The Women Who Raised Me
Page 34
I sent you scapulars blest by Fr. Crowley. I bought those. We all wear ours all the time as the Virgin Mary suggests. I hope you finish your book. I hope your play is doing well. Write and tell me all about it…
Your loving Mother
oooxxx
I come away from writing about my life experience with infinite gratitude and renewed strength—grateful for everything that was realized and denied. Rising above crushing disappointments and holding on to hope and the ambition to succeed against all odds.
Take caution before writing about your journey and be fortified in every way, mentally, physically, and spiritually so that you may best navigate a most emotional and arduous undertaking, requiring a true reconciliation with the past and a dependable support team.
A single idea was fostered and each mother took the baton passing it on to the next. In addition to all of the women mentioned in my book, there are many others including my first grade teacher, Mrs. Race, my third grade teacher, Mrs. Chambers, and Mrs. Edith Sanders, who took me to the Table Talk Pie factory weekly to get fresh miniature pies. All of these women made an indelible impression upon me: my first big sister at St. Patrick’s, Miriam Toppin-Banks, and the dancer/actor brigade in New York City who slugged it out with me, Merle Holloman, Colleen O’Callaghan, Megan Murphy-Matheson, Jennifer Douglas, Susan Jaffe, Kimberly Von Brandenstein Stone, Lisa Headley, Joselyn Lorenz, LaChanze, Kiki Shepard, and Julie Satterfield-Auerbach. The whole team at Seventeen magazine that kept me employed in the seventies. Inez Liben, Mae Questel, Stacey Muller, Mrs. Gloria Smart, and Karen Broduer who gave me conversation, a cup of coffee, and a shoulder to rest on, thank you.
To my Los Angeles sisters, Madisonn McBride, Brenda Epperson-Moore, Lisa Quercioli, and Nancy Martinez-Morrison—thank you for always, always having my back. Dr. Tracey Jayne Fein, M.D., who brought my first born into the world and my childhood friend, Dr. Laura Riley Henderson, M.D., who proved that the power of studying classical ballet goes way beyond a simple plié.
This book would not have been possible if it were not for the remarkable patience and good humor of my children, Maya and Jasper, and their fathers, Tom and Wynton. I love you all. To my personal assistant, sister, and spiritual guide, Manuela Menz Hesslup, thank you for the hours of loving support you showed to my children and me and for all of the heartfelt prayers you showered upon us. Never was there a moment I couldn’t lean into your strength to finish this memoir.
Not overnight, but soon, I returned to a life whole—not perfect, but victorious in having done the work—thanks to the gentle intercession of my sisters, work I previously had no idea how to approach. At forty-three, I was truly emancipated and began living my powerful life—free in the best sense of the word.
Often, multiple creative undertakings as well as personal ones occupy the space and time of so many of the women I know. We have to pause and breathe and remember that we are powerful works in progress—and that we are enough just the way we are.
In the deluge of memories through which I have been rummaging in my basement and other places to tell my story, one common observation best describes all of the women who raised me—none of them wasted time or energy. Each tackled the day before them as though it were their last. Every vestige of everything was utilized—even the marrow in a bone. Agatha always said, “It’s the most important part.”
Whatever the circumstances of my life, I own them completely and have lived through them to tell you my story.
To those suffering from addictions, mental and physical illnesses, all foster youth, foster adults, orphans, those who have been adopted and God’s older children—the elderly:
In every child who is born under no matter what circumstances and of no matter what parents, the potentiality of the human race is born again, and in him, too, once more, and each of us, our terrific responsibility toward human life: toward the utmost idea of goodness…
—James Agee
I was born with no prenatal care and in quarantine because my mother, Dorothy, was so ill and filthy. How we all get here is an absolute miracle and what we do with that miracle as individuals in our brief lifetime is a universal privilege. I love my mother because in spite of her inner struggle she gave me the ultimate gift—life!
“…Nature in casual bounty to women sends into the world as patient listeners.”
—Douglas Jerrold
Mother of Maine, 1895
GRATITUDES
For my friend, mentor, teacher and sister, Mim Eichler Rivas, I hold a special place of gratitude. I thank you on behalf of all of the women who raised me for taking me under your steady wing and by my hand, for putting the pen between my uncertain fingers and patiently encouraging me to fly and to trust my own writing, a gift of a lifetime. There is no better teacher or more generous soul. I thank you—we all thank you.
I would like to thank my literary agent, Elizabeth Kaplan, for believing in me and taking the time to teach, listen, and deliver my truth into the best hands of my editor, Henry Ferris at HarperCollins/William Morrow.
Dear Henry,
Thank you for all of your patience and enthusiasm over The Women Who Raised Me. Thank you for teaching me as we went along, lifting me when I was exhausted. Thank you for designing such a beautiful cover (bet you didn’t know that blue was the color for National Foster Care Month). It has been a rare and remarkable experience for me and I am honored that you made it so special.
