Splinters

by M R Field

  I laugh as Alex’s face pales, causing Trice to laugh—loud. “It’s okay, babe. We’re fine, remember?” she teases, rubbing his arm. He relaxes and shakes his head. I chuckle as his eyes flick over to me and he mouths arsehole.

  Mamma moves behind me to Hazel and offers her some coffee. Dr Phil has a lot to answer for when it came to my Nonna.

  “No thanks.” Hazel gestures with her hand. “I’m not into it so much anymore.”

  My mamma titters as she draws the pot back. “I love my coffee too much.” Her voice is heavy with mirth. “The only time I couldn’t drink it was when I was pregnant with these two. It left a metallic taste in my mouth. Afterwards, I drank it like a fish.”

  I bite into my toast and feel Hazel stiffen beside me. Before my face turns towards her, she shoots up out of her chair and heads over to her handbag.

  “Haze?” I call out, but she doesn’t hear me as she shuffles through the brown leather case. She pulls out her phone and turns back, her face pale against her blue tank. Her thumbs run along her phone and for a moment, I wonder if that fucker has texted her.

  “Oh my God.” Her voice catches, her eyes filling with tears as she frantically moves her thumb across her phone again. I jump out of my seat and grab onto her shoulders, but her eyes are glued to her phone.

  “Farfalla? What is it?”

  Her lip trembles as her face slowly lifts towards mine, her eyes filled with unshed tears. My hand holds her face as my heart thunders in my chest. “What happened? What’s going on?”

  A lone tear runs down her face as she wets her lips. “Please excuse me, I need to go upstairs.” My hands rub her shoulders, as her eyes stare at the floor. “Please,” she begs. My chest tightens as she trembles under my fingers. What’s going on?

  “Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.”

  Angelina Jolie

  HAZEL

  Oh God.

  I thought the coffee was just bad recently.

  Why doesn’t my calendar have my appointment?

  When did I see my doctor last?

  Oh crap. In the UK.

  I haven’t been back since …

  Warm hands rub my shoulders as a crippling fear twists around my chest.

  “Farfalla? What is it?”

  He’s going to be so angry. We didn’t plan this. He’ll leave me after finally getting together.

  His hand cups my face and my heart feels bruised. “What happened? What’s going on?”

  “I think … I’m … I need to go to the bathroom.” I break from his hold and run upstairs, my feet flying as fast as I can. I race to the bathroom door and fling it open, but before I can close it, his hand stops it. I stare at my phone in my hand and suddenly it all starts making sense. My lip trembles as the door opens. A cry breaks from my mouth and I crumble, my knees buckling beneath me. I draw them up to my face and sob, wrapping my arms around my cold legs, feeling like my world is about to be lost.

  “Holy fuck.” Robbie rushes to my side. “What the fuck did that fucker do?”

  He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer to him while his fingers tug the phone from my grasp. I grip it tightly, not wanting this moment to come any sooner, but I can barely hold on. The ache in my chest weakens my grip and I sob as the phone slips into his fingers.

  “Nooo …” I sob, shaking into my knees. My cries echo inside of the four cold walls as Robbie holds me against his side.

  “I don’t know what this means.” His voice lowers. “You don’t have any new messages either. Why are you looking at your planner?”

  “It has all my reminders on it …”

  “What did you miss?”

  My arms tighten around my legs as I mutter, “My injection. For the pill.”

  His arm loosens as his fingers reach from my arm, gently pulling it away from my legs. He turns to face me, and his soothing voice whispers against my ear, “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m worried, Farfalla. Don’t shut me out.”

  I breathe in deeply as a sob falls from my lips. Lifting my head up, his dark eyes trace the movements of my face that I know is probably covered in tears and muck but I’m too terrified to care.

  “My new phone doesn’t have my old calendar on it.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment. Opening them with what little courage I have left to stammer the words that will probably tear him away from me. “I missed the reminder to go to the doctor to get the injection. My contraceptive injection.”

  He flinches as he stares down at the phone.

