“What about your plan? Grad school?” Theo eyed me over the top of his coffee mug. “You’re not thinking of staying longer, are you?”
I wanted to say no, of course not, but for the first time the possibility seemed real. Every day this place became just as real as Miami, and I was starting to see I had a real choice to make. “I don’t know. Deferring again might be too risky, so I’d have to transfer. The research I’ve been doing at the beach is the one thing I have going for me, at this point.”
“I didn’t realize you were taking the sea turtle thing so seriously,” said Theo. “That changes things.”
“Yeah; I wouldn’t be completely directionless.” I laughed a little. “I guess what really kind of freaks me out is being so far from home, for so long, by myself. You’ve been my anchor, my link to home…” My eyes burned. I took a deep breath, waiting the tears out.
“You'll be okay,” Theo said, sitting up to touch my hair. “You’ve got Nora and Eli. And Cole.”
I laughed, even though I still wanted to cry. This whole conversation was making a mess of me.
“And Jude,” he added with a little sneer.
“I’m sorry, Theo. I’ll always be sorry how this went down.”
He shrugged. “Whatever, Alina.”
“Not whatever. I mean it. You’re one of my favorite people—ever.”
“Yeah, you’re one of mine, too, but I don't know what you want me to say.” He laughed incredulously. “You kissed some other guy because I wouldn’t settle down, and I don’t know who’s more wrong, here. Just…give me a minute to catch up.”
I was so used to be able to hug him when I wanted to, and right now, that was all I wanted. But it was the one thing couldn’t have. “I’m going to make breakfast with Caroline, then,” I said, rising.
Theo grabbed my hand, pulling me to a stop. “I meant what I said. I wish I could’ve been what you needed. We probably would’ve been great.”
Squeezing his hand, I took a deep breath. “Priorities, right? We always said school came first. It seemed to make sense for a while.”
“But it doesn’t anymore, does it?”
I shook my head. “Maybe it never did.”
~
We’d made plans as a group to hike to the baths, or tide pools, at Annaly Bay, but after breakfast Theo announced that he was tired, and that Jude was an asshole, and that he'd rather just kick back at Cole’s. I didn't have much to say about that, so I just let it go. We hadn't cried or screamed or even fought, really. In the end, it had been very efficient, and to the point. Very...Theo and Alina.
“I can give you two a ride, though,” he offered, carefully avoiding my eyes as we cleaned up in the kitchen. “And pick you up afterward, if you need me to.” He left the room before I could thank him. My chest ached.
We got to Davis Bay, where everyone was meeting, around noon. Theo pulled into a spot near the guard shack, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as we climbed out.
“Thanks,” I said, bending to talk to him through the window. “Have fun at Cole’s.”
He nodded, reversing out. “The reception out here is shit, so you might have to use the phone down at the hotel lobby if you need me.”
“You okay?” asked Caroline, watching him drive away. I’d filled her in earlier, but even if I hadn’t, the stilted vibe in the car—painfully uncharacteristic of Theo and me—would probably have clued her in.
“I don’t know.” I swung my backpack on, careful not to jostle the snacks inside. “I know I shouldn’t have kissed Jude. I should’ve waited.”
“Probably.” She squeezed my arm. “I think there are things you both could’ve done differently. But let’s enjoy today, okay? Because it is beautiful here.” It really was. The parking lot was well shaded, but beyond that, the sky was cheerfully blue. Several people from Thanksgiving dinner were across the lot, including Jude. “There's your boy,” she murmured.
Our eyes met. Nerves took over. How was this going to go? There had always been other people between us, but now we were unattached.
“Hey, Alina.” He looked adorable today, a baseball cap pulled down over his hair. “How’s it going, Caroline? You ready for this?”
“Can’t wait,” she said. Squeezing my hand, she walked over to Bodhi and Jen.
“I was afraid you weren’t gonna show,” said Jude.
I gave him a shy smile. “Wouldn't miss it for anything.”
He looked around, then back at me. “Where's Theo?”
“He’s not coming today.”
Chuckling, he squinted ahead. “Too hungover?”
“No, I told him about last night.”
“Shit. Is everything okay?” He tugged me to a stop, the concern in his eyes evident as he searched mine.
“Not really, but it will be. I’m just glad I’m here.”
A slow smile took over his face. “Me too.”
“You ready?” interrupted Bodhi, hitching a mammoth backpack over his shoulders as he led the group. We followed slowly, bringing up the rear.
“What does he have in there?” I laughed.
Jude grinned. “Enough leftovers to feed ten Bodhis.” The sun shone brightly overhead, spinning strands of gold through his hair. His eyes shone darkly, too, as if they brimmed with secrets.
And his lips. They curved into a smile as I watched.
This time, I had my own moves.
