Keeping the Peace

by Hannah Hooton

  Emmie’s hopeful look faded.

  ‘That’d probably be out of our price range too.’

  Pippa shrugged.

  ‘If we do a private sale, it will at least knock off the agents’ fees.’

  ‘Hazyvale would be perfect. And Billy loved it when he went round to help with the garden,’ mused Emmie. ‘How much are you selling it for?’

  ‘I don’t know yet. I’ve got someone coming tomorrow lunchtime to value it.’

  Pippa received a surge of nervous excitement every time she thought of what price the agents might consider it to be worth.

  ‘Good luck with that. I know you’ve worked really hard on the house so I hope you get good valuations, but... on the other hand, if the price is anything like this house here,’ she sighed, pointing at the screen, ‘then Billy and I will never be able to get a mortgage big enough.’

  Pippa nodded. She also hoped the agents would give her good news. What if they pitched up and told her that her idea of renovating a cottage wasn’t the same as theirs and she might just as well have saved herself the trouble and sold it as it was?

  She shuddered. It didn’t bear thinking about.

  ‘If you sell then where are you going to live?’ Emmie asked.

  Pippa dropped her gaze and straightened up to return to her own desk.

  ‘I’ll probably go back to London,’ she said, offhand.

  Emmie looked horrified.

  ‘London? What about everything here at Aspen Valley?’

  Pippa fiddled with her pen and shrugged.

  ‘This was never a long-term job. I was always going to leave at the end of the season.’

  ‘But what about Jack?’

  Pippa looked up sharply.

  ‘What about Jack?’

  ‘How’s he going to cope without you? I mean, I’m still really slow with all this paperwork. And there’s just so much of it. I’ll do his head in.’

  ‘You’ll be fine. Everything’s starting to quieten down now.’ She paused, to ensure her regrets about Jack were well and truly camouflaged. ‘Jack will cope just fine without me.’

  The clock on the reception wall struck five o’clock the following afternoon and Pippa watched Emmie pack up for the day. The girl paused when she saw Pippa not moving from her desk.

  ‘Are you staying late?’

  Pippa nodded.

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, pulling a face. ‘That agent that came round at lunch took ages looking round. I didn’t think they would ask so many questions just because the cottage is old.’

  Emmie grinned.

  ‘You must have answered them right. Even though I’m sorry we won’t be able to afford it, I’m glad your hard work has paid off.’

  ‘Thanks, Emmie. Me too. I’d have much preferred you and Billy to live there. See you tomorrow.’ She smiled and waved goodbye to Emmie.

  With the door closed behind her, Pippa leant back in her chair and sighed. Only the purr of her computer’s fan punctuated the eerie quiet which descended over the office. Relief that the estate agent today had valued Hazyvale at a pleasing amount was tinged with regret that she would be leaving it soon. She hadn’t realised she’d grown so attached to the cottage.

  She glanced towards Jack’s office, closed while its usual occupier was off racing at Wincanton. She hadn’t meant to become so attached to him either.

  Pippa chewed her lip. It wasn’t a matter of leaving the area that was going to keep them apart. It seemed the crack in their relationship, which she’d first noticed on Sunday morning, had widened into a canyon. An unbridgeable one.

  Shaking her head, she stood up. She retrieved the Entries and Declarations notebook from Emmie’s desk to take through to Jack’s office, ready for the following morning. Emmie had input that day’s lists to practice.

  Flicking idly through the pages as she walked, she paused before putting it on Jack’s desk. She frowned at that day’s entries. Realisation crept over and her fingers trembled.

  The banging of the reception door made her swing round. Jack appeared in the doorway. He stopped when he saw Pippa in his office.

  ‘Pippa, what are you doing here?’

  She looked at him, balling her fists to curb her shaking. She lifted the notebook for him to see.

  ‘I was just putting this back on your desk for tomorrow.’ She swallowed and took a ragged breath. ‘Emmie did them today. She didn’t mention that Finn isn’t riding any of the horses though. You’ve got Mick Farrelly as first string.’

  Jack sighed and carried on into the office. He shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. Pippa watched him, her anger simmering and waited for his excuse.

