Midnight Secrets

by Janelle Taylor

  “I shouldn’t be the one to discuss such matters with you. Ask him. But wait a while, Johanna, please. The past is a terrible burden he’s carried for years. Let him be happy for a while. He deserves some peace, and your return can give it to him. Allow time for you two to get acquainted. Let’s go join him. We have a great deal of catching up to do.”

  Over a lengthy and delicious meal with Ben and Nan, Ginny related all that had happened to her: her voyage to America, her ruse with Charles Avery, her abduction by outlaws, her rescue by the scout Steve Carr, and her trip to Dallas.

  “The man deserves a reward if he can be located,” Ben said. “With all that trouble and danger, it’s a miracle you survived. You’ve shown real courage and cunning, Johanna, a true daughter of mine.”

  “Thank you, sir. It was scary at times and hard at others. That scout was tough on us during training, but his lessons saved my life and got me here. If I had known what kind of evil plans Mr. Avery had, I wouldn’t have gotten involved in them by pretending to be his daughter.” She related more information about Charles, his motives and his scheme to help her get through this difficult meeting.

  Ben sighed. “I can understand how the war could drive a man—may Avery’s soul rest in peace now—to take reckless action. We all have moments of weakness. We were lucky the war didn’t touch here much and that Reconstruction government, as they call it, doesn’t give me or my neighbors any trouble.”

  “I’m glad, sir, because it’s terrible other places. You can’t imagine the awful sights and bitterness I’ve witnessed on the way here.” She disclosed some of those things to him and saw him frown in dismay.

  “I’m thankful I didn’t join the fighting or see such horrors. The Lord’s been good and merciful to me. He brought you back to me, with Mr. Carr’s help. If we can reach him, I’ll repay the money he gave you—probably a lot for a workingman like him. Tell me what happened to your mother?” he asked abruptly.

  Ginny was surprised by the sudden change of subject. She glanced at the quiet woman nearby, her expression asking Ben if she should speak freely in front of Nan.

  “It’s fine, girl. Nan’s been with me since before I met and married your mother. She’s… like a sister to me, an aunt to you. We don’t have any secrets between us; we live and work too closely for them to intrude.”

  From what she’d perceived so far, Ginny decided that Ben loved his daughter. He couldn’t seem to take his glowing and often misty eyes off her. He smiled and laughed every few minutes as if he were releasing an overabundance of joy in his heart to keep it from bursting. That pleased, confused, and dismayed Ginny. Perhaps, she mused, his past mistakes had been the results of flaws that might have been corrected over the years. Either Ben or Stella—or both—had lied about the past. But which one, why, and about what?

  “If you prefer, Johanna, I can leave the room.”

  Ginny realized her thoughtful silence had been misunderstood. She smiled and said, “No, Nan, that isn’t necessary. Father says you’re part of the family, so you should stay and listen. It’s such a painful story that I didn’t know if he wanted to hear it alone. I’m sure her death came as a shock to him, as did my unexpected arrival.” Ginny summoned more courage to gather clues. “Please don’t think badly of me, but I’m going to speak the truth, mean and ugly as it may sound. At times Mother was a confused, selfish, and impulsive woman. But you know that from experience, Father, and you must remember it, too, Nan. I loved her dearly, but she made many mistakes. It was wrong of her to leave home, to keep me so far away and out of touch, and to live as she did.”

  “Don’t worry about speaking the truth, Johanna,” Ben entreated. “We both know you’re right about her. She married me because I was wealthy and successful. I married her because she was beautiful, genteel, charming, and should have made a perfect wife and mother. But what I saw on the outside wasn’t like her inner self. I won’t blame everything on her; we were both wrong in many ways. We were ill-suited, and it caused us both a lot of suffering. She had to be free and I couldn’t hold her, short of ripping all of us apart. I kept thinking she’d come to her senses and return. I should have come and fetched you home. At first, I didn’t want you trapped between warring parents, and I honestly believed a baby girl needed her mother more than her father. Despite her many faults, she was a good mother and loved you dearly. Time just got away from me. I was working hard to keep this ranch and to make it prosper. The country was getting in bitter turmoil over the slavery question; trouble was springing up everywhere all during the fifties. Then secession and war came along. I couldn’t find it in me to take sides, as both were wrong.”

