Blushing, I stepped back. “Ivy brought me oils from St. Thomas. This one is Egyptian Musk, I think.”
Theo and Caroline walked in, laughing about whatever they’d been talking about. “Hey, man. Thanks for having us,” said Theo, lifting the bottles of wine in his hands. “Where should I put this?”
“Wherever you can find room.” Jude jerked his chin toward a countertop overflowing with food. “Glad you could make it...hi, Caroline.”
“Hi! You have a got…a magnificent view,” she said, walking all wide-eyed to the kitchen window. I followed, needing to see because that girl never gushed. But she was right. The house wasn’t just on a hill; it was built into the side of it. Huge, bright green leaves, still glistening from the afternoon sun, framed the window. And miles away, the sea glimmered.
“Thank you,” said Jude, fiddling with the turkey once more before closing the oven. “It’s been in my family for a long time. Come on, I'll give you a tour.”
They disappeared from the kitchen, chatting easily.
“Really is an amazing house,” I said, glancing around the kitchen. I tried to envision a teenage Jude here, eating the breakfast his mother had made him.
Theo smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
“You okay?” I asked, touching his arm.
He sighed, drawing me into a hug. “Feeling a little...ah, not homesick. Just nostalgic.”
“Me too.” I wrapped my arms around him, letting his solidity ground me. “I’m glad we stayed, but…knowing I’m missing my mom’s sweet potato casserole kind of sucks. I called her while you were in the shower. She almost cried."
“Yeah. My parents were a little bummed too. I think they’re relieved I'll be home next month.”
“What’ll they do when you leave for New York next year?”
He chuckled, letting go of me with one last squeeze. “I have no idea.”
I thought about that, returning to the place where I was from. There would probably be a sense of culture shock, which was silly, seeing as it had once been the only place I'd ever known. I looked forward to it…and I didn’t.
Theo cleared his throat. I looked at him, caught off guard by his frown. “You sure you're okay?”
He looked at me then, really looked, and I forced myself not to cringe away from the keenness of his gaze. “We can talk about it later. It's not that big a deal.” Thumbing my cheek, he left me in the kitchen.
He’d been quiet all morning, but I'd attributed it to tiredness. We'd stayed out late last night, leaving Savant only to hang out at Cole's house.
Yes, we'd talk later. I probably had things I needed to say, too.
~
“A lot more people than last year,” said Bodhi. He and his girlfriend, Jen, were at our table.
Maybe Jude's house was the gathering place for the drifters, people with no family on St. Croix. It was a fun crowd—Cole and Billy showed up, as did Logan and Emma. Ivy was back, to my surprise. I thought for sure she'd spend the day with Ariel.
After a lengthy feast overflowing with food and alcohol, most of the guys—and some of the girls—wandered inside to watch football. Caroline and I stayed on the back patio with everyone else. And the wine.
“Are you drunk-texting?” I asked Caroline, peeking curiously over her shoulder.
“No.” She sighed. “It’s just Jeremiah.”
“You never told me what was going on with you two. You’re not fighting, are you?”
She finished her text before setting her phone down. “We’re taking a break.”
I gaped at her. Caroline and Jeremiah had been together since high school. “What happened?”
“Things feel stagnant. He takes me for granted, and I’m over it.”
“Hmm.” This didn’t surprise me one bit. Secretly, I’d always thought Caroline was too good for Jeremiah.
She shrugged, fingering the fringe on her purse. “Feels good to be single, you know? I didn’t realize just how good until we broke things off.”
“Man, I leave for a few months and things fall apart,” I teased, elbowing her. “Maybe you should move down here with me. We’ll find you a hot island man.”
“Girl, I have work. And a life.” She scoffed. “Not all of us can jet off to the tropics for undisclosed amounts of time. How long are you planning on staying, anyway?”
“I’ll be back for spring semester,” I said. That was the plan, anyway.
“Isn’t Theo heading out sooner, though?” Caroline’s voice dropped to a whisper, and she leaned even closer. “You’d stay without him?”
“Just for a month or so. I still have a little money set aside, plus I work sometimes.”
“I have to say…I did not see this coming. I think it’s good. Brave.”
“I don’t feel too brave,” I said. “Honestly, I feel a little out of my league.”
“What do you mean? I thought it was relaxing.”
“It is—it’s like living off the grid, in a way. I guess I’m just used to knowing my next step.” I’d always found safety in planning, in the carefully structured regimens of school and work. The last few months had shown me what it was like to deviate from the schedule, and now that I’d gotten used to that, part of me was afraid to return to my old life. My real life. “I feel untethered.”
“Mm, I get that.” She nodded thoughtfully. “You’ve been a planner for as long as I’ve known you. It’s healthy to switch things up, though.” Caroline’s eyes flickered to Jude. He was clearing a table of empty glasses, chuckling at whatever Bodhi was saying.
