by Elle Casey
“Towels! Hot towels and boiling water!” Quin yells, running out of the room.
Jersey stares at me from the floor. “You peed your paaants.” He says it more softly this time with a hint of nervousness added to his voice.
“Actually, sweetie, I didn’t pee my pants. I’m going to have a baby. Would you go to the bathroom and get me a towel please?”
“Uh-huh.” He walks out of the room at a fast clip, an action figure in each hand. His corduroys sound like they’re kicking up enough friction to start a fire.
Teagan shows up in the entrance to the room. “Is she serious? Is the baby coming?”
I look down at my legs and then at her. “My water broke on your couch. I’m so sorry.”
“Gross. Does it smell? Okay, yeah, never mind, don’t answer that question. Don’t worry about it. What should I do?”
“Bring me some dry towels and then get the car. We need to get to the hospital.”
“What about an ambulance?”
I shake my head. “No. It won’t be a big deal, and ambulances are too expensive anyway. Labor takes hours and hours. They might even send me home once we get there, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
A contraction starts, my belly tightening and gripping around the baby. It turns my stomach into a weird shape and more liquid comes out. I have to bend over a little to ease the tension.
I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be timing these things, but I have no idea how. Am I supposed to time how long they last? How much time between the end of one and beginning of another? From the beginning of one to the beginning of another? It’s all so confusing. I thought I’d have more time to do research. The baby isn’t due for another few weeks. Will she be okay?
“You sure about that no ambulance thing?” Teagan asks, for the first time sounding scared.
I wave her away. “Just go.” Reaching down to the table, I grab my phone. I flip it open and press the button for Colin’s number.
“Hey, babe,” he says after two rings.
“Hey,” I say, almost grunting. Whoa, these contractions are no joke. Holy … crud buckets.
“Something wrong?” he asks.
“My water broke,” I grunt out.
“What?!” he yells into the phone.
I hold it away from my head for a few seconds to protect my eardrums from any more outbursts.
When I’m sure he’s done, I put it back to my head. “Easy, Colin. You just made me deaf in one ear.”
“Stay there, I’m coming over.”
“No, meet me at the hospital. Teagan is taking me.”
“But…”
“Don’t argue!” I yell, the pain from the contraction that doesn’t want to end slicing into me. “Just go there!”
“Yes, ma’am,” he says, sounding bewildered. “See you soon.”
He hangs up and I waddle to the door, using the towel that Jersey brings me as a giant maxi-pad.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
QUIN AND JERSEY ARE IN the back seat of the Beetle. Teagan’s driving like a maniac and I’m her front seat passenger. My belly is squeezing itself over and over, almost without stopping. I did some reading about birth stories a couple weeks ago, but I don’t remember any that sounded like this. It feels like it’s going too fast.
“Shouldn’t we be timing something?” Quin asks, her face appearing between the seats.
“Yeah. We should,” Teagan says.
I have one hand on the dashboard and one on the windowsill next to me. I can’t answer right now. I’m just trying not to explode with pain. I thought there would be breaks between the contractions, but either there aren’t any breaks or this is just one big long one.
“Is this normal?” Quin asks. “Why isn’t she talking?”
Jersey starts making a sound like a truck driving. Out of the corner of my eye I see a toy car coming at me from the back seat. Then I feel something rolling over the top of my head.
“Jersey, cut the crap,” Quin says, smacking it off my head. Some of my hair goes with it.
“She likes it!” he yells. “It’s rubbing her head. Daddy says it’s nice to rub people’s heads when they’re sick.”
The toy car goes back to my head as another contraction rips through me. I whimper when the pain reaches new heights.
The car leaves my head. “Oopsy. Sorry,” Jersey says.
“Time it!” yells Teagan. “Time the contraction!”
Quin starts yelling right next to my ear. “One one thousand, two one thousand, three Mississippi, four Pennsylvanias!”
“Who the fuck taught you to count like that?” Teagan asks, twisting around to look at her.
