Corn, Cows, and the Apocalypse (Part 1)

by Felicia Jedlicka

  “She didn’t mention you.” Priest said taking a step forward that I wasn’t ready to take, so it looked like I was holding him back. “Who the fuck are you and what did you do to Lenore?”

  “I’m her trainer. Until tonight, I haven’t really been training, so much as prepping. Tonight, I attacked her.”

  “You tried to rape me!” I screamed taking that step forward that I didn’t want to take. I was still firmly plastered to Priest’s arm though, so it didn’t really look threatening.

  Garrett looked down at the floor before answering. “Yes, that is what I appeared to be doing. Mind you I would not have actually done that, but I needed you to really believe I was going to do something to you. I needed you to be afraid enough to fight. You did very well, by the way.”

  “Fuck you! I hate you!”

  “That’s okay.” He said returning his gaze to Priest. “Could we speak alone, as gentlemen?” Garrett held up his hands in surrender.

  After a long moment of evaluation on Priest’s part, he nodded. “One moment.” Priest turned around pulling his right arm from my grasp in exchange for his left arm around my back. “Come on.”

  “Priest, no, don’t talk to him, just tell him to leave.” I begged as we headed to his dressing room off the side of the sanctuary.

  He shushed me gently and closed the door behind us. He removed his robe, under which he had casual clothes on. It was something I had never seen on him. Without the robe or the collar, he looked almost normal—whatever that was at this point.

  There was a small bathroom off the room, just a toilet and sink. We both squished into it and he set me on the toilet while he washed the blood off my arm. I watched him play around in his first aid kit before he found the butter fly bandages he wanted.

  He caught my eye before he started. His eyes were blood shot, but he seemed lucid enough to trust with my care. He smiled at me. I never understood how he could treat me so carefully, while he played with the insecurities of other women to get them into his bed, or in this case onto his altar.

  “Did you know I wanted to be a doctor?” He asked before kneeling before me. I shook my head. “Before I wanted to be a priest, I wanted to help people, save lives, all that jazz.” He pulled my cut together and placed the butterfly bandages. “I decided that I could save people in a different way.” He pulled out a gauze roll and wrapped it around my forearm. I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the unraveling fabric. “Maybe I should have stuck with being a doctor.”

  Before he finished I thanked him with a kiss on his forehead. I probably would have kissed his lips, but his forehead was much more accessible. “You’re doing a pretty good job tonight, either way.” He smiled and placed his hand on my cheek. He mumbled his blessing before opening his eyes. “Why do you keep blessing me?”

  “Because you don’t know how insane it is to come to me to be saved from a lecherous man.”

  “You’re not a rapist.” I argued.

  “No, I’m worse. I’m a seducer.”

  “You’re going to let him take me back aren’t you?”

  “Is he training you?” He asked rather than answer me.

  “Yes.” I whispered.

  “Do you think what he said was true?”

  I realized the sudden attack did seem out of character for Garrett. He barely paid any attention to me, let alone demonstrate any attraction to me. “Maybe, but he was pretty convincing as a rapist.”

  “I’ll talk to him, but to answer your question, no, I’m not letting anyone take you. I will, however, let you leave if we can trust what he says.” He pulled me up and walked me back to the door. “There is a vent in the bottom on the door you’ll be able to hear us.” He winked and slipped out the door.

  -Man to Man-

  Through the vent, I could see and hear everything. Especially, since Priest forced Garrett to come forward by sitting on the steps in front of the altar. Garrett sauntered up cautiously, while Priest lounged completely comfortably against the step behind him. “How much did August tell you about me?”

  “She told me of your many vices. She also told me that Lenore trusts you and that she would go to you if she thought she needed help.”

  “Yeah…I can’t break her of that little habit. What about tonight? You expect me to believe that you were just pretending to rape her.”

  “Believe it or not, but Lenore should know. I was lying on top of her. I don’t recall being turned on by what I was doing. I think most rapists get off on the struggle, but I was too distracted by the fight to be getting any sick pleasure from her pain.”

  Priest nodded as if he were mulling over the information. “Pretending or not, that was a pretty deep slice in her arm, and was I mistaken, or is she getting a black eye.”

  “I understand your protective nature. She is your friend, and you want to help her, but so are August, Devin, and Haden. None of them have gotten this far with her. She fought me tonight, Matthew.” Garrett brandished his sloppily bandaged hand. “She really fought me, and she won. She got away. That’s all that I’m taking from tonight. She might wake up tomorrow with cuts and bruises, but I don’t care. Her enemies will do nothing less.”

  “I guess I missed a step…” Priest leaned forward begging for a name to insert.

  “…Garrett.”

  “I guess I missed a step, Garrett. Who are her enemies? Last I checked the glimmer grim were pretty easy to avoid.”

  “Please don’t make yourself the fool in this. You are a priest after all. Do you really think this is all there is? Do you think that life ends as we know it, and a few puppeteering demons show up to wreck our parties? We are headed into so much more trouble, and if you care about Lenore, you will realize that she needs to get with the program. You do too actually, but I’m certainly not going to waste my time trying to help you out of this hole you’ve dug. I can however, help Lenore.”

