by Tatiana Xavi
As soon as this happened, the zombies at the gate stopped dancing and stood very still. Once Bellamy’s dancing ended, all her frantic energy faded. Somehow her green eyes softened and hardened at the same time.
Focusing on me, Bellamy said nothing. I felt her in my head, digging around where the infection changed me and left the hunger. Bellamy’s face was so lax she looked like one of her zombies.
“They’re leaving,” Zippy whispered.
Forcing my attention away from Bellamy, I noticed the zombies shuffling away. I could feel how many of them didn’t want to leave and were fighting the urge. No matter how hard they struggled, the zombies disappeared into the woods while others dropped into the ditch.
“Better, Sub Sami?” Bellamy asked, leaning forward. “Can papa bear sleep now?”
Gaze meeting hers, I wanted to know everything about Bellamy. Over the last year, I taught myself to lack curiosity about the people I met. I didn’t want to know them. Then I would miss them when they died or left.
This was why I knew so little about Zippy, Ryan, and Morgan. While the night before Morgan told me about her life, I hadn’t asked questions. A part of me craved her company because I wanted Kayla back. Most of me didn’t want to care when Morgan was left behind or when I chose Daddy over her.
With Bellamy though, I wanted to know. Where did she come from? What happened to her family? How did she learn about her power? Where did she find each of her twelve zombies? Mostly I wanted to know if she was truly crazy and if I could soothe the chaos in her head?
We were connected somehow, maybe just because she could dig in my brain. Did she know my life story from what she found in my head? Staring at me, Bellamy didn’t offer information, and I didn’t ask. Despite our connection and curiosity, getting close to someone was too dangerous.
I loved Daddy and Leo because I couldn’t help myself. I loved the old group because I’d known them for so long. I didn’t have to love this new group or Bellamy. I could watch them die and be sad, but I didn’t have to let the pain destroy me like it would with Daddy or Leo.
Bellamy had her zombies, and she didn’t want anything else. The acceptance of her situation was clear in those dead eyes as she stared at me. Then her expression shifted and she clapped her hands.
“This is a good place, friends. A very good place. Hot water and food. Can I get an amen?”
The zombies moaned, and I said amen. Zippy nodded while the others looked uneasy with Bellamy’s mood changes.
“A warm meal. Occasional electricity so my friends can watch television. Soft mattresses and a warm home. It’s a fine home, and I’m going to stay awhile. I know I promised you folks I would get you to Springfield, but it’s a long journey, and it’s cold, and I want to stay in this hippy village. I want to rest first, and then I will take you to your promised land. Until then, if you leave, you’re on your own.”
As Bellamy walked toward the grocery store, I looked to Daddy. He was figuring things out, and I could see how Springfield would wait. We had something good here. While site four was one of our better safe places, it didn’t provide hot water or food. It certainly didn’t have Bellamy who held the zombies at bay.
We would remain in a place called Cucumber Commune which wasn’t a commune but a capitalist hippy dream. It was our dream too for nearly a week.
Chapter Eight
We quickly had a routine. Every night, we ate a spaghetti dinner at Bellamy’s townhouse. Sitting at the large dining table while the zombies played Monopoly in the family room, Bellamy would announce what flavor the sauce was that evening.
Daddy loosened up around the mustached zombies. He still didn’t like them behind him, but he didn’t tense up every time they moved around. By the end of our stay at Cucumber Commune, he barely noticed them at all.
The second night we stayed in the townhome, Daddy slept on the couch. Still too nervous to be upstairs, he fell asleep around eleven and slept all night. The next night, he joined me upstairs. When Daddy stared at me in the dark room, I knew he was anxious about trusting in our safety. So far, Bellamy’s power felt absolute.
Part of our new routine was I woke Bellamy each day around ten. On the fourth day, Daddy stopped coming with me. The zombies were always in the same places, and he understood how Bellamy controlled them. He initially viewed them as tamed creatures and worried if their training failed that they would attack. Daddy eventually recognized how the mustached zombies were extensions of Bellamy and possessed no free will.
