Cyberbile & Grounded

by Alana Valentine

  SCENE TWELVE

  FARRAH enters the library.

  NIGEL: Here you are.

  FARRAH: What?

  NIGEL: Shipwrecks of the NSW Coast. It’s in.

  FARRAH: Oh.

  NIGEL: Oh. Is that all you can say?

  FARRAH: Oh. Good?

  NIGEL: I get asked for this book three times a day. Four times a day. I have to say ‘No, it’s on hold. One of our regular borrowers.’ I’ve been holding it for a week.

  FARRAH: Who asks for it?

  NIGEL: Who doesn’t ask for it?

  FARRAH: Shipwrecks of the NSW Coast?

  NIGEL: They’re all out. Every book on shipping we have. Which, thanks to you, is quite a lot.

  FARRAH: Right.

  NIGEL: So.

  FARRAH: So what?

  NIGEL: So are you going to give me your library card?

  FARRAH: Actually, I don’t want to borrow it after all.

  NIGEL: You don’t want to borrow it?

  FARRAH: No.

  NIGEL: She doesn’t want to borrow it.

  FARRAH: No.

  NIGEL: Let me guess. More management DVDs?

  FARRAH: No, I’m good with that too.

  NIGEL: What are you trying to do to me, Farrah?

  FARRAH: How do you mean?

  NIGEL: Are you trying to make me go completely insane?

  FARRAH: No.

  NIGEL: Then what’s this about?

  FARRAH: I dunno.

  NIGEL: Just borrow it.

  FARRAH: I won’t read it.

  NIGEL: Why?

  FARRAH: I dunno.

  NIGEL: So suddenly you’ve lost interest in all of this just as everyone else has finally noticed it’s a port?

  FARRAH: I dunno.

  NIGEL: I thought this would be your finest hour.

  FARRAH: Yeah. Me too.

  NIGEL: But it hasn’t?

  FARRAH: No. It has.

  NIGEL: What are you talking about? You were so obsessed. You were a freak.

  FARRAH: Was I?

  NIGEL: Maybe it was the being a freak you liked, more than the ships.

  FARRAH: No, that’s not it.

  NIGEL: Sounds like it.

  FARRAH: I didn’t like being a freak.

  NIGEL: Are you sure?

  Pause.

  FARRAH: No.

  NIGEL: I’ll put this out for general borrowing then.

  FARRAH: Okay.

  SCENE THIRTEEN

  CHLOE: Why haven’t you been at school?

  FARRAH: I’ve been in bed.

  CHLOE: Like flu or something?

  FARRAH: Something.

  CHLOE: You’ve got to come back to school.

  FARRAH: Why?

  CHLOE: You are like instant cool.

  FARRAH: Am not.

  CHLOE: Are so.

  FARRAH: Why?

  CHLOE: Because of this boat shit.

  FARRAH: It’s a ship.

  CHLOE: It’s a gift.

  FARRAH: It’s a disaster.

  CHLOE: It’s a boon. You’re the bomb.

  FARRAH: Really?

  CHLOE: If you bothered to check your Myspace page you’ve got about 200 hits.

  FARRAH: We don’t have the internet on at home.

  CHLOE: How poor are you, Farrah? Everyone has the internet on at home.

  FARRAH: Fuck you.

  CHLOE: Well, fuck you, get it on your phone.

  FARRAH: With what?

  CHLOE: I dunno, get a fucking shipping company to sponsor you, girl, you’re a star. We’re gonna get you talk to the media about all this boat shit. Okay, so when did you first see it?

  FARRAH: I watched it happen.

  CHLOE: On TV?

  FARRAH: No, I was out there when it happened.

  CHLOE: Out where?

  FARRAH: At Nobbys lighthouse. I was cleaning off the graffiti and that’s when I saw it.

  CHLOE: You were out at the lighthouse.

  FARRAH: Yeah?

  Pause.

  CHLOE: Farrah, you don’t need to make stuff up like that. You’re already there.

  FARRAH: I’m not making it up.

  CHLOE: You were cleaning the graffiti and the storm came up and you just happened to be out there as the boat did its thing?

  FARRAH: Turned full astern, backed up into the waves and was sent onto the reef.

