by Jenn Hype
“I continued going to therapy, only because the college required it in order for me to be able to take a lighter class load without losing my scholarship. I felt like I was coping, but I really wasn’t, it was a charade. I was just in denial. Stacy is the only thing that kept me grounded. She never judged me, never lectured me. She was just there, supporting me, and she went with me to the crisis center on campus on a day that I was feeling particularly depressed. Thanks to the counselors and other survivors there, I came back to reality and stopped my self destructive behavior. That was 3 years ago. I haven’t had sex since.”
His jaw dropped, but he quickly tried to recover. I couldn’t help but giggle at his reaction. He was trying hard not to show any emotion, and I fell for him a little more for it.
“Adalyn,” he whispered, softly squeezing my hand. “You said ‘them.’ How many...I mean, what...only if you want to tell me...I just…”
“It’s fine, Ian. I want to tell you.” I took a deep breath and paused for a moment. “I’ve told this story hundreds of times. The crisis center helped me so much, I wanted to give back. I’ve traveled a lot, going to campuses to speak to the girls, trying to help prevent for them what I couldn’t prevent for myself. It’s important to me that you know, I am not afraid. I’m not afraid to talk about this, and I am not ashamed. It’s not a secret, it’s just a part of who I am now. The reason I didn’t tell you sooner….”
I turned to look him in the eye. “I’ve never told anyone I cared about. I haven’t been in a relationship. Not because I’m afraid, but because I didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready. I had to make myself whole again before I could open up to someone else. I knew I had to be the one to fix me, I couldn’t depend on someone else to do it for me. Honestly, it never even really occurred to me to want to tell someone. No one had affected me the way you did, and the loss of control over my emotions made me act out. I’m sorry for how I treated you.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Adalyn. There’s nothing you could have said or done to scare me away. I knew the minute I looked at you that I was meant to know you. You’re not the only one who can be stubborn,” he said, giving me a cocky smile. “And nothing you say or do now will change it either. I’m ready, Adalyn. Tell me, trust me. Let me prove to you that I’m not going anywhere.”
“It was freshman year. I had been dating this guy, your typical cocky college jock. He was a senior and gorgeous and I couldn’t believe it when he asked me out. I knew his reputation, but he was only ever really sweet to me. Eventually I caved and let him take me on a date. He was charming and easy to talk to, and we started spending more and more time together. I wasn’t a virgin, I had slept with my high school boyfriend, but I wasn’t in a hurry to take that leap with anyone else yet either.”
“One night at his place, we were laying on his bed watching a movie, something we’d done several times already. We were kissing, doing some heavy petting, nothing too crazy. When he started to slip his hand under the hem of my shirt, I stopped him. He looked frustrated at first, but we went back to kissing. When he tried it again, I got frustrated. He started yelling at me, calling me a tease. Saying how he’d never worked this hard for a girl before and how I should feel lucky he was even spending time with me.”
“He was like a different person. I’d never seen him act like that. I grabbed my bag and ran out. He lived in a frat house so there were at least a dozen guys in the living room as I headed for the door, but before I could reach the door handle, he grabbed me and shoved me back around to face him. I smacked him across his face and called him an asshole and took off running. I could hear the other frat guys yelling and laughing and giving him a hard time, but he stood on the front porch screaming at me. I don’t even know what he was saying, I was running so fast I couldn’t hear anything.”
I loosened my grip on Ian’s hand and he flexed his fingers. I didn’t realize how hard I had been squeezing it.
“He left me alone after that. I expected him to give me a hard time around campus or spread rumors about me, but life pretty much went back to normal. If I saw him around he would just avoid me, no one ever bothered me. I even let myself wonder if I had been wrong about him. That thought didn’t last long, though.”
“There was a party at his frat house one night. Stacy begged me to go and even though I still didn’t want to see him, I was curious to find out if I really had been wrong about him, so I agreed to go. By the time we got there the party was going full force. We weren’t two steps in the door before red solo cups were shoved in our hands, full of warm beer. I had never really drank before. It was never worth the risk of getting in trouble when I was working so hard for scholarships. But I was nervous and figured it wouldn’t kill me to just act my age for once, and before I knew it, I had drank it all.”
“It didn’t take long for the room to start spinning and for the people to become blurry. I figured the alcohol would affect me more than others since I never drank, but I could tell something wasn’t right. I couldn’t see anyone’s faces clearly enough to be able to find Stacy, so I just walked around yelling for her. Someone grabbed my arm and said he knew where Stacy was and would take me to her. I had no choice but to trust him, I could barely walk at this point.”
Ian’s entire body tensed up at that moment, and I knew he was preparing for what I was about to say.
“He led me up some stairs and into a bedroom. I could tell by the voices talking that there were several other people in the room, but they were all just blurry figures by this point. I asked where Stacy was, and one of them laughed and mumbled something I couldn’t hear. The next thing I knew, I was laying on the bed and I could feel my clothes being pulled off of me, but I was too weak to resist. I was trying to yell but I honestly couldn’t tell if any sound was even coming out.”