  He took a deep breath and released it before continuing. “I wasn’t a coward, but I had to stay here and protect my ranch from Yankees and rustlers and land grabbers—your land one day, Johanna, yours and Stone’s. I thought that if I didn’t support Stella in the fancy lifestyle she loved, she’d tire of living hand-to-mouth and return home. I certainly couldn’t see her working to support the two of you; she’d been too pampered. I told her I would send ship tickets anytime she wanted them. I let too many years pass without taking a stand for you. I’m sorry, Johanna, and I hope you’ll forgive me. I never meant for you to go wanting, but I couldn’t trust Stella to use any money I sent to travel home. How did you live over there?”

  Ginny was disappointed to learn some of those facts. Ben hadn’t known how they were surviving and he had the money for their support, but he had tried to use it for leverage against Stella. Yet he freely and apologetically admitted he was wrong to do so. Perhaps his intention to drive a penniless Stella home justified it in his mind. But why couldn’t he have taken a month off from his precious ranch to check on his child to make sure she had food and shelter? As she had told Steve, sorry was only a word if the feelings inside didn’t match it. “Mother spent all the money she took from you when she ran away. When it ran out, she became… the mistress of an English lord.”

  Ben straightened in his chair. “She what! Stella let my daughter see her living in sin? My God, Johanna, I’m so sorry you had to exist that way. I can’t believe she would become a kept woman. She was too proud and vain. I assumed she’d married again under English law, without divorcing me.”

  “Mother believed he loved her and would eventually marry her, but it wasn’t true. Perhaps that’s why she never divorced you, in case she ever needed to return home. The older I became, the more the earl considered me an intrusion. He paid to have me placed in a boarding school in London when I was thirteen. I rarely saw either of them afterward. It wasn’t bad there. I learned to become a lady and received a good education. I had a best friend who came from Georgia, she was like a sister to me; we returned home to America together on the same ship. After Mother died in February, the earl cut off my support. While I was going through her things, I found enough money to pay for my trip to Dallas. There was a letter inside one trunk from you, begging her to send me or bring me home.”

  Ginny saw the man tense and pale, as if in dread of what had been written in that letter. She doubted he could recall every one he had penned to her, so she told him what it said, and saw him relax. She wished it had revealed the secret he seemed to fear her learning, as his reaction told her there was a terrible mystery to be solved. “I wanted to meet you, so I came here. I suppose I can be as impulsive and reckless at times as Mother.”

  “You did the right thing, Johanna. The smart thing. I’m glad.”

  “It was scary after docking in Savannah and seeing what the war had done in America during my long absence. Mr. Avery seemed so nice and trustworthy. It was the only way I could get to Texas. The stage ride from Fort Smith was just as scary. I was afraid to telegraph you from either town, afraid you’d tell me not to come.”

  “How could you ever think I didn’t love you and want you?”

  Ginny used her feelings and worries about her own father to facilitate her answers. “It’s been so long since we were separated. I
don’t even know you, and I didn’t know you’d written me.”

  “We’ll have the rest of our lives to get acquainted. We’re together, Johanna, and I’ll never let anything tear us apart again; I promise. I hope you don’t blame me for your mother’s wickedness and weaknesses. I know she had come to hate me and she wanted to leave me. I couldn’t divorce her or deny you like she wanted me to. I kept hoping and praying she’d come to her senses, realize what she had here, and return.”

  For Johanna and herself, Ginny responded, “I wish she had. It’s terrible for a daughter to grow up not knowing her father.”

  Ben finished his chilled coffee and smiled. “This has been a long and straining talk for both of us. You should rest after your long journey. We’ll talk again tonight and tomorrow and for many days to come.”

  “You’re right, Father; I am exhausted and this has been difficult.” Ginny rose and left the table after smiling at Ben and Nan, who hadn’t spoken during the strenuous conversation.