“I think so. And anyway, the amount of fieldwork I’ve gotten under my belt is ridiculous. I’ve been sending my notes to Professor Goodman, and he thinks there’s a good chance I could use this toward a thesis when I start back up.”
“That’s great! Do you have any specific ideas yet?”
I shook my head. “There are so many angles I could take…sea turtle protection and how that affects hatch success, or population structure and mating systems…I have a ton of info, so narrowing it down will be a task in and of itself.”
“That’s a good thing, though. Better to have too much inspiration than not enough,” she said.
“Absolutely. I want to take you down to Sandy Point as soon as possible. Maybe Jack’s Bay.”
“See? You get to work and play. Don’t underestimate yourself, girl.” Caroline lifted her wine glass, tapping it to mine. “To Alina, the Adventurer.”
~
“So, your parents have been doing this for years, right?”
Jude nodded, eating what was left of a pumpkin pie. We were hanging out on the patio, the last ones standing. Everyone else had either left or passed out in front of the TV—even Theo, who’d gotten completely drunk over the course of the evening.
“Why aren’t they here?” I looked longingly at the last slice of Ivy’s mango key lime pie. It was divine, but I was about to burst. “Or why didn’t you go to them?”
“Same reason you didn’t go. I felt like staying.” Jude reached for the nearest wine bottle, lazily topping off our glasses. “As for why they didn’t come down, my dad’s health isn’t too great. They’ll probably be back for Christmas.”
I watched him closely, wondering what was wrong with his father. “Do you have siblings?”
“Nope. You?”
“A little brother, Adam. He’s fourteen.”
Jude smiled. “What’s he like?”
“He’s sarcastic, but he’s a softie too. He’s obsessed with video games and reads manga and generally drives my mother up the wall.” I sighed, giving in and taking a bite of pie. “I miss him, though.”
“You live close to him?”
I nodded, grabbing a napkin. “We’ve lived in Coral Gables our whole lives. Theo too, actually.”
Jude sat back. “I didn’t realize you’d known him that long.”
“Oh—no.” I shook my head, realizing how my comment had come across. “We met in college. Theo and I grew up in
very different parts of Coral Gables.”
“It’s a nice part of Miami, though, yeah?”
“Yes, but some parts are decidedly nicer.”
“What’s your story, anyway?” Jude linked his hands behind his head. “Cole says Theo might be heading back before you?”
“Maybe.”
“Why?”
“Why are you talking to Cole about me and Theo?”
“I might be wrong, but every time I bring Theo up you get a little…defensive. Why is that?”
“Look, Theo and I are really, really close friends…who hook up. Okay? Is that what you wanted to know? Swear to God, you’re really fucking nosy.” Irritated—with Jude for constantly insinuating, and me for taking the bait like an idiot—I jammed a huge chunk of mango key lime pie into my mouth, all the while glaring at the impossible, but hot, Jude Larsen. Had meeting him been a blessing or a curse?
His eyes strayed to my mouth, drifted to my eyes, and then back to my mouth. I couldn’t have looked that appealing, my cheeks all packed with pie.
“What?” My cheeks burned; my heart skipped. Twice. He made me jittery.
He pointed to his mouth. “You missed a spot.”
“Here?”
“No, just…” He leaned closer, almost too close, and I leaned away, giggle-snorting.
Chuckling, he dropped back into his chair. “What?”
I stood, tipsy off wine, pie, and starlight. And Jude’s proximity. “You.”
“Me what?”
“I have something on my mouth? Really? I swear, boys like you always have moves.”
Half-smiling, he stood up, one hand in his pocket and the other reaching for me. “Boys like me don't need moves.” And then he brought his mouth to mine and kissed me.
~
I lay awake most of night, watching the room lighten as the sun rose.
Every time I tried to close my eyes, they popped open. I was utterly sprung, high off the bliss of Jude's kiss. He’d moved in fast, thumb tugging my bottom lip, tongue sliding inside my mouth. He tasted like pumpkin pie with a dollop of seduction.
Jude.
It’d been fast, but enough to sear me from the inside out, confirming what I’d known all along. All these months, finally culminating in one stolen kiss.
Theo snored beside me, something he only did when he was tanked. Caroline and I'd had a grand old time last night, giggling hysterically as we'd loaded him into the car, and then bed. I needed to talk to him, but he needed his rest more.
By the time I emerged from the shower, he was awake, running his hands through his hair. Hopefully he wasn’t too hungover. I’d forced him to drink a huge glass of water during the night.
“Hey,” I said, toweling my hair.
“Hey,” he croaked, chuckling.