  CHLOE: You did not see that.

  FARRAH: I did.

  CHLOE: Oh, my God, you are going to be a rock star.

  FARRAH: Why?

  CHLOE: This thing has gone international, girl. There are people down there from interstate. Overseas. People are camping out to see it. They’re going to so want to talk to you.

  FARRAH: Have you seen it?

  CHLOE: No. I’m not interested in that boat-brain shit.

  Pause.

  FARRAH: Neither am I.

  CHLOE: We have to plan this. Like maybe you should call a media agent. I could call one for you. Like it sounds crazy but this whole thing is majorly crazy. What are you going to wear?

  FARRAH: I’m not interested anymore.

  CHLOE: Seriously, let me call ‘Sunrise’ or ‘Current Affair’. I bet I can get you on them.

  FARRAH: And say what? That someone I used to look up to just totally pissed on that?

  CHLOE: What?

  FARRAH: The ship is aground, Chloe. Even you must see that that’s a total horror?

  CHLOE: It’s not that bad.

  FARRAH: It is that bad. It’s totally incompetent.

  CHLOE: What do you mean used to look up to?

  FARRAH: Nothing. Forget it.

  CHLOE: I thought you looked up to the harbourmaster? What, you think he could have stopped it?

  FARRAH: Not the harbourmaster, the captain of the Pasha.

  CHLOE: You don’t even know him.

  FARRAH: He’s a captain, Chloe. A captain. How could he do this?

  CHLOE: I don’t get it.

  FARRAH: What if the White Stripes suddenly came out and said black, red and white were an evil colour combination or something.

  CHLOE: Jack would never say that.

  FARRAH: What if Meg did?

  CHLOE: She never would. It’s impossible.

  FARRAH: Yeah, and if the impossible happened how would you feel?

  CHLOE: But… you don’t even know this guy.

  FARRAH: Just shut up and piss off. I don’t know why I’m friends with some White Stripes fan anyway. It’s just retro punk shit. Get out of my face. Get out. Get out.

  SCENE FOURTEEN

  FARRAH is sitting on her own.

  JACK: Hi.

  FARRAH: Yes?

  JACK: I just said hi.

  FARRAH: What do you want?

  JACK: Nothing.

  FARRAH: Then get lost.

  JACK: There’s no need to be so aggro.

  FARRAH: What? No posse with you today?

  JACK: They’re over at Nobbys.

  FARRAH: With the rest of Newcastle.

  JACK: So what are you doing out here?

  FARRAH: I can be here. I can be anywhere I want. Dickhead.

  JACK: Just turn it down, Farrah.

  FARRAH: You hassled me.

  JACK: I know. We were just being stupid.

  FARRAH: You scared me. You shit.

  JACK: So I’m sorry.

  FARRAH: Too late.

  JACK: Come on.

  FARRAH: Don’t tell me come on. Don’t tell me that.

  JACK: Alright.

  FARRAH: You think you can just say ‘sorry’ and that’s it. I’m not even supposed to be out here. I promised my mother I wouldn’t come out here. And she only told me I couldn’t come because of you.

  JACK: Me?

  FARRAH: Like you. People like you.

  JACK: Alright.

  FARRAH: I promised. I promised my mother. And I still came out here.

  JACK: So, don’t tell her.

  FARRAH: Great. So I become a shitty little liar like you.

  J
ACK: Farrah, listen, I’ve tried to say sorry, alright? We weren’t going to hurt you. We were just trying to scare you a bit.

  FARRAH: Why?

  JACK: For a laugh.

  FARRAH: And what’s today about? You want to scare me again? You want to make my mother never trust me again?

  JACK: Farrah, you sound a bit crazy.

  FARRAH: Yeah, I am.

  JACK: Quit it.

  FARRAH: You scared now.

  JACK: Quit it.

  FARRAH: So what are you doing here?

  Pause.

  JACK: I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out. For real.

  FARRAH: What?

  JACK: Forget it. You’re still too pissed off.

  FARRAH: Hang out?

  JACK: Yeah.

  FARRAH: Like what?

  JACK: Like nothing. Like hang out and talk.

  FARRAH: Talk about what?

  JACK: Nothing.

  FARRAH: ’Cause I’m not into ships anymore.

