The Husband Recipe

by Linda Winstead Jones

  Chapter Eleven

  Lauren sighed. She was so blasted easy, where Cole was concerned. One kiss on her neck and she turned into room-temperature butter. Soft, yielding. Yes, she was definitely melting.

  When he’d come to the door she’d said no sex, and at the time she’d meant it. She needed time to think, and she didn’t think clearly when he was kissing her. When he was inside her she didn’t think at all. He wasn’t really going for it like he could have. He didn’t slip his hand into her waistband or up her shirt. He didn’t slide that hand between her legs and stroke. If he’d made a bold move she would’ve stopped him—probably, maybe—and that would be the end of that. But he just kissed her, which was the absolute worst thing he could do if she had any hope at all of stopping before things went too far, because the longer his mouth was on her the further gone she was.

  It was nice, to just kiss, to think of nothing but his mouth on hers, to enjoy the pleasure of lip to lip. The kiss deepened, and so did her response.

  Lauren began to wonder when Cole’s hand was going to wander, when he was going to touch her where she needed to be touched. Her body pounded with that wonder, shook and demanded and all but screamed.

  One last, rational thought flitted through her brain. She’d probably be leaving in a few weeks, and it wasn’t like she met a man who could do this to her on a regular basis. No, men like Cole were few and far between. No wonder she was halfway in love with him.

  Maybe a little more than halfway, to be completely honest.

  Since she’d been the one to set the “no sex” boundary this evening, it was only fair that she be the one to make the next move. She slipped her hands beneath Cole’s shirt, raking her fingers along his hard chest and then bringing them back down to unfasten his jeans.

  “I thought you said…” he whispered hoarsely, his mouth brushing against hers.

  She stopped him with her hand down his pants and a kiss, then she whispered, “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. Didn’t you know that?”

  “No argument here.” His voice was a growl, and from that moment he didn’t waste any time shucking her capris down and off, spreading her legs, grabbing a condom from his back pocket. Then she was propped on the edge of the sink and he stood between her legs and he was inside her. He was warm and hard and as lost in physical sensation as she was. There was nothing in the world but the way they came together, the drive that brought them to this place, the sheer pleasure they created.

  She’d never known her body could respond this way, that sensations could be so intense and demanding and pleasurable. She’d never known that she could be so driven, so out of control. Lauren Russell was never out of control, but with Cole inside her she felt as if she were on the verge of losing everything she believed herself to be and flying off the face of the planet. Only he held her grounded.

  He pounded into her hard, and she met him thrust for thrust, driven. Searching. She locked her mouth to his while their bodies moved, swiped her tongue into his mouth as if she could swallow him whole.

  She didn’t want it to end, but it had to end. And the end was amazing.

  He held her, for a while. They were both gasping for breath, holding on to one another as if they’d never let go. Maybe both of them knowing they were going to have to, sooner or later.

  Cole placed her back on her feet, moving slowly, still so close he was a part of her. They were both sweating and panting, but like him…she didn’t want to move away. She didn’t want this moment to end because it was so fine. Was she supposed to walk away from this? Away from him?

  Lauren had sworn she’d never become the kind of woman who built her life around a man, but at the moment she couldn’t imagine leaving, not now, not when there were so many possibilities right here in her own backyard.

  She laid her lips on his throat, tasted the salty sweat there. “Maybe I won’t go to New York after all,” she whispered.

  Cole slept like a baby after getting back to his own bed, and woke to the smell of coffee. Unfortunately an unwelcome realization soon wiggled into his brain and stole the blissful, ignorant satiation he’d wallowed in all night.

  Last night he and Lauren had gotten closer, closer than he’d ever thought to be with a woman again. Sex was fine; sex was great. He liked sex. But last night, as out of control as it had been at one point, had taken them well beyond a simple sexual relationship. It was complicated, and the last thing he needed in his life was another complication.

  He liked Lauren a lot, and yes, there had been moments when he’d daydreamed about maybe making her a part of this family. Slowly, of course. Cautiously. But there was a reason he always drew back, realizing in his gut that it would never work. The truth of the matter was, they didn’t want the same things in the years to come. He didn’t want any more babies. Ever. He had three and that was enough. No more changing diapers, teething and sleepless nights. He was thrilled that Justin was starting school and that part of his life was behind him. Lauren was made for motherhood. She’d actually said the words last night. One day…babies of her own… She probably dreamed of carrying those babies, decorating nurseries, making her own organic baby food and knitting booties. She didn’t know that in all those pictures of the sweet baby nestled contently in a mother’s arms, the infant had to be drugged. That was the way of things in his house, anyway. Babies spit up and pulled hair and grabbed at earrings…. The pictures lied.