This time, I kissed him.
~
I kept waiting for someone to notice that Jude and I were holding hands, but no one seemed to care. Maybe being with him was a big deal in my mind only. Well, mine and Caroline's. She kept on sneaking glances, smiling.
At about two miles, the hike took longer than I expected, winding tightly through a damp, cool rainforest before opening into a sea of waist-high grass. We made our way down to a small, pebbly stretch of beach, stopping to rehydrate. “That part’s a little tricky,” said Jude, nodding toward the rocks up ahead. “We have to climb up and around.”
“Is it much further?” I asked, tightening my ponytail.
He shook his head. “The pools are on the other side.”
Now I understood why Caroline and I’d been told to wear sneakers. Scaling the side of a rock wall, scrabbling for purchase with our fingers as we inched around the sharp terrain, would have been hell in flip flops.
“You okay?” Jude asked, glancing back at us as we started our descent toward the pools.
“Never been better,” said Caroline, grunting as she swung herself to safety.
Bodhi and Jen reached the water first, scrambling out of their clothes and leaping in. The rest of us followed, whooping and hollering with joy. I paused, taking a couple of pictures. The tide pools were clear and shallow, separated from the sea by thick reefs and rocks. Ocean waves crashed over the rocks, continually giving and taking water from the pools.
“Sweet, right?” asked Jude, toeing off his sneakers. “This view never gets old.”
“Gorgeous. I’d do that hike a thousand times over to see this.”
We got down to our swimsuits and eased into the clear, turquoise water. I wasn't in the mood to jump off the cliff face like Jude's daredevil friends or hop from one pool to another. I just wanted to float around and bliss out to the sparkling perfection we’d worked so hard to get to.
That, and sneak peeks at the deliciousness that was half-naked-Jude.
“Man, this is pretty,” I said to Caroline. We were on a smooth bit of rock, sunning like seals.
“Yes.” She sighed contentedly. “It’s very Lonely Planet.”
“I wish you were staying longer.”
Her head lolled my way. “Me too. This went by way too quickly.”
“What’ll you miss more, me or St. Croix?” I teased.
“St. Croix for sure,” she said, squinting. “You, I’ll see at Christmas.”
Anticipation bubbled through me. I couldn’t wait to go back and see everyone—I’d missed Coral Gables, terribly. But
I’d miss St. Croix, too. It was almost as if my heart had two homes now, and would always miss one when it was in the other.
Chapter Twelve
We called it a day around four. The sun would set quickly, as it did this time of year, and no one wanted to hike back at half-light. That, and the mosquitos would probably be having a field day in the rainforest.
“You want to call Theo?” Jude asked, tossing his backpack into the trunk. “Let him know you have a ride?”
I peeked at Caroline, who was chatting with Jen over by Bodhi’s SUV. “You sure? It’s out of the way for you.”
“Already said I would.” He tugged me to the other side of his Jeep and pushed me gently against it, slipping his fingers beneath my tank-top.
My breath caught. I ran my hands up his arms, looping them around his neck. The new lack of boundaries was exhilarating. It would probably be prudent to pump the brakes a bit, slow down, but that felt counter-intuitive. I just wanted to...go with it.
He came in slowly this time, fitting his lips to mine. I licked my way into his mouth, gratified when his breathing changed, and he pressed against me. His grip tightened, and our kiss deepened. Oh. I’d known, hadn’t I? That kissing Jude would feel like water after the driest desert?
His skin was warm from hours in the sun, smooth beneath my hands. His hair had curled from the salt water, and it was longer at the nape of his neck, impossible not to play with. I pulled away with a soft gasp as his mouth sought my throat, peppering it with little kisses.
“Hey,” he whispered, his lips brushing my ear.
My eyes drifted open, and for a moment we just stared.
“You ready to go?”
“No,” I said, pushing him reluctantly away. “But I’m sure Caroline is.”
~
Caroline and I spent the evening with Eli, Nora, and the girls. Theo came over after a while, too. He’d mellowed out—I suspected he was still stoned, thanks to Cole—and back to his normal, easy-going self. Well, almost. It might be a minute before we reestablished our old vibe, but that was okay. Part of me was relieved that everything was out in the open now: the feelings I’d had for him, and the ones I now had for Jude.
Nora went all out for Caroline's last Crucian meal, making fried fish, johnny cakes, and homemade soursop juice. Eli made a salad from the bounty of his backyard garden, which was thriving so spectacularly he’d been considering selling from the house, too.
“You better learn to cook like this, Alina,” Caroline said to me, patting her little belly.
“She's getting there,” Theo said, smirking. “You should try her arroz con pollo.”
“Shut up!” I laughed, smacking his arm. I'd attempted Nora's recipe a couple of weeks before and had burned the rice so thoroughly that it was a running joke now. “You'll see. I'll get the hang of it, and then you'll be eating your words!”