“You doing okay? I haven’t seen you that gone since that music festival in Tampa…”
“Yeah, good times. I'll survive.” He rubbed at his chest. “Did you drive back last night?”
“Caroline did. I had to direct her, though. She kept wanting to be on the right side.”
He smiled, shaking his head.
Coming closer, I tapped his foot. “You want coffee?”
“That would be great.”
Caroline was still asleep, so I tried to move quietly, pouring giant mugs for Theo and myself. Tiptoeing back to our room, I shut the door with a quiet click. “I put honey in it.”
“Thank you.” Closing his eyes, he took a few small sips. “That’s good.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes. The guilt of kissing Jude was gnawing at me. It was what I'd wanted, and still wanted, but the timing could've been better. Much better. No matter what Theo and I had…or didn’t, he deserved my honesty.
“Theo.”
Bloodshot eyes found mine. He paused in mid-sip, raising his eyebrows. I stared back, heart in my throat. “Tell me,” he said, gentle but insistent.
Very insistent.
“I have feelings for someone. Like, strong feelings.”
Breathing out roughly, he set his cup down with a sharp clatter. “Why didn't you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t know if it was anything worth telling. I mean, nothing happened until last night.” How ridiculously lame that sounded. How cliché.
“Jude,” he said, eyes boring in to me. “Tell me it's not fucking Jude.”
I thought of the hoodie, of Theo’s smug, playful little smile when he told me he’d returned it. “It is.”
“What? You fucked him while I was passed out?”
“No!” I got to my feet, shaking. “I would never do that to you! Ever. We kissed. Once. And that was it. And I was going to tell you today. I swear.” Regret choked me, and I put my coffee down, no longer in the mood for it. I loved Theo. Always had. Hurting him had never been in the plan, and now, after all he’d done for me, I’d done just that. “Please, Theo. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Tears burned my eyes, and I looked away, not wanting him to see. I’d never been a cheat or liar. It wasn’t who I was, wasn’t who I wanted to be. This attraction to Jude had just...clobbered me over the head. I wanted him so desperately, but I didn't want to lose myself in the process. “The last thing I wanted to do was disrespect you,” I whispered.
Theo shook his head. “I don’t have a hold on you. Never did. But we do have something. Was I supposed to spell it out? Don’t mess with other guys while we’re”— he gestured between us— “doing whatever the hell we’re doing?”
I shook my head, floored by his reaction. Theo didn’t really erupt. He was a controlled burn, and I could see the anger now, smoldering in his eyes. I’d convinced myself the feelings I’d felt for him were unrequited, but now I wasn’t sure. Was this Theo’s pride talking? Or something more?
“I thought…I don’t know.” He rubbed a hand over his face, sitting back. “You said it was better for us to stop hooking up. But I didn’t really think it would be over until I left,” he said. “Maybe that was a dick move on my part, too.”
The tears fell, then. Embarrassed, I wiped them away.
“Hey.” He knocked my knee with his foot. “No one’s heartbroken, here.”
“They don’t have to be for this to hurt!”
“This is what we tried to avoid, isn’t it? Things getting complicated.” He chewed his lip. “I told you if I was going to be with someone, it would be you. If I stayed in Miami. If you were in New York. If—”
“If I was a part of the ten-year plan. Or the five-year.”
A long silence stretched between us. Out in the living room, I heard Caroline moving around.
“Yeah, maybe I deserve that,” said Theo, picking up his coffee again. “Maybe I can’t blame Jude for trying. Or you, for letting him.”
I couldn't stop wringing my hands. “So, what now? I...”
“Nothing, I don't know. Just don't bring him around here.”
I shook my head. “What?”
“If you’re with him now, that’s your business. But I don’t want to see that guy's face. Would you want me bringing some girl home, roomie?” He had a good poker face, but his words were a different story. I didn’t know what cut more deeply: how acerbic he was being or that I deserved it.
Stung, I stepped back. “Of course not.”
“So, respect what we have left.”
Nodding, I looked out the window, at the flamboyant tree, swaying peacefully in the breeze.
“I think I’m heading out before Christmas,” he said. “Not just because of this. It’s time.”
“I had a feeling.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “You’ve been…different.”
“I’ve had enough. I love it here, but I don’t love it the way you do.”
“St. Croix isn’t for everyone, but it feels like it’s for me. I’m beginning to wonder if I was made for this life.” Theo’s words from the day before came back to me, and I looked up at him. “Is this what was bothering you yest
erday?”
“I didn't know how to tell you. I thought you'd be upset, like I was flaking out on you.” He paused. “Is Jude why you wanted to stay?”
I’d thought a lot about this. It mattered to me, the motives driving my decisions. I was so afraid of having regrets, of missing chances. “No. But he factored in.”
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