  JACK: How come?

  FARRAH: Grown out of that shit.

  JACK: No you haven’t.

  FARRAH: Maybe I have.

  JACK: Nah.

  FARRAH: How do you know?

  JACK: Because I know how they make ya feel.

  FARRAH: Oh, yeah.

  JACK: Weak.

  FARRAH: You’d like that.

  JACK: They make ya feel weak and small.

  FARRAH: And that’d be good, would it?

  JACK: Yeah, because ships aren’t just beautiful. They’re sublime.

  FARRAH: Listen to it.

  JACK: Don’t do that.

  FARRAH: What?

  JACK: Take the piss.

  FARRAH: Well, come on. Sublime?

  JACK: Yeah, and what word would you use?

  FARRAH: Go on.

  JACK: Sublime. Beyond something being beautiful is a feeling of smallness, of delight in being dwarfed. Like by a mountain.

  FARRAH: Have you… I mean… have you felt that?

  JACK: Yeah.

  FARRAH: Yeah?

  JACK: It’s about like accepting that not everything that’s more, you know, powerful than ya needs to be, I dunno… bad.

  FARRAH: Yeah.

  JACK: Like I don’t like it when the Head makes ya feel small, or some witch in the servo or some pooncey mobile phone plan nob. But a ship like the Pasha, like the ones you dig, they’re awesome.

  FARRAH: Noble.

  JACK: Sure.

  FARRAH: Mmm.

  JACK: Is that what got you into them?

  FARRAH: I get the small thing, you know. Like and when I would look at the ships you know I’d feel small too but not small small like I’d handle it. Like when I was small next to a ship it was like cool to be small or something, you know.

  JACK: Yeah, and I reckon that’s what the Pasha’s made everyone in Newcastle feel, hey. It’s such a huge cock-up and it makes cock-ups I’ve done, like hassling people and then feeling really lame about it, it makes them seem less lame… like. That’s why everyone’s been so happy..

  FARRAH: I haven’t.

  JACK: Why?

  FARRAH: Dunno.

  JACK: Sulking.

  FARRAH: I’m not.

  JACK: But you’ve been into boats ever since your dad left. Sorry.

  FARRAH: You don’t even… He didn’t even leave.

  JACK: Yeah, he did.

  FARRAH: You don’t even know that.

  JACK: That’s what Chloe told me.

  FARRAH: Chloe. What?

  JACK: She told me that you miss your dad.

  FARRAH: I don’t even know him, okay.

  JACK: What, never?

  FARRAH: A while ago. But that doesn’t count.

  JACK: But you want to.

  FARRAH: Well, I’m sure he’s happy now with some… you know… on a ship somewhere… sailing away… with the salt in his hair… but in a good way.

  JACK: And is that where you want to be?

  FARRAH: Look, it’s just an interest. I’m not obsessed and I’m not weird.

  JACK: I like boats. Not like you. I like skateboards, but I’m not obsessed. My dad helped me build it.

  FARRAH: Lucky you.

  JACK: So… you want to go down and see the Pasha Bulker?

  FARRAH: Why?

  JACK: Just to hang out. Together.

  FARRAH: Yeah. Okay.

  SCENE FIFTEEN

  The FIGURES enter, they are a mosh pit crowd and CHLOE is a rock star, microphone in hand, rapping the poem.

  FIGURE 1: But just for love does Chloe send an email to the man.

  CHLOE: My friend was out on Nobbys when the Pasha came to land.

  My friend was in the wind and rain and saw the ship aground.

  Then went inside the lighthouse to watch it toss and found.

  My friend can give an eyewitness account of all she saw.

  You’re probably someone who won’t find it all a bore.

  My friend she’s not so popular because she’s into ships.

  And all the peer rejection has turned her into quite a bitch.

  Since the Pasha grounded she’s been off without a trace.

  The other day she yelled at me to get out of her face.

  And now I don’t have any friends to talk to through the week.

  I think it would be really good if you agreed to meet.

  I know you’re really busy and don’t have time for this

  I know you’re an important man with a super long ‘to do’ list

  But she’s my only friend you see and it wouldn’t be a chore.

  ’Cause maybe it’s of interest to know all the things she saw.

