Our Fragile Hearts

by Buffy Andrews

  Somewhere between learning I had a sister and this very moment, I’d fallen in love with Piper and it scared me. It scared me to love someone so much that the thought of losing her physically hurt my heart.

  Piper giggled as she pumped her legs, going higher and higher. Nick laughed like a little kid, which made me laugh.

  “Want to go for a hike?” Nick yelled.

  I slowed down and stopped swinging. Then Piper and Nick did, too. “What do you think, Pipe? Are you up for a walk?”

  She jumped off the swing. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

  Nick looked at me and shrugged. “Guess we’re going on that hike.”

  “I guess so.”

  Chapter 18

  Mary

  I wasn’t in the mood for bridge, but that’s what I did on Saturday afternoons. I’d been playing bridge for years and the women at the club would be disappointed if I didn’t show up. To be honest, there were days when they drove me crazy with their complaints about the club. “The service isn’t what it used to be.” “Can’t those young people tuck in their shirts better?” “Why don’t they fix up the main dining room instead of the nineteenth hole?”

  By the time I arrived, they were setting up.

  Janet waved. “Hi, Mary. How was your week?”

  “Good. And yours?”

  “Not bad. Arthritis is bothering me. Just can’t knit the way I used to.”

  One thing I noticed about women and men my age is that we constantly talk about our ailments. It was sort of like the weather, always top of mind.

  I sat with Janet, Barb and Bernice. “How are your grandchildren, Barb?”

  “Good. The youngest is in college now. Hard to believe how quickly the time has gone.”

  “What about yours, Bernice?”

  “I just learned I’m going to be a great-grandmother again.”

  “Congratulations,” I said.

  As much as I wanted children, I never thought I’d be the one with none. I’d grown accustomed to being the odd one out with no children or grandchildren to boast about. I never had much to add to the conversation but I told them about Rachel and Piper.

  “They sound like wonderful girls,” Janet said. “Shame they had such a troubled mother.”

  I sipped my coffee. “It sounds like she was better by the time Piper came along, but Rachel has had it tough. She even dropped out of school to care for Piper. I’d like to find a way to help her if I can.”

  Bernice laid down a card. “You’re always wanting to fix things, Mary. I don’t think I know anyone who volunteers or gives back as much as you do.”

  “That’s because she doesn’t have any children of her own,” Janet said.

  Janet’s comment stabbed me in the heart. My face got hot and I was sure it was the color of Bernice’s lipstick.

  “Oh, sorry,” Janet said. “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

  I held up my hand. “It’s okay. Really. You’re right. I don’t have any children and it’s probably why I do try to help others when I can. Just like the kids in the NICU.”

  “What are you doing in the NICU?” Barb asked.

  I explained about being a cuddler. “The little babies are so darling. It’s truly amazing some of them even survived. They were born so young.”

  “My granddaughter had a preemie,” Bernice said. “His head wasn’t any bigger than an orange. Now he’s six feet tall and has hands as big as a plate.”

  I smiled.

  “Do you think they’d like some little booties or hats for the babies?” Janet asked. “I could knit some. That is, if my arthritis doesn’t get worse.”

  “I can help with that,” Barb said.

  “I’m not as great a knitter as the two of you, but I could help, too,” Bernice said.

  By the time we finished playing bridge, we had a plan to supply the NICU with hats and booties, and I planned to see what else the nursery needed.

  Chapter 19

  Rachel

  We walked toward the walking trail, which circled the lake. “Why don’t we go on a scavenger hunt?” Nick asked.

  Piper jumped up and down. “Just like school?”

  Nick looked at me, his furrowed eyebrows indicating his confusion.

  “Piper’s teacher had them find items in the classroom that began with each letter of the alphabet.”

  “Oh!” Nick nodded. “This will be a little different. I’ll ask you to find an item, like an acorn or a brown stone.”

  Piper had been walking next to me and I was next to Nick. She wiggled her way into the middle of us and we started down the trail.

  “Find an orange leaf,” Nick said.