“It felt like I had been in there for hours. I couldn’t make out their faces, but I could make out the shapes of five guys. Three of them had their turn with me before the door flew open. I turned my head toward the light coming from the hallway and heard Stacy yell for someone, then she ran over to me and covered me up with a blanket. Suddenly I was wrapped in someone’s arms, being carried down the stairs. I could hear whispers and shrieking cries, but it wasn’t until we were outside that I realized I was the one crying.”
“The last thing I remember was screaming and clutching to the man holding me, begging them not to take me in the ambulance. I didn’t even know who was holding me, but I felt safe and I was terrified to be alone. Eventually I was ripped from his arms and put into an ambulance, sobbing. Whatever medicine they gave me on the way to the hospital knocked me out and I don’t remember anything else that happened over the next two days.”
I paused, giving Ian a chance to let it all sink in. I expected him to avoid eye contact, to subtly move away from me, but he surprised me by taking my hands in his and turning to face me. I couldn’t even tell you what he was feeling at that moment. It wasn’t the pity and disgust I was expecting. It was...understanding? How could he understand when it had never happened to him?
“I was there, Adalyn.”
“You were where?”
“The man who carried you...that was me.”
“What? How is that...I mean...how is that possible? Why didn’t you ever say something?”
“I didn’t realize it was you until just now. Your hair was different and your face was buried in my neck, I never really got a look at your face. I asked Stacy about you later but she wouldn’t talk about it. I never even knew your name.”
“What were you doing there? You didn’t go to school there,” I shook my head, trying to process this new information. I still couldn’t believe what he was telling me.
“I was visiting a friend and Stacy begged me to meet her there to say hi. I...I tried to go with you. I begged them to let me ride in the ambulance, to not force you out of my arms. You were so terrified and I felt this fierce protectiveness over you. When they finally tore you out of my arms, th
e cops had to restrain me. I was screaming and clawing, trying to get to you. I followed the ambulance to the hospital but they wouldn’t let me see you because I wasn’t family. I sat in the waiting room for two full days before Stacy made me go home. No one would tell me anything, only that you were recovering. I was so frustrated. I asked Stacy over and over for years to tell me who you were and what happened but she wouldn’t. It caused us to not speak for an entire year, actually.”
“I just...I can’t believe this. I...I knew there had to be a reason,” I said in disbelief. Then to both our surprise, I smiled.
“What did you know Adalyn? Why are you smiling like that?” He looked confused but he was smiling back and all I wanted in that moment was to throw myself into his arms.
“I just knew. Or, at least my body did. You are the only person since that night that I’ve felt comfortable around. The only one I didn’t cringe and move away from when I was touched. Every time you were near me I felt...calm. It scared the shit out of me. It’s part of why I pushed you away so much. Pretty messed up, right? I pushed you away because I felt comfortable around you. It sounds crazy, but I just hadn’t felt like that in so long it was foreign to me. Somehow, I just...knew.”
Ian cupped my face in his hands and brushed his thumb across my lower lip. “Thank you, Adalyn. Thank you for trusting me, for opening up to me. You’re amazing. I don’t pity you, I don’t think you’re broken. I think you’re strong and brave and just...amazing. Telling me all of that...it doesn’t change how I feel. It only confirms what I already knew. I love you, Adalyn. I love you.”
The sincerity in his voice and the love in his eyes stole my breath, and for a moment I couldn’t speak. Searching his eyes for something, anything, to tell me what was happening wasn’t real, I felt the last of my defenses melt away when all I saw looking back at me was admiration.
“I love you too, Ian. I love you so much.” The next thing I knew Ian had scooped me up, holding me the same way he had that night, and he carried me all the way back to his car, with my face buried in his neck.
Chapter 29
Ian
When we arrived back at my apartment, I helped Adalyn out of my car and led her up to the door by the hand, careful not to rush even though I was dying to have her in my bed. To show her just how much I meant it when I said I loved her.
Adalyn clung to my arm, her head resting on my shoulder, her hand stroking up and down my arm in a loving gesture. The sexual tension between us was thick, but the calmness from our declarations of love and having everything finally out in the open relaxed us both enough to make the trip to my apartment door bearable.
After I locked the door behind us, Adalyn took my hand and led us both towards my bedroom. I was happy to let Adalyn set the pace of what was about to happen. She deserved my patience and understanding, and any desire I had to tear her clothes off of her and throw her onto my bed was easily pushed aside. I loved her, I would give her everything. If control was what she needed, she could have it.
We stood there, just looking at each other, for several seconds. I wanted to give Adalyn the chance to speak first, make the first move, letting her know I was handing over the control. Just when I thought the sexual tension might break me, she took a step forward.
“I want to give you the control, Ian,” she said as she pressed her hands to my chest and looked into my eyes. I stared hard into her eyes, wanting to make sure she really meant what she was saying and wasn’t just trying to give me what she thought I needed.
