The Back Building

by Julie Dewey

  Contents

  The Back Building

  Copyright Notice

  Part 1

  Chapter One Iona, 1915

  Chapter Two Willard Hospital for the Insane

  Chapter Three Reality

  Chapter Four Therapy

  Chapter Five Fatty Patty

  Chapter Six Farming

  Chapter Seven Everything Changes with the Season

  Chapter Eight On the Run

  Chapter Nine Marriage

  Chapter Ten Lucy

  Chapter Eleven Lucy and Suzette

  Chapter Twelve Sorrow

  Chapter Thirteen Topher

  Chapter Fourteen Cat

  Chapter Fifteen Willard Once More

  Chapter Sixteen Daniel

  Part 2

  Chapter Seventeen Present Day

  Chapter Eighteen Genetics

  Chapter Nineteen Medical Records

  Chapter Twenty Shame

  Chapter Twenty-One Release Forms

  Chapter Twenty-Two ECT

  Chapter Twenty-Three Photographs

  Chapter Twenty-Four Marlin

  Chapter Twenty-Five Hanging by a Thread

  Chapter Twenty-Six More Medical Records

  Chapter Twenty-Seven Suitcases

  Chapter Twenty-Eight Jenna

  subscriber link

  About the Author

  © 2014 Julie Dewey, all rights reserved worldwide. No part of this book may be reproduced or uploaded to the Internet, or copied without written permission from the author.

  Thank you for respecting and supporting authors.

  ISBN

  Other Books by Julie Dewey:

  Forgetting Tabitha the Story of an Orphan Train Rider

  One Thousand Porches

  Cat Livin’ Large Series

  The Other Side of the Fence

  If you like this book and you wish to join my mailing list for new releases please visit my website www.juliedewey.com

  or log on to http://eepurl.com/DHWw9

  Part 1

  Chapter One

  Iona, 1915

  My white school blouse was speckled with tiny droplets of blood from my first victim. I had watched my father’s and brothers’ precise alignment of traps on many occasions when I accompanied them into the woods. I tagged along under the directive that I was to ‘study the foliage’ while they hunted. Truthfully, my mother, Esther, just wanted me out of her hair. On these forays I was reminded that hunting was ‘not appropriate for women’ and that ‘dressing the kill’ was a man’s job. I was told to ‘mind myself’ while the men strategized but I found preying on animals far more interesting than cataloging leaves and their corresponding trees. So instead, I studied the men’s tactics from afar as they stalked and caught all kinds of game.

  Because I was often seen in and around the chicken coop, it made sense, then, that I would set my first trap behind the ramshackle structure without arousing any suspicion. Dandelion weeds grew tall, garter snakes nested among the logs that lay in disarray, and best of all, holes were evident. I learned from watching my father pursue animals that holes were entrances to burrows. Given the fresh scat I found, it meant bunnies were currently living deep within the earth. I secured my lead wire from the knot of a log to the coop itself. I gently formed a noose and positioned it right in front of the burrow’s entrance, then waited patiently.

  The snare snapped abruptly and a defenseless jack-rabbit squirmed and bucked its hind legs as it try to escape from the noose tightening around its neck. I had to put him out of his misery with a quick blow to the head. I searched for a blunt object to bash in its brains and settled on a stacked log. One hit between the animal’s ears and the movement stopped. Blood and brain matter splattered every which way, spraying the ground and my attire. I admired my game for a moment, then sharpened the two knives I stole from our kitchen. I scraped the blades back and forth together numerous times making a shrilling sound. When the sunlight gleamed from the tips I knew they were sharp enough to gut and skin the animal. I stuck the blade into the chest cavity, piercing the warm skin, and began the gruesome process.