“I’m under a lot of pressure! Shut up!”
I scream as the car swerves over to the side of the road. The side mirror hits a mailbox and goes flying off with a crash to the sidewalk below.
“Holy fuck-a-nutter,” Teagan says, jerking the wheel back and getting the car straight again. “Phew! I almost just gave myself a heart-attack, I think.”
“You drive! I’ll count!” Quin puts her hand on my shoulder. “Tell me when to stop. One Mississippi, two Pennsylvania…”
I hold my hand up. “Stop. For the love of God, stop.” I’m panting like a dog. Real breathing hurts too much. The baby is taking up all my lung room.
My phone rings. I grab it and throw it over my shoulder. “Answer it,” I say weakly as another wave of pain starts to build.
“Hello! Alissa’s phone!” Quin has gone deaf. That’s the only explanation for her constant yelling.
“Brrrmmmm brrmmmm,” says Jersey. His toy car is on my shoulder now.
“Yeah, we’re in Teagan’s car! We’re about ten minutes away.” She twists around. “Hey! That’s you back there? How’d you catch up so fast?” She leans closer to my ear. “Colin’s right behind us. He wants to know if you want to get in his car.”
I shake my head. “Pull over,” I whisper. This is not going well. The gushing has lessened but the pressure is increasing. I’m pretty sure my entire uterus is about to fall out.
“Yeah, she wants to get in your car!”
“No!” I yell.
Teagan looks at me. “Am I pulling over or not?”
“Yes!”
Quin leans in-between the front seats, looking first at me and then at Teagan. “So is she getting in his car or what?”
“PULL THE FUCKING CAR OVER RIGHT NOW!” I scream, as I feel a bulging pressure coming from between my legs. Something inside me is ripping open. This makes round ligament pain feel like a frigging massage.
Teagan swerves to the right and pulls up onto a sidewalk. Cars honk and move out of our way. The one behind us screeches to a stop and then a guy starts yelling a stream of cusswords at us.
“What the fuck?!” Teagan yells. “All you had to do was ask! Don’t yell like that or you’ll make me crash!”
I’m struggling to find the door handle. “Out. Out. Out.” It’s all I can think. I’m about to have this baby and nobody is understanding me.
“You want out because you’re getting in Colin’s car?” Quin sounds confused and maybe a little nervous.
I hear some more screeching and honks and then as I’m getting the door to finally open, Colin’s face appears next to me. The door opens and he’s squatting down at my side.
“What’s up, babe?”
“Baby …” I say in between panting breaths. “Baby coming …”
His face goes white. “Baby coming? Like now? Baby coming now?”
“You talk like a baby!” says Jersey, laughing. “Let’s play baby, sister! Let’s play baby. I’ll be the baby, you be the momma.”
“Shut up, Jersey! Not right now!” Her voice is in my ear again. “Are you having the baby right now?”
“Get my pants off,” I say, practically crying. “Get them off right now.” All I can picture is my baby getting turned into an accordion because my jeans are in the way of her coming. Why didn’t I wear a dress today? Ugh, they
’re wet! They won’t come off!
Colin turns me sideways and yanks my shoes off. He gets one leg of my pants off by pulling it from the bottom. As he reaches for the other side, I hold my hand up. There’s no way my leg is moving over there.
“Leave it,” I say, swiping at his hand. “Underwear.” I can’t say anything more. I’m out of breath and another monster contraction is about to tear me in two.
My underwear disappears about three seconds after Colin produces a knife from his pants pocket. The pieces fall to the seat, trapped under me. I now have a free path for the baby to use. Thank God. No baby accordions today.
Colin holds my hand and looks into my eyes. I can barely see him through the haze of pain.
“You ready for this?” he asks.
“No choice,” I say, right before I scream like a wild woman. The pressure is too much. I feel like I’m being torn in two.
