Shattered

by Haven Anne Lennox

  I let you play because for one you I wanted to tackle you, you kinda look soft. Another reason is my mom would kill me if she found out I didn’t let you play because you were a chick. Just because you have Tits and a vagina doesn’t mean you cant play. He looks over at me with that smile and only at 14 I knew I could be in trouble. He keeps talking like he cant tell my knees are shaking and barely holding me up at this point. Besides you play pretty good for a chick.

  He walked me the rest of the way to my house asking me 20 questions about where I was from and why I was here now and anything else you could think of. When we got to the gate at my house he told me they were playing again the next day and that I should come but as a girl. He tossed his football at me winked and started walking the way we came. He turned around walked backwards, oh hey I didn’t get your name he yells, im Liam. Im Rainy, but you can call me Rain. Still walking backwards he says, well rain nice meaning you ill see you tomorrow. Then he turns back around. He calls my name one more time and turning to look at him he has stopped walking, you are soft. He winks again and jogs back down the street.

  When I come back from the memory Liam is wiping tears from my face. Don’t cry Rain. We can make things the way they should have been . all you have to do is give me the word babe and ill take you and the kids away from all of it.

  I have to tell Liam how I feel and then I have to make him go away. I cant see him again after tonight . I wont be able to make it if I have to see him all the time.

  Putting my hands over his I begin telling him goodbye. The tears haven’t stopped and if im honest I don’t see then stopping.

  You have meant so much to me for so long Liam. I love you so much and I use to want a life where I was happy and you where in my life everyday loving me and letting me love you. You were meant to be my life Liam and I will always love you but you have to know that I will never leave Tyler. As much as I love you I cant risk it. IF tyler ever found out about you being here with me or how we feel about eachother he would kill us both. If we both die who will take care of my babies? I move one of his hands to place it over my heart. This is where you are and this is where you will stay. Now no more talking tonight. Get up here and hold me. Let me feel safe in your arms for the first and last time in my life.

  He goes to speak and I put my whole hand over his mouth. Don’t Liam. I know what you are going to say, but im begging you, please baby, let it go. Give me what I need and what I want just for tonight.

  Liam doesn’t speak. He looks at me and after a few seconds he nods his head. I turn to my side faceing the wall then feel Liams arms come around me.my tears are soaking the pillow. I lace our hands together close my eyes and wish that I could have this forever. I am almost to sleep when I hear Liam in my ear, I love the fuck outta you Rain, I know you want me to walk away but I cant. I feel you in every part of my body. You are my heart and my life. I cant walk away, im sorry I just love you to fucking much. Please understand and please don’t hate me.

  He kisses my temple and I squeeze our hands together. I know he knows I heard everything he said when he give me a squeeze back.

  Am I wrong for wanting this? I have wanted him for so long. Tyler and I got married because we got pregnant and at the time I thought I loved him. When I knew that I wasn’t, was my first trip to the hospital. My mom came to me and said a man that puts his hands on a female is no man at all Rainy Marie, that’s not love he left on your cheek. That there is hate. Hate that could kill you.

  At the time I had no idea how right my mom was.

  Chapter?

  Liam wasn’t here when I woke up this morning. He left a note:

  Rain,

  Don’t think im gone for good. I will be back. I meant what I said to you lastnight. I will fix everything if you give me the chance. If you don’t, just know that I will die trying to get you away from him.

  Loving you always

  Liam.

  It does mean a lot to me that the men in my life love me this much. What doesn’t mean a lot is the fact that I have told them that I need them to leave it alone and they keep on. FUCK!!! I just want to keep their asses save. Assholes.

