by Elle Casey
I flick my gaze over to Colin. He nods at me and smiles.
“Did Colin tell you to say that?” I ask.
She looks confused for a moment. “Say what, dear?”
I shake my head. “Never mind.”
“Pretty flowers,” Hal says, reaching out to touch the petals of one of the pink roses.
“Thanks.” The atmosphere in the room could not be more awkward.
Charlie’s mom moves carefully around the side of the bed. “May I see her? Is she sleeping?”
She’s moving slow enough that I don’t feel threatened. Besides, Colin is standing right behind her. I know he’ll protect us.
I move the blanket away from the baby’s face a little. “She’s sleeping. She just ate.” I feel so proud of myself, that I was the one to feed her. I’ve never done that before, sustained another human life like that.
“Oh, my goodness. She looks just like you. So pretty.” She smiles at me. “I won’t ask you if I can hold her this time, because I know you’re a new mom and it’s hard to share right away, but I can’t promise I won’t ask next time.”
I don’t know how I feel about that … seeing them more than once or ever again. It makes me nervous to think these people are going to be in my life or even that they want to be in it.
Hal leaves his study of the flowers and looks somewhere up near my headboard. “So, you’re feeling okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“We heard you had the baby in a car on the way over,” Charlie’s mom exclaims. “That’s so exciting. Probably at the time it seemed scary, but boy oh boy what a story you will have to tell later.”
“That’s what Colin said.” I smile over at him. He’s standing in front of his chair, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Were you there?” Hal asks Colin.
Colin nods at the baby. “I showed up just before she arrived.”
Hal nods and presses his lips together, turning his mouth down at the corners. “Good.”
Colin drops his folded arms and lets them swing at his sides.
Hal clears his throat a few times. He’s plainly uncomfortable. We all wait for him to work up the nerve to say whatever’s on his mind.
“So, we received your court papers,” he says. “As you can imagine, we were quite shocked.”
I can’t look at him or respond and be polite, so I keep my mouth shut. My fingers go automatically to cover the baby more with her blanket. Charlie’s mom turns to face her husband.
He continues. “We were in denial at first, but then we had a talk with Charlie and we did a search of his bedroom and vehicle…” Hal sighs and his voice gets rough. “Suffice to say, we have reason to believe everything you’ve claimed in the court documents to be true.”
I want to cry with relief. These people are not here to hurt me. At least, I hope they’re not.
Charlie’s mom speaks next. She’s very sad, that much is obvious. All of her joy over the baby has disappeared. She rests her hand lightly on the blankets covering my legs. “There is nothing I could possibly say to you to adequately express my sorrow over learning about what my son has done to you. This is a mother’s worst nightmare, and now that you have a child of your own, perhaps you can get a small feeling for what that means. My heart is broken in two, and I’m quite sure it will never be the same again.”
Hal puts his arm around her and draws her close. “You never think your kid will be the one that you read about in the papers,” he says. “The one who hurts another human being. You raise him up, you try to teach him right from wrong, you try to give him the things he needs to be a better person than you are…”
“But sometimes, you give too much,” Charlie’s mother says, looking down at the bed. “Sometimes you spoil them and then they lose that sense of themselves and where they fit in with the rest of the world.”
“Charlie was spoiled rotten,” Hal says. He sounds angry. “He was given everything and worked for nothing. We are guilty of allowing him to believe he was somehow better than his fellow man. And it’s too late to apologize, because the damage is done, but we’d like to do that anyway.” Hal finally looks right at me. “Please accept our sincerest apologies for what our son has done to you. We know it doesn’t change things and we know it won’t make it better, but we felt like it needed to be said anyway.”
“Yes,” his wife adds. “Please. And if you could just think about perhaps letting us be a part of your life and our grandchild’s life … I know it’s a lot to ask and we really have no right … but we would be so … happy …” She can’t continue. She’s crying too much and her husband takes her in his arms so she can bury her face in his shoulder.