  Piper ran ahead to pick up an orange leaf and held it up. “Got it!”

  “Good,” Nick said. “Now, find an acorn.”

  Piper looked and looked but didn’t find any acorns.

  “I see one!” Nick said. “Look down at your feet.”

  Piper looked down and bent over, picking up the acorn she was about to step on. “I like this game!”

  By the time we’d finished the trail, Piper had collected a menagerie of items, most of which I held. I checked the time on my cellphone. “We probably should head home. I have laundry to do and it’s about time to get Piper lunch.”

  Piper’s shoulders sank. “Do we have to?”

  I mashed my lips together and nodded. “Afraid so.”

  “Why don’t I treat you both to a burger and fries at Tropical Treat?” Nick said.

  All Nick had to do was mention Tropical Treat and Piper was bouncing like Tigger. “Can we?”

  I looked at Nick and couldn’t stop the smile from sneaking onto my face. “Are you sure? You really don’t have to hang with us.”

  Nick nodded. “I’m sure. And I like hanging with you. You’re fun.”

  We followed Nick to Tropical Treat where Piper had a burger, fries and vanilla shake. I opted for just the shake.

  I loved being with Nick and hoped we could do it again. Piper seemed to like him, too, so that was a big plus.

  Nick pointed to Piper’s stuffed dog she’d sat on the chair next to her. “What’s your dog’s name?”

  Piper swallowed the fry she had in her mouth. “Rachel Rose.”

  “Rachel Rose?” Nick looked at me and smiled.

  “Yep,” Piper said. “I was going to name her Linda but I decided to name her Rachel instead.”

  “Rachel’s a great name. Better than Linda. I once had a girlfriend named Linda.”

  “Was your girlfriend my mom?”

  I choked. I’d just taken a sip of my vanilla shake and my hand flew to my mouth to keep it from spraying all over the table.

  Nick looked at me. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded.

  Nick turned toward Piper. “No, the Linda I dated was my age.”

  Piper scrunched her nose. “How old are you? I’m going to be six soon.”

  Nick smiled. “How old do you think I am?”

  Piper thought for a few seconds. “Sixty!”

  Nick’s eyes popped. “Sixty! No! I’m only twenty-six.”

  “Oh.” Piper stuffed another fry into her mouth. “You’re older than Rachel.”

  “Way older!” I kidded.

  By the time we said goodbye, Piper and Nick had become best buds. She fell asleep on the way home and I didn’t have the heart to wake her up to stop at the grocery store. I’d pick up milk later.

  I pulled into a parking space in front of our apartment building and turned off the car. I hated waking Piper up. She looked so peaceful sleeping, her head resting against the seat and her arms wrapped around her stuffed dog. I reached over and patted her arm. “Pipe, we’re home.” She didn’t move. I shook her arm lightly. “Pipe, time to wake up. We’re home.”

  She opened her sleepy eyes and closed them again. I got out of the car and walked around to her side. I’d noticed a guy sitting on a bench in the grassy area across the street. He was smoking a cigarette, watching us.
I hadn’t seen him before and wondered if he’d just moved in.

  I opened the door, unbuckled her seatbelt and picked her up. Compared to most girls her age, she was on the small side. I carried her into the apartment but couldn’t shake the feeling I was being watched. The man on the bench kind of creeped me out. I peeked out the front window to see if he was still there. He wasn’t.

  Later that day, Mom’s friend Judy called. “Rachel, are you and Piper going to be around later? We need to talk.”

  “Judy, what’s wrong? You sound upset.”

  “I don’t want to talk over the phone. We’ll talk when I get there. Are you going to be home for a while?”

  “Yeah. Come right over.”

  I put a load of laundry into the washer and wrote out some bills. Judy came just as I was finishing. Piper heard the doorbell and ran to answer the door, throwing her arms around Judy as soon as she saw her.

  Judy hugged her back. “You get bigger every time I see you!”

  “Hi, Judy,” I said. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “I’d love a cup of coffee.”

  I waved for her to follow me into the kitchen. “Piper, do you mind playing in your room while Judy and I talk?”