  The doc came in a few hours ago and told me he would be releasing me tomorrow. Since it was just me, him and the nurse I asked them both to keep it to their self. I don’t want anyone to know. They would try to make me go with them. So before anyone gets here I need to call Tyler and let him know ill be home tomorrow and ask if he can bring me the keys or come to take me home. I take a deep breath and dial. It rings three times before he answers. He sounds like he was asleep. It wouldn’t surprise me. Hell it wouldn’t surprise me if he had another chick in my bed. When im home he sleeps in the boys old room. I kknow he has females in there and it doesn’t bother me at all. We are married and it should bother me but it really doesn’t. I hope he falls in love with one of them and he moves out with them or he lets me move out but it wont happen. He always gives the whores a show when im home. I guess I was zoned out because I blink and hear him say,

  Who this fuck is this. Either say something or hang the fuck up pussy.

  Tyler, its me. Im calling because im being released tomorrow and I need you to either bring me the keys or give me a ride home. I say this in a flat tone. No emotion. He will never get anything else from me. He can have my life but but everything else is mine.

  The fuck I care when you get out. If it was left up to me you wouldn’t have been there in the first place. You have been gone for what 5 weeks. Your stupid ass should have been here cooking my supper and sucking my dick. You getting out find your own fucking way home. And you better be here before I get the fuck home and my supper better be ready. You hear me you stupid whore.

  He starts talking to someone in the background. I hear her say “ who is it baby” to which he replies, nobody baby, why don’t you do that thing with your tongue and my dick like you did last night while I get the trash off the phone. Then I hear, “ oh yea baby just like that” when he comes back to the phone. He says hello, and I let him know im still there. I can tell she is sucking him good from the way his words are drawn out. She must really be a pro to have him sounding like he is about to blow his load already.

  So like I was saying, find a way home but it best not be Liam, Storm or that worthless ass son of yours. He pauses, jesus baby that feels so fucking good.

  Coming back to me fuck your still here. Swear for a min I hoped my dream came true and you were dead. With that the line goes dead as he says” sollow all of me” the the line dies. I know I should be hurt or upset but truth be told Im not.

  He isn’t wrong. I know that he will be the one to kill me. Maybe im crazy but im looking forward to that day. The pain will be over and the kids will be safe.

  The door opens and it’s the nurse, she has papers in her hand. So im guessing im about to be released. Which is good. Nor Liam or Storm are off work yet and the boys are in school.

  You ready to head home sweetheart? The nurse asks while she pulls the blood preesure cuff down from its holder and wraps it around my arm. I don’t answer. Its better if I don’t. she lifts her face to mine and I don’t know tries to see what im thinking. Hell what does it mean when people stare at you anyway. I know from the look in her eyes that im about to get a heart felt lesson. Now I have to decide if I listen or if I turn rude and tell her to suck it. I decide to listen because she thinks she is helping or hoping to get through to me just like all the men in life besides Tyler.

  Sweetie I don’t know how you got to where you are, I don’t know how you ended up beaten.

  I automatically say “ I fell down the stairs”

  I can tell she thinks Im full of shit by her face. But he keeps going like I didn’t say anything.

  Like I said I have no idea how or why, but I do know that you have some great men in your life that love and care for you. They wanna keep you safe and make the pain stop. You deserve better then whatever put you here. For the past almost 4 weeks I have been taking care of you
. Watching those men coe here day after day and watch after you. Your brother calls every hour to see how you are.

  When she says that my eyes grow round my mouth drops open. Fuck did she tell Storm I was getting out today. If she did, there will be hell to pay when I get home, because Storm will take me anywhere but my apartment.

  She holds her hand up to stop my panic. No child, I did not tell your brother that you were being released. But you should tell him. I have gotten to know your brother and Liam as well as your handsome boys. They all love you very deeply. They would die for you Mrs. Childs.

  This is what pisses me off. I know how they all feel. I feel the same daamn way about them. So I tell her so. Listen lady, I appreciate you watching over me all this time but it was kinda your job. As far as my family goes, I know how they feel. I love them all so much that I would give my fucking life for all of them. You think I like getting my fucking face pounded, kicked in the ribs. You think I fucking enjoy the shit my husband puts me through. I do it to keep them all safe, alive, breathing and fucking innocent. I don’t need you to stand here and tell me how they feel, because I feel it everyday. I know what they want and I cant give it to them without someone getting hurt.