  “I’m so, so … sorry,” I sob. “I swear I didn’t plan this.” My words tumble out in desperation. “I know we just started and we’re not ready for this. I didn’t realise I had forgotten and … the injection doesn’t give me a period, so I didn’t realise.”

  I stare at his shocked face as he looks up from the phone and to me. His eyes move down to my stomach and he freezes. His jaw locks as he places the phone onto the floor before slowly standing. I watch him clench and unclench his fists as he looks down at me and then moves quickly to the door, closing it behind him. Without saying a word, he leaves me alone, huddled on the cold, tiled floor. My arms wrap around my legs, encasing my pain as a sob wracks through my chest, my heart shattering as the tears cascade down my face. I’ve lost him. I’ve lost the only man I love, and the only man I will ever love. My tears continue to fall, as my mind begins to whirl into my own personal hell, where I picture the love I’d lost given to another woman in the future. My chest throbs to be that woman again, and to have that moment where no one else exists but us, but as the devastation plunges deeper in my chest I know that it is a reckless thought.

  Soft hands wrap around me as Trice’s voice coos at the side of my face. “Hazel, honey, what happened?”

  I shake as my arms tighten around my legs.

  “Sweetie, I’ve never seen you like this. Please, what happened? Did my brother do something?”

  “He … left … me,” I cry. “He walked out and left me.”

  Her arm tightens around my back but I don’t feel any warmth. I don’t even know if I’m even pregnant, but if I am, I’ll shower him or her with love and adore him or her like he or she deserves to be. I’ll never ignore him or her. This child will not know what it feels like to face the loss of love. I’ll love it enough for two parents.

  My shoulders tighten at the thought. Trice rubs my back and for a while, I’m lost in my thoughts again. Time passes as she holds me, huddled on the floor. My eyes sting from the tears I’ve shed and my face is dry from the marks they’ve left, trailing down my cheeks. I don’t know how long we’ve sat here. All I do know is that my heart feels torn in two. Have I been here hours? Or minutes? Heartbreak is timeless.

  I continue to rest against Trice in the comfort of her embrace, until her arm suddenly leaves my back. She stands, and her voice cuts through the stillness of the room.

  “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?”

  My head shoots up and I see Robbie’s face peering into the room, and a fiery Trice standing with clenched fists by her sides. “Tell me, or so help me I will punch a hole through your face!” His brow creases in confusion as he stares at her and he shifts to look around at me. She moves to the side. “Not a chance. Explain yourself. Now.”

  “What is going on?” His voice is deep with worry. “Is Hazel okay?”

  A fake laugh breaks free from Trice as she continues to reel at him. “I don’t know, Robbie,” she says sarcastically. “You tell me.”

  She steps to the side and his mouth gapes as he stares at me. He pushes open the door and the rustling of a plastic bag follows him, clutched in his hand.

  “Farfalla, what’s wrong? What happened?”

  He holds his arm out to push Trice to the side as he crouches in front of me.

  “You … left me.” My voice is devoid of any emotion. He doesn’t deserve to care if he’s going to be out of my life.<
br />
  He turns to Trice and says firmly, “Leave. Now.” Her nostrils flare, but his face reddens. “I said, LEAVE.”

  She glares at him for a moment before uttering, “I’ll be in the kitchen in Mamma’s drawers … looking for her nutcracker. Looks like I’ll need it.”

  She walks out and slams the door.

  Robbie’s face softens slightly as he stares as my tear-sodden one. “I did leave, but I didn’t leave you.”

  “You’re not leaving me?”

  A hesitant smile passes across his lips. “I went and got you a test or two to see if you were pregnant.”

  My blood cools as I glance over to the bag. “What? So you can work out whether or not you’re leaving me? It doesn’t matter either way. If I am, I’m keeping it, and I’ll love it more than anything and if I’m not, we’re done. I’m not staying with someone who bails whenever the moment gets tough. Love is unconditional, not a part-time concept.”

  His shoulders loosen as he brushes his hand through his hair. The mood in the bathroom begins to change, his smile widening across his face.

