by Jess Bryant
But he hadn’t so much as given a thought to the fact that his new mate would be highly fertile tonight and that his wolf would see it as his duty, no, his mission, to take her over and over again until she was pregnant with his pups.
Rafe’s wolf growled at the thought and cuddled in closer to her. They’d just finished another round of lovemaking and were lazing about in the field. Enjoying the simple feel of one another. Their wolves tired from all the playing and sex. But just the thought of Zoey pregnant with his pups made his wolf stir with need again.
Lord, he really should have warned her. Even now, there could be new life growing in her belly. Pregnancy was always dangerous for a shifter. It would be especially difficult for a new wolf to control the shifts and keep the pups safe. He would need help protecting her if that was the case. He’d need a medic or a midwife and he would need the pack.
Rafe’s wolf twitched at the thought. Michael had told him that they weren’t part of the Moirae pack. He’d said Rafe’s wolf had broken ties to the land because he’d been gone too long. He’d thought that was true. The proof was in Zoey’s wolf. Michael hadn’t sensed her and she hadn’t sensed him, not on an Alpha level. But from the moment he’d shifted, he’d felt the pull of the pack.
He didn’t understand it. Couldn’t figure it out. Not in his wolf form. It was something he’d have to talk to Michael about after the full moon waned. Because Moirae pack or not, he was still tied to this land and he thought it was because he was still tied to Michael. They were brothers.
They might have their differences. They might both be born Alphas. They might want to fight for dominance. But the truth of the matter was, when it mattered, when it counted, his wolf would always see this place as home because Noir was where Michael was and he was the only family Rafe had left.
Zoey nuzzled against him and he amended the thought. Not anymore. He had her now. He had her sweet mother who had welcomed him with open arms. He had a brother and a mate and a pack. He was sure of it.
A prickle of unease raised the hair on the back of his neck and his wolf whined. Rafe blinked and whipped his head around, looking for a threat. When he saw none, he shook the feeling off. He was just being nervous. He was on edge because he was in wolf form on pack land for the first time since he lost his family. He was uneasy because he didn’t just have himself to worry about anymore. He had Zoey and maybe, possibly, the pups she was already growing inside her.
His family.
But Rafe couldn’t shake the feeling of unease when it hit him again and his wolf leapt up, pacing. Zoey whined and shook herself. Her head tilted and a low growl came from deep in her throat. Rafe watched her look around as well, stalking upright into a defensive position.
And it clicked, just like that, just that fast.
He wasn’t crazy. He wasn’t being overprotective. Zoey felt it too. She knew something was off but she couldn’t place what it was either. There was no immediate threat to them. They were alone in this part of the woods, out by the lake and near their cabin, which meant…
There was only one other thing that connected their wolves. That would make both of them nervous and worried. One thing, one person, that both of them loved and would want to protect as much in their wolf forms and they would in their human forms.
Michael.
Panic welled inside of him. Something was wrong. Something was wrong with Michael. His wolf howled in pain and Zoey’s wolf winced. He felt like he was being torn in half. The need to stay here and be with her and make sure she was okay and the urge to race to his brother, to his only living blood relative.
Somewhere, in the distance, another wolf answered his howl of pain and recognition hit Rafe in the gut like a bullet, ripping away his last shreds of sanity.
That was Michael. It was Michael howling and he was in pain. He was hurt and with that sound a hundred other awful memories surged. The sound of his other brother in pain. Gabe dying. His parents dead. Now Michael.
No. No. No. His wolf took off. He didn’t stop or pause or look back. He couldn’t hear anything but the sound of his blood pounding in his ears and the echo of that howl. No. Not Michael. He couldn’t lose Michael too. He’d only just gotten him back. No. No. No.
He didn’t think. Couldn’t think. All he could do was run. As fast as he could, he ran towards the pack land at the lodge. It was the direction he’d heard Michael’s howl come from and he assumed it was the place where the pack still grouped together on full moons to shift together.