  She entered what should have been Johanna’s room and looked at her surroundings. The cherrywood furniture was of skilled craftsmanship. The floors were highly polished, with a floral rug concealing the center of the room. The coverlet, chair, and curtains were also in a matching floral design in muted shades of green, blue, and pink on ivory. A silver comb and brush lay on the dresser, along with a vase of flowers and bottles of cologne. The oil lamp was hand-blown glass, and brass candleholders were on the wall on either side of a mirror over a low chest. It was an expensively appointed and lovely room, and Ginny wished Johanna were there to see and enjoy it.

  She stretched out on the comfortable bed and prayed the worst of her deception was over. Not once had either Ben or Nan looked at her as if they suspected she was an imposter. She was surprised that neither one seemed to wonder if Stella had sent her here for revenge or monetary gain. They appeared to accept her with open arms, which sent twinges of guilt through Ginny. From here on, she needed to glean clues to make her final decision; but she must work slowly and carefully to prevent arousing any suspicions. And there was one more hurdle to overcome: Stone. She hoped he would be as easy to dupe as Ben and Nan had been. Considering what “his sister’s” return could cost him, he might resent her presence. If you can see me and hear me, dear Johanna, I hope I am doing the right thing. This is so much harder than either of us realized it would be.

  Ginny turned onto her side and looked across the room. Didn’t what she see and all she’d learned convince her that Ben loved his daughter and was contrite over the past? She got off the bed and went to the dresser. She rummaged through each drawer, eyeing the presents Johanna had never received, had never known about. That tragedy pained Ginny’s heart. There were dolls and other toys for a child. There were necklaces, scarves, fancy ribbons, books, a writing set, expensive stationery, shawls, beaded purses, broochs, and more items appropriate for the daughter of a wealthy parent. It would have made Johanna ecstatic to have received only one of these gifts. It was cruel and spiteful of Stella to have denied them to her daughter. It was selfish and cowardly of Ben not to have made certain she did get them. How terrible to be caught between two warring parents. Yet Johanna had done well on her own, partly because of Virginia Marston. They couldn’t have loved each other more or been any closer if they had been sisters. Once more, Ginny grieved over Johanna’s loss.

  She had to quell the brief desire to hurt Ben as he’d hurt her best friend. What was the truth about Ben, Stella, and the shrouded past? Did he truly love and want Johanna? Was she more than property to him? If not for that coin stuck in the corner of Stella’s trunk, she and Johanna wouldn’t have even known her father had tried to reach her and recover her many times. Had Stella lied when she accused Ben of being abusive? How could a woman who had lived in open sin for years and who had threatened to blackmail her husband with a scandal be trusted? On the same hand, how could a man who had allowed himself to lose his daughter to avoid that scandal be trusted and respected? Who would have believed the Ben she saw could be cruel to his wife and baby? Yet Ben had feared that threat enough to give up his only child. If, Ginny mused, that was the only threat Stella had held over his head. Besides, Ben had Stone, who was loved and accepted as his blood son.

  “Why shouldn’t my traitorous father support and protect his daughter?” Johanna had asked her. “He refused to do so years ago. He forced Mother and me into a terrible situation. He sinned, and he must pay. My Mother is dead because of him. I’ve lived in loneliness and fear because of him. Promise me you’ll learn the truth about my father and the past. Promise me you’ll make him suffer as he made us suffer. But if he isn’t guilty of the things Mother said, give him a little happiness before you tell him I’m gone. Let him see and enjoy me through you; we’re so much alike.”

  Oh, Johanna, do you realize what you asked of me? What if I make the wrong choice? What if he kills me after he learns the truth? What if Ben’s adopted son doesn’t want me back to share the ranch with him? This midnight secret can prove to be more dangerous than either of us imagined.

  The next four days passed swiftly and more easily than Ginny had imagined they would. Ranch life was fun and interesting. She came to like Ben, Nan, the foreman, Buck Peters, and all the hands. It was clear everyone admired and respected Bennett Chapman. She enjoyed riding the range, learning new skills, and getting to know Johanna’s father. But the longer she continued her ruse, the more she came to trust and admire him, to be convinced he had changed over the years, to believe Johanna would have loved and accepted him, would have forgiven him. The longer her deceit continued, the harder it became to expose the truth and the deeper she became ensnared.

