by Jess Bryant
Darius had been as pissed as she was when Michael told him to stay like a good little lapdog too. He wasn’t the type to openly argue with his Pack Alpha which was why the fact that he’d questioned the logic of Michael going out alone after an attack had been brow raising. Michael had said he would be fine and for Darius to stay with Zoey and the others in the pack who were still recovering from their injuries. Darius hadn’t once gone inside to check on the others. He’d stayed on the porch and intermittently watched the woods and watched her pace and each time he’d opened his stupid mouth it had been to tell her she should go inside and get some rest.
On a normal day, she wanted to smack him for being a condescending, arrogant ass. Today? She really wanted to unleash her new claws on his stone-cold face.
When he remained silent she sniffed and went back to pacing. She was surrounded by stupid, know-it-all men that thought they could tell her what to do. Well screw that. Michael was getting a serious talking to when he got back and so was Rafe. Darius wasn’t the real source of her outrage anyway. He might think a woman’s place was to stand silent and sweetly behind her male but that wasn’t Zoey. It never had been and she wasn’t about to start now when she finally had the power of a wolf inside of her. She could and would defend herself and her mate if need be. She wouldn’t be left behind again.
When Rafe came back she was going to…
“Rafe.” Her head jerked up as every single one of her senses began to tingle. Her wolf clawed at her again, wanting out, but she shook off the urge to shift. He was close and her eyes darted over the tree line, looking, looking… “Rafe.”
She was running before his name ever left her lips. Her brain had only barely registered his presence as he stepped from between the trees. His hair was disheveled and his five o’clock shadow had turned into a beard. His chest was bare and there were thin red lines that looked like healing scratches. The jeans he wore hung low on his hips and he was barefoot.
He’d never looked better to her.
“Rafe.” She flew into his arms and he caught her with a grunt. His big arms went around her, squeezing her tight and holding her close. He dipped his head, nuzzling against her hair and she clung to him with every fiber of her being, “Oh God, I thought…”
“I’m sorry.” Rafe murmured softly, “I’m so sorry, baby.”
Zoey held onto him for a moment longer. She let her wolf nuzzle up against her skin to get close to him. She felt his wolf do the same. Their breathing synched and they clung to each other. Her nerves began to settle now that he was here. He was safe and he was in one piece. He wasn’t hurt.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again!” She shoved out of his arms and stumbled when she broke free.
Rafe winced and his eyes lowered, “I’m sorry.”
“Not good enough.”
“I, uh… I’ll leave you two alone.” Michael cleared his throat and when she glanced at him, realizing he was at Rafe’s side for the first time he smiled softly, “Hear him out, Zo.”
“Oh, he’s not the only one I’m angry at.” She glared at her best friend, “I get you’re more than my best friend now. You’re my Alpha and that means you’re in charge. But you can’t order me to let my mate go ever again. Do you hear me, Michael? It’s not fair.”
“Being a wolf isn’t always fair, Zo. But you know I’m only ever looking out for you, it’s all I’ve ever done.”
“I know that.” She conceded.
“I was just trying to…”
“Finish that sentence with protect me and I might actually hit you, Alpha or not.”
Michael snorted at her idle threat and gave his older brother a big pat on the shoulder, “She’s all yours now, bro. Good luck.”
She glared at her oldest friend in the world as he smirked and walked away. She stuck her tongue out at him behind his back and even though he couldn’t see it, Darius could. To her utter amazement, she thought she saw a flicker of a smile cross the Enforcer’s face before he too lowered his gaze. She turned back to her mate, the true source of her irritation, and he was smart enough not to be smiling.
She studied him for a moment and some of her anger lost its steam. Yes, he was here and he seemed unhurt but he wasn’t okay. His eyes were dark and haunted and her heart ached. All she wanted was to hug him close and never let him go again but she knew she couldn’t cuddle this problem away.
“We need to talk.”