  I wouldn’t be allowed to proclaim my kill and use it for our soup, so after I skinned the animal and buried the innards, I took what little meat there was to Hetty. (I counted precisely eight hundred and ninety-two paces from my coop to her front door. When I became confused at step number two hundred and thirty-seven, I started over.) Hetty was our house-girl who lived just down the road. She was the only black person I knew and we became fast friends. My parents paid Hetty to come twice weekly and do a thorough cleaning of our home. My mother wanted our farm to be pristine and didn’t have the time or inclination to get on her hands and knees and scrub the floorboards the way Hetty did. Hetty made them shine and the whole house smelled like lemons while she was working. Hetty was a large, ambitious girl who I fancied. She was seventeen years old to my fifteen, but she was allowed to eat her fill and it showed in her ample hips and bosom.

  My mother wouldn’t allow me to have dessert except on the first Sunday of the month, and even then it was only a simple bowl of fruit or small sliver of pound cake. At supper-time I was given strict portions of vegetables and meat and was never allowed second helpings. Mother made me count and chew each bite at least fifteen times before swallowing it in order to get the most from each tangy morsel. The rumblings in my tummy were mere temptations, she said. Withholding food was meant to serve as a lesson that a young lady should never overindulge or give in to her cravings and desires, no matter the circumstance. Mother repeated her creed every night, ‘just one spoonful of vegetables, just one helping of beef, Iona, you need to be fit and trim if you want admirers’. My brothers, Greg and Michael, however, consumed second and third portions of our meal. They taunted me by greedily scarfing down their food, hardly allowing themselves time to taste the scraps on their tongues before gulping them down and mindlessly shoveling in the next bite. If they were aware of the unjust spectacle at the dinner table they did not make any amends by curtailing their moans of delight and belches.

  I wanted to slop up gravy with a thick heel of buttered bread, and then smear my hand across my lips to rid the grease; then hold my hand across my belly and belch liberally, before reaching for more. I desired the crisp, salty skin from the bird plated before us, or wads of creamy butter patted on the heaps of mashed potatoes. However, mother said to let the aroma be enough. She cupped her hands and wafted the air towards her nose to inhale the steam that permeated from the fare. She took her delight, not from the delicate tidbits of food, but rather in the men’s over enjoyment of the meal she presented.

  “You’ll thank me one day, Iona,” she said one particular evening over supper while I stared longingly at a rack of beef that had been smothered in mushrooms and covered in a thick, glistening gravy. I was disinclined to agree but averted my eyes and kept quiet. I would offer to help with the dishes and lick the plates clean of any crumbs that were left. I’d hoard the bones and suck the spongy marrow straight from them in my room at night, discarding the fragments I gnawed upon under my mattress.

  The entire farce was meant to benefit me in my future. Learning how to transcend hunger and temptation, putting the men in the household ahead of oneself was indicative of being a good and decent woman that any man would want to marry. Marriage was not something I looked forward to. The last thing I wanted was a paunchy-faced man eating his fill before me while I smiled and licked my chops. Nor did I want him sticking it to me. I knew the ways between a man and woman because I caught my brother, Jeffrey, in the hayloft with his sweetheart, Mary Anne. Her clothes were rumpled up over her hips and her stark white legs stuck out in the air to each side making the shape of a letter ‘V’. Jeffr
ey’s bare butt went up and down while he grunted and fumed, they worked hard at coming together. After witnessing the performance, I would prefer to be a spinster.

  Nonetheless, there was something about our house-girl’s banter and confident sway that intrigued me. I practiced moving my own scrawny hips from side to side the way she swished hers, but it felt forced and looked awkward. I was startled by the recognition that my body was starting to change. Mounds were taking shape across my chest where I was once flat. I told Hetty I would not permit this and she belly laughed out loud.

  “Girl, there ain’t nothing you can do to stop the mounds from growing. You might as well start getting used to them now.” She grabbed and squeezed her own orbs appreciatively.

  “I don’t want them,” I fumed, angry at my changing body.

  “Most girls your age can’t wait for their bust to grow. They want to know how to get them and how to make them larger. They exercise their chests like this,” Hetty put her arms out wide and demonstrated exercises meant to increase one’s bust.

