Jude joined us, jangling his keys. “Ready?”
“Yeah. Bye, Bodhi.”
“See you around. Tell Theo we miss his ass at poker night.”
That was true—Theo hadn’t been hanging with these guys as much lately. Smiling, I slid off the bar stool. “I’ll pass it on.”
I sent Theo a text as we left Larsen’s, updating him so he wouldn’t worry. “Thanks for driving me,” I said.
Jude eased Nora's food from the crook of my arm. “No problem.”
“You sure about that?”
He raised an eyebrow in response.
“I just can't believe it broke down like that…”
“Really?” he asked with a chuckle. “You can't believe that car broke down?”
“Shut up.” I tried not to smile. “I know it's a piece of crap.”
“It really is. Reminds me of my first car.”
“Hey, technically we only bought to last a few months.”
We crossed the street. “That's too bad,” Jude said.
“That we bought a piece of shit or that we’re not staying long?”
“Definitely the latter. You should stay.”
“I wish I could,” I admitted. It was something I fantasized about sometimes, but there was no way I could make it down here.
“So…stay.”
“I can't. I’ve already deferred a semester of grad school.” I glanced at him. “Besides, what would I do?”
“What you’ve been doing.” He shrugged.
I shook my head, swallowing.
“Okay, besides grad school, what’s in Miami?”
“Everything!” I spluttered. “My mom, my brother, my friends…Caroline—she’s my roommate—and yeah, grad school. Miami’s home.”
He stayed quiet, opening my door before going around to the driver's side.
“It's not that I don't want to stay,” I said, buckling my seatbelt. “I just don’t want to give up the things I’ve worked so hard for.”
“We have a university here, you know. Just throwing that out there.”
Frustrated, I looked at him. We hadn't left the parking lot yet. “Jude, don’t take this wrong, but why do you care?
“Because you like it down here. If it’s a good fit—and I think it is, seeing the work you’ve been doing at Sandy Point and Jack’s Bay, then you should stick around.” We pulled out of the parking lot. “And, don’t take this wrong…” He glanced at me. “But you haven't mentioned your boyfriend yet, so it's safe to say that's not a very big deal.”
His words were like a punch to the gut. What else did Jude see?
“Theo doesn’t factor in because he’s not going back to Miami.” I looked down, pulling a loose string on my shorts. “He’ll be at Cornell after his gap year.”
“Oh. Sorry,” Jude muttered.
“Don’t be,” I said. “You're right.”
“About what?”
All the uncertainty that had been swirling inside came to a head. Theo. Grad school. The community I was a part of here. Having goals. Having purpose. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes. “About everything.”
Jude put music on—roots reggae, a band we’d seen at Cane Bay once.
“I’ve never been away from home this long. I think I’d miss it too much,” I said after a moment. “If I stayed.”
We paused at a stop sign, and he looked at me. “Well, I'd miss you if you left.”
My heart leapt. We’d been coming to this point, I knew—sharing sweets on the beach, talking for hours in the dark. But this was so direct. Intentional.
“Oh yeah?” I asked, thoughts blown to bits by what he'd just said. “What would you miss? Me beating your ass at dominos? The free coconut tarts?”
“All of that.” He grinned. “But especially the fact you never pay for your own beer.”
“I can't help that I got it like that,” I teased.
“You do have it like that.” His eyes trailed down my body and away, back to the road.
The playfulness we’d shared once again gave way to tension. I'd forgotten how hard it was to maintain in cars, when there was barely any space, and everything felt amplified.
My phone lit up with a text; Theo had just received mine.
“How long've you been together?” Jude asked, glancing at my phone.
“We’ve been friends a long, long time.” Let him make of that what he would.
He narrowed his eyes, smiling. “Hm.”
“What about you and Ariel?” I asked reflexively, giving into the urge push his buttons.
“I've known Ariel since high school. We have a lot of the same friends, and we've seen each other through some shit.” He paused, scratching his head. “I'm not gonna say I don’t care about her, because I do, but...you know. It’s different for me than it is for her."
“Does she know that?”
“Yup.”
“You sure?”
He shot a look my way. “Ivy’s been filling you in, huh?”
“Can you blame her? They’re twins, for God’s sake.”
“Exactly why you might want to take what she says with a grain of salt.”
I had so many questions, but no car ride was ever long enough. Especially on St. Croix. We rumbled into the driveway I shared with Nora and Eli. Their lights were on, and I spied Eli near a window, probably looking to see who'd pulled up.