“Actually,” Rafe glanced up from beneath his dark lashes, “I need to talk, to you. Could you maybe just… hear me out?”
“I’m waiting.” She nodded.
Rafe shifted from one foot to another. He twisted his hands together and then dropped them to his sides. When he glanced back up at her, he looked absolutely stricken and it took her a moment to realize what the emotion on his handsome face was.
Guilt.
“Rafe?”
“I uh… there’s something I need to tell you.” Rafe took a deep breath and didn’t meet her eyes when he spoke again, “Last night, when I turned with you… Zo. Baby. That was the first time I’ve fully turned since I lost Gabe and my parents.”
Zoey sucked in a gulp of air as his admission hit her right in the gut. It had been… years and years. Months and months of full moons and Rafe was a full-blooded, born Alpha wolf. Yet he hadn’t changed? He was telling her that he hadn’t shifted, that he’d somehow resisted his wolf’s urges and needs all this time.
No wonder his wolf had freaked out.
“Are you kidding me?” She gaped at him.
“Zo…”
“You haven’t shifted in years and you didn’t think that was pertinent information that I should have known?”
“I know. I should have told you. I’m sorry.”
“How? Why? I mean… that’s why you were so worried about letting him near me, right? That’s why you were scared of claiming me? Marking me? You should have told me why.”
“I know. I just thought…” Rafe ran a hand through his hair, “I didn’t want you to worry.”
Zoey pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. She knew that admitting this to her was hard for him. She didn’t want to make it harder. She didn’t want to push him away. But this was all so new to her. She’d been around the pack her entire life and she’d thought she had a place in it but until Rafe came back, she hadn’t been a wolf and there was still so much she had to learn. Rafe keeping things from her, even if it was in a bid to protect her, wasn’t the way for her to find her new place within this pack.
She opened her eyes again and stared up at a devastated looking Rafe when she shook her head, “I can’t do this.”
“Zoey, no, please…” He reached for her and she sighed.
“I’m not walking away from you, Rafe.” She stepped closer to him again to reinforce her words, “I can’t. I wouldn’t even know how. You’re my mate. You’re my other half. I don’t want to leave you but I don’t want to lose you either.”
“You won’t.”
“I could have and all because you thought you were protecting me by keeping me in the dark.” She argued. “Last night, you disappeared. You let your wolf take over and he bolted.” She held her hand up when he started to speak again, “I get that he was scared. I know you were scared. I was scared too though. It was my first full moon. My first shift. And my mate abandoned me in the middle of a war zone. Do you have any idea how terrified I was?”
Rafe winced.
“I didn’t even know how to shift back. You were supposed to help me with that, remember? You weren’t there and my wolf was scared to death. I couldn’t control my emotions enough to shift back on my own. Did Michael tell you that?” She tilted her head when he didn’t meet her eyes, “Did he tell you that he had to force me to shift back?”
“Fuck. Zoey.” Rafe’s voice was hoarse with emotions, “I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I know. I know sorry doesn’t cover it, not even close, but I can promise
you that it will never happen again.”
“Damn right it’s not going to happen again.” She tilted his chin so that he had to look her in the eyes, “Because you’re not going to keep secrets from me anymore. Do you understand? I won’t stand for it. I’m your mate, not your pup. I don’t need you to protect me from the truth. We’re partners. Equal partners from here on out.”
“I promise.” Rafe pulled her into his arms again and hugged her tight, “I promise, Zoey. I won’t hurt you again. You come first. I swear. I fucked up but now you know, you got stuck with a defective wolf, a defective mate. Michael was right, I’m not stable and I’m not good enough for you but I’m your mate and you’re mine and I’ll be better. I promise.”
Zoey gripped him tighter as his words sank in, “You’re not defective. Don’t you ever say that again.”
“I’m a mess.”
“You’re my mess.” She nuzzled against his chest.