  “I’m not fucking leaving you, Hazel.”

  “You’re not?”

  “Fuck no. I wanna know if I’m gonna be a dad or not. Look at this.” He pulls the bag closer to me and his shoulder bumps mine. Looking down, I now see that the bag is full of pregnancy tests.

  “Why so many?”

  “Because I wanted to be certain. Here, look at this.” He reaches into the bag and pulls out the first box. “This one is ninety-nine per cent accurate and this one …” his hand dives in again, “says you can tell as early as five weeks. Do you think you’re five weeks?”

  I nod. His smile widens as he dives back in. “See this one? It has a digital reading, and this other one has a pink line reading …” He shifts in his spot, his voice raising in excitement. “But this one actually says pregnant.’’

  He looks around the room, tapping his fist against his lips. “You need water. You’re going to have to pee … a lot.”

  I chuckle as his shoulders jolt. “What?”

  “You look excited.”

  “Of course I am! Now, in the movies, they pee on these sticks, so I’ll just run downstairs and grab a glass, no a bottle—”

  I lean forward and grab his face, drawing it closer to mine. He wiggles slightly from jittery excitement until I pull him closer to my face and cover his lips with my own to silence him. I kiss his firmly before leaning back to stare at his eyes.

  “I thought you left me and broke my heart.”

  He shakes his head and covers my hand with his. “I’m sorry; I was in a daze. I drove like a bat out of hell to get these tests. I probably got a speeding ticket from one of those hidden speeding guns.”

  “Next time, talk to me.”

  “I will, babe.” He rubs his nose against mine. “You might be my baby mamma.”

  My nose crinkles. “That sounds funny.”

  “Only one way to find out.” He reaches into the bag again and pulls out a box. I gingerly grab it from him but he holds onto it for a moment. “Whatever the answer, know that today or ten years from now, you with our child is where I want to be. If it’s negative, it’s not our time. But Hazel …” My chest warms at his tone as cool tears run down my face. “In the meantime, we’re going to have a hell of a good time getting you turning one of these tests positive.”

  “You want a baby?”

  “Farfalla!” He looks at me as if I’m crazy. “Did I work my arse off and buy a club to coax you into moving back?”

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “Did I or did I not tell you that you are my everything?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “There is your answer. Sure, I was planning on having that discussion with you in a year or two, but babe, I’ll take whatever I can with you.”

  I tear open the box and pull out one of the plastic covered sticks. “Right, well, step on outside for a min, let’s find out.”

  He kisses me softly and steps outside the door.

  “I’ll be listening. The second you’re done peeing on that stick, I’m back in.”

  “Eww, gross.”

  He closes the door and I get down to business. Time to see what direction this little plastic stick will take us.

  “Is it time yet?” he asks impatiently through the door.

  “It’s only been a minute.” I barely pull my pants up before Robbie bursts back in like an eager puppy.

  “Feels like forever,” he complains, his fingers gently swiping back and forth across my belly.

  “If it’s positive, you’ll be waiting a while until the baby comes. I need to wash my face,” I whine, my skin dry from all the tears. I stand up and Robbie follows, holding my elbow as if I am wounded. “What are you doing?”

  “You could be carrying precious goods. I don’t want you to slip.”

  I wave his hands away and scrub my face, washing away the foolish thoughts that tore through my mind minutes before.

  He hands me a towel as I dry my face and jokes, “Maybe I have super sperm that will show up sooner than the four minutes!” He taps the stick.

  “Okay, you can turn it over.” I grin.

  His fingers eagerly turn the plastic over. He holds it so I can’t see, staring at the clear square, but his face doesn’t give anything away.

  “I thought I was the actress,” I huff. “Are you going to tell me?”

  He breathes deeply as his shoulders straighten. I watch his eyes brighten with happiness and the most beautiful smile almost weakens me to my knees.

  “We are?” I bite my lip excitedly.

  “We are!” he shouts, tipping his head back and roaring.

