First Time in Forever

by Sarah Morgan

  Just for a moment, with the sun on her face and Ryan by her side, she’d forgotten everything.

  “I should get back.”

  “Coward.”

  “I’m thinking of Lizzy. I haven’t left her before.”

  “She’ll be fine with my grandmother.” His voice was soft. “Walk with me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s midday and half the residents of Puffin Island are going about their business in Main Street. As you’re keen to avoid attention, I’m suggesting we get out of here.”

  “You could just stop looking at me,” Emily muttered. “That would do it.”

  “That isn’t an option.” He took her hand and drew her into the narrow street that ran between the bakery and the hardware store. It wound away from the main harbor area and was a shortcut to the Ocean Club.

  “I might be able to help her.”

  “Who?”

  “Lisa. I might be able to give her business advice. I’m a management consultant. It’s what I do. It’s what I’m good at.”

  They took the path that led up past the Ocean Club and turned inland. This side of the island was thickly wooded, with steep trails zigzagging through dense forest. On the other side was farmland, with rolling pastures leading down to the sea.

  Shaded from sunshine, breathing in the smell of pine, Emily made a mental note to bring Lizzy here.

  “It’s pretty.” And quiet. The only sound was the call of the birds and the snap of twigs under their feet. “I can see why Lisa would have chosen to live here.”

  “Here—” he handed her a bottle of insect repellent “—better use this on the areas that aren’t covered. We have mosquitoes the size of small birds, and they love black. Tell me about your job.”

  “My expertise was strategy and operations. I worked mostly in the consumer goods industry.”

  “You know about ice cream?”

  “Not specifically, but that doesn’t matter. I’m a problem solver. I look at product, pricing, positioning, supply chains—” She broke off. “This is boring. You don’t want to hear the detail.”

  “All those long words are turning me on, but I confess I zoned out when you said ‘positioning.’” He grinned at her. “Clearly I have a thing for management consultants. Who knew?”

  “We’re in a competitive market. Companies need to stay agile.”

  He groaned. “Honey, you are killing me. Just don’t start talking about growth or I’ll be arrested.”

  Because everything about him unsettled her, she chose to ignore the innuendo. “We apply lean principles—”

  “That’s going to be a challenge given the amount of fat in Summer Scoop ice cream. I assume you decided to be a management consultant because it requires not a shred of emotion.”

  “I like the logic and predictability of figures, that’s true, but there is emotion attached to what I do. Companies expand and contract depending on the advice my company gives.”

  “But it isn’t personal.”

  “No,” she conceded. “It isn’t personal. It suits the way my brain works.”

  “So, what are you going to do with that brain of yours now?”

  “I don’t know. I have enough money saved to support both of us for a little while, so I’m still taking it twelve hours at a time.” Sun filtered through spruce and pine, and Emily realized they’d walked quite a distance from the harbor. “I never knew it was this densely wooded.”

  “Maine isn’t called the Pine Tree State for nothing. It takes a couple of hours to walk to the top, but the views are incredible. I’ll take you one day.”

  “And Lizzy.”

  His hesitation was so brief it would have been easy to miss. “And Lizzy.” His tone was deceptively light. “If that’s what you want.”

  The way he said it left her in no doubt as to the way he saw their relationship.

  For him, it was all about exploring the physical connection and nothing else.

  As for her—she had no idea how she saw things.

  Confused by her own feelings, she changed the subject. “Would she want help, do you think?”

  “Lisa? I don’t know her that well, but given that this was her dream, I’m guessing the answer to that would be yes. No one wants to give up a dream, do they? It gets a little steep here.” He held out his hand, and she hesitated and then took it. Immediately those strong fingers curled around hers, and she remembered the night before, the way they’d felt locked in her hair, stroking her breasts, buried deep—

  “I’m not dressed for hiking.” Her face was hot, and she tried to ignore the feel of his hand on hers.

  “Are you too hot? Unfasten a button on that shirt. Don’t worry about insects, I’ll keep my eyes on you.”