After breakfast, the group explored. Even Morgan wanted to walk around especially after finding a special wrap which held up her belly. More comfortable, she was ecstatic when we searched a shoe store in the complex and discovered better walking boots. We also found dozens of gel inserts for our battered feet. I used two for each shoe and felt like I was walking on pillows.
The shopping center only had a woman’s clothing store, but Daddy and Ryan found clothes by searching the other townhomes. Schedules were created to wash clothes and bedding, based on when the power worked best during the day. We also took advantage of the occasional electricity by watching television.
Three channels were available. One played CSI and Law & Order reruns. One played old sitcoms, but not Bellamy’s favorite show. She did have a DVD collection and watched My Name is Earl whenever the power was on, and she was in the right mood. Bellamy was all about her moods.
The final channel was news. It was mostly people sitting in a studio somewhere, reading reports they’d received from the government and independent sources. Once a day, a group of people including military officers and scientists would sit together and discuss the possible future of the United States. Those discussions were boring and overly optimistic.
My favorite part of the news channel was when a reporter would appear out in the field. They would initially talk about local conditions as only a few zombies wandered in the distance. Unfortunately for the reporters, they used helicopters to reach the locations, and the noise brought out the zombies.
Not long after each report began, the reporter and cameraman ran back to their transport. In the background, zombies shuffled and moaned. A few times, a running zombie nearly reached the reporter. When this happened, our group would squeal and yell for the guy to run. Each time I was certain that the reporter wouldn’t get away, but he kept getting lucky. Of course, his luck likely came from the guy sitting in the helicopter with the rifle.
When everyone sat in the townhouse and watched television, it felt like we were a family. I didn’t like the feeling because I knew it wouldn’t last, but the routine made us comfortable. Twenty minutes before dinner at Bellamy’s every night, my stomach growled. Even the hunger knew our routine.
My hunger was very happy that week. I constantly ate, everything from heavy soups and chili to junk food. I did save the small things for when we would be back on the road. Pouches of tuna filled my backpack. They wouldn’t expire for another year and were lightweight enough for me to carry dozens of them.
Daddy had his supplies packed too. Clean clothes, medicine, weapons. Daddy sure did find some cool weapons that week. While I doubted he could carry them, he was so happy to have new powerful rifles and more ammunition than he ever could have dreamed. Even with all his new goodies, Billy remained his favorite.
Daddy enjoyed the week at the townhomes. He played board games with us in the evenings. Laughing a lot, he even tossed a football around with Zippy, Ryan, and me. I also saw him rub Morgan’s belly a few times.
Daddy and Zippy might have had sex too. They didn’t seem different, yet I just knew they had slipped off for private time. I understood him wanting comfort but was glad to not know for sure. While I liked Zippy a lot, I worried she didn’t like me.
As a kid, I was always treated well by the people my parents dated. Yet it was never about me. I was just part of the package as was the case now. To be close to Daddy who had the power to protect her, Zippy bonded with me. I didn’t blame her for us
ing whatever skills she had to survive, but I wanted Zippy to care about me. When she called me baby or brushed my crazy hair or hugged me, I felt loved. Then I had to remind myself how it might be pretend.
During our week at the townhomes, Ryan kept kissing me. I tried avoiding him, but he was stealth. Every night I’d sneak into the kitchen for a snack, and he’d find me. Once we were alone, he kissed me, and I let him just a little. Finally, each night, I reminded him about Leo.
For that week, Ryan was sure we would never leave the townhomes. If we stayed, he hoped I would forget about Leo. I could see in his eyes how he imagined the life we could build there, but we weren’t going to stay.
Those relaxing days helped me accept how the aches and pains I suffered from weren’t related to walking too much and eating too little. While my face healed quickly where Soren hit me and my shoulder healed from his bite, I hurt all over, especially in my joints. Daddy thought I might have the flu and gave me medicine. Even though it didn’t help, I told him it did so he wouldn’t worry. I also didn’t want him focusing too much on how I wasn’t human anymore. Between my hunger and the way I healed, I was something else now. I never wanted Daddy to look at me differently or stop loving me.