“Thanks again.” Opening the door, I slid out. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“Anytime.” He nudged Nora’s fish n’ chips toward me. “I mean it.”
“I know.” We shared a smile, and I began to shut the door.
“Alina.”
I froze, my heart skipping crazily at the way he said my name, the way he was looking at me. Was this how it happened when you Felt Things Shift? Did he feel it too, that shift, or was I just another girl he thought he liked?
“I meant what I said, about staying. It’s not as impossible as you think it is.”
~
I gazed at the bright red, flamboyant tree that shaded our bedroom window from the morning sun. If I stayed, I'd put a desk there, in front of that window. Fresh flowers everywhere, like Nora and Eli’s place.
“I know we said we'd go home for Thanksgiving, but I'm thinking maybe we could stay here. See how Crucians do it," Theo said. He had the day off, but I didn’t…and I was fine with that. My feelings for him were returning to an easier, simpler place. I suspected Theo could easily continue having sex with me—he was a guy, and I’d been a sure thing for a while—but he seemed to have taken what I’d said to heart.
“I agree.”
He looked up, pleased. “I thought you might. You're practically a local now.”
I snorted, hitting him with a pillow. “A local? You really do sound like a state-sider.”
Guffawing, he pulled his laptop over. “I rest my case. Let me know when you plan to run for Ms. St. Croix.”
Sticking out my tongue, I started for the bathroom. “I bet Caroline would come down for Thanksgiving.”
“Call her and find out.”
“I will.” I paused in the doorway. “Hey, did you give Jude his hoodie back?”
Keeping his eyes on the screen, he nodded. “Sure did.”
Interesting. I looked at him until he peeked back, a tiny smile on his lips.
“You’re funny,” I said, backing into the bathroom.
“Not as funny as Jude.”
~
“Um, of course I want to come to St. Croix for Thanksgiving,” said Caroline. I’d called her on my way to work, wanting to snag her before she made other plans. “I have to get to class, but I’ll call you back.”
I drove the rest of the way to work, practically vibrating with anticipation. Caroline could only come for four or five days, but that was more than enough time to show her the best and the brightest of St. Croix living. I couldn't wait to introduce her to our friends.
“When's she coming?” asked Jude, later that afternoon. We were at the r
estaurant upstairs, looking out at the harbor as we rolled silverware and napkins.
“Wednesday. She leaves early Sunday morning.”
“What're you guys going to do?”
“Not sure yet. I want to show her everything,” I gushed, bouncing a little in my chair.
“You should go to the tide pools,” he said.
“The ones by Davis Bay?”
“The trail starts there, but they’re technically at Annaly Bay. Cole never took you guys?”
Shaking my head, I handed him the last set of silverware. “He pointed out the trail when we were at the beach once, but that’s about it.”
“The hike’s a little hardcore, but worth it.”
“Worse than Jack’s Bay?”
“Much. But the baths are beautiful.”
“Let's do it,” I said, warming to the idea. “You know how to find it, right?”
He smirked at me, like, really?
I shoved him gently. “Okay, okay. You working Saturday?”
“I'm sure my boss will give me the day off.”
~
I didn’t anticipate the swell of nostalgia and emotion that washed over me when I found Caroline in baggage claim.
“You are not crying,” she admonished, squeezing me.
“My eyes are sweating,” I said, letting go. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too, girl. Jeremiah’s been driving me up the damn wall.”
“Oh, no. What happened?”
She waved me off. “Later. Right now, I need one of those rum punches that woman’s peddling.”
We stopped home long enough to drop off her stuff and change into swimsuits, then we were off to Shoy’s Beach on the east end.
“You cannot be serious,” Caroline cried, gaping at the water. It sparkled bright and blue, and I knew she saw it the way I had when I'd first come. I still saw it that way, a lot of the time. I had a million photos on my phone to prove it.
“It's gorgeous, isn't it?” I said, dropping our blankets and bags.
“I love Miami, but it has nothing on this.” She whipped her sundress off and skipped to the water’s edge. “You coming? I need to get in that water, like now.”
I hopped from one foot to another, dancing in the hot sand. “Coming, coming.”
Caroline sighed in contentment as we tip-toed in. “Too bad Theo couldn’t come.”
“I know.” Billy was out of town, so Theo had agreed to help Cole on today’s charter. “He’ll be around the rest of the week, though.”
“How are things with you guys?” she asked, dipping her head back.