  “But I want to talk to Judy, too.”

  Judy brushed Piper’s hair out of her eyes. “Tell you what, Sweetie. As soon as I’m done talking to Rachel, I’ll come to your room.”

  “Will you have a tea party with me and Linda and Rachel Rose?”

  Judy’s hand flew to her heart.

  “Linda’s her doll and Rachel Rose is her stuffed dog. A lady I clean for invited us to dinner and bought Piper the stuffed dog. She knows how much Piper wants a real dog.”

  Piper flashed a toothless grin.

  Judy smiled. “I see you lost a tooth.”

  Piper nodded. “Jacy wiggled it out.”

  Judy flashed me a puzzled look.

  “Jacy’s her friend. They’re in the same class.”

  “I tell you what,” Judy said. “You do as Rachel said and go to your room and play while we talk. Afterward, I’ll come up and we’ll have that tea party. You, me and Linda and Rachel Rose.”

  Piper bounced up the steps while I poured Judy a cup of coffee.

  “Cream, right?” I asked.

  “Yes. But no sugar.”

  We sat down at the table. “So what’s this all about?”

  Judy sucked in a big breath. “I have some bad news.”

  My heart raced. “What is it?”

  “It’s Piper’s dad. He showed up at our AA meeting today.”

  I felt like I’d just been hit in the gut by a fast ball. “But I thought he was in jail.”

  Judy gulped her coffee, as if she were trying to swallow something bitter. “He was. Apparently he just got out. I sort of lost track of the asshole. I knew he was in jail, of course, but I had no idea his time was up. He asked about your mom.”

  “He didn’t know she passed away?”

  Judy shook her head. “He had no idea.”

  I sighed. “What else?”

  “He wanted to know what happened to Piper.”

  I could feel my anger building like a pot of water you put on the stove on high heat. I knew it was about to turn into a rolling boil, the kind where your eggs knock against the side of the pot. I focused, trying to keep my voice down so Piper wouldn’t hear. “What did you tell him?”

  “I said a lot of things, most of which I’d rather not repeat here. I told him Piper was fine. She was with a good family.”

  “And he believed you?”

  “I’m not sure. He said he wanted to see her.”

  “No way, damn it! That asshole walked out on Piper when she was a baby. What makes him think he can just waltz back into her life now? After all this time? I don’t want him near her. He’s a loser with a record. He’s never been a father to her and she certainly doesn’t need him now!”

  Judy put her finger to her lips. “Shush! Not so loud. Piper will hear.”

  I clenched my teeth. “He can’t see her if I don’t want him to, right?”

  Judy shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Legally he’s her father.”

  “How do we know that for sure?” I asked. “Is there any way Piper’s dad could be someone else?”

  Judy shook her head. “Not a chance. Your mom was totally in love with George. She thought he was her knight in shining armor. She thought they could be better together and when she found out she was pregnant with Piper, she was even more convinced. It was her chance to be a mom again, to prove that she wasn’t the horrible mom everyone thought she was.”

  “Whose fault was that?”

  Now it was Judy’s turn to sigh. “Regardless of what you believe, she did the best she could.”

  “Yeah, well, her best wasn’t good enough.” I pushed my coffee cup away. Suddenly, I couldn’t stand the taste.

  Judy leaned in toward me. “She had a disease, Rachel. Come on. We talked about this. I don’t want to get into another argument over your mom’s lack of parenting skills.”

  I smirked. “What parenting skills? She had none.”

  “Rachel, please. I came to talk about Piper and her dad and what you thought we should do. He didn’t play the legal-right-to-see-his-daughter card, but that doesn’t mean he won’t. I suggest you find a lawyer, someone who can explain exactly what your rights are.”

  “And how am I going to afford that! Lawyers cost money and that’s not something I have a lot of.”

  Judy pulled her wallet out of her purse. “I stopped at the bank on my way here. Here’s two hundred. It’s not a lot, and I’ll try to get more later, but it’s a start.”

