Just Jack

by Meredith Russell

  Jack chuckled and looked down the street. “So, no car?”

  “No.” Mac’s place wasn’t far from where they worked—a twenty-minute walk via the coffee shop. Leo pulled at the front of his pants. He wondered how long it would take for them to dry out.

  “So, which way?” Jack asked. His face lit up as he looked at Leo.

  Jack really wanted to walk him? Leo had figured he was just being polite.

  “A few blocks that way.” Leo pointed down the street. “I’ll be okay. I’m sure you have better things to do.”

  Jack simply grinned as he turned and waited for Leo to join him.

  The tightness in Leo’s chest eased when Jack glanced over his shoulder. Damn the man was gorgeous, and his blue eyes sparkled in the bright sunlight. Pushing off the side of the building, Leo pulled his jacket closed with one hand and carefully made his way to stand beside Jack. He squinted as he moved out from the protection of the building and snow was whipped up by the wind and blew in his face.

  Jack rested a hand on his shoulder. Curiously, the gust died away, and the snow fell instead in gentle straight lines. Leo glanced at Jack and Jack looked away, but before he did, Leo swore he saw Jack’s eyes aglow and a mischievous twinkle in them. Maybe it was just the snow and the bang to the head, but Leo felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time, not since he was a child—magic.

  Chapter 4

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  Jack returned Leo’s wave and watched the man head into the office building. Something felt different, and Jack was surprised by the empty feeling in his chest. It was strange. It wasn’t the same bitterness that had eaten away at him for over fifty years. No, it was something completely new. He would even dare to call it warm.

  Gently, he rubbed at his chest and gazed at the building. Leo was gone, but the tingling sensation and the spread of heat continued in his chest. His heart beat as it always had, slow and steady and unmoved. It had beat the exact same way for half a century, from the moment it had been broken by the betrayal of another. Almost nothing had changed in all that time—not his heart, not his looks, not his feelings. He often wondered if he would stay like this forever. A forever filled with only ice and snow.

  He looked around at the people busying themselves with their daily routines and ordinary lives. The snow had stopped and was now turning to watery slush in the wake of their human footsteps, and they hurried easily along the street. Jack stared up at the clouds, surprised as they faded away to reveal blue sky.

  That isn’t right, he thought as the sun shone brightly above him. His emotions were getting the better of him, and it was all Leo’s fault. He didn’t usually feel bad about the victims of his mischief, and of all the banged heads and broken arms. He wasn’t sure what had made him stop this time. Was it possible he actually cared? What a ridiculous idea. He didn’t care. His heart had been cold for a long time, and despite trying, he had never cared about anything or anyone since it had iced over in his chest. It was better that way, safe from the pain of having his heart broken all over again.

  Closing his eyes, he took steadying breaths and tried to imagine what it might feel like to enjoy the warmth of the sun on his skin. The last time had been so long ago, and he wasn’t sure he remembered how it felt anymore. He’d forgotten a lot of things. Things that any normal person would strive for—love, companionship, human touch. With a sigh, Jack opened his eyes and looked up at the building. Though only for a moment, he caught sight of Leo in one of the windows.

  Jack held his hand to his chest. It wasn’t possible. He slid his hand inside his open-collared shirt and pressed his fingers to his skin over his heart, but before he could discover if what he’d felt was real, his heartbeat sounded steadily once more. Was it just wishful thinking? Was he imagining what he thought he should be feeling right then? A skip, a surge to the dulcet rhythm? He raised his head and checked the window. Leo was no longer there, and the loss caused a fleeting depression to settle over Jack. When their eyes had first met, Jack had wanted nothing more than to drown himself in the smoky gray-green sea of Leo’s gaze.

  What was happening? Why did he feel like this?

  Why am I feeling anything at all?