  I didn’t want a bust-line that would hinder my activities, I wanted to be flat so I began wrapping linen strips tight around my chest every night to prevent my mounds from growing further. I had spindly arms and legs and never wanted to be curvaceous like some of the girls from school. Sarah Medley and Brooke Smith would fasten belts so tight around their middle, cinching their waists, to appear curvy that I didn’t know how they could breathe. I hated dresses as a rule but had no choice but to wear what my mother laid out for me each morning. I always had a straight skirt, so that I looked tall and thin, a pressed blouse, and coordinating ribbons for my hair. The second school got out I ran home (two thousand and eleven paces from the school exit to my front door), expunged my ribbons, tore out my bobby pins, and loosened my hair. I let my curls fall in disarray around my face, alleviating the headache created by the tight hairdo. I put my school clothes on wire hangers in my closet and put on looser fitting attire that allowed me to breathe and was suitable for chores.

  My mother told me I was “exasperating” when I came undone. She despised when my hair was in my eyes and blinked excessively as if she could feel the tendrils scratching her own pupils. She waved her hand in the air away from me, motioning for me to go outdoors and carry on with my daily chores. Chores instilled responsibility and furthermore removed me from her presence. I believe she took a nip or two of brandy when I came home from school because after my chores she seemed more chipper and smelled of spirits.

  I relished my responsibilities because they allowed me time alone with the animals. Brushing the horses’ backsides with short repetitive strokes put me in a trance-like state. When the horses were tended I visited the chickens. I would sit in the coop and put the hens on my lap while I stroked and plucked their feathers. (One hundred strokes each bird.) I inhaled the sweet smell of the hay and collected as many colorful eggs as I could find before heading back indoors, reluctantly.

  Once inside (one hundred and seventy-seven paces from coop to kitchen), mother chided me to help with the dinner preparation. I had little to no interest in slicing vegetables, or rolling out crusts for fruit pies. The only exception was that I liked working with the raw meat. I enjoyed sawing the bones off the animals and studying their ligaments, taking note of the blue veins that, when alive, rushed the blood to the animal’s pumping heart. I stripped a chicken’s spindly purple vein from its thigh and ate it raw while mother turned her back. It had relatively no taste and while the texture was wormy it wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever tried. I gulped it down and felt satisfied. The raw smell of the flesh was especially tantalizing to me, which mother found disturbing. She pried me from the butchering and instead gave me the task of chopping carrots into perfectly uniform sticks.

  “Iona, one serving only,” my mother said expectedly when we were seated at the table for supper that evening. My stomach rumbled loud enough to be heard over the conversation that escalated between the men.

  “But, Mother, I am a growing girl, surely I need as much chicken as the boys?” I whined.

  “Iona, listen to your mother, one serving,” my father, Jim, who barely spoke to me, said without looking up from his plate. He continued, “Mother tells me you are not taking an interest in tasks that are befitting a lady. From now on we insist that you take up your sewing after school rather than doing chores outdoors. It’s time you begin acting your age and start preparations for courting.” Mother rolled her eyes and reached for her brandy.

  “Father, I loathe sewing. I always prick my fingers and bleed and I can never get my stitches straight.” I held up my hands to show my battle wounds and scars that came from my needle and thread.

  “Which is why you need to practice. Every woman needs to know how to sew. One day you will be married and you will have an army to sew for. It will become second nature for you as setting traps is for us, right, Boys?”

  “Father, I would prefer to set traps. It is far more useful than sewing and I am good at it.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew I had just blown my own cover.

  “What, pray tell, do you mean you are good at it?” His dead gaze met mine momentarily and I told him of my good fortune in catching a rabbit with my first trap.

  “Well, I studied you and the boys while we were last in the woods and I came home and set a snare. I caught a rabbit, skinned it, gutted it, and gave the meat to Hetty for her family.”

  My father and mother exchanged worried glances. Then father set his utensils down very carefully on either side of his plate. Thick, mucous looking gravy dripped from his knife onto the linen tablecloth but he didn’t notice or care.

