by M R Field
“Nope, I’m fine up here. My woman needs me.” I use my free hand to stroke her curled fingers. Looking over to the monitor, I watch the reading begin to rise as another contraction is coming.
“Come on, love.” I adjust my hand for a moment, so Hazel can curl her fingers around it tighter. “Squeeze my hand, babe. Don’t care if you break it. Go your hardest.”
Her pants echo throughout the room as the doctor signals for her push when she reaches her peak. Hazel bears down as an agonising groan pushes through her dry lips.
“That’s it,” the doctor soothes as his arms reach forward, and before I turn back to Hazel I see a wiggling mass in his hands and my world stops. The room is silent for a moment until the doctor’s hands fiddle with the cord for a moment, and then his arms move to the side to the midwife beside him, and a shattering cry fills the room.
“Holy shit.” My lips tremble as the midwife comes over to Hazel, holding our squirming baby, and places our child on Hazel’s chest. Our child.
“What did we have?” Hazel’s voice is soft and exhausted, laced with tears and wonder. The nurse wiggles our baby’s body a bit more, the suspense barely holding us back.
“A boy,” Hazel breathes, as she lifts her hand out of mine and reaches up to touch our son’s shoulder. Our son. I’m a father.
I lean forward and stare in bewilderment as our squirmy son’s cries begin to subside when Hazel’s voice gently coos at him. Their eyes lock and my chest tightens. Here are the two people that mean more to me than anything else in this world. I am overwhelmed by this moment. Nothing will outdo it, until our son’s eyes shift and bore into mine. Now I feel changed. As I stare transfixed into the dark, almost green eyes of our son, I know one thing is for certain—no amount of description about what it feels to be in this moment registers to the exact feeling that I have staring at him. He knows me.
“Hey bello,” I coo, as I lean forward and kiss him gently on his forehead.
“My heart just exploded.” Hazel giggles lightly, her weary limbs shaking as she holds our son tight.
“Well done, Farfalla.” I kiss Hazel’s temple and rest my head against it for a moment. “You were phenomenal. I’m so proud of you.”
A midwife comes over to take our baby for a moment for measurements, and I can’t help but want to tell her no.
“Let her be,” Hazel coaxes me to stay. “They won’t be long.”
My jaw clenches as our baby’s cries break out when he is measured and then weighed against the cold hard steel.
“They could at least put a blanket over him,” I scoff. Our shrieking baby is returned to Hazel’s breast and his head tilted to begin feeding. I watch as his cries die down and his noisy sucking fills the room.
“Hungry bubba,” Hazel marvels. “I feel like I’ve conquered a mountain.” Her fingers trace up and down the back of our baby.
“You conquered the world.” My heart constricts as my eyes trace the little movements of our son. “Now, what are we going to name our little one?”
“You know, I’m kinda sad that Little One will be replaced, but I have been tossing around a few ideas.” She shivers, and I reach down towards her waist to draw up the sheet.
“Oh yeah.” I drape it over her chest and up until it’s over our baby’s shoulders.
“How about Giancarlo after your Nonno? We could call him Gian?”
“But, don’t you want someone from your family? We could change Thea to Theo, after your Great-aunt Cynthia.”
“Yes. I like that as his middle name, though.”
“Are you sure? It doesn’t have to be my Nonno’s name.”
“I love that name, Robbie. I always have. Your Nonna saw us getting together, so it feels right to honour the man who she loved.”
I look down at our son and whisper, “Giancarlo … Gian.”
Our little boy’s eyes lock with mine, as his feeding stops. I glance over to Hazel who smiles down at Gian, her eyes brimming with happy tears. Come rain, hail or shine, both Hazel and my son compel me to be the best person that I could ever be. My chest fills with an intensity to match a thousand suns. Each beat was made for him and Hazel. That fucker Jerry almost took them away from me. Never again.
“I could’ve lost you both today.” My voice breaks.
“You saved us.” Hazel looks up to me and I lean down and kiss her lips softly. Her hand touches my face and then she moves it to stroke Gian’s cheek.