  ‘Finn and Aspen Valley have called it quits,’ he said at last.

  Pippa gasped.

  ‘You fired him?’

  ‘No –’

  ‘Jack! How could you?’ she cried. ‘He was being blackmailed! By your girlfriend!’

  ‘Pippa –’

  The frustrations of her pent up emotions exploded in indignation.

  ‘When did you decide to fire him? Did you decide right then in the hotel room and just waited for a time most convenient to you –’

  ‘PIPPA!’ Jack exclaimed. ‘Will you listen for a moment?’

  Like an escalating bush fire that needed only a spark to start it, Pippa glared at him.

  ‘Why should I?’ she said. ‘Why, when it suits you, should I stand here and listen? After being completely ignored since Sunday? You just left me! How do you think that makes me feel, huh, Jack? Cheap and used, that’s what! And now, having to stand here and tell you this, it makes me look desperate and pathetic! Cheap, used, desperate and pathetic. They’re not exactly qualities to be proud of.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re cheap –’

  ‘No, but what you can’t stop thinking of is that I’m your secretary, can you?’ she challenged him.

  She tried to control her breathing as she waited for his reply. Her chest heaved at the strain.

  Jack stared at her, his jaw set, his eyes indigo.

  ‘Would that be so inaccurate?’ he replied, his tone menacing. Pippa felt like she’d been stabbed. ‘What happened over the weekend –’

  ‘It was a mistake, Jack!’ she shouted. ‘You’re right, what we did was a mistake!’

  The muscle in Jack’s jaw leapt. He swallowed.

  ‘I was going to say,’ he continued in a quiet voice, ‘what happened over the weekend – what happened on Friday night has nothing to do with Finn not riding for Aspen Valley anymore.’

  Pippa took a step backwards.

  Jack glared at her.

  ‘But now that you mention it, perhaps you’re right. What happened on Saturday night probably was a mistake.’

  Pippa’ lower lip quivered and she bit it hard. What had she done?

  ‘What?’ she whispered.

  ‘Finn’s leaving because the damn fool thinks he’s in love with you. You see what I mean about relationships in the workplace? This is what happens. It never works!’

  ‘Finn’s in love with me?’ Pippa shook her head. ‘But he and I aren’t having a relationship. We were just friends!’ Anger flooded her stomach again as tears pricked her eyes. ‘And a damn fool? Is that the only type of person you think could love me? And relationships can work in the workplace! Look at Emmie and Billy! All it takes is for both parties to want to make it work! I might not have wanted to make things work with Finn, but –’ Her voice quavered and she gulped down a wave of tears. ‘But I did want to make it work with you.’

  Jack’s expression was pained. He looked away and stared sullenly at his desk.

  Pippa stepped back again. She was fighting a losing battle against the tears.

  ‘I can’t do this,’ she whispered as she retreated.

  Jack looked up sharply and opened his mouth to say something.

  Pippa didn’t think her emotions could take any more abuse. She interrupted him.

  ‘I have to go. It’s tim
e I went anyway.’

  ‘What? Wait! What do you mean?’

  She paused by the door. Jack looked at her in horror.

  ‘I quit, Jack.’

  Chapter Forty-Four

  The 11pm news broadcast was rounding off its headlines as Pippa pulled into a parking space down the street from Tash’s flat.

  ‘And Pippa Taylor quits her job as secretary to National Hunt trainer, Jack Carmichael, and forfeits all chances of a future relationship or happiness,’ she added to the newsreader’s stories as she killed the ignition. With a despondent sigh, she hauled herself out of the car to unload her two lumpy suitcases.

  After beeping her into the building, Tash met her halfway down the stairs. Pippa closed her eyes as her friend hugged her tight and rocked her, finding comfort at last.

  ‘My poor Pip. Come on, let me have one of those. They look like they weigh a ton. Then come upstairs and tell Auntie Tashie everything.’

  With a grateful smile, Pippa handed over one of her cases.

  ‘Thanks, Tash,’ she said, following her up the narrow stairwell to the second floor flat. ‘I’m sorry to barge in on you like this. I just couldn’t face being alone at Hazyvale, so close to – to him.’