  “You’re helping her by pretending to rape her.”

  “I’ve observed Lenore a good deal over the last couple weeks. She follows orders well enough, she learns quickly, but she’s not a forward thinker. She’s very dependent. She is, for lack of a better word, lazy.” I cringed at hearing that word again. I do everything for everyone. I’m the damn kickstand. I hold everyone else up.

  “Lazy? I’ve never observed that.”

  “I just mean she is willing to let others take care of her. When push comes to shove, she just falls down. She thinks nothing of losing a sword match, because I’m not actually going to stab her in the end. She doesn’t worry about our mock fighting, because I’m not really hitting her. If I had tried to fight her tonight, she would have given up, or retreated, or begged me to stop.”

  “Lenore is not weak.” Priest grumbled in my defense, though I’m not sure he had any evidence to back it up.

  Garrett cleared his throat. “I agree, but she has made assumptions about my character that prevented her from considering me a hazard. I had to threaten her with something that she could believe me capable, but something she was not willing to endure. It was a low blow, but a necessary one.”

  “You figured if you walked in and slugged her in the mouth, she would cower.”

  “I know she would have.” Garrett said without a hint of doubt. I wanted it not to be true, but he was right. I already knew I wasn’t a fighter, but for the first time in my life I was ashamed of that. This new world didn’t leave room to distinguish between conscientious objectors and cowards.

  “What will you do next time to scare her, try to cut off her fingers?”

  “I will continue to train her harder each day. Eventually, I will be outright punching her.”

  Priest crossed his arms and set his jaw. “And she’s supposed to return to that voluntarily?”

  “Voluntarily is a subjective term. I would like her to return by choice, but given the circumstances surrounding this arrangement, I’m not sure voluntary will ever be the right word.”

  Priest stood up. The stairs offered him a
good lording position to Garrett, but given that Garrett was broader than him, it didn’t really have the desired effect. “Lenore!” He yelled for me and I came out after a slight pause. Priest held out his hand to me. I went to him and took it. It was all a display, but I was more than happy to participate. “Lenore can do whatever she wishes. She may leave with you now. She may stay with me here. She may run away altogether, but one thing is certain. You will not be staying. Give me five minutes with her and you’ll have her answer.”

  Priest hugged me to him and walked me around the altar. Garrett retreated to the back of the church to give us privacy. Priest leaned against the altar, and I stood with Garrett partially in my view. “You think I should go back with him, don’t you?”

  “I don’t care if you go with him, but you know you don’t want to stay here. I’m not even sure I want to be here anymore.” Priest looked around the church like he was taking in its condition for the first time. “Besides, he might be right. This glimmer grim thing may turn into something bigger. Don’t you want to be prepared for that?”

  I shrugged. “Even if it does, it’s not like I’m going to be the one to stop it. I know August thinks we can save the world or something, but I don’t. It’s been hell in a hand basket since this started. If the hand basket falls apart then it’s just hell. Me picking up a sword isn’t going to change anything.”

  Priest looked like he was going to respond, but his eye caught something behind me. I turned around to look at whatever he was looking at but I didn’t see anything. When I turned back he was staring at me strangely. “What is it?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he said even though it was clearly something. “I’m just hallucinating. It happens with this stuff. Look, do you want to remain with August?”

  “I love August.”

  “I know, but is it worth getting the crap kicked out of you every day to be with her, to be part of her save the world team?”

  “Yes,” I said without pause. Priest seemed surprised and distrustful of my quick answer. “I can’t explain it. She’s like a mother to me. I would do anything for her. I think…I think I would die for her.” The last part was as much a revelation to me as it was to Priest. He seemed unnerved by it. “Is that stupid?”

  “No.” He answered flatly. “I had no idea you felt that strongly about her.”

  I looked around the church. I wondered if my pain at losing August could ever compare to Priest’s pain at losing his God. “You know you don’t have to stay here.” I said looking back at him. “You’re always welcome to stay with me; preferably, without the harem or drugs.”

  He didn’t say anything in response to the offer. “I don’t want you to die for August. I don’t want you to die at all. If he can beat that gentle nature out of you along with that damn nice streak, I’d like him to do it, but you need to make sure you take every opportunity to fight back as hard as you can.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m serious.” He tipped my chin up, when I started to look at the floor. “If you go with him right now, than you are committing to this. I can’t have you coming back here complaining that he hit you.”

  “Oh, that’s nice. You’re kicking me out.”

  Priest touched his chest. “I don’t want to watch you go through this. Call me old fashioned, but I think men shouldn’t beat up women.”

  “Well…I don’t either, but…how else am I going to learn. It’s not exactly a skill you can learn by instructional video.”

  “No, it’s not.” He mumbled. “Is that your choice then?”

  “Do you really not want to see me?” Priest wobbled his head in neither a nod or head shake. It probably meant, “Yes, but my door won’t be locked.” I gave him a quick one armed hug and told him thank you for the bandage. He grumbled something in response. I headed to the back of the church where my pseudo rapist was waiting for me.