“I’m not going to think about anything other than this moment. Right now, in my arms is the best birthday present, ever,” Hazel chuckles as she moves her fingers to the side and kisses Gian’s forehead. “A real family, finally.”
“Definitely.” I smile as I watch our son’s eyes close as he drifts off into a peaceful sleep. This moment is all that counts as we move forward as a family.
“Love is not blind. It simply enables one to see things others fail to see.”
Johnny Depp
HAZEL
Six months later
“Oh, try this again. You can do it. Zia. Z-i-a, zia.” Trice vibrates her teeth together briefly before opening her mouth wide, like a clown. “Come on, Gian. Zia.”
A little hand reaches up to her cheek and I watch, transfixed, as Trice’s blue eyes turn bright with affection.
“Come on,” she whispers. “You don’t need to say mamma or dada. Just zia.” Her face draws closer as she rubs her nose alongside Gian’s, causing him to squeal in delight. No matter how many times I hear it, it still melts my heart. Each and every time.
“I think you’ll find that zia will have to come after a few other names, as Gian and I have already had a serious discussion,” I joke as I walk into our bedroom. “I’m sure Nonna is working her magic.” I curl my wet hair into a ponytail and tighten the robe around my waist.
Gian’s cot was swiftly put together while we were in the hospital, and after the ordeal we had, Robbie and I both decided that he would remain in our room. I still shiver at the thought of putting him in his own room. He’s our little boy. No need to have him so far away.
“You never know.” Trice smiles down at him, kissing his little hand. “He might surprise us all and say someone else’s name.”
“Well, he’s already saying mamma and dada, so the next name will be important,” I reason. Gian looks over to me and his eyes widen in excitement as he begins squirming in Trice’s arms.
“Alright, alright, little man, I got the hint.” Trice turns him in her arms and holds him out to me. I pull him into my embrace and cuddle him tightly for a moment, smelling his hair and kissing the side of his face. His dark brown curls tickle my nose, and I giggle as he continues to wiggle in my arms. His head pushes back against my lips and I blow a soft raspberry, relishing the sound of his chuckles as he tilts to the side, the tickling causing his shoulder to meet his cheek. I turn him in my arms to face me, and marvel at his green eyes as they twinkle back at me.
“You’re too cute. I could just gobble you up!” I coo, as his chubby arms reach out for my ponytail that is over my shoulder. My arms stretch to pull him away from me, but it’s too late. His iron fist grabs a wayward curl and latches on. I wince, but it’s no worse than the other times he’s done it.
“Little ninja, mamma has beautiful hair, and she’ll be bald by the time you’re two if you keep that up.” Trice laughs, unfolding his tiny hand from my hair. “So, where is Robbie taking you tonight?” she asks, popping her lips like a blowfish at Gian.
“Not sure. I know we are meeting at the club, and then we’re going from there.”
“He’s been working long hours at the moment. That’s probably the best place to meet.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Ever since the incident we’ve tried to deal with the repercussions as efficiently as possible. The damage caused by the fire was minimal, so once the police cleared the scene, Robbie had the builders come in and fix everything. The curtain behind the stage was changed to an even more vibrant red and
he’d installed a better and more efficient security system that would notify us if it was turned off. Recently, he’d started working longer hours. Having him hovering over us at home was nice, but it was time for him to take proper charge again.
After a lengthy few months, with court dates and hearings, a jury found both Jerry and my mother, Patricia, guilty of blackmail for trying to make unwarranted demands. Jerry was charged also with attempted murder, stalking, criminal damage and arson, burglary, and a list of other minor crimes. He was sentenced to fifteen years with a minimum of seven years without parole. After his sentence, he was to return to the United Kingdom to face the rape charges that he ran away from. Apparently, someone had rung his mentor and told him what he’d done, which lead to the poor girl being located. Good thing, I still had all my contact numbers from the UK. Like Robbie said, once he was sentenced, “Sucked in, motherfucker.”