  Whatever it was, Jack resigned himself to the fact it would never happen again. It shouldn’t, and it couldn’t. Pain, fear, and anger had made him who he was today. The pain of loving someone too much and not having those feelings reciprocated, and the fear of it happening all over again. It was the reason he became a Jack Frost in the first place—a broken heart. He had thought he’d found love, true love. But it wasn’t to be. Instead, alone and angry, his emotions had eaten away at him, turning him cold. Jack had never really believed in magic, not until that night when he’d renounced love and warmth beneath the night sky. Wind and ice had chilled him to the bone, and in that instant, his life had changed—he’d changed—consumed with the grim coldness only a Jack Frost could understand. His heart had become like chilled stone, and the tears he had shed had frozen across his skin. All the bitter emotions within him had tempered, smooth and solid like iron, and suddenly, he hadn’t been himself anymore.

  I don’t remember my name. The person he had been had vanished, replaced instead with who he was now, the owner of a dark, loveless heart.

  Jack glanced up at the window. There had been something familiar lurking at the back of Leo’s eyes, a glimmer of blue and ice. Jack knew that look well, it was the same thing he saw when he looked in the mirror. The look of a man who had given up on love.

  Breathing in deeply, he focused on what he did remember about the night he renounced love. Snow had covered the ground, and he’d sat shivering on the bank of the river. His chest had tightened, and his heart had become solid and heavy in his chest. Blue and white had consumed him, and the wind hummed a silky song as it spun around him. Then, nothing. He felt nothing.

  This was who he was now—he simply was. He existed but didn’t live, finding only small comforts here and there as he moved throughout the world, mostly unnoticed. He colored the autumn leaves and controlled the icy wind, lay patches of ice on the sidewalk, and brought the bitter chill of a snowstorm.

  Jack looked down at his hands. He’d been picked for a reason, right? He figured he—everything—was how it was supposed to be.

  The sound of his cell phone chiming in his back pocket stole Jack’s attention, and he turned away from the building.

  “Hey,” he answered.

  “Are you in today?” his sort-of boss, sort-of business partner, Abraham ‘Abe’ Jones, asked. “Just, I’m lookin’ at the roster and your name has been penned in and rubbed out so many times I’m lost, man.”

  “I’m on my way now,” Jack said. “Who’s in this afternoon?”

  “Let me check.” There was the sound of the office chair creaking. “The twins and Kate. Though Misha keeps pushin’ for extra shifts.”

  Jack curled his top lip. He had nothing against Misha, but the man just didn’t shut up, and if Jack heard “I’m cold”, “I’m hungry”, or “I’m tired” one more time, he would not be responsible for his actions.

  “His trial is up at the end of the month, so we need to decide if we’re keepin’ him on,” Abe pointed out. “Or rather, you need to decide.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Despite his many more years of so-called life experience, Jack wasn’t sure he liked how Abe had gotten into the habit of passing grown-up decisions in his direction. Abe was thirty-five, older than Jack was when he became a Frost and far more capable when it came to business. Jack had been friends—or as close to friend as Jack had called anyone—with Abe’s father and had watched Abe grow from a chubby toddler to an awkwardly tall teenager, then become a father himself. Abraham Senior—God rest his soul—would have been proud.

  “It’s not me that has a problem with him. The kid seems okay to me. Only a handful of broken glasses, plus the ladies seem to like him.”

  “I’ll think about it,” Jack decided.


  Abe was right, Misha was doing okay, could actually mix a cocktail ninety-nine times out of a hundred without everything ending up on the floor of the bar, and being a hit with paying customers wasn’t exactly a bad thing. Misha had this whole sweet and innocent thing going for him that left the female clientele of the club and bar, Shiver, wanting to either keep him in their pockets or ravage him silly. Jack, however, was left unmoved no matter how cute Misha tried to be around him with his pouty lips, long lashes, and deep brown eyes.

  “He’s workin’ tonight, so you can maybe spend some time with him and make a decision.” He didn’t give Jack a chance to complain. “Great. So, I’ll see you soon? We need to finalize details for the Silverstorm Hotel.”

  “The Silverstorm? When did we take that on?”

  Jack imagined the shrug of Abe’s broad shoulders as Abe snorted a laugh.

  “It’s been in the calendar since September,” Abe informed him.

