Pressing Adalyn

by Jenn Hype

  Her words were too painful to hear. I knew they were true, I knew what she was saying made sense, but it just didn’t apply to me. It couldn’t. I had accepted a long time ago that things just weren’t normal for me.

  “Stop it, Adalyn,” Stacy barked, pointing her finger in my face. “I know what you’re thinking. Quit thinking that the normal rules don’t apply to you. That because you’ve suffered something tragic that that somehow makes you different from the rest of the world. It does make you different from a lot of people. It makes you stronger, braver. You aren’t going to hurt Ian by letting him in. You’re hurting him now by keeping him out. Don’t push him away Adalyn. Just take a chance. Not all risks are a mistake.”

  She was right. I hated when she was right. “Thank you, Stacy,” I said as I hugged her. She tensed for a second, probably from the shock of me hugging her willingly, then she squeezed back. “I love you, you know that, right? You’re a pain in my ass and kind of a bully, but I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I pulled back so I could look her in the eye. “You’re pretty awesome, you know that right?”

  She smacked my arm and got up, moving towards her room. “Of course, I know that, twat. Now I’m going to go into my room and go into a coma for a while. Don’t bother me unless it’s to tell me that you finally nailed Ian.”

  Laughing to myself I made my way into my own bedroom. It was decided. I would get some sleep, then I’d go find Ian. As difficult as it was to admit, Stacy was right. Ian was worth the risk. The problem was I didn’t fear regretting taking a risk on him…I feared he would end up regretting taking the risk on me.

  After sleeping for thirty-six hours straight - seriously - I headed to work. I’d taken extra time getting ready this morning. Way more than normal. I was nervous about seeing Ian. I was going to lay it all out on the line today. I’d told my story. I’d told it more times than I could count. But I’d never told it to someone that I was afraid of losing. Someone whose opinion mattered.

  I had to talk myself out of changing my mind a hundred times before I got to the office. By the time the elevators opened I could barely breathe. I was seriously afraid I might faint if I didn’t manage to slow my heart rate and catch my breath.

  I walked over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My throat was suddenly very dry and if I tried to speak right now I’d probably just choke. As I stood there sipping my ice water, a calm started to settle in. Despite my fear of rejection and of hurting Ian, I knew he cared about me. If anyone would understand and still care about me after knowing the truth, it would be him.

  Excitement started to take over, washing away all my hesitation, and I started to make my way towards Ian’s office. Only, before I could take more than two steps a vision of a tiny, little pest stepped into my way, blocking my path.

  “Carrie,” I hissed, my teeth gritted.

  “Adalyn,” she nodded solemnly. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  “What do you need? I’m kind of on my way to do something,” I snapped, not even trying to hide my annoyance. I didn’t have time for this. I needed to get to Ian before I lost all my courage.

  “What I need is for you to stay away from my brother.” I started to lay in to her but she got into my face. Her sudden invasion into my personal space threw me off guard enough to make me stumble backwards. “I don’t know what you’ve done,” she continued, “but Ian has been a mess. I knew you would be bad for him. I warned you to stay away from him. You are going to ruin him just like Maggie did, and he is strong enough to endure it, but it doesn’t mean he should have to. You need to fix this. Whatever you did to get Ian under your spell, undo it.”

  “I didn’t do anything, Carrie. I - “ she cut me off before I could continue.

  “Ian is too good. His heart is too big. He has a soft spot for the underdog. You’re a broken toy to him and he can’t resist trying to fix you. I’ve always had to look after him, making sure he didn’t give too much. People always take advantage of his generosity, and it always leads to him getting hurt.”

  “I don’t know who you think you are Carrie, but you know nothing about me. And you might not know Ian as well as you think you do, either.”

  She scoffed and then side stepped my retort altogether. “You have to be at least halfway decent for Stacy to care so much about you, so I’ve tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but Ian has bent over backwards handing you the world on a silver platter since you walked into his life and you repaid him by hurting him. He hasn’t been sleeping or eating. He’s a mess, and it’s because of you. I don’t know what happened, but I know something did, and you need to fix it.”

  “Seriously, Carrie, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I mean yeah, Ian has helped me in a lot of ways. Looking after me, hiring me, mentoring me, and being a friend. But I haven’t taken advantage of him. I mean…”

  “Don’t, Adalyn. Quit lying to me. There is no way you are seriously that oblivious. All he’s done since he met you was make exceptions and give you special treatment. The company phone? the sign-on bonus? No one else gets those. Even the position he hired you for didn’t exist. He made one up just to give you a job. No one wanted you here, they all tried to talk him out of it. You aren’t qualified and yet he still did it. You could tank his company completely but he’s so infatuated with your sob story that he wouldn’t even see it coming.”

  I wanted to be angry. I wanted to slap her. But I was too stunned. Was what she was saying true? Was everything about Ian a lie? A manipulation to get me in bed? Why would he go to such lengths for someone he didn’t know? Maybe this whole time I had just been a conquest for him. Maybe he had been faking everything, playing me until he could get what he wanted.