“And your rice, hopefully.”
I rolled my eyes at his silliness and turned to Nora. “This was so good. Thank you.”
We hung out with them a little longer and then retreated to our side, where I fished out a couple of bottles of flavored Cruzan® Rum. Caroline clapped her hands in delight. We'd taken her on a quick tour of the rum factory, and she'd fallen in love with the stuff. “For me?”
“Yeah, to bring back.” I began stuffing them into the special box she’d be using to transport the bottles on the plane, but she stopped me.
“Oh no, girl. I want some now.”
“They won't let you take them on the plane if they’re open,” Theo said, disappearing into the kitchen. He returned with several open bottles and a bunch of shot glasses. “Here. Let's do your last night right.”
We curled up around the coffee table. “Which do you want first?” I asked.
“Mm, coconut.”
Theo filled the little glasses, and I slid one down to Caroline. “To a safe trip home," I said, toasting her.
“To best friends,” she said, on our second round.
“To roommates,” Theo said when it was his turn. We were tipsy by this point and getting sloppy.
I peeked at him. He smiled serenely, taking his shot. Caroline shook her head, grabbing the bottle of guava rum. “Hmph. You better behave yourselves.”
“I always behave.” Theo chortled, looking genuinely amused.
We took another round of shots. I coughed, putting my glass down. “That’s one of each. I’m done.”
“Don’t pussy out now, baby,” Theo slurred, wrapping his arm around me. “We’re going out with a bang tonight.”
I rested my head on his muscled forearm. “Don’t be passive-aggressive.”
“I miss you already.” He kissed my cheek. Either he really had softened up during the day, or the rum was making him sentimental.
“You’re the one who’s leaving early…”
“Yeah, but you’re already gone.”
“Will you two please shut up?” Caroline said, wobbling to her feet. She pointed to Theo. “You had your chance, man. Sorry.”
“Caroline,” I hissed, giggling.
“She’s had the hots for you since Paris,” she said, making a face. “I gotta pee.”
She stumbled away, leaving us alone. Thank God for alcohol, because otherwise the tension would’ve been a bitch. Then again, alcohol had also prompted Caroline to brutal and probably inappropriate honesty, so, there was that.
“Tell me she’s kidding,” moaned Theo, scrubbing his face.
“She’s not.” I pulled away, putting some distance between us. “To be fair, it was just a little crush.”
He sighed. “Women can never separate sex and love.”
“Yeah, because you’re such an expert on women. Anyway, that’s not true,” I said, licking a splash of rum from my hand. Banana. “We were already close. And you put moves on me, so, obviously you felt something. Even if it was just lust.”
“It wasn’t just lust. You make it sound so dirty.”
“Please.” I cackled. “You love dirty. And if it wasn’t just lust, then what was it? You’re contradicting—”
“Doesn’t matter because you don’t love me anymore, do you? Jude’s such a dick.”
I pinched his thigh, hard. “Stop it. You have no idea how much I love you. I will always love you. And Jude’s not a dick.”
He peeled my vicious fingers from his thigh. “He is, but so am I. You have shitty taste in men, Alina.”
Tears welled up. “Are we gonna be okay?”
“Shit, don’t cry.” His face softened, and he yanked me over. “We just…we broke the rules, babe. All the rules.”
Caroline came back, yawning. “One more?”
She was the first to pass out. Well, more like, she flung her flip flops across the living room, stretched out on the futon, tossed up a peace sign, and went down.
Theo stood up, stretching. “How’re we doing this?”
“Doing what?” I asked, sprawled on the floor.
“Sleeping arrangements.”
“Oh. Oh yeah.” I frowned. “I don't know. Just take the bed.”
“I can't take the bed…my mama didn’t raise me like that. You take it.”
“I'll sleep with Caroline tonight,” I said, waving him off. “We can figure it out later.”
“Fine.” He started to walk away, then came back, extending a hand. I took it, letting him haul me up.
“Thanks,” I said, giving him a hug. He kissed the top of my head and walked away, closing our door with a quiet click.
After using the bathroom, I turned off the lights and stepped outside with my phone. Jude picked up after a couple of rings. “Hello?”
“Hiiii, Jude.”
“Hey.” He laughed softly. “Are you drunk?”
“A little. Maybe a lot.”
“Where are you?”
“Home. Safe and sound.”
“Good.” He sounded so relieved I giggled. “I take it you had a good night?”
I sighed, sinking into the wicker
seat on the porch. “We did. Nora cooked one of her amazing dinners and then we came back to our house and did shots.”
“Shoulda had a bartender…someone to hook you up with real drinks.”
“Well. Next time.”
“Next time,” he echoed.
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