The day we left the townhomes was like every day before. We were all well fed, clean, and relaxed. As Daddy and Zippy watched the news in the living room, I was in the family room with Ryan and Morgan. Ryan sat eating dry cereal with a bowl and a spoon while Morgan braided my hair.
Watching the sitcom channel again, Morgan liked Friends, and she was laughing a lot. I was mostly daydreaming.
That morning, I woke up feeling a little sad when my dream ended. Before the plague, Leo was a competitive swimmer, and I remembered how unbelievable he looked wearing a Speedo and nothing else. In my dream, we were alone in a pool, and he was wearing the Speedo, and I was touching all his naked flesh. Man, I really hadn’t wanted to wake up from the dream especially when it was just getting good.
All day, I kept dreaming about Leo. Kissing him at first. Then my fantasies got bigger. Daddy said once we reached site four and rested, we could bring the group back to Cucumber Commune. As I daydreamed, I imagined us all living in the townhomes. There were only two models, but other houses had been built. With a little fixing, those would be nice too. The whole group could live together with our new friends including Bellamy and her zombies.
Once Morgan braided my hair, my fantasy was extensive. I had a pregnant belly like Morgan’s. Why not dream big, if it was just in my head? In my fantasy, I also got my breasts back. Eating the way I was, I probably gained ten pounds that week. So yeah, I got my breasts back, and they were nice. By the time I sat on the floor watching Friends, I’d decided to imagine my breasts a C-cup. If it was a fantasy, I decided to imagine only rainbows and kittens.
Leo and I had two kids. A little boy named Jason after his brother and a little girl on the way. I wasn’t sure how I knew it was a girl, but it was a fantasy, so I had psychic abilities apparently. I planned to name our daughter Cassidy.
Everyone froze when the helicopter flew low over the townhomes. Morgan stopped mid-braid and pulled her fingers free. Ryan paused his chewing and stared at the ceiling. Soon Daddy appeared in the family room with Zippy behind him as we all waited.
At first, we hoped the helicopter was just flying over like they sometimes did. At the beginning of the plague, people would become so excited when the helicopters flew over. They thought it meant the government was coming to help and a lot of people left their hiding places to chase a pipedream.
This helicopter flew over again, and I felt my heart sink. We had to leave. Whether it was scavengers from an enclave or the government, they were going to find a spot nearby. Then they would make a lot of noise and draw zombies here. Bellamy could hold them back, but what kind of attention would this draw to us?
The townhomes needed to be kept safe. As silly as it sounded to put ourselves at risk to protect our home, we needed to leave so the military wouldn’t find us there and destroy this little paradise we had found. If they came upon the houses and found them empty, they would move on. If they found us, they might attack, and Cucumber Commune could be destroyed. Since we knew we’d leave eventually anyway, we decided to go then and stay off their radar.
Every night Daddy told me how we needed to find Paul and the others before they moved on from site four. If we lost track of them, we might never catch up again. He told me this as a gentle reminder to avoid becoming too attached to the safety and comfort of the townhomes. I fell asleep every night telling myself how tomorrow we would need to leave.
Having emptied out much of the stores and stashed the goodies in the model homes, we were ready to return with the group in a few weeks or months. Until then, we had to say goodbye to what had become our home.
Wearing my new boots with the inserts, I was ready to walk. Around me, the others were silent and tense as they prepared to leave.
In the parking lot, the mustached zombies walked away from the townhomes, but Bellamy wasn’t with them. When she did appear, she was wearing a backpack and one of her less crazy smiles.
“Friends, are you ready to travel into the big bright world?”
Nodding at her, I watched Bellamy stare up at the sky and then she stepped under the little porch of the townhouse. When the helicopter flew over the third time, it flew low as if looking for a spot to land. I just prayed it didn’t choose our parking lot.