  “You’re such a pimp.” He sighed and scuffed the toe of his boot through what was left of the snow.

  “It’s for your own good. You shouldn’t be hidin’ out in the chillers in the back of the club. Not with your skills, man. You should be out there makin’ a name for yourself.”

  “And money for your pocket?”

  “A little cynical today, aren’t we?”

  Jack sighed. “Sorry. But you know I can’t be seen.” Sure he was as solid as the next guy, but he couldn’t draw attention to himself, not like that. He had worked hard to remain unnoticed, regrettable but a necessary evil. Sometimes Jack would meet someone’s gaze and note the curiosity in their eyes, and he’d wonder was it because they’d seen him before, but maybe years ago. Was he just a memory to them, frozen in time?

  Abe didn’t answer straight away. “It’s not good for you. Bein’ alone.”

  “I’m not alone.”

  If eye rolling made a sound, Jack was sure he’d be hearing it right now.

  “I didn’t mean me,” Abe said. The office chair creaked as he settled back. He was clearly preparing to give the talk. The talk where Abe told Jack he was a beautiful soul who should be out there being part of the world, not hiding away. A beautiful soul. Jack had laughed when Abe had called him that the first time.

  “Abe, seriously. You know I can’t.” And for more reasons than one.

  “Your dick still works, right?”

  Jack couldn’t help but glance down at his crotch. “It works fine.” His voice was emotionless, but not nearly as empty as sex was for him. Yes, his dick worked fine, could be teased to an erection, but there was no pleasure in sex. Fucking or being fucked, he just went through the motions toward the inevitable but empty climax.

  “You ever thought you just need to try harder?”

  The clouds gathered once more overhead, turning gray as Jack struggled to subdue his frustration. As far as he was concerned, Abraham was still that chubby toddler. His friend didn’t understand and probably never would.

  “Maybe Mr. Right is out there.”

  Jack had thought he’d found Mr. Right once upon a time, though he struggled to remember exactly who he’d wrongly put his trust in all those years ago. Along with his own name, Jack had lost the name of his love. He could only imagine the man he’d loved so much his betrayal had driven him out into the snow and into this life of limbo.

  “Or at least Mr. Right Now.”

  Shaking his head, Jack glanced back at the offices on the other side of the street. “Not interested,” he stated.

  There was a serious edge to Abe’s words when he spoke again. “I’m just concerned.” There was a beat before he made a morbid statement. “I won’t be around forever.”

  “I know.” He’d gone through this with Abe’s father, watched him grow older each day until his time was finally up.

  “You know Neve loves ya to bits.”

  Jack smiled at the mention of Abe’s four-year-old daughter. She was a sweet little thing with wiry curls often worn in two tight bunches on either side of her head. Her skin was a shade lighter than her father’s, like milky coffee, with sky blue eyes just like her mommy.

  “I’d like to think that when Neve’s my age, you’ll still be hangin’ around this place. And, you know, you lookin’ out for her and her lookin’ out for you. But I also understand it’s your choice if we tell her who her Uncle Jack really is. I know it must be hard to watch people grow old around you, and well… you know.”

  Running a hand back through his hair, Jack lifted his head and studied the sky. A canopy of clouds had blocked out the brief blue. The surrounding air grew cold, and the wind whipped up around him. Jack had been tied to Abraham and his father for forty of his fifty years as a Jack Frost, ever since he’d stepped in when a fresh-faced Abraham Senior had gotten on the wrong side of three racist assholes round the back of what was still the town’s ice cream parlor.

  “You there?” Abe asked when Jack remained silent.

  “I’m here.” He examined the back of his hand and the glow of blue beneath his skin as he curled his fingers. Shutting his fist, he smiled as he felt fresh flakes of snow fall on his cheeks. “I’ll be with you in ten.” He didn’t give Abe a chance to argue and cut the call. Pocketing his phone, he took one last look at the building opposite. Whatever he thought he’d felt, he must have been mistaken. Some memory his subconscious had held on to all these years and secretly longed to feel again.