  I have gotten out of bed and have started putting my clothes on. Im ready to leave. I have to get out of here. I put my shoes on and drop my head into my hands. Listen im sorry. I shouldn’t have went off on you like that. Your just trying to help. But what I need is for everyone to stop trying to help because it makes things worse not better. I know what im doing. Do I know that it could possibly kill me. Yes I do, and im ok with that as long as everyone I love is safe.

  She walks around the bed to where I am sitting and lowers her self beside me. She lays her hand on mine and tells me she understands what I am saying. But that sometimes its better to have help. Then she asks if she can pray with me. i wasn’t really a big church person. I knew there was a God and I hoped that when my day came I would go to heaven. I don’t go to church but you cant live the life I live and not pray so I tell her yes. I lower my head and let her words come over me.

  Dear heavenly Father, we come to you as humble as we now how, and ask that you watch over Rainy keep her safe and allow her to feel your love and arms wrap around her. Help her lord be the rock that we know you are. Put love and strength in her heart Lord and help her stay strong. We come to you father with open arms and open hearts, be our light and we shall follow only you lord. Amen

  I have tears running down my face and I think I may have broken a few of her fingers the way I was squeezing her hands. She lifts her head raises one of her hands and wipes the tears from my face.

  You stay strong Rainy. God will be there to guide you even when you think he isn’t there, you keep your faith baby and it will get you by.

  She squeezes my hand once more and gets up. Then she is gone. She left my release papers on the sink. I just sit there and think. What if Storm and Liam are right and they can really keep us all safe. Can I take the chance. I walk to the sink I put one hand on each side and and lean forward to look at myself.

  I look broken. I look lost. I don’t look like the girl that use to always smile. I don’t even know who I am anymore. More tears. Im so sick of tears. I look back at myself and say” they can keep us safe, you know they can, stop fighting, let someone else fight Rainy” I spin around I have to do this before I change my mind. I grab the phone and call Liam first but he is out on a job so I call Storm.

  Yo, he answers by way of greeting.

  I freeze can I do this. The doubts start spinning in my head. What if Im left alone, or one of the boys get caught alone. What about Gen? I cant let anything happen to y little girl. I just cant. Im about to hang up but somehow Storm knows its me.

  Rain don’t you dare hang up on me. wahts going on? Are you ok? Talk to me dammit.

  I hang my head I don’t know if I can do this. I see myself in the mirror again and my eyes are lifeless. Im dead already. I decide to fight. I want to watch my kids go to prom and finish school. I wanna give girls a hard time about dating my boys and I wanna watch all of them Storm, Liam, Man Callum and Mal lose their shit over Gen and boys.

  Storm, I say, but my voice is weak. So I try again and I try not to cry.

  Storm they have released me. I don’t wanna go home. I don’t know what to do im scared, I don’t want Tyler to hurt any of you. What am I doing Storm. Maybe this is a bad idea but yall said u could keep me safe Liam said yall could keep us all safe.

  I just stop talking. I can hear Storm getting in his car. He is coming for me. I let out the breath I was holding and let the tears fall. He is coming they wil keep us safe.

  Rain, listen to me. im coming for you right now. do not leave that hospital. Go down to the lobby and wait for me, but do not go out the doors until you see me pull in. do you understand?

  Yea, I understand. Where are the boys and Gen. when he finds out im not coming home he will go after them first Storm.

  Stop they are fine. When we get off the phone ill call Liam and tell him to go back the school and pick them all up. And they will meet us ok. Now get all your shit and get ready to come home ok.

  Ok, ill see you soon. Thanks for this Storm I love ya big brother.

  Oh now, don’t go getting all girly on me.

  I hear his laugh and it’s a great sound to hear.