  Ginny was certain it would break Ben’s heart to discover the cruel deception and to learn his daughter was dead. She didn’t know how much longer she could go on tricking him. This ruse of daughter and father caused her to yearn for her own father. She was so worried about him. The length of time between his last letter and her departure created doubts about his survival and fears about confronting his enemies. What if she couldn’t prove he had been murdered and unmask the culprit? What if the silver mine had been claimed by someone else? What if she made it to Colorado and found nothing and was stranded there? Would it be so horrible of her to live out her days as Johanna Chapman? Yes, because she wasn’t Johanna.

  If only Stone would get back so she could study the two men together; she could discover then if the adopted man meant more to Ben than Johanna did, as Stella had alleged. She had sneaked into his room once to see what she could learn about him. There were plenty of clothes in the drawers and closet of the neat masculine room—casual and dress garments. Yet she found it strange and intriguing that most of them appeared new or hardly worn. She surmised Stone had those he favored and wore most frequently with him on his trip. She held up several items and decided he was over six feet tall and had a lean build. There were no photographs in his room or in the house to tell her how he looked. But there was a portrait of Stella and Johanna hanging over the fireplace in the parlor, painted before they left home. There were many books in Stone’s room, so obviously he liked to read. But she found no letters or keepsakes to reveal more about him.

  She had noticed that Ben and Nan didn’t talk about Stone. When she’d asked questions about him, they had told her they wanted her to meet him and form her own opinion. She thought that odd since he was “her brother” and Ben’s acclaimed “joy and delight,” according to Stella.

  Ginny had ceased asking any questions and just observed. She knew Ben’s room was on one end of the bottom floor of the two-story house and Nan’s was on the other. No woman had ever been mentioned by anyone. Ginny wondered if he had a lady friend nearby as he didn’t leave home except to ride with his hands. If Stella had told the truth about his lusty diversions, perhaps he no longer enjoyed them at his age.

  Too, Ben could have become romantically interested in Nan over the years, living in such close proximity with her for so lo
ng. Ginny suspected Nan had a deeper and stronger affection for Ben than a cook and housekeeper who was like a “sister” to him would normally possess. Sometimes she caught Nan gazing at Ben with what appeared to be love and desire in her eyes. Now that Ben was free, perhaps they could explore their feelings. That would be romantic, Ginny decided with a smile.

  Love and romance… Where had they gotten her? Into pain and loneliness, she replied to herself. Where are you, Steve? Do you miss me as much as I miss you, or at all? Have you even returned to Fort Smith to check on me? Should I write or telegraph you, tell you where I am? No, not yet…as soon as I finish my task here. I love you and want you so much. Please feel the same way about me.

  Friday, news came that the wagontrain from Georgia had arrived in town. Ben persuaded her to let the boys recover her possessions to prevent friends of the outlaws from discovering her whereabouts and coming to seek revenge on her for helping to capture them. She sent letters to Lucy, Mary, Ruby, and Ellie. She explained the “truth” to them and asked for their addresses to write them in the future. She hated not seeing them a last time, but Ben’s advice seemed wise.

  When Justin “Buck” Peters returned with her possessions, Ginny thanked the foreman. She hurried to her room to read notes from her four friends with whom she had shared so much. Steve hadn’t returned to the wagontrain, and the journey from Vicksburg had passed without trouble.

  Ginny unpacked her clothes, and Nan helped her put them away. She lay her prized doll on the bed, her heart overjoyed by its safe return. She told Nan it was a gift from a friend at school, and the woman believed her.

  As Ginny dressed for dinner, she thought of the money in the drawer nearby. Ben had given it to her so his “Johanna” wouldn’t feel vulnerable again as she had since “her mother’s death.” Ginny knew it was a sufficient sum to buy a stage ticket to Colorado City, as she’d asked the agent the amount in Dallas before leaving the station. She had given Ben six days of happiness and release from his tormenting guilt. She couldn’t punish him for his past deeds because she didn’t believe he deserved it, as he had whipped himself enough over the years for his mistakes. Ben would have Nan and his “son” to comfort him after he learned the awful truth of his daughter’s death. What reason did she have to stay on the ranch a day longer? She had fulfilled her midnight secret to Johanna as best she could. She had her friend’s letter to back up her claims. Why stay?