  Not only that, he knew a little bit about how women thought. Lauren was ambitious, but would she turn down a great opportunity because he was here and they’d started something? Maybe her statement about not going to New York had been nothing but an afterglow slip-up and she’d realized the error of her ways the moment the words had left her mouth. Surely by this morning she was thinking clearly. But what if she wasn’t? He didn’t want to stand in her way, didn’t want to be the reason she turned her back on a great opportunity. And what if she did just that, said no to the television show, and then this budding relationship fell apart? She’d blame him. Forever. One of them would have to move.

  “I’m an idiot,” he muttered as he walked toward the kitchen. As tempting as Lauren was, the last thing he needed was a woman to turn his life upside down. No, his life was already pretty much upside down, but hers… This thing they’d started could tear her neat world apart. He’d been conflicted about her from the start, but last night she’d said the word that would, eventually, tear them apart.

  Babies.

  She hadn’t said that word in such a way to indicate that she was trying to get pregnant now, heaven forbid, but the look in her eyes, the softness in her voice… Babies were definitely in her future plans. And Lauren was a woman who made sure her plans came true.

  Baby was probably on a list somewhere.

  Cole leaned against the counter and sipped at his coffee. He imagined the worst, the very worst, that could happen if he didn’t put on the brakes. Lauren would send the New York producer packing—for him—and they’d continue to have sex on a regular basis. For a while everything would be fine. Hell, it would be great. He’d be careful, he always was, but one day that protection would fail and she’d turn up pregnant. Or else they’d get caught up in the heat of the moment and decide it wasn’t the right time of the month for her to conceive and they’d be wrong. Or maybe she’d just put conceive on one of her lists, and it would happen. She’d be thrilled; he’d be terrified.

  He’d marry her, of course he would—she deserved that much—and then there would be another baby. Cole’s heart sank, settled in his gut like a boulder. If he was really going to let his mind wander to the worst of all possibilities, he might as well go all the way. What if something happened to her? A bad heart, a drunk driver…the possibilities were endless, but the result would be the same. He’d be left alone again, with four kids this time, another baby he couldn’t take care of, another child to catch the flu when it made the rounds. He couldn’t go there again, couldn’t even imagine it.


  He’d always known that he might one day marry again, that when the kids were older he’d find the time for a romantic relationship. But he’d never really considered the possibility that he’d fall deeply in love again and have to risk the pain of loss that could come with it.

  “Dad?” Meredith said, and it sounded like it wasn’t the first time she’d spoken to him.

  “What is it?” He tried to give his daughter his full attention.

  “Saturday lunch. Remember, you told me to cook for Aunt Janet?”

  “I know I did, but on second thought, maybe it would be better if we pick something up…”

  Meredith stomped one foot. “No! I want to show Aunt Janet that I can handle this without her help, that I’m capable of being the woman of the house and she doesn’t need to worry about us.”

  Janet was always going to worry, but if it made Meredith feel more confident, then why not? “Okay, Mer, if that’s what you want.”

  “It is.” She looked and sounded determined. “I’m going to try some new recipes, a tuna casserole and an apple cobbler. I’ll make a shopping list this afternoon.”

  “Sure thing.” Cole’s mind went back to the more immediate concern. He needed to end things with Lauren, he needed to…set her free. Get out of her way. It was going to hurt a lot more than he’d ever imagined it might.

  “You have lost your mind.” Lauren stared at her reflection in the mirror. “You let a man kiss you out of your pants and your common sense.” She’d started out last night determined to prove that she wasn’t easy and had ended it being just that. Not just easy, but eager. And the really bad thing was, she didn’t regret it. Not at all.

  Her body still hummed, and she couldn’t stop smiling. If any of her friends had done what she’d done, and had been foolish enough to share everything about an evening like the one she’d had with Cole, they’d get the speech about caution, about building a solid base of friendship before things progressed to the next level. They’d probably get a lecture about insisting on no sex and then folding like a house of cards. Unfortunately, when Cole looked at her with those blue eyes, when he touched her, caution was the last thing on her mind.

  This wasn’t like her, not at all. She wasn’t impulsive, she didn’t take chances, she didn’t plan her days—much less her career—around a man she’d only known for a few weeks! And yet that was exactly what she was doing. Cole Donovan was a dangerous man… With a kiss and a touch of his hand, she forgot who she was.

  Yes, definitely dangerous.

  She was falling in love with Cole, and things had happened so quickly she didn’t have even a glimmer of hope that he might feel the same way. It was too soon.

  Lauren managed to fill the morning with a shower, a check of her email, writing out a few bills, and a review of her menu for Saturday. The producer—don’t-call-him-Eddie Mandel—and a cameraman were flying in, their plane scheduled to land around one-thirty. Lauren would serve them a late lunch, the cameraman would take a few pictures of her house and check the lighting, and she and Mandel would talk. Lauren wasn’t sure about all this. Hilary made it sound like it was a done deal, and why would they fly down a cameraman if it wasn’t? It was wasteful to spend that kind of money if they weren’t sure.