It was a couple of miles away but he ran. He ran as fast as he could. Leaping over logs. Dodging trees. And somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that Zoey was behind him, that she was racing after him as steadily as he was racing towards Michael. But he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t slow down.
Not when Michael was in pain.
He didn’t know how long it took but as soon as he got close to the lodge, he scented it. He wasn’t crazy. He wasn’t panicking for no reason. He could smell blood in the air. Pack blood. Moirae blood. Michael’s blood.
And his wolf lost his mind just as surely as the man inside of him did when he saw what was happening.
The attack that he’d warned his brother about. It was happening. Here and now. The pack was under attack and Rafe hadn’t been here. He hadn’t been here to help Michael. To protect Michael. His only brother. His pack. He hadn’t been here to protect them just like he hadn’t been there to protect Gabe and their parents.
All over the place, there were wolves fighting. Claws and teeth, growling and hissing. He didn’t recognize any of the wolves. He had no idea who was who but there were some he could sense. They were pack. They were Moirae and he could sense them because he had Moirae blood and he was tied to the pack. Something inside of him snapped into place and his vision blurred before it focused back in and he saw Michael.
Michael. His brother. His Pack Alpha.
Rafe jumped into the fight, viciously swiping at the wolves he didn’t recognize as pack. He slashed a grey wolf across the belly and moved on to the next. A silverback leaped on him and he sank his teeth into its throat and jerked until the neck snapped. He tossed aside the limp body and shouldered his way through a small band of red wolves that were trying to corner him. He found Michael being double-teamed by a large black wolf with a white streak and a gray wolf with blood pouring from a wound in his side that Rafe’s brother must have delivered.
He snarled and leapt onto the injured wolf’s back. He sank his claws deep until the wolf buckled and then used his fangs to rip him apart. The black and white wolf snarled but instead of leaping to the defense of his fallen friend he turned and ran.
Michael was on the ground and Rafe nuzzled him, checking for signs of how hurt he was. It was merely a flesh wound. Michael was okay. He was going to live. He was going to survive. Rafe wasn’t going to lose him. Not here and now. Not tonight. Rafe whined and Michael nuzzled him in return, reassuring him that he was okay.
A wolf howled a sound that could only be retreat and the foreign wolves that were still standing began to scatter. Rafe caught sight of the black and white wolf snarling from the woods as his friends raced past him and his own wolf snarled in return. He didn’t like that at all. He didn’t like that this wolf seemed to be the leader of them and that he’d gone straight for Michael.
His wolf took off after him.
Somewhere behind him, dimly, he heard Michael growl. He knew his brother wanted him to stop. He knew that he should go back and protect his injured little brother. His pack. He should stay but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t go back.
He was too close to the edge. He’d lost control and he couldn’t get his wolf back in line. He’d known that shifting tonight would have consequences. He’d worried about what would happen but he hadn’t worried about this. About losing Michael. And it had pushed him over the edge, not to it but over it.
His human side had burrowed too deep and he wasn’t ready to surface yet. His wolf was too powerfu
l. He was crazed with blood lust and terror. The last time this had happened it had taken days for him to regain his skin and years until he felt like he was truly back in control. This time, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to come back.
And this time he really would lose everything.
Chapter 23
Zoey’s heart was racing too fast. So fast, too fast, she thought it might explode. All she could hear was her blood pounding in her ears. All she could feel was the distance between her and her mate growing and it was making her wolf go crazy. She wanted to race after him but the panic inside of her had stopped her in her tracks as soon as she stumbled into the meadow full of fighting wolves.
Fighting wolves. Wolves attacking each other. Teeth and claws and fighting the likes of which she’d never even imagined in her wildest dreams. As soon as she’d seen the battle raging she’d come to a grinding halt as her wolf tried to process what was happening and figure out who was who.
Who was friendly? Who was enemy? Who was pack? Her pack.