  It didn’t feel right. Those thoughts didn’t sound like the truth. But I couldn’t help the sinking feeling that what Carrie was saying was true. Why would she lie? She may want to hurt me, but she wouldn’t want to hurt Ian. If he really cared about me, then despite how she feels about me, surely she wouldn’t want to destroy his relationship with me. Would she?

  My mind was racing, my eyes darting back and forth as I tried to sort out what she was saying. My body started shaking and I felt like I was going to pass out or start crying any second. I needed to get out of there, clear my head.

  “Look, Adalyn,” Carrie said, her voice softer. “I’m not trying to be cruel. I’m not accusing you of doing anything intentionally. If you really do care about Ian at all, then you’ll walk away. I don’t know your story, I don’t claim to know anything about you. But I know my brother and I just can’t…I can’t watch him go through this again.”

  I don’t remember anything else she said. I don’t remember leaving the building. I don’t remember how I got home. I don’t remember how long I’d been in the shower, though probably a while because the water was ice cold. But I couldn’t move. I had sank down to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself as I pulled my knees to my chest. And I just cried. I cried until no tears were even coming anymore. And then I cried dry, silent sobs until I was shivering uncontrollably. I didn’t know if it was from the pain or from the cold water, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. All the horrible things of my past didn’t prepare me for this. The pain was unbearable, and for the second time in my life I wondered if I was going to make it. This time I really doubted I would.

  Chapter 25

  Ian

  It was Wednesday. I hadn’t seen Adalyn since Friday night when we fell asleep on the couch. It was hard not to contact her over the weekend, but knowing I would see her Monday kept me going. I wasn’t going to give her as much time away from me this time. I was going to go to her and we were going to work this out.

  Only she didn’t come to work on Monday. I know, because I worked in her office all day so I wouldn’t miss her. Finally, around 2 a.m. I headed out. It wasn’t entirely unusual for employees not to come in to work one day since we didn’t have set hours. So as I tossed and turned all night, I decided to get
to work extra early to make sure I beat her there and wait for her in her office again.

  Only she didn’t show up again. By 10 p.m. Tuesday night, with no sign of Adalyn and no word from her about why she wasn’t at work, I called her. It went straight to voicemail. I sent her several text messages but got no response. I debated going to her apartment but didn’t know if my showing up there would only make things worse, so I tried Stacy’s phone. I didn’t even give Stacy time to greet me when she picked up.

  “Stacy where is Adalyn? Is she okay?”

  “Hello to you too, dick.”

  “Seriously, Stacy, she hasn’t been to work and I can’t get through to her. I’m worried. Is she home? Is she sick?”

  “She’s fine Ian, she just took a couple days off. Leave her alone.”

  “What? Why would you tell me to leave her alone? I’m her friend and her boss. I’m not bothering her, I’m concerned.”

  “Well you’re bothering me. I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later.”

  She hung up before I could say anything else. I immediately dialed her again but she must have hit ignore because after three rings it went to voicemail. What was going on? Why was everyone ignoring me? I must have been missing something.

  I wanted so badly to just drive over to her apartment, demand to see her. My self control was dwindling and it was getting too hard to give her space. I had no idea what was going on with her. Why she reacted the way she had in my office, why she had cried in my arms, and then disappeared before I woke up. She was obviously avoiding me, no matter what anyone said, that was obvious. I needed to understand what I had done wrong. I needed to fix it.

  Deciding I needed to calm down and compose myself before I showed up at her door and said or did something to make it worse, I headed home. My mind was on fire, not slowing long enough for me to fall asleep. But eventually my body started to shut down anyway, too worn down from my lack of sleep over the last two weeks. As I drifted off to sleep, Adalyn’s face filled my thoughts. How her whole body lit up when she smiled. How her lip puffed out adorably when she was pouting. How she would chew her lip and fidget with her hands when she was nervous. And then the last thing I saw before sleep took me was the sad look in her eyes when I held her just a few days ago, and I worried it would be the last time I would ever feel her in my arms.

  I must have forgotten to set my alarm because when I woke in a groggy haze it was already sunny out. I glanced at my clock and saw that it was already 9 a.m. Shit! I never slept this late. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten to work after 7 a.m.

  I quickly showered, and needing the confidence today, I decided to wear a suit. I knew I looked good in them and the first time I’d met Adalyn I’d been wearing this very one. So much had happened since that first meeting and I had a hard time remembering what my life was like before Adalyn. Had I even really been living? Or was I still just pretending? Going through the motions of what I thought needed to be done, still hiding who I truly was.

  These thoughts still plagued me as I pulled into the parking lot at work. I couldn’t get upstairs fast enough. If she wasn’t at work today, that was it, I was going to go look for her. Enough of these games and avoidance, it was time for me to lay it all out there and tell her how I felt and hope she could find it in herself to love me back.

  I could tell she wasn’t there as soon as I stepped off the elevator. The place just felt…empty. It wasn’t, of course. There were people everywhere, playing games, chatting. There was loud music playing but I could barely hear it over the pounding in my ears. I just had a feeling…a horrible, sinking feeling…that today was not going to be a good day.