Love,
Vicki
Thank you Salvation Army, Morgan Memorials. Bobby from Boston and every mom and pop antique shop across the nation for supporting the resale of used furniture clothing and books. If it were not for your commitment to community and literacy, I never could have afforded myself the luxury of a desk and chair in my youth and an extended education.
I would like to pay special tribute to William J. Bell. When I arrived in Los Angeles in 1990, uncertain, with an infant daughter, one man made all the difference. I will forever remember Bill Bell for his loving kindness and generosity. Bill Bell and his wife, Lee Phillip-Bell, supported my work on and off Stage 41 and 43 at CBS Television City, sponsoring productions of The Rowell Foster Children’s Positive Plan on more than one occasion to ensure its success. I thank his sister Mary and will always remember the story he shared with me about his beloved mother, Gertrude “Trudy” Bell, and her commitment to adoption. Thank you Dick Van Dyke, Fred Silverman, Dean Hargrove, and Perry Simon, and Viacom for writing scripts that authentically reflected the challenges that foster children face and giving me my first theatrical writing assignment, allowing me to join the Writers Guild of America. Thank you Viacom and Paul Mason for hiring older emancipated foster youth as production assistants on the production of Diagnosis Murder, and lastly for giving me the opportunity to work with so many legendary actors, one of whom was the late Steve Allen. We talked and exchanged music information. Later, Mr. Allen sent me a complete set of his musical compositions. Another treasure.
In closing I wish to extend special thanks to where it all began, in a barn in Maine. Thank you National Endowment for the Arts and The Ford Foundation for making this dream of mine possible with the support of Esther Brooks. The scholarship support went a long way! American Ballet Theatre School, American Ballet Theatre II, Ballet Hispanico, Arthur Mitchell, and School of American Ballet, thank you for the education of a lifetime! Julliard—thank you for introducing me to a man who became a friend, the incomparable Anthony Tudor. Thank you Americans for the Arts for keeping America on pointe, reminding a nation that Louis Armstrong was not the first man on the moon. Thank you the United States Conference of Mayors and your commitment to children and art, believing that Art Saves Lives. Thank you Lebanon Historical Society, Wilson’s Publishing in Sanford, Maine. Thank you Veronica Nichols for all of your assistance.
Thank you Margie Cortez for helping me keep all the balls in the air, for being a no-matter-what friend, and a corporate thinker. You are one of the best people I have ever met in my l
ife.
The Women Who Raised Me is a quilt and each woman gave me a piece of herself to sew together, to make me whole.
RESOURCES
THE ALLIANCE FOR CHILDREN’S RIGHTS—protecting the rights and future of abused and impoverished children throughout Los Angeles County. www.kids-alliance.org
3333 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 550
Los Angeles, CA 90010-4111
Phone: 213-368-6010
Fax: 213-368-6016
AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE—dedicated, passionate people who come together to make sure that commitment to the best in dance and movement is upheld and available to all who seek it out.
www.abt.org
Kevin McKenzie, artistic director
Rachel S. Moore, executive director
890 Broadway
New York, NY 10003
Phone: 212-477-3030
Fax: 212-254-5938
AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE SCHOLARSHIP FUND—John Banta
AMERICANS FOR THE ARTS—dedicated to representing and serving local communities and creating opportunities for every American to participate in and appreciate all forms of the arts.
www.artsusa.org
Robert L. Lynch, president and CEO
1000 Vermont Avenue, NW
6th Floor
Washington, D.C. 20005
Phone: 202-371-2830
Fax: 202-371-0424
THE ANNIE E. CASEY FOUNDATION—to foster public policies, human service reforms, and community supports that more effectively meet the needs of today’s vulnerable children and families.
www.aecf.org
Douglas Nelson, president
701 St. Paul Street
Baltimore, MD 21202
info@aecf.org
Phone: 410-547-6600
CASEY FAMILY SERVICES—the direct service agency of the Annie E. Casey Foundation.
www.caseyfamilyservices.org
Raymond L. Torres, executive director
Lee Mullane, communications director
127 Church Street
New Haven, CT 06510
info@caseyfamilyservices.org
Phone: 203-401-6900
ANTI SELF-DESTRUCTION INC.—to assist youth in making the transition from adolescence to adulthood.
www.antiselfdestruction.org
821 Centinela Avenue, Suite #8
Inglewood, CA 90302
adinc7@earthlink.net
Phone/Fax: 310-672-6694
CALIFORNIA YOUTH CONNECTION—promotes the participation of foster youth in policy development and legislative change to improve the foster care system.