“I mean it, Ian. I trust you. I want this…I want to give myself to you entirely. I’ve never done that before, and the thought of doing that in the past would have been too much. But I’m not scared, Ian. Not even a little. I love you and I want to give you everything, all of me.” She spoke with love in her voice and pleading in her eyes, and I fell in love with her even more in that moment. This woman before me had endured the unspeakable and she had every right to feel the need to have control, yet she was giving it to me. A gift. A gift I would never take for granted.
I slowly pulled her shirt over her head, never breaking eye contact. Next, I undid the button of her jeans and slowly slid them down her thighs, still staring at her, watching for any uncertainty that would tell me we were going too fast. I took a moment to appreciate Adalyn standing in my bedroom in only a pink lacy bra and matching thong. She was the epitome of perfection.
I slipped one hand around her waist and deftly unclasped her bra, watching it slide slowly down her arms and onto the floor. I couldn’t wait any long, so I reached out and caressed her breasts, appreciating the softness of her skin, my cock straining against my zipper as she dropped her head back and let out a small moan.
I took her hand and led her over to the bed and motioned for her to climb in. She sat in the middle of the bed, watching as I removed all of my clothes in the same painstakingly slow process as hers. I had been dreaming of having Adalyn in my bed for months, and even my wildest fantasies never came close to the beauty of her laying on my bed, her eyes dark with lust as she licked her lips slowly.
I climbed onto the bed and hovered over her, raising myself with my forearms and continued to stare into her eyes for several more minutes. I wanted to savor this moment, this night, engrain the memory of how she looked and felt the first time she gave herself to me.
I reached over to one of the bed side tables and opened the drawer, grabbing a condom, but Adalyn placed her hand gently on mine and shook her head. I trusted her completely, and without needing any further assurances, I sat up on my knees and pulled her thong down her legs then tossed it across the room.
“You are so beautiful,” I whispered before giving her a gentle kiss.
“I love you, Ian,” she choked out as I entered her, finally knowing what it felt like to be whole. Adalyn was my present, my future, my everything. As I continued to slowly move in and out of her, feeling her climax approaching, I brushed her hair off of her face and kissed her like it was my last day on earth.
“I love you too, Adalyn.”
I wasn’t sure how long we had been holed up in my apartment. We’d turned our phones off hours ago and the sun had risen and set at least twice. We spent the entire time naked, ordering in take out, watching movies and generally enjoying our time together. Oh yeah, and having lots of sex.
“You should probably turn your phone on. I’m sure people are going crazy trying to reach you, seeing as how you own a business and all,” Adalyn said as she traced the contours of my stomach lightly with her finger.
“If it’s an emergency they know where I live. It’s taken me months to get you naked, and I’m going to keep you that way for as long as I can,” I replied as I kissed her hair and pulled her tighter to my side.
“Well I should probably at least call Stacy. She’s probably freaking out.”
“I sent her and my work an email saying we were together and not to bother us after you fell asleep a few nights ago. I wasn’t going to risk having someone come barging in here, interrupting my naked time with you.”
Adalyn playfully pinched my side and hopped out of bed before I could retaliate. “What was that for?”
“For holding me hostage, apparently. I thought I was a willing participant but I’m starting to think this was all orchestrated,” she teased and she backed herself up towards the door.
I climbed off the bed and started slowly stalking towards her. “Where do you think you’re going, Sunshine? I’m not done with you yet.”
Then she bolted, running out of the door and down the hallway. I caught up to her when she reached the living room and she stood behind the far end of the couch, using it as a shield between us.
“I know you’re not actually trying to escape, Adalyn.”
“How do you know?” Realization dawned on her and she looked down to see she was still naked. I had to admit I was enjoying this game of naked cat and mouse, getting to watch her body bounce in all the right places and she jumped behind differe
nt objects in the room to keep distance between us.
“Get over here, Adalyn,” I ordered calmly. When she shook her head, I pounced. She narrowly dodged my attack, but I managed to wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her toward me. We fell back onto the couch, Adalyn on top of me, panting and laughing. Her eyes went dark when she felt my growing arousal against her thigh.
“You are insatiable, Mr. Drake,” Adalyn whispered breathlessly.
“Only when it comes to you, Sunshine. I will never get enough,” I replied softly as I brushed her hair behind her ear so I could look into her eyes. I pulled her into a deep kiss and we spent hours tangled up in each other, too content to bother moving from the couch.
Damn, I loved this woman.
Chapter 30
Adalyn
After eleven straight days of being naked with Ian, I begrudgingly joined the human populace and started wearing clothes again.
It felt awkward going in to work knowing what I did about the special treatment Ian had given me. He assured me over and over that the only person who cared was Carrie, and that most employees had no idea of anything he had done for me. I loved my job, though, and I was happy to be back. I would just have to deal with any awkward hurdles as they arose.
Awkward hurdle number one? Carrie. And that one I wasn’t going to wait for. That one needed to happen right away. If I was going to have any kind of future with Ian, I needed his sister to not be such a raving bitch. I knew they were close and so like it or not, Carrie and I were going to find a way to make amends.