Elysium

by Thea Landen

  Last on the list was bringing change to Elysium itself. It became too much for one person to handle and business had been doing well enough for me to hire help. Problem was, I didn’t know where to begin.

  I’d grown so enmeshed in all the operations, it was hard to imagine relinquishing any of it to another person. Could I go so far as to teach someone else to run the simulations? Or outsource some of the design aspects? Should I have someone come in once or twice a week to help me stay on top of paperwork?

  I remembered all the questions April asked me and her inquiries into the future of Elysium’s technology. Rather than coming up with solid answers, I was distracted by the echoes of her voice. It didn’t matter where I was or what I did. Whether I sat in front of the monitor designing a new scene or went out to drink beer with friends, she was always there. A song that played on a constant loop, a whisper that kept me awake at night, an itch impossible to scratch—I couldn’t seem to forget her. Worse yet, I didn’t want to forget her.

  While I sat at home one night, a new email popped up from Madame Eve. She made some vague mentions about finding me another date in the near future. I skimmed over the details, having already made a decision. Replying quickly, I politely declined her offer.

  I considered contacting April. I wondered how she felt, how she’d been doing since leaving. Selfishly, I wanted to know if she ever thought about me. I had all her information stored in files, but it wasn’t my place to follow up, not my function. For clients who came to me, I formed a stepping stone. I served as one stop along their path to healing and saw no reason to drag them backward. Her day with me had had its share of raw and bittersweet moments. The idea of being responsible for any of that pain resurfacing crushed me.

  I needed to move forward as well. I’d continue to improve Elysium in addition to myself. While I didn’t know exactly what I searched for, I drafted a posting for online job boards and the local universities for a part-time administrative assistant. Lightening my workload could only benefit the business and me, and having some regular company around the place wouldn’t hurt, either. I hoped I’d eventually find the right person to trust.

  April

  The sun shone on the patio of the little café where Janie and I met for lunch, and passersby meandered up and down the sidewalk beside us. Spearing a forkful of chicken Caesar salad, I smiled and nodded while she chattered about work. It had been a pleasant afternoon, making me glad to be out in the fresh air in a nice neighborhood. Though she hadn’t come right out with it, I knew Janie was happy I’d started taking her suggestions to get out more often.

  “But enough about work.” She spun her fork in her pasta and fixed me in her best lawyer stare. “It’s your turn.”

  I crunched a crouton. “What?”

  “You’re killing me, April, really.” Her lips twisted into a devilish grin. “I’m trying to be patient, but it’s been a month since your date, and you haven’t told me anything.”

  “Oh.”

  She took a bite and waited for me to go on. I didn’t. “Come on, spill!” The fork’s metal tines tapped against the plate. “I want details! At least give me enough so I can rest assured I did the right thing sending you to 1Night Stand.”

  The ice cubes rattled as I sipped from a glass of iced tea. “You did.”

  Janie beamed at me with satisfaction. “Well, what else? What was your date like? Was he hot? Did you have a good time? Are you going to see him again?”

  “That’s quite the cross-examination. I’m not one of your witnesses, you know.”

  She set down her fork to cross her arms, and one eyebrow arched. “Fine, I’ll break it down. Did you like the guy?”

  I hadn’t decided how many details to divulge to her. Figuring out who my date really was at Elysium remained a mystery, and I still searched for a way to sort through everything that had happened. Maybe if I kept the answers brief, yet positive, she’d let the subject drop. “Yes, I liked him. He was very sweet.”

  “Did you sleep with him?”

  I spat out an ice cube before I choked on it. “Janie!”

  “What? It’s a valid question.”

  My eyes narrowed. “I’m not answering that.”

  She giggled and went back to twirling her pasta. “You just did.”

  I said nothing.

  “So was he good in bed?” she asked through a mouthful of linguine.

  I should have known better, that there’d be no escaping Janie’s quest for details. “Yes,” I mumbled.

  “Super! When are you going to see him again?”

  “I don’t know.” I poked at a piece of chicken and deemed it too charred to eat. “I haven’t spoken to him since then.”

  Janie didn’t mask her disappointment well. “There’s nothing wrong with playing the field, I guess.”

  “It’s not that.” I sighed. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for a new relationship yet.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Geez, April, I’m not saying you have to marry the guy tomorrow. What’s the problem with going on a second date?”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  I made the promise to pacify her and get her to change the topic. Truthfully, I had been thinking about Drew. Since leaving Elysium, I’d felt…different. I didn’t consider myself back to being the same person I was before tragedy turned everything upside down, but I no longer drifted through the days shrouded in grief or numb detachment. Getting out of bed in the mornings wasn’t as much of a chore. I chatted more with the people at work, both coworkers and customers. I even headed out to the library or the movies on occasion, with or without Janie.

  None of that meant I’d stopped missing Kevin. I’d love him for the rest of my life, and it was hard to feel like I left him behind as I moved on. Though I’d kept the box of files I compiled, it remained in the trunk of the car. Barricading myself behind both literal and figurative walls wouldn’t bring him back. In acknowledging that, I thought I’d finally reached the stage of acceptance.