  “Hunting is forbidden for you. Do you understand?” Father stared at me levelly, fingers combing his beard to a point just below his chin.

  “No, I don’t. I don’t understand why I am treated differently than the boys.” I refused to be intimidated and my disobedience started an ugly quarrel.

  “You are our one and only daughter, Iona. We expect that you will act accordingly. You will no longer accompany us under the guise you are studying the foliage. You will stay indoors and learn how to become a home-maker and proper young lady.”

  The boys snickered as I was being shamed but I’d like to see them thread a needle and sit still for hours while being forced to sew.

  “There will be no more of this talk, Iona. From now on when you come home from school you will shadow your mother in all of her activities. You will sew, cook, correspond with family, press the laundry, and take up charitable work. You will no longer roam freely across the property. It appears giving you this freedom was a bad choice on our part. This is not up for discussion or debate, the matter is now closed.” Spittle formed at the corner of his mouth as he spoke.

  Father picked up his knife and fork and dove greedily into his large portion of meat and mashed potatoes. He kept his eyes on his plate, glaring at the bird in such a way that made me think if it weren’t already dead he would have killed it then and there.

  I asked to be excused. Pushing back my chair and scraping it across the wooden floors, I retreated to my bedroom (Sixteen paces from table to my doorway). The lace curtains that adorned my windows billowed in the breeze. I could hear the sounds of the outdoors beckoning me. However, I knew when my father made his mind up there was no changing it. I would just have to be more clever, that is all.

  I hoped and prayed Hetty was not in trouble for taking the meat I delivered to her. My mother paid Hetty to clean, not to be my friend.

  Now that I was ordered indoors, my mother saw Hetty as her ally. I also reckoned she saw Hetty as a way to get me out from under her. On the days when Hetty was working, I was to follow her every move. I was to learn how to launder and press seams properly, as well as how to clean everything from the floors to the bathrooms. I studied Hetty’s movements when she worked, and watched the sweat drip down from her brow as she rocked forward and back while she scrubbed the rust colored mildew rings that stai
ned our tub.

  “Why do you do it, Hetty?”

  “Do what?” she answered, not bothering to pause in her work.

  “Clean. Sew. Swish your hips.” I asked while picking off the scab on my knee causing it to bleed.

  “Well, first of all, I ain’t got no choice in the matter. If I wasn’t working here, I’d be working somewhere else. I got to earn my keep. I hand my money right over to my daddy and he pays our bills with it. Keeps a roof over our head. Besides, I am a woman, so why wouldn’t I?”

  “I don’t know. I just don’t like it. I have no patience for sitting still and sewing or writing letters to people I don’t even know. It’s downright painful.” I showed Hetty my blisters from writing so many letters yesterday afternoon.

  “Want my advice?” Hetty asked.

  “Yes.”

  “If I was you, I’d go on acting any way that pleased my folks so you don’t have to get no job. Not everyone is as nice as your family to the people they employ. Now listen, I also think if you gets real good at writing letters, maybe your mama will let you walk them to the post office in town. Now that would get you out the house for a little while anyway, wouldn’t it?”

  “I suppose it would, Hetty. I just feel backwards. I like being outside and snaring animals, that’s fun to me. I want to learn all about tracking and hunting. I want to land a buck and learn how to gut it and smoke the meat. I want to wrap myself in its fur and be proud that I shot it. I want to chop firewood and build things. I want to be around the horses and the other barn animals. Being inside sucks the air from my lungs, I feel trapped, like I can’t breathe.”

  “How old is you, girl?” she asked her eyes growing dark with worry.

  “Fifteen, why?”

  “Girls your age should be starting to fancy boys, not out hunting and being wild, or thinking they can be independent. Now listen to your parents. They be good people and you be causing them stress if you don’t do as they say. I thought you like to read? Go stick your nose in a book and let me do my work or else you gonna get me in trouble.”