My mind started calculating the months. “When are you due?”
“Early September.”
“But I’ll be in school.”
She leaned toward me, her brown eyes glistening. “I’ve been watching you, Sally. Are you sure you’ll be in school?”
I flattened myself against the back of the chair and eyed her suspiciously. “What do you mean?”
She patted my knee. “Ach, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to alarm you. It’s just that I thought, well, I assumed…” She stopped talking and searched my face.
I gave a nervous cough.
“Was I wrong? Are you not interested in joining the church? Are you not interested in taking instruction?”
I jumped out of the chair and walked to the window. Peering out, I saw Abbie and Melly giggling and sticking out their legs as if comparing to see whose was longer.
“Sally?” Hope’s voice came from right behind me.
I turned to face her, and she stared deeply into my eyes. “Was I wrong?”
“I only have one year left, Hope. Then I graduate.”
She tilted her head and gazed at me thoughtfully. “’Tis true. So you’ll finish then?”
“Of course. Yes, I’ll finish.” My plan to leave Hollybrook threatened to choke me and that fact shook me to my core. Did Hope see my true desires—even though I was doing my best to ignore them? I thought of Jack. No, it was useless to dream such foolishness. Jack needed me in Ohio—if Mom were alive, she would want me back in Ohio.
Hope’s fingers brushed my arm. “It’s Jack, isn’t it?”
I nodded and tears filled my eyes.
“He won’t come back? Ever?”
I shook my head. “Never.”
“So, you’re going to him after you graduate?”
I frowned. Hope wasn’t supposed to guess my plan.
“Please, don’t tell anyone.”
“Why not?”
Indeed, why not? I closed my eyes and took a long breath. Because if she tells, then it will be for sure and for certain. Perhaps I was still hoping against hope that I wouldn’t have to return. Disgust for myself filled my heart.
My cell phone buzzed against my leg. I pulled it from my pocket and saw Bryan’s grinning face on my screen. I shrugged at Hope and turned away to answer.
“Hey, Bryan.”
“Hey right back, girl. How about a study session at the library tonight?”
“Study session? Who are you kidding?” I shoved aside the seriousness of my conversation with Hope and smiled into the phone.
“I’m missing you already. Haven’t seen you for a whole hour. What kind of spell did you cast?”
“Yeah, right. That’s me—the spell caster.” I laughed. “I’ll be ready at seven, okay? See you then.” I hung up and turned back to Hope.
She’d returned to her chair and was rocking gently. I walked over to her with no desire to continue our discussion. Yet she was so kind, I could hardly blow her off.
“Can I be your mother’s helper after school each day and on the weekends?” My voice came out like a plea, and I cringed.
Hope’s eyes didn’t leave mine. “Yes, our Sally. Of course.”
I nodded and headed to the front door. “Please tell Aunt Elizabeth that I’ve gone to the Zook’s to play with Abbie and Melly.” I ducked outside, happy to escape the stifling air in the front room.
“So can you come over?” Abbie asked, jumping off the chair.
“Sure can,” I answered. “Let’s go.”
Abbie and Melly each grabbed one of my hands, and we began skipping toward their house. My spirits lightened as we neared the Zook’s farm. The spring sun warmed our backs and the smell of lilacs seemed ever-present; although, I couldn’t spot them growing anywhere.
“Me, first!” Abbie cried, running to jump on the rope swing that hung from a tree with branches as wide as a silo.
“No, me!” Melly yelled. She proceeded to try and shove Abbie from her spot.
“Stop pushing!” Abbie ordered.
“Whoa!” I interrupted. “No one is going to have a turn if you argue. Pick a number between one and ten.”
“Is this like drawing lots?” Abbie asked, her freckled face turning up to me.
“Sort of. Whoever gets closest to the number I have in mind gets her turn first.”
“Eight,” said Melly.
“Five,” said Abbie.
“The number was four, so Abbie it is.”
Abbie squealed and climbed back on the swing. Melly stepped aside, suddenly the picture of perfect patience.
I glanced around hoping against hope to see Zeke. The last time I’d pushed Abbie in this swing, he’d shown up—perhaps it wasn’t too much to hope it would happen again.
But even after giving both of the girls two turns each, there was no sign of Zeke. “Where’s your brother?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“Which one?” Melly asked.
“Zeke.”
“He went to the Feed and Supply. Should be back by now.” Abbie peered through the low-hanging branches toward the road.
“Why? You need our Zeke for something?”
I quickly shook my head. “No. No, not at all. Just wondering.”