  And maybe you can tell her that it was Chloe who wrote to you

  And maybe that would make us find a way to start anew.

  CHLOE turns and falls backward into the arms of the crowd who carry her off.

  SCENE SIXTEEN

  FARRAH and her mother, MATILDA, enter.

  MATILDA ALL: You’re not ready.

  FARRAH: I’m not going.

  MATILDA ALL: Are you sure?

  FARRAH: Yep.

  MATILDA 1: You’ve wanted to meet the harbourmaster all your life.

  FARRAH: She shouldn’t have written to him.

  MATILDA 2: Why not?

  FARRAH: It’s so embarrassing.

  MATILDA 3: I think it was a very nice thing to do.

  FARRAH: She did it to spite me.

  MATILDA 1: I don’t think so.

  FARRAH: Yeah, she knew it would really embarrass me.

  MATILDA 2: I think that’s unkind. Very unkind.

  FARRAH: Well, why would she think I’d even want to meet him?

  MATILDA 3: Even I know you want to meet him.

  FARRAH: He’ll ask me.

  MATILDA ALL: What?

  FARRAH: Whether I want to be a marine pilot or not.

  MATILDA ALL: Then tell him.

  FARRAH: I don’t know.

  MATILDA ALL: You must have some idea.

  Pause.

  FARRAH: I can explain it but you won’t understand.

  MATILDA ALL: Try me.

  FARRAH: It’s like I’m stuck on dead slow ahead. The swell has risen and the pilot has called dead slow ahead and even with the engine running I’m not moving.

  MATILDA 1: You’re right. I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.

  FARRAH: Imagine I’m a fish and I’m swimming upstream and the current coming the other way is so strong that I’m swimming as hard as I can but I’m not going anywhere.

  MATILDA 2: Why not?

  FARRAH: Because. Because I’ve always been so sure what I wanted to be.

  MATILDA 3: Okay.

  FARRAH: And now I’m unsure.

  MATILDA 1: It’s alright to be unsure.

  FARRAH: It’s not. Because I’m not just unsure about one thing. I’m unsure about everything. All at once.

  MATILDA 2: Unfortunately, darling, that’s what making a decision is all about.

&nb
sp; FARRAH: But how can you make a decision that will affect everything about your life?

  MATILDA 3: Stop trying to decide and just see.

  FARRAH: Just wait for the tide?

  MATILDA 1: If you like.

  FARRAH: I’m the one who’s grounded here, Mum. I’m high and dry. I’m not just going to float off with the tide. And I feel like I might break into a thousand pieces.

  MATILDA 3: Honestly.

  FARRAH: What?

  MATILDA 1: You need to calm down, Farrah. You’re not grounded. You’re just negotiating your way down a very narrow channel.

  FARRAH laughs.

  MATILDA 2: What?

  FARRAH: You’re describing it in shipping terms.

  MATILDA 3: Well, that’s all you seem to understand.

  FARRAH: Was he a seaman?

  MATILDA 1: Who?

  FARRAH: My father.

  MATILDA 1: Yes. You know he was a sailor.

  FARRAH: A steward or a deckhand?

  MATILDA 1: Do you know I don’t even know.

  Pause.

  FARRAH: Why haven’t we ever talked about him?

  MATILDA 1: ’Cause I guess I’m ashamed of how little there is to tell. You were the baby I wanted and I guess I always thought that would have to be enough.

  FARRAH: I know you wanted me.

  MATILDA 1: More than anything in the world.

  They embrace.

  Go on.

  FARRAH: What?

  MATILDA 2: Go and find out when they’re going to get that boat off my bloody beach.

  FARRAH: It’s not a boat.

  MATILDA 3: Yeah. I know.

  SCENE SEVENTEEN

  FARRAH and HARBOURMASTER.

  HARBOURMASTER: Hi, I’m Franklin Fitter.

  FARRAH: Hello. You’re Captain Fitter.

  HARBOURMASTER: Nice to meet you.

  FARRAH: You’re the harbourmaster.

  HARBOURMASTER: That’s right.

  FARRAH: Really?

  HARBOURMASTER: I understand that you want to be a marine pilot, Farrah.

  FARRAH: It was a phase.