Something had happened when she broke through the woods into the clearing. She didn’t know what it was. She didn’t know how it had happened. But Rafe wasn’t the only wolf she could sense anymore. She could identify others within the pack now. She could scent their blood and recognized it as her own. Pack. They were part of her pack.
In the back of her mind, her human side pondered the revelation. Pack. Michael had said she wasn’t one of his wolves but she could sense them now. It was like she’d been wearing blinders all night but at the scent of blood, the sight of her friends and family fighting, they’d been ripped away.
She was pack. Moirae pack. That meant Rafe was pack too but…
Zoey’s wolf whined and shook her head. Rafe was too far away. She couldn’t feel her mate. All she could feel now was the giant hole in her chest that his absence had left behind. She felt empty and lost.
He’d left her. He’d really left her. On her first full moon, during her first shift, he’d left her alone.
Not just alone but unprotected amidst an attack.
Her wolf howled and scuffed at the dirt and Zoey tried to take a few deep breaths and calm her other half down. She needed to focus. She needed to concentrate and take control of the situation. Her human half understood that something terrible had happened here and it had fractured Rafe’s tenuous hold on his control. Her wolf only felt his abandonment and she was fluctuating between going after him to rip into him and dismissing him completely.
Zoey tried to push to the surface. She needed to shift. She needed to be human. This was something she needed to handle calmly and rationally. As a human. Her wolf was an animal and she didn’t understand how to process this situation through the filters of the past and circumstance and love. Zoey tried again to push to the surface but nothing happened.
Her wolf was too strong. Newborn and fierce, she wasn’t giving her skin up easily. She’d gotten through the first few awkward minutes quickly. She’d found her footing in the real world easily and she didn’t want to go back inside Zoey so soon. The moon was still up and tonight was hers. Zoey could feel her fighting to stay in control and she didn’t know how to convince her other half to give it up.
This was why she needed Rafe. He was supposed to walk her through how to shift back to her human form. He was supposed to be there with her every step of the way. He’d taught her how to let her wolf free but he hadn’t shown her how to get herself back out and into her own skin. He was supposed to be here for this.
Panic flooded through her system and her wolf howled again.
“Zo?” Her wolf hissed at the sound of her name and spun to face the person that was slowly moving towards her.
Michael. Her human side surged for the surface but her wolf growled and shook her off. The wolf narrowed her eyes and bared her teeth. Subconsciously she knew that the half-naked man was a friend. She recognized him but she didn’t like that he’d gotten so close without her noticing and she didn’t like that he smelled similar to her mate, but wasn’t him.
“Zoey…” Michael stopped moving towards her and held a hand out, “Zo, it’s me. It’s Michael. You know me. Calm down.”
The wolf tilted her head but didn’t move.
“Come on, Zoey.” He kept his voice soft and calm, “I know you’re in there. Look at me. You need to calm down and shift back so I can talk to you, okay?”
Internally, she rolled her eyes and externally her wolf must have made some sort of similar response because Michael smirked a little. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to tell him that she was trying to shift back but she didn’t know how. But they couldn’t talk because she was still a wolf.
“Shit.” Michael ran a hand through his hair, “Fucking Rafe. He didn’t tell you how, did he?”
Her wolf bared her teeth again and Michael winced.
“Sorry. Sorry. Not insulting your mate.” He held both hands up now, “I want to help you find him but first I need you to shift for me. I can’t leave you like this. Okay, Zo? So… shift for me, please?”
Zoey tried. She really tried. She reached for the surface with every ounce of willpower she had but her wolf wasn’t having any of it. She shook Zoey off and gave an internal growl that was threatening and a little bit scary. Zoey recoiled from the anger her wolf directed at her and felt her panic spike again.
What if her wolf never let her surface again? What if she was too strong? What if this scarred her wolf the way Rafe’s was scarred and they were never able to live in harmony again? What if….