“I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”
“Just promise me that you won’t leave me like that again. I don’t want to lose you, Rafe. Not when I just found you. Not when we have our whole lives together ahead of us.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
“Me either.”
“Except home.” He amended as he pulled back and cupped her cheeks, “Can we go home?”
Zoey’s eyes watered a bit at the question. Home. He wanted to go home. He was standing on pack land just outside the lodge his parents had owned, but that wasn’t what he was talking about. He wanted to go home, to the cabin, with her. And he was right. It already felt more like home than her apartment ever had. Because it was theirs.
“Yeah.” She tiptoed up and kissed him softly, “Let’s go home.”
Chapter 26
Rafe held tight to Zoey’s hand as she led him up the steps of their cabin. Michael had graciously lent them one of the pack vehicles to get home and they’d driven in silence. It hadn’t been the most comfortable silence they’d shared but he’d known they both had a lot to think about. It had been a long night, a scary night, but they were still together and that was what mattered.
He followed Zoey through the door into the cabin and shut it behind them. The smell of them was everywhere. All of their hours of lovemaking from the day before, of their mating, it permeated the air and filled his lungs. It made his wolf rouse from his slumber and brush at his insides. When Zoey started to let go of his hand, he held tight and pulled her close instead.
“Rafe?”
He tugged her against his body, holding her in a tight hug and she accepted easily. She wound her arms around him as well and they stood there like that for a long time. Intertwined. Breathing the same air. Their hearts synching as they fell into one another and he felt that now familiar ache in his chest whenever he thought of losing her.
He was an idiot. He’d been trying to hold back and go slow, for her. But Zoey had never asked him for that. She’d rushed headlong into this relationship, accepting that fate had a plan and accepting him as her mate. He’d been stupid keeping secrets from her and he swore that he would never do it again as he breathed in her warm, sweet scent until it permeated his blood.
“Zo?” He brushed her hair back and leaned away enough to look down at her beautiful face, “There’s something else I need to tell you.”
Her brows pinched slightly but she didn’t pull away, “What is it?”
“Last night, when we sealed the bond and mated fully, it was your first change and a full moon and…”
A small smile tugged at Zoey’s lips, “Are you trying to tell me I might be pregnant?”
His eyebrows hit his hairline, “You know?”
“I grew up with the pack.” Zoey nodded, “I know how it works even if I didn’t have my own wolf until now. I know pregnancies are high after a full moon, particularly for the young in the pack that have undergone the change recently and are mated. So yeah, I know.”
Rafe rubbed his thumb over her cheekbone, “And you’re okay with that?”
“Of course I’m okay with that. I’m more than okay with it. Rafe, you’re my mate. I want us to have a family together. I want us to have everything we’ve both ever dreamed of.”
His heart ached again at the strength of his tiny little mate. She was gorgeous inside and out. Beautiful and sweet and kind and understanding, he’d done nothing in his life to deserve her but he would. He thought maybe that was why the fates had seen fit to gift him with her as his other half. She made him want to be better.
“You’re everything I ever dreamed of, Zoey.”
She cuddled her cheek into his touch, “Are you worried I might be pregnant?”
“Only about you. Carrying pups, I’ve heard it’s difficult and I don’t want you to hurt, not for a second.”
“I can handle it.”
“I know. I just worry.” He dropped his forehead to hers and lowered his voice, “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t.” Zoey covered his hands with her own and held him close. “You won’t.”
Rafe brushed his lips over hers and groaned when she sighed a sound of contentment that rocked him. He did it again, loving that sound. And again, and again, until her sighs had turned from content to something else. Needy. He pressed his mouth to hers harder and when she tiptoed up, trying to keep him close he groaned as he broke away and hauled her up into his arms.
“I love the sounds you make when I touch you.”
Zoey wrapped herself around him, a glint in her eyes, “I love when you touch me.”