  I squeal and leap into his arms and kiss him, feeling tears stream down my newly washed face. He laughs against my lips and holds me closer to him. “I love you,” he murmurs between kisses.

  “I love you too.” I sigh against him. He flicks open the door and begins to carry me downstairs, still clung to him. My body tightens, but he holds me closer.

  “They will be fine,” he soothes near my ear. “No one will make this moment shit, I promise.”

  We reach the landing and a furious Trice standing with her arms folded across her chest.

  “Well?” she snaps. “You better tell me what the hell is going on!”

  I climb down from Robbie’s body and he instantly pulls me to him.

  “We’ve got some news—” Robbie begins.

  “We know,” Nonna interrupts, rising from her chair beside the table, and I flinch beside Robbie. “Now, when is it due?”

  “What? How?” Trice stammers.

  Nonna laughs and taps her nose, looking back from Trice to us.

  “Nonna knows all.” I look over to his parents who both stand there, smiling back at us, neither of them looking shocked.

  “Oh my God!!” Trice shouts and rushes over to us. “You’re gonna be parents! I’ll be a zia! Best day ever!” She hugs me fiercely and I cling to her, my heart overflowing with love for this girl.

  “Mate.” Alex strolls over. “Congrats, great news.”

  He holds his hand out and they man-shake, while Trice and I squeal a little more. I look over her shoulder and find her parents waiting there patiently for us to stop, all the while smiling back at us.

  “You’re … okay with this?” I stammer as Trice lets go of me, and steps away.

  “Of course!” Feli rushes over with her arms outstretched and throws them around both of us, pulling us in tighter.

  “This is weird,” Robbie mumbles into his mamma’s hair. “I thought you’d be at least a little fiery or angry that it was so soon.”

  She straightens from us and looks at both of us before glancing over to Nonna. “No, we’re happy, aren’t we?”

  Nonna nods and shuffles over, her balance slightly worse than what it was yesterday, causing us both to rush to her side. Robbie leans forward and she clutches his cheek, while her watery eyes never leave mine. />
  “You glow.” Her eyes crinkle at the sides as she clucks her false teeth in her mouth.

  “So, my manhood is safe? You said before a wedding …”

  She taps Robbie’s face before shaking her hand up and down at him. “No matter anymore. We can’t pick our future, but we can hold onto our destiny. I could be here tomorrow, or I could go.” Her lips thin slightly, but she quickly goes back to smiling. “I think my granddaughter needs to meet her bisnonna first, then we’ll talk weddings.”

  “Granddaughter? But I don’t even know when I’m due!” I shriek.

  “It’s your face. Your face is still beautiful. It’s a girl,” Nonna says.

  Feli narrows her eyes at me and tilts her head. “It’s not the face, but the bum; turn around.”

  “Or her skin,” his dad interjects, watching my face intently.

  “Turn.” Feli twirls her finger in the air.

  “Um, what are they doing?” Alex nudges Trice.

  “They’re working out if it’s a boy or girl.” Alex raises his eyebrow at Trice and then looks up at us. I shrug and decide what the hell. I raise my arms and turn slowly, feeling all eyes are on my bum. This moment couldn’t get any weirder if it tried.

  “Boy,” their father declares.

  “Boy,” Feli agrees.

  “Oh,” Nonna muses. “You’re right. It’s a boy.”

  “But … how?” Alex asks.

  “Secret Italian business, babe. That’s all you need to know.” Trice leans up and kisses him quickly on the lips.

  “Bene, bene,” Nonna says as she shuffles over to the table and sits down. She pours herself another espresso from the percolator on the table and looks over at Trice. “See?” Gesturing to me, she says, “Her eggs are working—are yours? Or is his …” Her eyes look down towards Alex’s crotch and back to Trice as she wiggles her finger like a worm.

  I burst out laughing as a very red-faced Trice hides in Alex’s chest and groans loudly. Robbie wraps his arm around me and pulls me to his side, kissing the side of my face.

  “Happy?” he whispers into my hair.