  Ok Bye Brother. Im about to hang up when he calls my name.

  Rain, he says just my name

  Yeah

  I love you to little sister, your doing the right thing. Ill be there in 5.

  Then Storm is gone. I don’t have much to pack to I grab the few things I do and stick them in the gym bag one of the guys brought for me. and walk to the door. I head down stairs to wait for Storm. The elevator is out so I have to take the stairs. I have a boot on my leg but maybe by the time I get down there Storm will be there and I wont have to wait long. Im on my last flight of stairs when the door above flies open and I hear Tyler yell” Get back here you stupid bitch. You think your going to get away from me that easy”. Im stuck. If I try to go faster I could fall. So I press my back against the wall and just wait. Any hopes I had of getting away are now gone, I know that but part of me still wants to fight for it.

  Im grabbed from the back. His hand grabbing a fist full of my hair and im pulled back into his chest.

  Your so stupid. Did you think I was going to let you get away that easy. I knew you would try to get away the first chance I wasn’t watching you. I knew I couldn’t trust you to do what you were told.

  How does he know? As if he can read my thoughts he answers my question.

  I was standing by the door when you called your brother. I know you Rainy. I know how your mind works. You aren’t going anywhere until im ready for you to go.

  He pulls my hair tighter, my head goes to the side then Tyler licks the side of my neck.

  Lets go you stupid whore.

  But what about Storm, he will be downstairs looking for me. i come with you if you leave my brother alone.

  He laughs, you talk as if you have a choice. There are no choices here. You are coming with me. or do I need to go find those kids of yours and use their bodies like I plan to use yours.

  He knows he has me. I wont let him get to my kids. His laugh tells me he knows he has me right where he wants me.

  That’s what I thought. Now move. We will deal with Storms stupid ass when we get down there.

  I start walking. Tyler is still behind me with a hand full of my hair, guiding me to the door I need to exiting out of. Im worried how things are going to play out once we get downstairs. I know Storm is going pissed. I just home that he will forgive me. maybe Liam will tell him the reason why I keep going back. So much for putting up a fight right.

  Getting downstairs, I see Storm getting out of his car. I know he will know im doing this against my will. He is a private investigator, his skill is reading people. He has always been able to read me like a book. He will know.

/>   Tyler pushes me outside and gives my brother a shit eating grin. Storm stops walking once he sees that im with Tyler and that he has his arm around my shoulders.

  Storm, what are doing here? How he can talk to Storm like that with a straight face, I will never know. I can see that my brother is trying to keep from punching Tyler in the face.

  Rain, what the fuck is this? My brother asks me while keeping his eyes on Tyler the whole time. Before I ge a chance to speak Liam pulls in behind Storms car. Its not just Liam. Its also my boys. All three if them. Instead of answering Storm I look at my boys and ask them,

  Why are yall here and not at school? What is you one and only job? School, that’s your job. I look at all three of my boys then at Liam and Storm.

  Looking back at Liam I ask, what the hell are they doing here? Why aren’t they in school.

  Liam sticks his hands in his pants pockets shoulders back and his head up, they wanted to be here when you were released. We all wanted to keep that piece of shit away from you. He nods his head in Tylers direction. Before I can speak Tyler decides he would like to be an asshole and fuck up any thoughts I had about trying to keep all this nice and calm right out the damn window.

  Are you fucking stupid Rain? Your loser kids don’t need school. What are they teaching how to be a pimp or drug dealer now. that’s all those fucktards will ever be good at. Now Genesis, that girl can make big money, even now. you did good making that purty little thing there.

  Before I can react or say anything Man is like a blur, and before I know what is happening Man has Tyler by his throat. Man picks Tyler up by his neck, places on hand on Tylers back and slams him onto the side walk. People stop walking and look at what is going on. Man keeps his hand around Tylers throat, while he straddles Tyler. You can see the fire in Man’s eyes. You can see the hate. You can see the desire that Man has to end his fathers life.