  -Dinner Take Two-

  The ride home was a little precarious since his motorcycle didn’t offer much room for personal space. I tried to just sit without touching him, but he pulled out so sharply I was forced to wrap an arm around his chest. I kind of figured he had done it intentionally, but I’m sure he would have claimed otherwise.

  When we got back, I went inside via the kitchen door. The table was set neatly again, with fresh flowers in a vase. Since the house wasn’t filled with smoke, I presumed, he had also taken care of the food. I hadn’t even realized I had frozen in the door until Garrett bumped me from behind. “Come on, the mosquitos are getting in.”

  I stepped in and started to head into the living room. My intention was to go straight to bed, even though I was hungry. “Lenore.” Garrett said before I had made it to the stairs. His voice held the same tone that August’s did. It was a question, but also a reprimand. I stopped and debated my options. Risk indigestion rushing through the most uncomfortable meal ever or go hungry to prove my point. That point being: I could go hungry, or I can get my way, or I’m stubborn, or…

  Forget it.

  I came back into the kitchen, just as Garrett pulled the still warm skillet of food from the oven. I couldn’t quite bring myself to sit down when he sat. I wanted to eat somewhere else. I also wanted to not be a coward.

  After Garrett had served both our plates, he turned himself in his chair to look at me. “What are you thinking right now?”

  I blinked away my confusion. Why do people ask that? Do they really want to know? No one ever wants to know what you’re thinking. “I don’t want to be near you right now, but I don’t want you to think I’m running away from you either.”

  “Are you angry at me, or scared of me?”

  I rolled my eyes. No matter which answer I chose, I was going to look like a typical emotional female. “I feel like you’re more a stranger to me now than you were two weeks ago.”

  “That doesn’t really answer my question.” He stood up abruptly, and I took a big step back. “That does though.” He put up a finger to pause the conversation and went outside. He returned a minute later holding hand cuffs. I took a couple vacillated steps back, but he shook his head. “Easy, Lenore, the handcuffs are for me. I’ll give you the key, and you can take them off when you feel comfortable enough to risk it. Or until I have to pee, whichever comes first.”

  He tossed me the tiny key and latched the cuffs around his wrists behind his back. I scoffed at him, but he proceeded to sit down and eat from his plate like a dog. The comfort of his hands being bound, wore off quickly when I realized it meant I would have to serve him and wipe his face when he was done.

  After his second helping of food he leaned back in his chair and looked me over. It had bothered me that he barely acknowledged my existence over the last two weeks. Now that his stunt had made him intimately familiar with my body, I wished he would forget I existed.

  “Do you want to hit me?” He asked when I couldn’t meet his eyes.

  I scoffed in an attempt to laugh, but he didn’t offer it as a joke, so I let my smile drop. “No, I don’t want to hit you. I don’t even want to be near you.”

  “I can’t have you afraid of me.”

  “I thought that was the point. Scare me into fighting you. Scare me into survival mode.”

  “Yes, but that won’t work twice. You won’t fight me nearly as hard if you suspect I’ll let up at the last second.”

  “I figured I would start wearing skirts so we could skip the fight and go straight to the rape.” He actually looked away. He was no doubt irritated, but I also detected offense. “Why is she making me do this?”

  He looked back at me like I had asked him to tell me what he hides under his mattress. He thought about it a moment, before standing to retrieve his plate via his bound hands. He managed to get it to the sink and slide it in without breaking it.

  A man cleaning up his dishes post-apocalypse? Maybe hell had frozen over. Or maybe it was just avoidance at its best.

  I brought my own dish over and started a batch of soapy water in the sink. “The
re has to be a reason.” I said to remind him that he hadn’t actually answered me yet.

  “Aside from saving your life?”

  “Yes.” He rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter by the sink while I proceeded to wipe down the table and bring over the other dishes. “I get the purpose. I just don’t get the effort.” The suds in the sink mushroomed up when I dumped the skillet in. A particularly large splotch of foam hit Garrett’s face. He blew most of it off, but a little piece remained on his nose. I wiped it off rather briskly with a dry towel, which he thanked me for. He still had some remnants of sauce on his face from the meal, but not enough that I felt compelled to help with.

  “Why don’t you think you’re worth the effort?”

  “Am I?” I waved my hand to the set that had been the scene of my attempted fake rape. “Look how far you had to go to get my, so called, best.”

  He nodded in contemplative agreement. “You did impress me tonight though. You might be too stubborn to start a fight, but once it was out of your control, you were forceful and creative.” He turned so he wasn’t relying on the counter to hold him up. His proximity put me on guard, but I held my ground. “August just wants to reverse your foot dragging obstinacy into a stalwart fighter. I thought she was wrong about you. I didn’t think you were worth the effort either, but after tonight I think she may have been right. So, now that I’m on board too, you can expect to be miserable. Tomorrow I am going to make you hate me so much, that you’ll never say no to an offer to hit me again.”

  “Great, I suppose I should feel privileged that you are waiting that long.”

  “I’d like to apologize for tonight.” He said ignoring my quip. “In spite of the necessity of it, that isn’t the image I want you to have of me. That’s not who I am. I expect you’ll continue to hate me. That’s for the best, but if you would allow it, I would like to reverse some of your impressions of me as a man.”