I can’t help but cry right along with her. Silent tears leave salty tracks down my face. I sure wish I had met her under different circumstances. I wonder if she would have liked me. I think she might have.
“Thanks for coming over,” Colin says, walking over and holding his hand out. “It can’t have been easy.”
Hal leans over and takes his hand, shaking it for longer than normal. “Happy to.”
Hal finishes the handshake and looks at me. “I’m going to leave you our cell numbers.” He puts two business cards on the table with the flowers. “You call us anytime, for anything. I mean it. Anything you need, you call. Money, food, a babysitter…” He smiles, looking almost shy. “If you don’t trust us for anything like that, we’ll take our lumps. But maybe we can all do a trip to the zoo or something some day.”
I nod. I can’t speak. There are too many conflicting thoughts and emotions bombarding my brain and heart right now.
“I need to go now,” Charlie’s mom says.
Hal turns to the side, leading her out, but she pauses at the door. Turning back to me, her eyes red rimmed and her make-up leaking down her face, she attempts a smile. “I know this seems like a terrible thing … what Charlie’s done … and it surely is … but I hope you’ll eventually see that in some ways, even bad things work out for the best. Your daughter … she’s a miracle. Congratulations.”
And then they’re gone, leaving me, my daughter, and the guy I adore alone in the room together.
Colin climbs into bed with us and we all fall asleep exhausted, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t have a nightmare about Charlie.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
BEING WITHOUT INSURANCE, I’M ON the fast track to get out of the hospital. As soon as the staff is happy with my baby’s feeding schedule, which takes less than twenty-four hours, we are out the door and headed back home. I’m glad to be leaving. That place is way too sterile for my taste. I miss my pink bedroom.
Colin is driving and I’m in the backseat with the baby. We’re using the surprise baby gift car seat that Quin and Mick gave us, and the baby is swaddled in the clothes and blankets that Charlie’s parents gave us. The gifts from them started arriving not long after they left and pretty much didn’t stop until I checked out. There was a delivery guy out in the parking lot as we drove away who I’m almost positive was there for the baby too.
“You excited to bring her home?” Colin asks.
“Yes. I need to name her soon, though, or someone from the state is going to hunt me down, and I’m not in the mood for anyone else to be bossing me around.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll guard the door.” He smiles at me in the rearview mirror.
I wink at him. “I know you will.” I stare at my sleeping angel the rest of the way home. For some reason I haven’t quite found the right name for her. It has to be something special. Something that means something to me, not just any old name. She’s my little miracle baby. I’m so happy to be bringing her home.
Home. I love the sound of that word, especially knowing who will be in it with me.
I thought my heart was as full as it could get, but when we pull up to the front of the house and I see the big banner over the front porch, I know there’s still room for more.
WELCOME HOME MOMMA AND BABY [INSER
T NAME HERE] !
I laugh. “They are not going to stop harassing me until I name her.”
Colin opens the back door. “Do not name her Teagan or Quin, whatever you do.”
“Why not?” I ask, sliding out after the car seat that Colin has in his strong grip. I take it from him when I’m out. I can’t stand to be too far away from her for more than two seconds. I even take her into the bathroom with me.
“Because, if you only use one of their names, the other will have a tantrum for the next fifty years. And if you use them both, the one who’s first will constantly harass the other one and rub her nose in it. You can’t win with that one. Just avoid it completely.”
As soon as we’re in the door, the party starts. The baby wakes up, startled by all the noise, and then whimpers for the thirty seconds it takes me to get her out of the carseat and onto my breast. I sit on the couch and just soak up the love as my friends blow noisemakers, drink beer, and eat pizza around me.
Colin drops down onto the couch next to me. “You good?” he asks, putting a plate full of pizza down in front of me next to a cup of water. He’s always making sure I have food to eat and water to stay hydrated. It’s kind of cute how he’s become the mother hen.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
“There are more gifts from Hal and Linda here,” he says. “Rebel put them in your room.”