  “I’m cool, thank you.” She sent him a look designed to wither, but he merely smiled.

  “Really? I’m hot as hell, but that may be because I’m marinating in my own sinful thoughts about last night.” Twigs snapped under his feet as he walked. “Have you ever had forest sex?”

  Emily almost stumbled. His hand tightened on hers, and she kept her eyes on the ground, picking her way along the trail. “I’ve lived in cities all my life.”

  “You’ve never had outdoor sex?”

  “You mean apart from all the sex I had in the middle of Times Square?” Her sarcasm drew a smile.

  “You never had sex in Times Square.” Swift and sure, he backed her against a tree, caged her. “You never had sex anywhere you might be caught. With you it’s all locked doors and the lights off. I bet you’ve only ever had sex in a bed.” A smile flickered at the corners of his mouth, and she felt her tummy tumble.

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do.” His gaze dropped to her mouth, and his voice was rough. “Because you’ve only ever had ‘nice’ sex. And ‘nice’ sex isn’t the sort that happens with your back against a tree and your skirt around your waist.”

  “I’m not wearing a skirt, and I don’t see anything exciting about bark burn.”

  Eyes gleaming, he lowered his head toward hers. “Want me to show you?”

  Yes. She, for whom sex had been all the things he’d described. Locked door and lights out. “I have to get back to Lizzy.” The only sound was the birds in the trees and the pounding of her own heart. “Seriously, Ryan.” She tried to evade him, but she was trapped between the tree and the hard power of his thighs.

  His hand came up to her face, his fingers gentle. “Am I scaring you?”

  She didn’t answer because her heart was in her mouth. Her stomach squirmed with a twist of intense desire. Even the smell of fresh air and the sound of the sea hadn’t been enough to cool the memories of what he’d made her feel.

  “Not scare exactly. But my life is already complicated enough.”

  “I’m not offering you complicated.” His voice husky, he lowered his head and trailed his mouth along the line of her jaw. “In fact, right now I’ve been reduced to man in its most basic form. What I’m offering is simple.”

  “You’re talking about sex.” Her eyes closed and her heart raced. She felt the erotic drag of his mouth move down to her neck and linger on the pulse just above her collarbone. “Sex is never simple.”

  “It can be.”

  Dizzy with the intensity of wanting, she placed her hand on his chest “Ryan—”

  “Yeah, I know.” Reluctantly he eased away from her. “I’m pushing my luck for a first date.”

  “This isn’t a date.”

  “Ice cream followed by a walk in the woods? On Puffin Island that counts as serious.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with a gentle hand. “We’ll go back now. You don’t have the right footwear for a long walk. If you’re going to be living on Puffin Island, you might want to do something about that. Unless you have a secret stash of outdoor gear?”

  “Most of my clothes are like the ones I’m wearing.”

  “That’s what I figured. This is an outdoor paradise. We’ll have you hik
ing, mountain biking and kayaking in no time. Better buy some equipment. We have a great selection in the Ocean Club. And I’m going to take you out on my yacht. The best way to see the island is from the sea.” They started walking back down the trail, with sunlight beaming through the trees and the sounds of the forest in the background.

  “I will walk in the forest, but I’m never going on a yacht.”

  “Penobscot Bay has some of the best sailing in the world.”

  “Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I have to experience it firsthand. I don’t like the idea of all that water underneath me, and—” she hesitated “—I don’t swim.”

  He stopped. “You never learned?”

  “I haven’t been in the water since that day.”

  Shock spread across his face. “I assumed—that should have been the first thing your mother did for you.”

  “She didn’t, and I’m glad she didn’t.”

  “Everyone should be able to swim.”

  “Not me. I don’t need to because I’m never going in the water.” She tried to pull away, but he tightened his grip and pulled her back toward him.

  “I’m going to teach you.”

  She closed her hands over his arms to steady herself, her fingers biting into the rock-hard muscle of his biceps. “I don’t want to learn.”

  “I’ll teach you in the Ocean Club pool. There’s a shallow end.”