“Zoey.” Michael’s voice had turned hard and her wolf stiffened this time.
There was something different in his tone. Something that made her wolf perk her ears up. She calmed just a hair and twitched as if suddenly uncertain of who she was dealing with.
“That’s what I thought…” Michael’s brows furrowed slightly and he shook his head, “Son of a bitch, I was wrong. I don’t know how it’s possible or what changed but… you’re one of mine now. You and Rafe both.”
Mine. Zoey would’ve laughed if she’d been in her human skin. How long had she yearned for Michael to call her that? For as long as she could remember she’d wanted to be his. Now her wolf hummed a low growl in her throat.
She wasn’t Michael’s anything. She belonged with Rafe. He was her mate.
“Jesus, Zo.” Michael muttered, “Take it easy. I told you I accept Rafe’s claim on you. I get it. You’re not… mine… you’re just, pack. You’re pack and I’m Pack Alpha. Do you know what that means? Can you understand me? Because I need you to understand me before I do what I have to do here.”
Zoey swallowed the knot in her throat as she processed past her wolf’s line of thinking. Pack. Just like she’d thought when she entered the clearing. She was pack. Moirae pack. She just hadn’t thought it through to the logical conclusion. That made Michael her Alpha.
Not Rafe.
Her mind whirled as she tried to figure out the rest of Michael’s statement. What did he have to do? She knew that tone of voice, even through the fog of her wolf’s simpler mind. She knew that something was going to happen, she just didn’t know what and her wolf backpedaled suspiciously.
“Stop.” Michael’s voice held that deep undercurrent again and this time, she registered it for what it was even as her wolf froze in her tracks.
Power. It flowed out of Michael’s throat like a voice unto itself. It coasted over her fur and sank into her skin. It rolled through her veins and she struggled on instinct. She tried to move, tried to back further away from him but her limbs didn’t work and the harder she tried to pull, the stronger the hold on her became.
“Easy now.” Michael softened and stepped forward again, holding his hands out in a way meant to keep her calm, “Easy Zoey.”
He was coming at her like she was an animal that would spook if he moved too quickly. Which, she supposed she was. Her wolf whimpered but stopped struggling against the hold that Michael’s voice had put on her. Then it
hit her.
He’d used his Alpha voice on her. Oh, oh, she’d only thought she recognized his power over the pack before, when she’d been human. She hadn’t. She really, really hadn’t. She hadn’t known he could do this. Control a member of the pack through nothing but a demand. And he’d used it on her.
She bared her teeth at him and Michael chuckled, “There’s the Zoey I know. That’s it. You just figured it out didn’t you? What I meant when I said you’re mine? You figured out I can make you do anything just by saying it and that pisses you off, doesn’t it?”
Her wolf growled.
“Yeah, that’s it Zo. Get mad at me. That’s fine. You want it to stop? Shift. Shift back for me so I don’t have to make you.”
Make her. Shift. Zoey struggled for the surface again. Panic was hitting her hard. He could make her shift. That brought back memories of the first shift in the woods. It had hurt so much and she’d wanted it. How much worse would it be if she fought it? She had a feeling her wolf was going to fight it and it was going to be pure agony.
“Yeah.” Michael dropped to his heels and his voice dropped into a whisper, “Don’t make me do this, Zo. Please. Don’t make me hurt you. You know I can’t stand seeing you in pain.”
Her wolf whined. She whimpered from inside her own skin. She was struggling, trying to break to the surface but she didn’t know how. Damnit she didn’t know how! She wanted to come back. She needed to come back. She needed to find Rafe and get him back. But she couldn’t find a way to claw her way back to the surface and her wolf was too panicked and agitated to give up control.
Michael sighed heavily, “We’re wasting time. I need to be checking on the rest of the pack. I need to figure out what happened and who did it. I need to go after Rafe. But you and I both know before I can deal with any of that I have to take care of you.”