  He held out his hand, catching snow in his palm. He concentrated on the flakes, and they twitched to life, forming a neat circle as they danced over his skin. Jack quirked an eyebrow as he glanced ahead of him; a young boy was standing on the sidewalk wide-eyed and curious as he watched the performance. Jack raised his hand, blowing the snow away in a white flurry. He smiled at the boy before pressing a finger to his lips. The boy smiled back at him, his mother pulling him by his wrist to cross the road when the traffic stopped. Jack watched the boy and his mother for a moment. He’d often wondered about his own family. About his mom, his dad, and whether he had brothers or sisters. He had flashes of feelings when he thought about them, happiness, comfort, peace. He could only guess he’d been loved and loved them just as much back.

  Jack blinked and cleared his mind of people he would never know. He turned, looking over his shoulder as there was a yelp. He grinned as he looked at the two people on the ground. There was still time for a few more accidents before he got to the bar.

  Chapter 5

  “Don’t be a baby.” Ruby Weston roughly grabbed Leo’s chin and pushed his head back.

  Leo winced. He’d preferred his workmate’s initial instinct to mother him—gentle touches and cooing over him like he was some injured child. Once she wiped away the blood and found the small wound, she slapped him on the arm, told him to get a grip, and ruthlessly dabbed at the cut with an antiseptic wipe.

  “Stay still.” She pressed the small bandage to his temple, smoothing her gloved finger over the dressing until she was sure it was secure. “All done.” She stepped back, eyeing her handiwork as she rolled off the disposable gloves from the first aid kit.

  “Thanks.” Leo tentatively pressed at the edge of the bandage. He hadn’t wanted a fuss. He just wanted to slip silently back into Mac’s office, finish the presentation, then slip just as silently out again and home to sleep. Things always looked better in the morning, right?

  “Nice to know the company didn’t send me on a two-day training course for nothing. I have the certificate hanging in our bathroom,” Ruby said proudly of her status as first-aider. “Let me go clear this away, and I’ll be right back. Nathan can entertain you while I’m gone.” She looked at her husband who was standing in the doorway behind her. He looked a little pale as he gave a simple nod.

  “Useless at the sight of blood,” Ruby said with fond exasperation. “Don’t you go fainting. One bump to the head is enough for one day.” They shared a look as Nathan stepped into the room.

  Nathan cleared his throat and winced as he eyed the bloodi
ed waste. He’d rallied his wife into action, having spotted Leo coming into the office a little disheveled and a bloody tissue pressed to his forehead.

  “I’m fine. He’s fine. Everything’s fine.” Nathan smiled reassuringly at Ruby as she passed him. When she was gone, Nathan pushed the office door shut, shielding them from the prying eyes of the office gossips. “You okay?”

  Leo shrugged. “I’m fine.” This was not how he’d expected his day to go.

  Nathan shifted his weight and glanced over his shoulder before moving closer. “What happened?”

  “Like I said, I tripped. Must have been some ice or something.” He lifted his head and was surprised to see his friend looking serious. Nathan met his gaze with dark, curious eyes.

  “What?” Leo raised his hand to his temple.

  “You don’t have to lie for him.”

  Leo blinked. Maybe he’d hit his head harder than he thought. “Who? What?”

  “Mac,” Nathan said in a low voice. “If you need help, you only have to ask.”

  It took a moment, but Leo suddenly realized what Nathan was getting at. “This?” He pointed to his head. “You think this was…” He shook his head a little too quickly. Mac was a lot of things, but he wasn’t violent, at least not that Leo knew of.

  Nathan didn’t look convinced. “You deserve better than this, than him.”

  Leo leaned forward in his seat. “I promise you. This wasn’t Mac.” He glanced at the door and thought about what Ruby had been through. Nathan wasn’t her first husband, and though Leo didn’t know all the details, he knew enough about what had gone on. Ruby had told him on more than one occasion how Nathan was her hero and quite possibly saved her life.

  “Okay,” Nathan said slowly. He clearly didn’t believe Leo.

  “As sweet as this is, I have a lot of work to do.”

  “Mac’s presentation.”