  “I don’t care if you’re offering to teach me in your tub—I’m not interested in learning to swim. I am happy to hike and ride a mountain bike, but you will not persuade me to go on a boat of any sort, and you certainly won’t persuade me to swim.”

  “Not even if I promise to keep you safe?”

  She looked into those eyes and felt her center of balance shift. “A woman might be many things with you, Ryan Cooper. But I don’t think ‘safe’ is one of them.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  AT LIZZY’S INSISTENCE, they called at Agnes’s every morning to walk Cocoa. Resigned to her new role as dog walker, Emily paid a trip to the Outdoor Store, equipped them both with hiking boots, rain slickers, insect repellent and a small rucksack, and each day they took the dog and explored a different part of the island. On the first day they followed the road out of the harbor and along the trail that wound its way through overgrown fields to the south of the island, accompanied by song sparrows and butterflies. The trail skirted the edge of the Warrens’ farm, sixty-five acres of mixed hardwood, pasture and hay fields. They stopped to admire the herd of dairy cows who provided the organic milk for the ice cream at Summer Scoop, and walked on through meadows crowded with Queen Anne’s lace and goldenrod.

  On another day they walked the coastal path around to the east of the island. Emily chose the route that went a little way inland, rather than the path that clung to the rocks and rose up over the bluff. Here, the mossy woods crowded the shoreline, sending dark shadows across rocky coves. Gulls bobbed in the water, and seals played hide-and-seek in the surf around the rocks. Cocoa strained at her leash, desperate to explore, but the one place Emily refused to walk was on the beach itself.

  She tried to retrace the walk she’d done with Ryan into the woods, but Lizzy was nervous and Emily was afraid of getting lost. She insisted Lizzy wear her hat whenever they were outdoors, but the people she passed were either tourists or locals and none of them showed any interest in a young woman and her daughter. Gradually the acute fear of discovery faded to a dull, background throb.

  They returned from their walks at lunchtime, and Emily called into the delicatessen to pick up something for lunch. They then took it back to Agnes’s and ate it picnic style, either on the covered porch overlooking her garden or, if mist had blown in, at her kitchen table.

  Occasionally Emily left Lizzy with Agnes while she went and bought provisions, but otherwise she kept the child close.

  “Do you think I’m overprotective?”

  Lizzy had fallen asleep on the sofa after an exhausting morning with Cocoa, and Agnes and Emily were drinking iced tea in the light-filled living room.

  “I think you had a bad experience, and you haven’t had to rebuild your confidence.” Agnes was sorting through another box of children’s books for Lizzy. “You lived a life that didn’t include the sea or young children, so you didn’t have a reason to challenge your fear or push yourself out of your comfort zone. But you will, now you’re living here. You can’t live on Puffin Island and ignore the sea. It’s essential to island life. It feeds us, and it keeps us connected to the mainland.”

  “I think I preferred the mainland. There was no chance of drowning in Manhattan, and I never went near the Hudson.”

  “But Manhattan has other dangers.”

  Emily sipped her tea. “I didn’t really think about them.”

  “That’s because we’re all a product of our experiences. Someone who had a bad experience in a city might think differently.”

  “Do you think I can change?”

  “You already are. Look where you’re sitting.” Agnes added another book to the pile. “A week ago you sat with your back to the window, but now you’re in my favorite spot on the window seat, looking at the boats on the water. It’s a pretty sight, isn’t it?”

  Emily turned her head. “There’s glass between me and the water.”

  “But you’re looking at it. That’s progress. And I’ve made progress, too. Lizzy and I have cleared four boxes of books this week.”

  “Most of them are now in Castaway Cottage. Thank you. It’s generous of you. And I love books.” Books were almost all she’d brought with her from her old life. Old battered copies and first editions she’d collected over the years. “Whenever I had something to celebrate, I bought a book.”

  “I need to reduce all the clutter, but I’m not good at parting with anything.” Agnes reached for another box. “This is something else I can’t bring myself to clear out.”