“Holy mother fucking miracle of life … you’re having a baby in my Beetle,” Teagan says. She takes off her seatbelt and gets on her knees on the seat, leaning over to be in front of me. “You can do this! Just breathe, okay! Just breathe!” She puts her hand on my shoulder and looks down at my crotch. “Oh, God. That is just … that is just…” Her face goes pale too.
“What? What is it?!” Quin yells. “I can’t see! Tell me!”
“Is that …” Teagan points to my crotch. “Is that … the baby?”
I close my eyes and lean my head back against the seat. The pain is gone for two seconds and then it comes back, full force. And things start to move inside me.
“Oh, man. That’s the head, I think,” Colin says. “Quin, call nine-one-one.”
Quin gets busy following his orders, but I don’t have the presence of mind to hear everything she’s saying. I have the strongest urge to push, but I know it won’t matter whether I do or not. This baby is coming, and it’s happening now.
I grab Colin’s bicep and Teagan’s forearm. “She’s coming,” I say. “Somebody catch her.”
“I got you, babe,” Colin says. He looks terrified. “I got you. Just do what you need to do.”
I can feel warm fluids slipping out of me as the pressure builds. The smell of iron and I don’t even what to know what else fills the car. Please, God, don’t let me poop in Colin’s hands!
“Ooooohhh Goooood!” I cry. And then my air is cut off as I bear down, pushing with everything I have. “Aaahh!” I scream as I feel something stretch too far, to the point of tearing apart, and then …
Kachow!
The baby is zooming out of me and into Colin’s hands.
I can breathe again.
I’m burning something fierce down there, but the pressure is gone.
I’m crying and laughing and trying to gasp for air all at the same time.
“It stinks in here,” Jersey says. “Pewey. Somebody farted.”
“Oh my god,” Teagan says in a really high, silly voice. “You just had a fucking baby in my Beetle! Holy fuck of all fucks. What the …”
“Hold her up! Hold her up so I can see!” Quin yells next to my head.
Colin looks up at me and smiles, his eyes filled with tears. “You just had a baby and I caught it.”
I smile at him, suddenly very tired. “Thanks for being there for me.” I loosen my grip on their arms and hold out my hands. “Can I have her?”
She’s covered in all kinds of goop. Blood and creamy white stuff are smeared everywhere. And this giant purple and white, lumpy-looking cord is still connecting her to me. She is so very beautiful. I can’t stop crying.
Colin settles her into my arms and I stare down into her puffy face. She looks like she’s trying to open her eyes, but it’s too bright or something. I carefully brush the goo away from her lids. The tears are hot on my face. I’m so deliriously happy. And I’m in pain. More contractions are coming, bringing goop and God knows what else with it.
“What are we supposed to do next?” Teagan asks, sliding back down into her seat. “Do we cut the cord or something? I have a shoelace.” She rolls down her window and cracks her door open.
“I’ll call nine-one-one and ask them. I think I hung up on them too soon,” Quin says.
The rest of the event passes in a blur. The ambulance shows up and loads me and the baby inside where they cut the cord off and wrap the baby up. I think Colin and the girls are behind us on the way to the hospital. I’m wheeled on a gurney up to a room, and nurses clean me and the baby off. My clothes are bagged up and I’m put into a hospital gown open in the back. I have no underwear. Someone comes in and gives me some stitches in my nether regions. But none of it matters to me much. I can’t take my eyes off my daughter. She’s drinking from my breast. A real live itty bitty person, perfectly formed, is lying in my arms, staring up at me with dark blue eyes like she’s lost.
“I’m here, baby girl.” I say, stroking her fuzzy down-covered cheek. “I’m here. You don’t need to worry. You’re not alone.” She closes her eyes and falls asleep, and I join her a few minutes later.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
I WAKE UP TO FIND Colin next to me. As soon as he sees I’m awake, he smiles. “Hey.” His voice is rough, so he clears it. “How’re you feeling?”
I smile. “Tired. I don’t know why. It all happened so fast.”