  I sat back in the chair and held up my hand. “I can’t take your money, Judy. I know how tough your life is. And I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you. A few months ago, I would’ve been happy, maybe even ecstatic, to have Piper’s dad take her away and give me my old life back, but a lot’s happened since then. I’ve come to love Piper and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that bastard take her away. I’ll figure it out.”

  Judy reached over and patted my hand. “I’ll make some calls and do some checking. See what I can find out about your rights and his. I promise I’ll do all I can. There’s no question Piper is better off with you. You’ve done a wonderful job with her. You’re a great big sister, Rachel. And that’s something you can feel really proud of.”

  We heard Piper come down the steps. She bounced into the kitchen. “Aunt Judy, are you done talking yet?”

  Judy looked at me.

  “Go ahead. I need to put the laundry into the dryer and cook noodles for lasagna. You’re welcome to stay for dinner.”

  Judy held up her hand. “I can’t tonight. I’m having my high-school girlfriends over for pizza. We get together every once in a while and it’s my turn to host.”

  Piper tugged on Judy’s arm. “Come on, Aunt Judy. Linda and Rachel Rose are waiting for us. Linda said you need to stop talking and come to our tea party.”

  I watched as Piper led Judy up the steps and I went to put the laundry into the dryer. As I transferred the clothes, I separated Piper’s pink princess shirt from my pale blue concert shirt. They’d become tangled in the washer and melded into a big knot. I struggled to separate her size six from my size medium. It wasn’t easy.

  After Judy left, I finished making my lasagna. It was the first time I’d made one from scratch. Usually I buy a frozen one and, honestly, a frozen one would’ve been cheaper. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided to make one on my own. I looked at the dishes scattered on the speckled counter. It was a lot of work.

  “Look what I made!”

  I turned around to see Piper holding a crayon drawing. She pointed to the large stick figure and then at the smaller one. “That’s Mary and that’s me sitting on the couch. Mary is reading Madeline. I love Madeline. I want to be as brave as she is.”

  I rubbed the top of her head. “I think
you’re very brave. You ride the bus all by yourself. That’s a very brave thing to do.”

  Piper nodded. “Can we invite Mary to eat with us?” Her pink bottom lip protruded. “Pretty please.”

  “Oh, Piper. I don’t know. Isn’t it sort of late to invite Mary to dinner?”

  She tilted her little head and her pout melted my heart. “Please.”

  I sighed. “Oh, okay. I’ll let you invite her, but don’t be disappointed if she can’t come on such short notice.”

  I pulled out my cellphone and dialed Mary’s number. When I heard the phone ring, I handed it to Piper.

  “Will you eat with us?” Piper blurted out.

  “Tell her who’s calling,” I whispered.

  “It’s me. Piper. Will you eat with us?”

  Piper nodded.

  “She can’t see you nodding,” I whispered. “You need to speak.”

  “Yes, she’s here.” Piper handed me the phone.

  “Hi, Mary. I’m making lasagna for dinner and Piper wanted to invite you. I know it’s last minute and I told her you probably wouldn’t be able to come… What? You can?” I flashed Piper a thumbs-up. “It’ll be ready in about an hour and a half. No. You don’t have to bring anything. Great! See you soon.”

  I hung up. “She’s coming. Just so happened she didn’t have any plans for tonight.”

  Piper jumped up and down. “Yippee!”

  “Now, I need you to help me clean up a bit before she comes.” I handed Piper the dust cloth. “Just wipe off the coffee table, end tables and TV and stand.”

  While Piper dusted I swept. It was a rush job, but at least it looked better than it did before. I fluffed up the sofa pillows and lit an apple-cinnamon candle I’d been saving for a special occasion. Piper insisted she set the table and I made a salad.

  She used a step stool to reach the utensil drawer. “And I need two forks for each of us. One for the salad and one for the lasagna.”

  Piper stepped off the stool and walked over to me, holding up a fork in each hand. “These forks are the same size. Mary had one big fork and one small fork.”

  Piper really had soaked up everything Mary had taught her. “Don’t worry about it, Pipe. Mary will understand we only have one type of fork.”