  “What is it?”

  “All of Ryan’s stories. Of course, a lot of it is online, but I’m not good with the internet, so he used to send me the paper versions.” She opened the box, and Emily saw neatly sorted stacks of newspaper clippings.

  “There were stories about him in the press?”

  “He wasn’t the subject of the story, he wrote the story. He didn’t tell you that? He’s so modest. He won a Pulitzer Prize, you know, for news reporting.”

  No, she didn’t know. Emily’s mouth dried. “Are you saying he’s a journalist?”

  “Was.” Agnes leafed through the clippings, pride on her face. “The best. He had a way of getting to the emotion of a story. He’s a good listener. People tell him things. Things they would never tell other people.”

  I’m not afraid of emotions.

  Emily stood up, feeling as if she were sleepwalking. She’d told him things. Things she’d never told other people. She’d done things with him she hadn’t done with anyone else. “Would you look after Lizzy for a while? There’s something I need to do.”

  “Of course.” Agnes glanced up from her news clippings. “She’s perfectly safe here with me.”

  It took Emily less than five minutes to walk the short distance to the Ocean Club.

  She strode through the door and into the crowded Bar and Grill where Kirsti was circulating.

  “Hi, Emily.” Kirsti gave her a friendly smile. “No Lizzy today?”

  “She’s with Agnes.” Her voice sounded robotic. “I need to see Ryan.”

  “Of course you do.” Kirsti behaved as if Emily’s unplanned visit was the most natural thing in the world. “He’s in his office. He’s had a hell of a morning, so I know he’s going to be pleased to see you.”

  No, Emily thought grimly as she walked to the back of the Ocean Club. He most definitely wouldn’t be.

  Ryan’s office faced the water, and he was on the phone with his feet on the desk, when she walked in.

  “He was supposed to fix the pump. I told him we’d—” He broke off as he saw Emily. “I’ll call you back, Pet
e. Go check it out. Don’t delegate this one. If necessary I’ll dig out the tools and do it myself.” He hung up the phone and smiled.

  That assured smile was the final straw. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Just when I thought a bad day wasn’t going to turn good, you walk in.” He lifted his eyebrows as she slammed the door shut. “Is this about sex in public places? Because—”

  “You lied to me.” The anger was like a burning coal inside her. Later there would be other emotions, but right now fury overrode everything else. Fury and a deep sense of betrayal.

  Ryan removed his feet from the desk. “Calm down.”

  “I’m calm. Just angry.”

  “I’m not sure it’s possible to be calm and angry.”

  She paced across his office and stood in front of him. “I won’t ask why you didn’t tell me, because that part is obvious, but I will ask what your intentions are. I have a right to know that.” She needed to know whether she was going to have to leave the island. The thought made her stomach churn because she had no idea where she’d go.

  “My intentions?”

  “You lied to me. You sat there and talked to me about how the press wouldn’t be interested. You reassured me. You sat in my kitchen and acted as if you were my friend. As if you were someone I could trust. You bought Lizzy a hat, for God’s sake, to hide her from prying eyes and all the time you’re—you’re—”

  “Wait a minute. Slow down. We’re talking about Lizzy? I thought you were talking about this thing we have.” The look he gave her could have singed the edges of her hair. “The chemistry. I thought it unsettled you. That’s why I backed off. I was giving you space.”

  Her gaze met his, and for a moment she was knocked off balance. “I’m talking about the fact you’re a journalist, Ryan. When were you going to tell me? After a piece on Lizzy came out with your byline?”

  He stilled. “How did you find out?”

  “I’d like to say I looked you up on the internet because anyone in my position with a shred of common sense would have done that, but I didn’t.” After they’d had waffles on the deck that first morning she’d looked up the Ocean Club and spent half an hour on their slick website. She’d read his bio and been impressed. She hadn’t thought to put his name alone into a search engine. “Agnes was sorting through a file of all the stories you’ve written. She’s proud of you. She didn’t seem to know you’d conveniently kept that part of your life from me.”