  I was right. As I approached her office, I saw her desk first. It had been completely cleared of all personal belongings and the only thing sitting on it was her cell phone and an envelope. I knew what was in it. I didn’t need to open it, but I did anyway. And my heart sank when I realized I was right about what was inside.

  Dear Mr. Drake,

  I am writing this letter to regretfully inform you of my resignation from Drake Designs effective immediately.

  You will find I have returned the “company phone” and have also left a check for the amount of my sign-on bonus. Taking into consideration the fact that I did not earn this money and it is not really “company policy” to issue sign-on bonuses to each of it’s employees, I did not feel comfortable keeping it.

  I wish you and your company the best of luck in future endeavors.

  Dearest Regards,

  Adalyn Montgomery

  Nope. She wasn’t getting away that easily. I tore up the check, shoved her phone in my pocket and started toward the door. I was brought to an abrupt halt at the sight of Carrie standing in the doorway, looking guilty of something.

  “What did you do, Carrie,” I growled as I stalked toward her.

  “I…I-I just…I was helping you, Ian!” She was pleading and tugging on my arm as I tried to pass her. “Please understand, Ian. She wasn’t good for you. She was going to hurt you just like Maggie did. You’ve been a mess the past few weeks and I…”

  “You know nothing!” I whipped around and yanked my arm free of her grasp. Carrie gasped and took a step back, looking a little fearful of how angry I was in that moment. “You don’t know her, Carrie. You have no idea what you’ve done. What did you do to make her quit? To make her hide from me? Tell me now so I can fix it.” She hesitated, looking around like she was trying to find an excuse. “NOW, Carrie! Don’t lie to me. Tell me right now or this will only get worse.”

  “I told her the truth, okay?” She yelled, finding her courage to speak. “I told her about everything you’ve done for her since she started here, and how it wasn’t how you normally did things. That you’d given her special treatment. That you wanted to fix her and that she was going to end up destroying you because you are too blind to see how bad she is for you.”

  I looked away, not able to even face my sister in that moment. Deep down I knew she thought she was helping. She thought she was doing what was best for me, but I was tired of her interfering. I had let her get away with these types of things our whole lives because of how rough everything had been for her, but now she had managed to push away the one woman I’d ever truly loved and I couldn’t bear to forgive her for that right in that moment.

  “It’s time to grow up, Carrie. Stop trying to use my life as an excuse to avoid yours.” I knew my words were harsh, but she needed to hear them. Without another word I walked out the door, leaving Carrie quietly crying behind me.

  Chapter 26

  Adalyn

  Stacy had dragged me out for coffee and I was in a piss poor mood. She hadn’t given me a choice though. When I had asked her to go into my office and gather my stuff, leaving behind my phone and the letter, she had agreed with the condition of coffee afterwards.

  I didn’t know what she was expecting. That getting me out of the apartment would make a difference in the hollowness that was currently consuming me? I was trying really hard not to be a bitch, but it was seriously difficult. I was not good company.

  “I’m worried about you, Addy.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “I. Know.”

  “I don’t know what to do for you. Tell me what to do to help you.”

  I sighed in resignation. I wished there was something she could do. Truth was, I had no idea what to do. I knew I was handling all of this wrong, that there were better ways to deal with loss and grief. I just wasn’t ready to get over Ian. I wasn’t ready to accept that it was over before it even started. I had finally given my heart to someone and he didn’t even know. And probably didn’t even want it.

  “At least tell me what happened, Addy. Please,” she begged, reaching for my hand, but not looking surprise when I pulled away before she could touch me.

  “It doesn’t matter, Stace. There is no point in reliving it, it will only make you angry. Angry at people who are important
in your life and I don’t want to be the reason you have trouble with them. All that matters right now is that I need to find a new job.”

  The waitress walked over with our drinks right then, and as she handed me my coffee she smiled sweetly down at me. “Did you say you’re looking for a job?”

  “Oh, um, yes. I am.”

  “We’re hiring right now, need someone to start immediately. If you’re interested, I could introduce you to the owner real quick.”

  “Oh, actually that would be great. Thank you.”

  Working at a coffee shop? Not exactly a step in the right direction, but it was a job. It would be a distraction. It didn’t matter anymore what I did with my time and whether or not I enjoyed it. All the fight left in me was gone. Being stubborn and demanding required too much energy. It required you to care, and I didn’t care. Not about anything. Not anymore.

  Two hours later I was already starting my first shift. Stacy had left shortly after I met with the manager, leaving to run errands and after making me promise over and over that I was okay. I wasn’t, but I needed a job and I couldn’t stand another day of sitting around the apartment crying incessantly. So I lied, told her I was fine, and just hoped that eventually that would end up being true.

  Chapter 27

  Ian

  “Adalyn.”

  She turned to face me with a look of shock and anger, though I had a feeling it wasn’t directed at me after hearing her mumble Stacy’s name under her breath.

  “Don’t be mad at Stacy. I had to practically threaten her life to get her to tell me where you were. How did you get a job already? It’s only been a day.”

  “They needed someone to start immediately and I had nothing else to do and I can’t afford to be out of work. At least not without people making ‘exceptions’ for me.”