“More? I think they have baby fever or something.”
“I think they do too. Are you going to let them visit?”
I sigh. “I guess so. I don’t know when, though.”
He leans in closer and stares down at the baby’s face. “Just give it time. Do it when it feels right.” He moves her blankets up higher, closer to her neck.
I kiss Colin on the side of the face.
He turns a little to look at me. “What was that for?”
“For being you.”
He slides an arm behind my back and slides me closer to him. “I don’t know if there’s ever been anyone outside of my mom and sister who liked me just for being me.”
“Not like … Love.” My face goes pink with the admission, but I hold my head up anyway.
“Yeah. Love.” He leans in and kisses me gently. “I love you and that cute baby you made.” He tickles the baby under her ear and she stops drinking for a few seconds before going back to it with a frown.
“You do? Both of us? Even though …” I can’t say it, but it doesn’t matter. Colin seems to be able to read my mind these days.
“Yeah. Even though her daddy is a fool, I still love you both. How could I not?”
“Awwww, look at the love birds,” Teagan says. “Aren’t they just adorbs?”
“Totes ma gotes,” says Quin in an obnoxious Valley accent.
I roll my eyes and shift myself forward, scootching closer to the edge of the couch. “Want to go upstairs?” I ask Colin. Just the idea of my bedroom makes me tired enough to take a nap. This mothering stuff is exhausting.
Colin widens his eyes just a little and smiles. “Thought you’d never ask.”
“Not like that,” I say, suddenly shy.
“Of course not,” he says, but he still has a devilish glint in his eye.
I’m not worried. Colin is no Charlie, that’s for sure. Not even close. I’ve never felt safer than when I’ve been in Colin’s arms. Thank you, God, for that.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
IT’S MORNING AND TODAY MY baby is officially a month old. How time flies when you only get three hours of sleep a day. I don’t need an alarm clock to tell me it’s time to get up because I have a baby who sleeps in my arms and wakes up every morning at six thirty wanting to eat.
“Time to get up?” Colin asks in his sleepy voice.
I smile at him as the baby latches on. “Yep. The princess says it’s time to get up.”
“Big day today,” Colin says, opening his eyes.
I love looking at him in the morning when he’s still half-asleep. He’s the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen in my life, but in the morning, he’s just plain adorable. His dragon tattoo is showing above the covers and I reach over to trace it with my finger.
“Yep. Big day.” My mind starts whirling with all the plans that still need to be followed up on.
“Uh-oh,” he says, grabbing my finger.
“What?”
“You have that look in your eye.”
I pull my hand away. “Stop.”
“Seriously. Just let the dynamic duo handle it, would you?”
“If I let them handle everything something will go wrong. We’ll end up with an internet priest from the Church of the Anti-Christ or something.”
“Really?” Colin sits up halfway.
I laugh. “No. Not really. But I can’t let them do all the work.”
“Sure you can.” Colin lays down. “That’s what godmothers are for.”
The baby takes that moment to let out a diaperful of gas and Colin leaps out of bed. “Well! That’s my cue, I guess!”
“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” I ask, watching him snag clothes out of the dresser and closet for himself.
“Shower, shave, and barbecue grill setup.”
“You guys already did that!” I yell as he disappears out the door.
“A man’s work is never done!” he says, just before banging the bathroom door shut.
I give up on corralling him back in here for a diaper change. He’ll do it if I ask, but he’s not a big fan. I can’t blame him. This girl is a real ripper.
I take my time getting ready. The baby lies like a lump of cuteness in the middle of the bed. She’s still not moving a whole lot and she’s just now tracking things around her face, acknowledging that there’s more than her in the universe. I’m enjoying every moment. The fact that I didn’t get that job at the accounting firm is not making me all that upset. Besides, with the child support money I’m getting from Charlie, I have everything I need to take care of the baby. And Colin takes care of me. For now, I can live with that.
