuse me, Camilla, I have to take an important phone call. So I’m afraid I will have to leave you for a while.’ She turned to the girl. ‘Nightingale, please entertain Miss Camilla until I come back. Get her anything she wants, and answer any question she asks.’

  Nightingale, about my age with a sweet, round face, responded with an expansive smile. ‘Of course I’ll do that, Miss Chang.’

  Rainbow lifted my hand to her lips, impressed them on my hand and walked away.

  Nightingale said, a little shyly, ‘Miss Camilla, your name has been thundering in my ears for a long time. Welcome here.’

  I said to the face across from me, which was pretty but easily forgettable, ‘Thanks, Nightingale. So are you also working for Rainbow?’

  She nodded. ‘Tonight you’re invited to have a taste of Miss Rainbow’s Pink Skeleton Empire.’

  I cast glances at the other party girls. ‘And … who are they?’

  ‘Spies, informants, seductresses.’

  Upon hearing the word spy, I felt a jolt. Did Rainbow already suspect me as one and thus want to recruit me?

  Nightingale flung her shoulder-length hair, smiling. ‘How did you think Miss Chang gets all the material to write in her column?’

  ‘So what’s the purpose of inviting me here?’

  She took a small sip of her champagne. ‘To be her friend – what else? Of course since you’re already a famous singer, she’s not going to recruit you like us—’

  I interrupted. ‘But I don’t think I can do anything to help.’

  ‘I think Miss Chang wants some juicy gossip about you and Master Lung.’

  ‘But we’re al
ready in the gossip columns.’

  ‘I know, but I think Miss Chang also wants to know more about Lung, and who knows him better than you?’

  But were they so naive as to think I’d tell my patron’s secrets for a glass of champagne and a dance? Or that I even knew any of his secrets to tell?

  This whole thing was getting weirder and weirder. Now I suspected that Rainbow had deliberately left Nightingale with me to feel me out, which she was doing in a not very subtle way. But judging by Rainbow’s column, it was not her style to waste time beating around the bush.

  Nightingale spoke. ‘Anyway, you’ll find out soon. Tonight this party is just a getting-acquainted warm-up.’

  This was definitely turning out to be more complicated than I’d hoped.

  The girl went on. ‘I’m sure you can tell that the head of our Pink Skeleton Empire is smitten with you.’ She looked at me, her eyes teasing.

  This was definitely heading in a wrong direction. ‘But she already has all these girls …’

  ‘Yes, but no one is as unique, talented and intriguing as you. You know, there are tons of pretty women in Shanghai, and they come and go, just like your friend Shadow.’

  Now I was wondering if they knew more about Shadow than I did, so I asked, ‘What has happened to her?’

  ‘We are sure she’ll come back.’

  ‘What makes you think that?’

  ‘She’s getting famous. No one is so stupid to abandon one’s fame like that.’ She paused to see my reaction. ‘Besides, she has her boyfriend here.’

  I tried to act calm. ‘Oh, really? I had no idea. She never told me she had a boyfriend.’

  ‘He’s Master Lung’s son.’

  That was completely unexpected. ‘Where did you hear that from?’

  ‘One of our girls saw them at the Bright Moon Nightclub during one of your performances.’

  It must have been that night nearly a year ago that I’d tried to match up the young master and the magician. So it was old news. Strangely, I still felt a pang of jealousy.

  ‘I heard that she’s trying to befriend Master Lung, too.’

  Of course, that was also my doing and also old news. I studied the round face in front of me, trying to decipher what was going on here and why I should be part of it. All my instincts told me I should handle this with extreme caution.

  Finally Rainbow returned from her private phone call. She sent away all the girls and treated me to a private dinner with expensive wine and gourmet food served to us by two maids. Rainbow was seemingly casual, but somehow questions about Lung kept coming up. I replied with unimportant details such as what he’d had to eat during our visit to Paris, how he took me to Hermès to shop, and the like. I was even more uncomfortable with some of her other questions that concerned his personal habits, such as: what restaurants did he like, when was he home with me, who accompanied him when he went out, and the like. Surely she would not risk publishing such dangerous details in her column. Nor would I risk revealing anything to her about Lung’s usual routines. Whenever such questions were asked, I’d change the subject to something else.

  Nor did I like her rather personal questions and intimations about my life. I was sure if she sniffed something unusual, especially if it was sexual, she’d prey on me like a vulture on a corpse.

  But I dared not offend her, and so I put up with her advances, even let her kiss me on the lips and squeeze my waist when we said goodbye. My strategy was to keep her curious about me so we could stay friends, and hopefully she’d keep writing good things about me. If unfortunately she did find out something about me, then I guessed I would have no choice but to pay her off or be her mistress or, more likely, both. I was sure she was not supporting her sybaritic lifestyle on her newspaper salary alone.

  I had no intention of letting her turn me into a real skeleton, either with her pen or with what she said about me behind my back.

  29

  The Great Escape

  My visit to Rainbow Chang’s Pink Skeleton Empire unnerved me. She had an agenda that I could not figure out. Why was Nightingale so sure that Shadow would return? I knew that Rainbow and, I assumed, her assistants, never said anything without a reason. So Shadow must be planning a surprise re-entry into Shanghai, and Rainbow had decided to leak that to me through her assistant. And, while the dinner à deux might have been partly to seduce me, the questions she had asked about Lung were not simply small talk.