The mustached zombies turned to wave goodbye to Bellamy. She blew them a kiss, and each zombie caught it. Daddy let out a quick chuckle and then returned to his soldier expression.
“What happens next, Bellamy?” he asked.
“We walk until night comes. Then we rest. Then we wake and walk more. If we do not see more of those government sorts, we can find wheels and drive part of the way.”
When Bellamy walked away, we followed. Walking under the stores’ awnings until we reached the gate, I looked back as did the others. My chest hurt at the thought of leaving my home. Even if it was a childish urge, I wanted to stay. I reminded myself of Leo thinking I was dead. He didn’t know about the bounty we’d discovered. Thinking of him, I followed after Bellamy.
We didn’t walk long. It got dark, and we spent the night in a large shed. Outside in the night, the government flew its choppers back and forth over the area. They might have searching for something, or maybe they were just bored.
No one slept well with the noise and Bellamy didn’t sleep at all. She looked more wide-eyed than normal, and I thought about how the government dropped a bomb on her family.
Every night at dinner, Bellamy told us stories. She could climb walls like Spiderman. She could jump over buildings and fly through the sky like Superman. She could read the minds of pigs like someone named Prett. Bellamy said a lot of things, and I didn’t think most of them were true. I suspected the story about how her family died was, though.
The next day, we took the easiest route to Illinois. The highways were open enough for car travel, but the government was making a lot of noise and zombies were shuffling toward the commotion. Even having Bellamy around, we avoided the zombies. While she didn’t tell us not to, she was acting weird now.
Lunch came, and we ate our food in the backyard of a partially burned home. The government was moving around somewhere in the nearby towns, and I imagined them in my house, touching my stuff and eating my food.
The hunger rose up inside me at the thought of my food wasted on soldiers who could find food elsewhere. The news said they still had cattle in Texas along with working farms, meaning meat, eggs, and milk. They didn’t need my can soup and chili.
While I didn’t usually hate the living, I resented the faceless soldiers I imagined in my home. Walking north toward the main road leading to the Springfield area, the group was sullen. We all hated the soldiers now.
Bellamy led the group. Without her mustached zombies, there was something lonely about her up ahead of us. I didn’t kn
ow where the zombies went and she didn’t answer when Zippy asked. Bellamy had her mood swings, and she was clearly depressed now.
Around two in the afternoon, Bellamy turned around to look at Daddy.
“What would you do if the government men came right now? Would you fight them or woo them with your manliness?”
Bellamy’s expression kept Daddy from answering right away. Before he got a chance, we heard cars approaching.
We were walking on a simple two-lane road with ridges on two sides and a thick patch of woods in a third direction. The only flat open path was the direction we were headed. The same direction two trucks approached from before parking in front of us. While one was a regular truck, the other held a large gun on the roof and a man at the ready.
Glancing back at Ryan, Daddy whispered, “That gun will tear us apart. Don’t make them use it.”
Ryan nodded slightly and stepped in front of Morgan.
“Looky at what we have here,” said Miller.
I knew his name was Miller because it was on his uniform. He was tall and in his thirties maybe. He was handsome in a rough and scary way. The man at the gun wasn’t handsome. He was short and tubby, and his hair was thinning. He didn’t smile like Miller but stared at us with angry eyes. I couldn’t see his nametag, but the man who joined Miller was named Rodriquez. His head was bald, and he wore mirrored glasses even though it wasn’t sunny out.
A fourth man joined them. He didn’t wear a jacket with his name on it, just a white tee, camouflage pants, and combat boots. Smiling, the black man nodded at us.
“You people looking for help?”
“Yes, honey, you need help?” Miller asked Bellamy who shrugged.
“We’re just traveling,” Daddy said calmly. “You boys from Texas?”
The black man nodded and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Brass is looking to regain control of the country. The big wigs in Austin have us scouting this area. You interested in joining us in Texas? There are plenty of safe zones down there.”