“You ready?” Teagan says, sticking her head in the door.
“Almost,” I say, reaching behind me.
“Let me help,” she says, coming into the room.
“Wow.” I say, freezing in place.
“What?” she says, looking down at herself.
“You look … hot.”
She smiles. “You think so? I just got these heels. Rebel says red is sexy.”
“Rebel is right.”
Teagan twirls once for me and then moves her finger in a circle. “Turn around. Let me button you.”
“It’s a zipper.”
She’s behind me fixing my dress when she starts in on me again. “So I know today is the big naming and christening day and all, and I know you’ve planned for this big reveal, but I thought maybe you could break the news to Quin beforehand so she doesn’t make a big scene during the ceremony. You know. Like break it to her easy.”
I can’t keep the smile off my face as I plan my revenge. “So … you think if someone’s going to be let down, I should tell them ahead of time?”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s only fair, right?”
I turn around slowly and make my expression go serious. “Yes. It is the only fair thing. I’m really glad you see it that way, Teagan. That’s very mature of you.”
Her hands fall to her sides. “I am mature.”
I nod. “Good thing. I know I can count on you.”
She narrows her eyes. “So what are you saying?”
I press my lips together and nod. “Teagan … there’s something I have to tell you.”
Her face falls. “There is?”
I put my hand on her arm. “Yes. There is. I’m sorry … but …”
“But what?”
“But …,” I rub her arm a little and try to look as sad as possible, “… I can’t tell you anything ahead of time because that would be cheating!” I grin big.
She slaps me lightly on the arm. “You are a twat monster. You almo
st had me fooled.” She walks out of the room backwards, shaking a finger at me. “Payback’s a bitch, yo. Better watch your back.” She pauses just before going out the door. “I mean that in the nicest way possible. Just in case you’re thinking of using my name for the baby, and all.” And then she’s gone.
Quin is not far behind. The door hasn’t even shut all the way and she’s there. “Hey, baby momma! You ready?”
“Yep.” I slip my shoes onto my feet. “Now I am.”
“Wow, I can’t believe how you’ve lost all that baby weight. Already? Must be all that hot sex you’re having.”
“Please.” I roll my eyes. Like I’d share the intimate secrets of my love life with her. No way, no how. Colin is my confidante.
“So, the big reveal, eh?”
“Teagan already tried and failed, Quin. Just let it go. You only have to wait another hour or so.”
“An hour? You’re going to make us wait an hour? That’s ridiculous. That’s … torture.” She closes the door and talks in a near-whisper. “If it’s not Teagan, you should tell me now so I can, you know, control my initial reaction so it doesn’t upset her.”
“Give it up, Quin. Not gonna happen.” I put on the earrings that Colin gave me - a gift for becoming a new mom. He doesn’t need much to find an excuse to give me something. Everything I’m wearing today came from him, for being a mother, a girlfriend, a roommate, an employee, the cutest brunette on the block. He’s very creative.
“Fine. Want me to take the baby down?”
“Nope. I’ve got her.” I look over at my bundle of joy. She’s wearing a white frilly dress her grandparents bought her.
“Okee dokee. Don’t keep her fans waiting too much longer. The house is getting packed and they’re already drinking.”
“Seriously?”
She smiles. “No. That was a lie.”
I shake my head. “Take the diaper bag down there. I’ll be right with you guys.”
She takes the bag without another word and disappears.
I take one more look in the mirror and smile. Perfection. Hair smoothed and gently over my ears. Makeup simple but tasteful. Lipstick a perfect shade for my skin. Dark blue eyes, a perfect match to my daughter’s. And to top it off, I have a huge smile because for the first time in a really long time, I’m truly happy with my life. Now I’m living it for myself and my baby, not parents, not people who don’t care about me or even think about me. I’m in love with a man who stands guard at my door and doesn’t fall asleep until he’s sure I’m set for the night.