I mulled it over, trying to find the words. Caroline and I had been good at keeping in touch over the past few months, but there were details I’d kept to myself. I could tell her now, though. Besides, ironically, Theo, she was the person I trusted most, the only one close enough to understand.
“We’re fine. It’s like before, in the beginning.”
“Meaning…”
“Meaning he's my best friend.” I splashed her. “Besides you.”
“So, you’ve stopped hooking up?”
I bit my lip, nodding.
“Interesting. How he is dealing with that?”
“He’s okay. After that talk we had, he sort of just…pulled back.” I took a brief dip underwater. “But just physically—not emotionally. We are literally right back at where we started.”
“Mm, I don’t know about that.”
“Why?”
“Because nothing moves backward like that, girl. Maybe y’all have evolved through the physical stage, but you can’t tell me you’re not closer than ever.” Caroline squinted at me. “Or maybe farther. But not the same.”
“Okay, that’s true,” I said. “I’d say we’re still close—it’s not awkward, thank God.”
“Good, because that’s what I was worried about.”
“Yeah. He’s still down to hook up, but he’s holding back now. I think he knows we’re treading on shaky ground, here.”
“His self-awareness astounds me,” said Caroline, wrinkling her nose.
“He’s a smart one,” I agreed. “But listen to this. That guy Jude I told you about? He let me borrow his hoodie one night when it was cold at the beach, and Theo did not like that shit. I found out later that he took it back to Jude himself.”
She cackled, slapping the water. “Didn’t you say Jude’s cute?”
“Yeah.”
“Sounds like Theo’s not as chill as he pretends to be” she said. “Jeremiah was like that, back in the day. Took some other guy showing interest to make him see me like that.”
“He knows not to try and pull that now…he said himself he felt like he’s been having his cake and eating it, too.”
Caroline snorted. “Cake you baked him.”
“I know, I know.” I frowned. She’d been right from the get-go, damn it.
“Look. I’m not crazy about how he handled this, knowing you were falling for him, but Theo's a good guy,” she said, giving me a sympathetic smile. “Just not for you.”
And there it was. Nothing about this situation was black and white, but having someone navigate the muddy middle with me helped.
~
That night, we took Caroline to Savant, a classy, rustic restaurant on the outskirts of town known for its Thai-Mexican-Caribbean fusion. We invited nearly everyone—Eli and Nora, Cole and the guys. Bodhi, whose girlfriend was a server there, and Jude showed up a little later.
I'd mentioned Jude to Caroline only in passing. For one thing, I sort of liked floating in denial—reality had sharp edges—and for another, I wanted her to formulate her own opinions about him. The second he kissed my cheek in greeting, though, her eyes widened.
“Caroline, this is Jude. He owns a bar downtown we’ll hit up later. Jude, this is my roommate…and best friend…from home,” I said, scraping my chair back. “I’ll be right back.” Hopping up, I left to use the bathroom. Jude would charm her all on his own, for sure.
Caroline scooted over when I returned to the table, hissing in my ear. “You did not tell me he looked like that.”
I took a sip of wine, shrugging. “I wanted you to come to your own conclusions.”
“About what?” She smirked. “Don’t answer that. Anyway, it's now obvious why you're having this mid-life crisis."
I gave her a withering glance. “Mid-life? We're twenty-two, honey.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“I'm not.” I giggled, catching Jude's eye. He grinned and looked back at Cole, who was regaling the group with sailing stories. But before long he was looking at me again, and the longer we sat there, the harder it became to resist.
I liked looking at him, and the way it felt when he looked at me.
I wanted to be free to talk to him in ways that went beyond friendship, to see if he was a player or if he was just misunderstood. If he got me the way I thought he did.
And I wanted to kiss him.
So, so badly.
Chapter Eleven
Eli and Nora were taking the girls to his parents for Thanksgiving, but the rest of us were convening at Jude's for a potluck-style feast.
“We do it every year,” he said, the light hitting his eyes in a way that made my knees week. “It’s always a good time.”
After spending a lazy morning at the beach, Caroline, Theo, and I made our way to Jude's family home. Located on the northwest side of the island, up a long, winding dirt road, it was as stately and elegant as I’d imagined. Several cars were already parked in the driveway.
I found him in the kitchen, checking on the turkey. Inhaling deeply, I set my giant bowl of salad down.
“Happy Thanksgiving!”
“Hey, you. Happy Turkey Day.”
“It smells so, so good in here.” Waiting until he straightened up, I brushed my lips across his cheek.
“Thanks.” He leaned closer, startling me a bit. “You smell good, too.”
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