The moment I left that club, my mother ceased to exist. Patricia was charged and sentenced to five years in jail for blackmail. Her taking part in luring me there, under the guise of a forged endearment, only to manipulate me into giving her my trust fund while knowing that Jerry was there waiting for me, cemented her involvement. The courts saw her as being negligent and for that, she was punished. They took away her company. In the fire, she apparently suffered scarring on her legs, but that was no deeper than the emotional scars she left on me. My small burns eventually healed, and my forgiveness disappeared along with the scar tissue. The memories alone were a daily reminder of how I was not going to treat my son.
Testifying against my mother and ex-lover had been difficult but fundamental. Seeing their faces, remembering their voices, all took me to a dark place whilst the hearing occurred. Listening to Jerry plead his alleged innocence was enough to have a constant pool of bile linger at the base of my throat. His dismal effort at convincing the jury that it was all for love sounded like something from a sick and twisted soap opera.
I hadn’t wanted to be in the same room as either of them, and especially a room with minimal windows and light. I’d clawed at the wooden seats beneath my thighs, counting the minutes until the court was dismissed. I’d just wanted them to be sentenced and done with it. Countless months spent attending these trials had almost left me with a black hole into my heart. But I’d clung onto my new family. I’d clung onto the hope and love they gave me and pushed back any sort of weakness that my family had tried to cause.
Feli had flown in to look after Gian while we were in court. There was no way that I was going to give my mother or father any opportunity to see their grandson. My father had attended the trial and made barely any attempt to reconcile his failings with me. Not one single apology. No ‘sorry to hear you almost died, but congratulations on the baby’ comments. It was as though he were there for business. A venture that meant nothing to him. I was no more important than a speck on his shoe. He was there to see that his ex-wife would stop hassling him.
For me, on the day of the fire I had lost not one, but both parents. I had lost any further regard towards them and in doing so I’d cut off my sisters from my life completely. It barely made any difference. I’d never existed for them, and they didn’t exist for me.
But what I did gain was a son. A beautiful, healthy, strong son. He loved Robbie and I unconditionally, and made every experience we’d had until now worth it. I’d put myself back into a ring of fire if it meant I would see, hear and touch his smiling face on the other side. I refused to allow my birthday to be tarnished of memories of charred wooden floorboards, flames and fuel. Instead, it would be remembered as the day I share with our son.
I blink to shake the thoughts from my mind. Instead, I focus on the deep green eyes that look mischievously from Trice to me. While his face is shaped like mine, his facial expressions are all his father’s. Watch out, ladies. We would indeed know all about it as he grew older.
“So, I’m meeting him at the club at six and then he’s taking me out to dinner.”
“Oh, what are you going to wear?” Trice asks excitedly.
“I picked a dress off the rack at Trinity’s. She was dealing with that same psychotic Bridezilla who keeps changing her mind, so I amused myself by taking a look at her dresses. She eventually came over and plucked out a dress, saying that I have fabulous cleavage and I need to show it off. It’s a fitted waistline to hide the mummy tummy.” I pat my stomach. “One day it’ll be gone.”
“Come on.” Trice rolls her eyes at me. “You look amazing. Your curves are even better than they were before. Don’t let Robbie hear you talking like that, or he will feed you straight carbs for a week.”
“You’re right,” I sigh as I hug Gian closer to me. “I don’t have anything to worry about. You heard about Nadine, didn’t you?”
Trice’s brows furrows at me for a moment. “No, actually. What did that skank do now?”
“She got herself fired.”
“You’re joking! That’s awesome!” Trice laughs while throwing a fist in the air.
“Yeah. I was visiting Robbie for lunch with Gian and just outside his office, I heard her hitting on him as she was telling him to leave me now that I was fat.”
“What a bitch! You’ve had a baby. You look fine,” Trice growls.
“Wait!” I smile. “It gets better. She then said, ‘I can rock your world, Robbie. I bet it’s been months since you’ve had a half-decent shag. We can finally be together. Let me show you.’”
“I want to punch her in the tits until she looks like a hunchback.” Trice’s nostrils flare.