  During the following days, besides wondering how to deal with Rainbow without getting trapped in some scheme too subtle for me to understand, I was also thinking about Shadow. The dreams about my baby had made me look at this cold world differently. Now that I felt deep love for my little Jinjin, I felt some understanding for the magician’s life, which was as difficult as my own. We were rivals, but I could still have some sympathy for her.

  The Chinese say, ‘Even flying away, a bird leaves its melodious cry; even dying, a person wants to leave a mark on the world.’ Doesn’t everyone struggle and work hard so we will be remembered? Shadow and I did, too – but totally alone.

  Everyone would prefer to be a magnificent dragon soaring in heaven than a canary in a cage. The small fish in a pond would rather roam the oceans; the hen in the farmyard would rather be a crane spreading its wings. Why had I tried so hard to prevent Shadow from succeeding?

  Why had I been trying to destroy this girl who was not so different from me? Both Shadow and I were trying, against the odds, to have some happiness in the lives fate had dealt us.

  Though I had been taught to sing as a means for me to lure Lung, I worked hard to improve my voice because I genuinely loved singing. But, much as I enjoyed the adulation of my audiences at the Bright Moon Nightclub, I wanted even more to escape so I could live my own life doing what I loved, out of the control of gangsters and malicious people like Rainbow Chang.

  I decided to offer to do another show with Shadow if I could track her down. Perhaps that would generate some merit for myself after years of creating bad karma.

  Two days later, I wrote the magician a letter. A day later, she called me.

  ‘Camilla!’ Her voice sounded excited. ‘What a coincidence! I was just about to call you, when I received your letter. It’s been such a long time.’

  ‘How have you been doing, and how’s your finger?’

  ‘It has healed pretty well. Except for a scar, it’s basically recovered.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear that. And once again, I apologise for the accident. I owe you, Shadow.’

  ‘Let’s forget about it, Camilla.’ She paused, then asked, ‘How about yourself? You didn’t show up at the Bright Moon for quite a while. What happened?’

  Of course I was not going to tell her the truth, so I said, ‘I was just generally not feeling well. I guess it was the stress from our last show, my overwork and my worry over harming you. So I decided to take a break.’

  ‘I wish I had your freedom and luxury,’ she sighed.

  Freedom and luxury? A little while ago I would have laughed bitterly, but now I was beginning to feel something like hope and compassion, however slight. Shadow had far less than I, and was completely on her own.

  She sighed. ‘Even if I’m dying to work, there is no money.’

  Because of the failed knife-throwing show, I had insisted that we refund the audience. That had been intentional, so that she would remain poor.

  She went on. ‘Actually I tried to get sponsorship from Master Lung …’

  ‘Did you go to see him?’ I was perturbed that she had done this behind my back.

  ‘Yes. But I was turned away by his assistant, Mr Zhu. He never even let me talk to his boss, not even over the phone, despite my reminding him that I am your friend. So one day I went straight to Master Lung’s place. But when I saw all the expensive cars parked at his place and the intimidating bodyguards, I felt hopeless and lost my nerve. Moments later I forced myself to be brave and walk back to the gate, but I was stopped by his very muscular guard
, Gao. It was very scary. I felt he might shoot me if I refused to leave.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that, Shadow.’

  Some silence passed before she spoke again. ‘Camilla, since we’re friends …’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I wonder if you could do me a favour.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘I’ve been thinking, since you’re Master Lung’s favourite woman, maybe … if you wouldn’t mind asking him for me …’

  I felt sorry for Shadow. She was no fool and must have realised that the ‘accident’ with the knife-throwing was no accident. Yet she was asking for my help, anyway. That could only mean she had no one at all to turn to in her state of desperation. Suddenly it occurred to me that both of us would be better off as allies than as enemies. Fate had dropped us both into a city populated with people who would pay for their own pleasure but not to help anyone in trouble. As the proverb says, ‘They will add flowers to the rich’s brocade but not send coals to the needy on a frigid day.’ They loved me singing in my brocade gown, but what if I were begging from them on the street? Then I thought of little Jinjin’s plaintive cries to me in my dream. Had I been any less heartless than Wang or Lung or Zhu or Rainbow?

  Shadow was even more alone than I was. But she had gone to Lung, and who knows what she would have done with him, had she had the chance? Though I felt some sympathy for her now, she might not feel the same for me. And who could blame her, considering what I had done to her? I was still in the dusty world where no one can completely relax their guard.

  If Shadow, or anyone, managed to steal Lung from me, Big Brother Wang would have me eliminated sooner rather than later. I realised that it was a mistake to have introduced her to Lung in the first place. But I didn’t have to compound my mistake by asking him to meet her again.

  So I said, my tone serious, ‘Shadow, Master Lung is in a very tense business deal with some Frenchmen, so I don’t think it’s a good time to ask.’ I paused, then spoke again. ‘If the only problem is money, you don’t have to ask Lung. I can ask Mr Ho to let us use the hall again.’ I would tell Mr Ho that Big Brother Wang wanted me to have the show. Though Ho was certainly not happy about how the last show had ended, he would not chance refusing anything Wang wanted.