His eyebrows go up. “You did the concentrated version, I think. If I had to do what you did, I’d sleep for a week.”
“How long have I been here?” I ask, looking around. The table near the foot of the bed has three bouquets of flowers on it and two silver balloons.
“Few hours. You have lots of fans,” he says, following my gaze. “The newspaper wants to interview you.”
I sigh and just stare at the flowers for a while. Then I look at Colin. I feel like I’m in another world. My baby is nestled in my arms, wrapped in hospital blankets with her eyes closed.
He moves his chair closer. “She’s real pretty,” he says, looking down at her.
“You think so?” I move the blanket away from her face. “She’s got dark skin. Like a tan.”
“The nurse said all babies look like that. She said they’ll put her under some lights to make it go away.”
“Is it bad?” I ask, suddenly fearing for my baby’s health.
“No, I don’t think so.” He strokes her forehead with a finger. His hand is huge in comparison to her tiny features. “She’s so soft,” he whispers.
“Yeah,” I whisper back. “Like velvet.”
He seems mesmerized by her. My heart squeezes painfully in my chest. “Thank you, Colin. Thank you for catching her.”
He smiles. “We have a hell of a story to tell her some day, don’t we?”
I can only nod. His choice of words suggests that he’ll be there, when she’s grown up. How did I get so lucky?
The door opens and a nurse sticks her head inside. “Hi. Grandparents are here to say hello. Can they come in?”
My body goes ice cold and I grip the baby tighter. She squeaks and squirms but quickly settles back down as I relax my hold a little.
I look at Colin as he stands.
“Who is it?” he asks.
The nurse frowns. “Father’s parents. Yours maybe?”
Colin looks down at me. “I’ll go see what’s going on. Just wait here.”
I have to laugh. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”
“Oh. Yeah. Right.” He pats me on the shoulder and is halfway across the room before he stops, turns around and comes back. “Be right back,” he says, kissing me on the forehead and then the baby on the cheek.
My lips tremble in a smile as I watch her face twist up in annoyance.
He’s gone and back again before I have time to decide how I feel about these strangers coming into my hospital room. How did they find out? If Charlie’s with them I’m going to have Colin beat his butt all over again. He’s not coming anywhere near my baby. Over my dead body.
Colin stops at the foot of my bed. “It’s Charlie’s p
arents. He’s not with them.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief.
“How did they find out?” I ask.
“Apparently someone who works in this hospital is a friend of theirs and has decided that privacy laws mean absolutely nothing where you’re concerned. And when I find out who that person is, I’ll re-educate them on that law, but in the meantime, they say they want to see you to see if you and the baby are okay.”
I grimace. “They’re going to ruin my afterglow.”
Half of Colin’s mouth goes up in a smile. “No one can ruin your afterglow, babe. No one. And I talked to them. I don’t think they mean you any harm. I think they want to make things right. As right as they can.”
My lips set into a firm line. “I’m not going to stop the lawsuit. I don’t care what they say.”
“Agreed.” Colin nods. “And I’ll be right here with you the whole time. They’ll be out on their asses if they say anything out of line.”
I take a deep breath and let it out, gazing down at my daughter. “Fine. But if they don’t tell me how beautiful she is within the first ten seconds, they’re outta here.”
Colin opens the door and gestures to someone outside.
I school my features to look unconcerned as Charlie’s parents walk into the room.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
I THINK CHARLIE’S PARENTS ARE as nervous as I am. They walk into the room cautiously, nodding to Colin first and then stopping at the foot of my bed. Hal looks around at the flowers, but Charlie’s mother only has eyes for the baby.
I hold my daughter closer, my protective instincts going into overdrive. If she comes too close and tries to make a grab for the baby, I will rip this woman’s eyes out and feed them to her with my fist through her stomach. I resist the strong urge to growl like a mother bear.
“Congratulations,” Charlie’s mom says. “She is just beautiful.”