I reach out and pat her shoulder. “It’s fine. I was about to storm in there, but his words stopped me. ‘Never. I love her. I am with her as she was made for me. She is more beautiful now than she ever was. She is all that exists for me. Nothing can lure that away from me. Now leave!’ Suffice to say, when I pushed through the door and saw his red, angry face, I was more than happy to stroll up and give him a massive pash while that cow stomped out.”
“I think I will buy my brother a beer some time. That was epic gold.”
“He knew how to make a gal feel precious. His lips were on me before she left the premises. You know the ladies check him out when we’re walking Gian in the pram? He doesn’t even notice. He felt my arms the other day and said I was toning up, and then preceded to tell me that I was beautiful and I didn’t need to be hitting any fitness regimes.”
“He’s a dork.” Trice laughs. “Is he freaking out about me babysitting tonight?”
“Nope. Because apparently the restaurant is only ten minutes away. He said that you needed to drop me off, though.”
“Only so he can see Gian, I bet.” Trice rolls her eyes as we walk into the lounge room. Long gone are the DVD racks and books on the coffee table. The room itself has been turned into a baby mecca. A play-mat is on the floor, an endless array of toys and books scattered around, along with Gian’s favourite blue sippy cup that’s he’s still learning how to use lying by the couch. Alex and Trice still live with us, and for now it is really great. Gian is surrounded by love, just as he should be.
I sit down on the floor and put Gian down. In a flash, he is up on his haunches and crawling towards his blocks. While we stack them only for him to smash down, Trice and I chat aimlessly until the doorbell rings sometime later. Trinity enters the apartment with a garment bag over her shoulder, and a grin.
“Afternoon, ladies and little lion.” She squats down as Gian crawls over to her and flicks her shoelaces. Trin giggles as she tickles his cheek. “I see you like my Docs. One day, when you’re a big, big boy, Aunty Trin will buy you your first pair. Maybe some with skulls on it to freak out Daddy.”
I roll my eyes. Sometimes these gals know my man too well.
We chat for a while as Gian continues to sit up and clap at the toppling blocks. Both Trin and Trice adore him, but I can’t help notice the occasional sad smile Trinity gives Gian. Our Trin may play the happy card, but I know she’s far from it.
“So
, have you seen Theo much? I haven’t seen him for a few months,” I say, trying to ask as casually as possible, but failing.
Trin, continues to stack the blocks while giving me the stink eye. “He’s … fine. I don’t see him much. He’s busy.”
“What’s he up to?”
“Fuck knows. We aren’t living in each other’s pockets.” She shrugs.
“Yet,” Trice chimes in.
“No, never. We’re not dating. Just a casual hook-up, that’s all.”
“So, no one else? What about him?” Trice nudges her with her elbow.
“I wouldn’t have a clue, and I couldn’t give two shits. He can do who or what he wants. He’s just a fuck buddy when it’s convenient.” Her mouth tightens as she straightens the blocks before standing up. “C’mon, we have to get you ready. I don’t need to talk about that arsehole.”
She walks out of the lounge towards my bedroom, her step suddenly jumpy as she nears the door.
“Oh, so she’s shitty with him,” I whisper to Trice when Trin is out of earshot. “That would explain the ‘not seeing him much’.”
“Totally, but don’t worry—they will get there. They just started this all backwards without sorting out their previous issues. They left out the wooing part.”
“Like Alex and his woo?” I chuckle. “He just didn’t give you a choice.”
“True, but he also worked his arse off being my friend again. Robbie at least did the woo.” Trice stands and holds a hand out to me. I clasp it and rise up next to her.
“Yeah,” I bend to pick up Gian. “His ‘wooing’ was the use of his puppy eyes and knock-me-down smile.”
“Oh thank God!” Trice pretends to wipe sweat off her brow. “Thought you were going to talk about something else he wooed you with, and I was going to have to hold down the upchuck.”
I smirk and flick her in the arm, while balancing Gian on my hip.
“No, you brat. But, I must have some skills to be able to tame that snake.” I wink and walk towards the bedroom, a stompy Trice following me.