  ‘Pah! It’s nothing. It’ll be good to have some company. I’ve been lonely since you left London, you know.’

  They dropped the suitcases in the front room and Pippa looked to Tash for reassurance.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Of course I have, you muppet.’ Tash shook her head and gave her another hug.

  ‘I probably won’t be very good company.’

  ‘No sweat. As long as you appear to be listening when I babble on, then you’re company enough for me. Now, come on, let’s have a smile, eh?’ Tash gave her a reproachful look. ‘You look shattered. How about some hot chocolate? No better cure for a broken heart, regardless of how often Smirnoff might tell you otherwise. Then we can sit on my bed and chat in comfort.’

  Settled cross-legged on Tash’s king-size bed, wrapped in a fluffy blanket and sipping hot chocolate, Pippa gave a small giggle.

  ‘You’re right. I’m feeling a bit better already.’

  ‘That’a girl. So, go on, I get a tiny-voiced Pippa on the phone to me saying “can I come stay with you for a while” with no further explanation. I haven’t been on such tenterhooks since Dirty Den came back to EastEnders after fifteen-odd years and said “’Ello, Princess” to Sharon.’

  Pippa looked down at the Eeyore-print blanket and picked at the fluff.

  ‘I quit.’

  ‘Oh, sweets.’

  ‘Jack and I had a fight. I said sleeping with him had been a mistake.’ Pippa looked up, her bottom lip trembling. ‘But I didn’t mean it, not really. You know how when you panic you say things – things which you think will protect you, but which – which don’t in the end...’

  ‘What did Jack say?’ Tash probed gently.

  ‘He agreed. Told me the same old story about relationships in the workplace.’

  ‘It’s a bit late for him to use that excuse. He should have thought about that before seducing you.’

  Pippa smiled.

  ‘It might have been the other way round. Technically, you might say I seduced him.’

  ‘Sweets, he’s been seducing you since you first walked into his yard. It’s just that neither of you recognised it at the time.’

  Pippa shrugged.

  ‘Well, anyway, maybe he’s right. The past couple of days have been torture in the office. He didn’t know how to act around me and I wasn’t much better. I didn’t have a clue how to be around him.’

  ‘Sure, it can be tricky. But he’s your boss. He had a responsibility towards you and directing where you’d both go after your Big Night.’

  ‘Maybe he was being responsible then. Maybe the way he’s been acting these past couple of days is his way of directing our relationship. Directing it towards This-Won’t-Happen-Again Street.’

  ‘Come on. Jack having one-night-stands? That doesn’t sound like his style, Pip, I have to say. He wouldn’t have slept with you unless he cared a helluva lot for you.’

  Pippa shook her head and slurped her drink. The liquid scalded her tongue.

  ‘Couldn’t have cared that much. Why didn’t he stop me when I left?’

  Tash leaned forward and rubbed her shoulder in a consoling gesture.

  ‘Maybe he was also feeling a little hurt? A little scared maybe?’ she suggested.

  Pippa’s tears, which she’d managed to keep dammed up for the past few hours, welled in her eyes. The thought of hurting Jack was almost as upsetting as the other way round.

  ‘You think? I don’t want him to hurt, Tash,’ she whispered.

  ‘Agh, stop. You’re going to make me cry and I’m not kidding.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Pippa said and brushed away an escapee tear making a getaway dash down her cheek.

  Tash sighed and looked at her imploringly.

  ‘You love him, don’t you?’

  Pippa looked down at Eeyore’s woeful expression again. Another tear splashed onto the donkey’s nose. She nodded then gave a mirthless snort.

  ‘I think I’m only realising that now though. Same old story, isn’t it? You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.’

  ‘Maybe he’ll realise the same thing then.’

  Pippa gave her a searching look.

  ‘That he might be in love with me? But what if he realises he’s not? I can’t go back to find out. It’d kill me if I knew for sure that he’s not. I’d rather stay here not knowing than face the truth.’

  ‘Oh, Pip.’

  ‘I know you’re thinking I’m a coward, but –’

  ‘I don’t think you’re a coward at all,’ Tash interrupted. ‘Hell, you’re one the bravest people I know. And you don’t have to go anywhere until you feel ready. You’re staying right here with me. Okay?’