  But was she sure? Did she really want to leave town just when things were getting interesting with Cole?

  Tonight she’d be having dinner at Gran’s. She’d have to share the news about the possibility of the reality show with Gran and Miss Patsy, but there was no way she’d share anything about Cole. Her grandmother was an old-fashioned woman, and she’d be shocked, absolutely shocked, to know how far things had gone. And so quickly. Lauren was more than a little shocked herself.

  When Gran had suggested that Lauren offer an apple pie and a bit of seamstress work, she certainly hadn’t imagined this.

  Lauren walked past the hall bathroom and caught her reflection in that mirror. She made a face at herself, stuck out her tongue. And then she smiled. Okay, maybe she was kind of an idiot where Cole was concerned, but at the moment she was a very happy idiot.

  Cole waited until he saw Lauren walk out of her house, headed for the backyard and a few ripe tomatoes. Hank and Justin were kicking a soccer ball, and Meredith was sitting at the kitchen table, studiously intent on writing out a detailed grocery list. God only knew what Saturday lunch would bring.

  He smiled at Lauren as he walked into her backyard, but the smile was strained, not his best, so he let it fade away. Better to have this conversation here, out in the open. Behind closed doors she was much too tempting. Behind closed doors, with this unsaid, they’d end up in bed again. He called a casual hello, and her head popped up. She’d been distracted, hadn’t even realized he was there.

  That wasn’t like her.

  But she caught his eye and smiled, glanced past him to the boys and returned his greeting.

  When he was close, he lowered his voice and said, “I had a thought this morning.” No need to drag this out any more than was necessary.

  “What kind of thought?” Lauren asked softly. What he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her, then tell her she looked beautiful. He wanted to tell her that he’d awakened that morning thinking of her. But instead he said, “The kind of thought that tells me we need to put on the brakes.”

  Lauren paled, just a little. She hadn’t expected that. Another woman might’ve cried or thrown accusations. He had a feeling Lauren never made a scene, not even in her own backyard. “Things have been happening very fast.” Her voice was so controlled, so tight, he thought it might crack.

  “They have. Too fast for me,” he said, working to keep his voice casual. “I like you, you’re hot. Really hot. But let’s face it, our lives don’t mesh.”

  She glared at him, and he read the unspoken censure there. Hot? That’s what I am to you?

  “I suppose they don’t,” she agreed reluctantly.

  “Your life is so ordered, so controlled. Mine is anything but.”

  “I suppose that’s true.” She looked over his shoulder, not at anything in particular just…not at him.

  No matter where they went from here, he didn’t want Lauren to think that he’d throw her over for such a small, insignificant reason. The fact that his life was chaos and her days were filled with schedules and checklists and order wasn’t enough to keep them apart. “You want kids,” he said.

  She shifted her gaze so she was looking at him. “Not now, but yes. One day.”

  She’d said as much last night. Lauren wanted kids of her own, a home, a family. She wanted babies and everything that came with them. “I don’t,” he said sharply. “Not now, not ever. Three is enough for me. I gave up everything to take care of my children and I don’t regret it, but I don’t have anything left to give. I’ve been selfishly thinking that maybe you and I…” He couldn’t make himself say it. “But the truth is, we don’t want the same things, not where it’s important. The sex is great, don’t get me wrong, but that’s all it is for me.” She shouldn’t find fault with that. Hadn’t she said the same thing herself?

  That was a cop-out. In the past couple of days everything had changed.

  Lauren looked confused, for a moment, and then she just looked hurt. “You’re telling me your heart is completely full and there’s no room in it for anyone else.”

  Put that way it sounded harsh, but basically, that was the truth. And it was much simpler than letting her know that he couldn’t bear to love and lose again. A clean break was best, even if it was going to hurt for a while. “Yes.”

  Her face flushed, as it did when she was angry or embarrassed. She blushed so easily. She started looking around him again, then glanced down, as if there was something of interest growing around the tomatoes. “I guess it’s a good thing I found this out now.”

  “That’s what I was thinking.”

  Her chin came up. Maybe her eyes were a little bright, but to her credit she didn’t cry. She didn’t call him a bastar
d, either, or kick at his shin. Nope, Lauren Russell did not make a scene. Ever. “By the way, I’ve decided to go to New York, if the producer wants me. It’ll be a big change, but it’s also a great opportunity.”

  “Good,” he said, his heart sinking more than it should. He fought for a smile. “You’ll be famous and I can say I knew you when.”

  She just nodded, collected her tomatoes a bit more roughly than usual and turned toward her kitchen door. Cole tried to tell himself that it was best this way, that it was a good thing they’d come to their senses before it was too late.

  A part of him knew it was already too late, at least for him. He was going to miss her. Not just the sex, but her smile, her laugh, the way she looked at him and gave him her complete attention, as if in that moment nothing and no one else existed.

  But there was no going back. It was time for him to return to his life, and time for Lauren to get on with hers.