  The daily struggle, however, pulled me in all different directions. I tried to figure out where I’d come from and who I wanted to be in the future. The memory of Drew threaded throughout all the ambiguity. In a way, Elysium had served its intended purpose. I appreciated the chance to see Kevin and say good-bye in a beautiful, comforting location. It wasn’t until I’d pushed the limits of what the technology could do that I snapped and had a little breakdown. But if I hadn’t been so upset, Drew wouldn’t have been there to console me and that intimate, liberating night never would have happened. On the other hand, if we hadn’t shared our bodies and bared our souls, I wouldn’t have been contemplating what to do about it a month after the fact.

  If, if, if. I’d played the “what-if” game before, especially right after Kevin died, and it didn’t accomplish anything. Instead of indulging in hours of navel-gazing, I made an effort to be more active, to use the experience to become a better me. I believed I lived in a healthier place, and I hoped each day improved over the last.

  Before I knew it, another month had gone by since Janie’s quest for lurid tidbits about the date. Drew still haunted me. Part of me worried I’d latched on to the first man I’d been with since my husband died for no other reason than he was the first. Realization crept up on me, and I deduced why I found the idea of him so appealing. He’d seen me at my worst and he hadn’t run away or made me explain myself. From the moment I walked through his door, he knew me, history and scars. He’d wanted me anyway.

  Unfortunately, enough time had passed that I had no idea how to proceed. The contact information for Elysium in the initial letter he’d sent me sat on top of the dresser. I contemplated calling or emailing him, but what would I have said? I thought we were well past small talk, but how could I just call someone up out of the blue and tell him I now saw his face in my dreams? He had so many other clients, I imagined he might not even make time for me. And if he’d been curious to see how I was doing, he had ways of getting in touch with m
e, right?

  Kissing Drew was probably the most impulsive thing I’d ever done. Although the image I viewed of myself grew sharper and clearer every day, I sought one final piece of the puzzle. Seeing him again may not have provided me with answers. There was only one way to find out.

  I finished up a shift at the sandwich shop and got into the car. I whizzed by the entrance to my apartment complex on the way to the highway. I had an hour in which to turn around and go home, but I kept heading north. Sweaty palms gripped the steering wheel and my heart thudded for the duration of the ride. I forged ahead.

  I felt utterly ridiculous as I navigated the side streets to get to Elysium. What if Drew wasn’t there? What if he didn’t want to see me? What if this trip was all a big mistake?

  Only one car stood in the parking lot, the same one as when I’d arrived the first time. I pulled in a few spaces down from it…and didn’t get out. I’d come so far, yet for some reason, my feet refused to take the last few steps toward the door and ring the buzzer. Maybe I wasn’t as mentally sound as I’d thought. I tried to rationalize the lack of action by telling myself he was probably busy with work and I didn’t want to disturb him. It sounded like a pretty good excuse, though I kind of felt like a creepy stalker loitering outside in the lot.

  Hours passed. I froze in place, unable to complete the journey, yet unwilling to turn around and go home. A dozen possible outcomes played over and over for me while I sat in the car. I asked myself what the worst-case scenario was, and I logically knew none of the answers were catastrophic. I could have my heart broken, which had happened before, or I wouldn’t find the fulfillment I sought. Either way, I’d get by, but anxiety paralyzed me.

  At seven o’clock on the dot, the door opened and Drew walked out. My heart fluttered at the sight of him and I fumbled for the door handle. His head jerked at the noise. When he saw me exit the car, his eyes grew wide. “April?”

  I shut the door and leaned against it. “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  We stood facing each other, me in the parking lot and him in the middle of the walkway. There was no turning back, and I needed to start talking. “I had to see you again,” I blurted out. “I’m sorry, I know I should have called or something first, but I wasn’t sure if you had time for me, or if you—”

  “It’s okay.” He ran his fingers through his unkempt hair and shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re really here. I didn’t think….”

  I bit my lower lip. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

  “No, no, you’re not.” Big brown eyes focused on me, darkened by concern. “Why did you want to see me? Is everything all right?”

  “I’m fine. Mostly fine. Actually, I’ve been doing really well.” As I stared at him, taking him in, I ached to touch him. Tears stung and I blinked them back. Why did I always turn into an emotional mess around him? “I’m almost there, I’m so close to feeling like myself again. But there’s still something keeping me from being complete.”

  The words tumbled out too fast, unable to be stopped. “When I was with you, I liked myself for the first time in ages. I was the person I wanted to be.” My throat tightened and I whispered the last part of the confession. “I’d give anything to feel that way again.”

  I tried not to show any nervousness as I anticipated his response. Drew lowered his head and closed his eyes. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left. Every minute of every day, from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep at night.” The muscles in his neck twitched as he swallowed. “I tried to convince myself otherwise, but the truth is, I fell in love with you the first day I opened your files. All that followed just amplified how I felt.”

  I couldn’t hold back any longer. Rushing forward, I collided with him and flung my arms around his waist. He caught me and clasped me against his chest, burying his face in my hair. The warmth of his skin radiated through his button-down shirt, and I breathed in his scent. In that one instant, everything in the world aligned and I was where I belonged.