  Pippa gave her a wobbly smile.

  ‘Thanks, Tash. You’re a mate.’

  ‘What are best friends for, eh?’ She reached out and squeezed Pippa’s knee.

  Tash perhaps didn’t reckon on just how long it would take Pippa to feel ready. A week later, Pippa was still holed up in the spare bedroom. She sat hunched on a stool in front of her easel in the corner of the cramped room. Beneath the tip of her brush, Bristol Harbour in the spring glittered in acrylic sunshine. She couldn’t bring herself to paint the landscapes which had surrounded her for the past five months, but when she’d spoken to Deidre Forrester the other day, agreeing to take part in the Kings Gallery art exhibition, she’d been asked to produce a variety of work and not just equestrian art.

  Her mobile vibrated on her bedside table, making her paintbrush jump across the canvas. Tutting, Pippa went to retrieve it. Her hand paused over it when she saw the caller ID.

  Aspen Valley

  She hadn’t heard from Jack since she’d walked out a week ago. Why now? To have him pick up the phone and consciously dial her number must have warranted a very good reason.

  She hesitated. Was it a reason she wanted to know or didn’t already know for that matter?

  With a trembling touch, she accepted the call.

  ‘Hello?’ she answered in a small voice.

  ‘Hi Pippa, it’s Emmie.’

  Pippa exhaled and sat down on the bed with a bounce. Her heart, having stopped just a moment ago, now palpitated in her chest.

  ‘Hi, Emmie. You all right?’

  ‘Yeah, not bad, thanks. I mean great in some respects, but not so great in others.’

  Pippa’s throat contracted.

  ‘Is the baby okay?’

  ‘Oh, yes!’ Emmie giggled. ‘The baby’s fine, don’t panic. I felt it kick for the first time yesterday. I think it was taking exception to the noise in the office.’

  Pippa frowned, her imagination flitting from wild celebration parties being held in her absence to Jack attacking her desk with a sledgehammer.

  ‘What’s been so noisy in th
e office?’

  ‘Just Jack.’ Emmie lowered her voice conspiratorially. ‘He’s been a right grouch since you left. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry as he was yesterday.’

  Pippa tried to control her breathing.

  ‘Why was he angry?’ she asked, trying to sound as uninterested as she could.

  ‘It was over nothing really. Some horses were turned out in a paddock which is meant to be rested and he got really angry about that. So I made him a cup of that chamomile tea to see if it would calm him down and he completely lost it. Refused to drink it. Told me to throw the box in the kitchen away. Said he didn’t want to see it again. He slammed the door so hard, your lovely painting on the wall here fell off. And all over a cup of tea!’

  Pippa’s pulse quickened. She didn’t want Jack to be angry or miserable, but maybe it was what had to happen before he realised he needed her in his life?

  ‘Why did you leave, if you don’t mind me asking?’ Emmie asked. ‘Jack said you had some personal problems which you had to sort out. Is everything okay? Billy and I stopped by Hazyvale a couple of times on the way home from work and there haven’t been any lights on. Are you not at home?’

  ‘No, I’m in London. Just... like Jack said, just sorting out some personal problems.’ Pippa smiled wryly. Emmie would have had no idea that the personal problem Jack had given as an excuse was himself.

  ‘Are you coming back?’

  She pulled a face and looked down at the carpet. How she wished she could give an affirmative answer.

  ‘No, I don’t think so. My job was coming to an end soon anyway.’

  ‘Oh, that’s too bad. We miss you, you know.’ Emmie giggled. ‘Maybe that’s why Jack’s been such a tyrant lately. Maybe he misses you too.’

  Pippa forced a laugh which dried very quickly in her throat and turned into a cough.

  ‘Anyway, the reason I’m calling, Pippa, is that I’ve got great news. You know I told you Billy and I couldn’t afford Hazyvale by ourselves?’

  ‘Yes?’ Despite herself, Pippa felt her breath quicken.

  ‘Well, our parents have announced that they’re going to chip in and help us pay for it! Isn’t that fantastic?’ Emmie squeaked.