www.calyouthconn.org
CYC Statewide Office
604 Mission Street, 9th Floor
San Francisco, CA 94105
Toll free: 800-397-8236
Phone: 415-442-5060
Fax: 415-442-0720
CYC Southern Regional Office
The Pacific Center
523 West 6th Street, # 365
Los Angeles, CA 90014
Phone: 213-489-0720
Fax: 213-489-0620
CYC Northern Regional Office
1650 Oregon Street
Redding, CA 96001
Phone: 530-243-8450
Fax: 530-243-8650
CASEY FAMILY PROGRAMS—to provide and improve—and ultimately to prevent the need for—foster care
www.casey.org
William C. Bell, president and CEO
1300 Dexter Avenue North, Floor 3
Seattle, WA 98109-3542
contactus@casey.org
Phone: 206-282-7300
CHILD WELFARE LEAGUE OF AMERICA—an association of nearly 800 public and private nonprofit agencies that assist more than 3.5 million abused and neglected children and their families each year with a range of services.
www.cwla.org
Headquarters
Shay Bilchik, president and CEO
440 First Street, NW, Third Floor
Washington, D.C. 20001-2085
Phone: 202-638-2952
Fax: 202-638-4004
CHILDREN’S LAW CENTER OF LOS ANGELES—created over a decade ago to serve as appointed counsel for children who have been abused, neglected, or abandoned.
www.clcla.org
201 Centre Plaza Drive, Suite 10
Monterey Park, CA 91754-2178
Phone: 323-980-1700
Fax: 323-980-1708
CONGRESSIONAL COALITION ON ADOPTION INSTITUTE (CCAI)—dedicated to raising awareness about the tens of thousands of orphans and foster children in the United States and the millions of orphans around the world in need of permanent, safe, and loving homes through adoption; and to eliminating the barriers that hinder these children from realizing their basic right of a family.
www.ccainstitute.org
Deanna Carlson Stacy, executive director
6723 Whittier Ave, Suite 406
McLean, VA 22101
info@ccainstitute.org
Phone: 703-288-9700
Fax: 703-288-0999
THE DAVID AND MARGARET HOME—a refuge for children in need.
www.dmhome.org
1350 Third Street
La Verne, CA 91750
Information@DMHome.Org
Phone: 909-596-5921
Fax: 909-596-3954
DCFS—LOS ANGELES COUNTY DEPARTMENT OF CHILDREN AND FAMILY SERVICES—with community partners, provides a comprehensive child protection system of prevention, preservation, and permanency to ensure that children grow up safe, physically and emotionally healthy, educated, and in permanent homes.
http://dcfs.co.la.ca.us
Patricia S. Ploehn, LCSW, executive director
425 Shatto Place
Los Angeles, CA 90020
Headquarters’ receptionist: 213-351-5507
Public info line: 213-351-5602
EVAN B. DONALDSON ADOPTION INSTITUTE—to provide leadership that improves adoption laws, policies, and practices—through sound research, education, and advocacy—in order to better the lives of everyone touched by adoption.
www.adoptioninstitute.org
Adam Pertman, executive director
56 Hartford Street
Newton, MA 02461
info@adoptioninstitute.org
Phone: 617-332-8944
Fax: 775-796-6592
FOSTER CARE ALUMNI OF AMERICA—the only national organization that provides opportunities for alumni of foster care to join together and to use their experiences and power to effect positive change.
www.fostercarealumni.org
Nathan Monell, executive director
118 South Royal Street
2nd Floor
Alexandria, VA 22314
admin@fostercarealumni.org
Phone: 703-299-6767
FREDDIE MAC FOUNDATION—creating hope and opportunity for children and their families.
www.freddiemacfoundation.org
Maxine Baker, president and CEO
Renette Oklewicz, manager Foster Care Programs
8250 Jones Branch Drive
Mailstop A40
McLean, VA 22102
Freddiemac_foundation@freddiemac.com
Phone: 703-918-8888
Fax: 703-918-8895
GINA ALEXANDER PHILANTHROPY PROJECT (GAPP)
www.ginaalexander.com/philanthropy.htm
Gina Alexander, executive director
P.O. Box 1919
Burbank, CA 91507-1919
gina@ginaalexander.com
Phone: 818-843-2562
Fax: 818-843-7311
HARLEM DOWLING-WEST SIDE CENTER—a multiservice agency providing out-of-home foster care, adoption, therapeutic placement, supportive housing for youth aging out of foster care, and other support services.
www.harlemdowling.org
Administrative Offices
2090 Adam Clayton Powell Jr., Blvd.
New York, NY 10027
Phone: 212-749-3656
Fax: 212-678-1094<
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HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH—CENTER FOR HEALTH COMMUNICATION—researching and analyzing the contributions of mass communication to behavior change and policy by preparing future health leaders to utilize communication strategies, and by strengthening communication between journalists and health professionals.
www.hsph.harvard.edu/chc/
Center for Health Communication
Harvard School of Public Health
677 Huntington Avenue
Boston, MA 02115
chc@hsph.harvard.edu
Phone: 617-432-1038
Fax: 617-731-8184
WHO MENTORED YOU—thank them, and pass it on…mentor a child!