  When he released me, his smile shone bright enough to light up the whole city. “I still can’t believe you’re really here.” His genuine awe delighted me. “I’m afraid I’m going to wake up from this dream any second.”

  “This isn’t one of your virtual realities.” I gave his shoulder a teasing poke. “You’re not dreaming.”

  Drew opened his mouth as if to say something else, and then shut it.

  “What?” I asked.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Tell me.”

  His brow creased. “I’ve been searching for someone to help me run Elysium. I can’t do it alone anymore, especially if I want to have time for other things.” He looked at his feet and scratched the back of his head. “But I couldn’t ask you to do that. Your life is down in Bridgeport, and you’ve seen how tough this job is sometimes. I wouldn’t want anything to hurt you further, especially after all you’ve been through.”

  His request flattered me, or rather his non-request, but he overestimated me. “You don’t want me working here,” I mumbled. “I’m not qualified to do anything beyond preparing lunches and running a cash register. I didn’t even get through two semesters of community college before dropping out. I’m sure you can find someone better.”

  “No, I can’t. I’ve tried.” He resumed eye contact with me. “You’d be perfect. You know what it’s like to be in the simulations, and you’ve also survived a devastating loss. I think you’d offer assistance and comfort to a lot of grieving people.” Taking my hands in both of his, he leaned toward me. “Come work with me. You’re the only one I can trust with something so precious.”

  There were dozens of reasons to say no, but life’s too short to spend time regretting missed opportunities. “I’m willing to give it a shot.” As soon as I spoke the words, I felt more confident. “More importantly, I’m willing to take a chance on us.”

  I slid both hands up his shoulders and entwined my fingers behind his neck. Tilting his head, he lowered his lips to mine. I welcomed his tongue into my mouth and pressed against him, letting him support me when my knees grew weak. Our kiss was laced with reminders of the passion that joined us together and the promise of a future filled with joy and hope.

  I could have happily spent the rest of the night kissing Drew, but we were standing outside in a dark parking lot. “So what now?” I asked when we pulled away.

  “Well, I was leaving to grab some dinner when you showed up.” His eyes twinkled as he gestured to his car. “If you’d care to join me, I can take us on our first real date.”

  Laughter bubbled up and I beamed at him. “I’d like that very much.”

  Drew

  I slipped the headset off and leaned back, rubbing my eyes. On the other side of the window, April patted the shoulder of a man who hadn’t had the opportunity to reconcile with his father before a fatal car accident robbed him of any further chances. He made use of the box of tissues she offered, yet from what I could hear of their conversation, he appreciated his time spent in the simulation.

  I exited out of the programs and closed the windows on the monitors while she finished up in the other room. As I shut down the systems, I snuck the occasional peek through the glass. Though she’d already offered me assistance with accounting and keeping files organized in the months she’d been coming here, interacting with the clients was where she really shone. Every time I watched her holding someone’s hand, or lending a friendly ear and a shoulder to cry on, I saw the beautiful soul I fell in love with.

  As soon as I switched off the last screen, she entered the office. “He decided to take his old pictures back,” she told me.

  “I’m glad.”

  April crossed the room and bent over, draping her arms over my shoulders from behind. “He said he’d like to show them to his own kids one day, and hopefully they won’t repeat his mistakes.”

  I squeezed her fingers. “That’s a nice idea.”

  She spun the chair a
round so I faced her and grinned at me. “No matter how many times we do this together, I’m still amazed at how you can always create the perfect world for everyone who walks in here.”

  “They give me the pieces. I merely assemble them.” I kissed the tops of her hands. “And regardless of what vivid scenes the technology makes possible, all of that pales in comparison to reality with you.”

  Although my back felt stiff from the hours spent sitting at the desk, I didn’t protest when she sat on my lap and curled up against me. Her hair, with its scent of wildflowers, tickled my nose.

  “I do love working here.” She ran her fingers up and down the length of the tie I always wore when meeting clients. “Even though I don’t get to see you that much on days when we have clients come in.”

  “I know.” I tightened my grip on her, holding her close. “But it makes the moments like this that much better.”

  We sat in the office, unmoving except for her hands’ idle strokes and the movement of our chests as we breathed together. April buried her face in my neck and sighed. “I wish I could stay here longer.” Although her voice was muffled, I could hear her disappointment. “But I really should try to get back to Bridgeport before dark.”

  I nodded, though I anticipated the ache I would feel once she left. “Anything that gets you home safely.”

  She didn’t get up. “Drew?”

  “Mm-hmm?”

  “Do you ever think….” She slowly drew out each word. “Do you ever think about me eventually staying here permanently?”

  All the time. My heart raced and I tried to find an answer to her inquiry that was honest, yet not overzealous. “Yes, I do.”

  “And…?”

  “And I’d love nothing more than to have you with me seven days a week, but I don’t want to rush a good thing or make you feel like you’re changing everything for me.”

  April pulled back and straightened enough to gaze at me. “We’ve already been making a lot of much-needed changes since we met. What’s one more?”