“I need you, baby.” He nipped at her jaw, “Let me make love to you. No heat forcing it on us. No wolves clawing for each other. Just you and me. You’re my mate, Zo. You’re my woman. My other half. You make me whole.” He pulled back again just enough to meet her eyes, wanting to see her when he admitted a truth that seemed as natural as breathing, “I love you.”
Zoey’s bottom lip trembled slightly and she bit into it, steadying herself. Tears glistened in her eyes but she blinked them away. Her answering smile eased some of the tension the tears had caused to ratchet up in his chest and she soothed him completely when she nodded.
“I love you too, Rafe.”
“You do?”
“Of course I do.” She brushed his hair back from his forehead, “You’re my mate and my man and my other half. You make me whole too.”
The weight that he felt like he’d been carrying around inside of him for years eased a bit at her words. She loved him. He didn’t know how or why. He knew he wasn’t easy to love. He was half-feral, wild and untamed. He was gruff and rude and add to that he was overbearing and dominant. But she loved him and that made him look at his entire life in a new light.
Everything he’d gone through, it had been to get him here. To her. Maybe if he’d stayed all those years ago he would have known she was his long before now, but he wasn’t sure he would have been ready for her then. Just like she hadn’t been ready for him. Fate had a plan and this was their part of it. Mates, together, finally.
“Let me love you, Zo.”
She was the one that pressed their mouths together and he groaned when she tried to take control. She could be a bossy little thing and he loved that about her. But this, this would always be where his alpha nature refused to give up control. He wrapped a hand in her hair and tugged gently, but enough to sting, causing her to gasp and give him the upper hand.
His tongue was in her mouth a second later and Zoey whimpered and arched against him. Her taste spread through him and his wolf growled, wanting more of their mate. Rafe consciously pushed the animal down, wanting Zoey for himself as he carried her towards their bedroom. This was about them.
Once he’d kicked the door to the bedroom shut behind them he slowly lowered Zoey to the ground, “Clothes off. Gonna burn this shit and kill my brother if he ever loans you another item of clothing.”
Zoey giggled softly and made quick work of tugging off the oversize
d shirt she’d been wearing, “It was this or go naked at the lodge. I assumed you’re prefer the rest of the pack not see me undressed but I guess I can refuse the clothes next time.”
A growl worked its way up his throat making her laugh again as he snatched the clothes from her and tossed them aside, “Nobody sees you like this but me.”
“Possessive bastard.” She teased.
“My mate.” He dropped his pants and kicked them off, “Mine. Kill anybody that so much as looks at you.”
“You’re so sexy when you’re acting like a homicidal maniac.” Zoey giggled again as she stepped forward and stroked a hand down his chest, “You’re mine too, Rafe. Remember that.”
“Yours.” He groaned as her fingers danced across his hip, “I’m all yours, baby.”
“This too.” Her voice dropped low as she wrapped her small hand around his rock-hard length and his hips automatically kicked forward. “This is mine.”
“Fuck, yes.”
“Just in case I’m not knocked up yet, why don’t you come here and put a pup in me.” She tugged gently, all but leading him by his dick towards the bed and like a dog desperate for her attention he followed. “I want what’s mine, mate.”
Rafe was on her instantly. He tossed her onto the bed and followed her down, pinning her beneath him. Mate. God, was there a better word in the English language? He loved it. Loved that he was hers. Loved it when she called him hers. Her mate.
He nudged her thighs open and notched himself between them as he took her mouth again. She was all movement beneath him. Arching and rolling her hips, her nails scoring his back as she urged him closer. She was needy, for him, and he loved it. Wanted nothing more than to sate her, to give her what she needed from him, but before he did, he had one more thing he knew they needed to talk about.
He broke the kiss and trailed his lips across her jaw, towards her ear, “Zo, baby, I want you to marry me.”
She gasped and he leaned back to look her in the eyes. She was breathing hard and her bottom lip was pinned between her teeth again. Her beautiful eyes searched his face and whatever she found there made her soften, made her hold him tight even as her body stilled beneath him.