“Want me to tell him you asked after him?” Melly asked.
“Oh, no. Please.” I looked into their expectant faces and scolded myself for being so forward. What had I been thinking to ask for Zeke? If he found out, he’d peg me for a brazen fancy girl for sure.
“I need to be getting back,” I said. “Thanks for letting me play.”
Abbie ran over and gave my hand a squeeze. “Sometimes we play foursquare. I’m not too good, but it’s fun. Maybe next time, we can do foursquare.”
I laughed and shrugged. “Maybe so, Miss Abbie. See you two later.” I waved and started off down the road. I hadn’t gotten far when I heard a buggy approaching. Part of me wished it was Zeke—part of me dreaded it was Zeke.
It was Zeke.
He yanked on the reins and pulled the buggy to a stop. “Hello, Sally,” he said, tipping his head in greeting.
I stopped. “Hello, Zeke.”
“How’s your day?”
“Fine. Good.”
“Were you at my house?”
“Abbie and Melly came to get me. I’m heading back to the Lehman’s now.”
He rubbed his hand on his knee. “You want a ride?”
“Oh, no. It’s close. But thanks.”
He nodded and picked up the reins.
“You didn’t meet me at the bus,” I blurted, and then cringed with embarrassment. Why should he have met me?
He rested his calloused hands back on his lap. “Nee. I didn’t.”
I lowered my head and started again toward the house, feeling like a total fool.
“No reason to, jah?” His voice carried to me, pulling me up short.
I twisted around and stared. “What do you mean?”
“You have your beau, jah? That Englischer, Bryan.” His blue eyes assessed me, and I felt incapable of escaping his stare.
I nodded slowly, then shook my head no, then nodded again.
His eyes narrowed and a grim look covered his face. “You are confused, Sally Jones.” It wasn’t a question.
I wanted to yell back, Of course, I’m confused. You stare at me with that knowing look, you see right inside me, you parade around me with your broad shoulders and easy smile. Confused? Of course. Who wouldn’t be?
Instead, I pressed my lips together in a tight line. Before I could think, he jumped down from the buggy and walked to me. With every step he took, my pulse pounded harder. When he reached my side, my throat had nearly closed. He took off his hat and held it loosely in his hand.
“I wanted to meet you at your bus. I did.” His voice was thick and unsteady.
My eyes stretched wide and panic grabbed my heart. Leave. Move, Sally, move! Get away from this man! Before you do or say something else stupid. But my feet had cemented thems
elves deep into the dust at the side of the road.
Zeke lifted his hand and gently brushed a wisp of hair from my cheek. My skin burned at his touch, and I instinctively put my hand there to feel his warmth.
“I see it in your eyes,” he whispered. “You’re going to leave us, jah?”
“No. Not yet.” My voice broke.
“But you will leave.”
Tears pooled in my eyes, and I blinked furiously to get rid of them. This was beyond embarrassing.
Zeke tapped his hat on the side of his hip and then placed it back on his head. “Nothing to keep you here, then.” He retreated a step.
I kept staring at him, unable to utter a word.
“All right.” He swiveled and climbed back into his buggy. It creaked under his weight and with a click of his tongue and a gentle slap of the reins, he was off. I watched each turn of the wheels, feeling as if my life was somehow leaking out of me, like air from a wilted balloon.
Three
Ann jabbered through supper. She had everyone laughing and straining to peer out the window at Apple, trying to catch a glimpse of the puppy chasing her tail and ending up on her back with her paws flailing. I laughed along with them to avoid anyone asking me what was wrong.
Hope had stayed for supper, and Abram had joined her. We all knew Mary wished Josiah would have come with Abram, but he’d gone to the elder Lambright’s for supper. Mary’s disappointment spread around the room like castor oil. But Ann’s infectious giggles eventually found their way into her space, too, and Mary enjoyed Apple’s antics along with the rest of them.
Observing Hope, I understood why people said pregnant women glowed. Hope’s face did glow, and she looked like a beautiful queen observing her loyal kingdom.
Except when she glanced at me. Then I saw concern and even sorrow in her eyes. So I avoided her gaze as much as possible. I was afraid that if I looked at her, I would burst into tears.
After supper, it didn’t take long for all of the females to get the dishes washed and put away and the kitchen tidied. Ruth stayed behind to set things out for breakfast while everyone wandered toward the front room. Except me. I grabbed my backpack and headed for the front porch.
“Sally? You studying on the porch this evening?” Aunt Elizabeth asked me.
“No. Bryan is taking me to the library to study. I hope that’s okay.”
Aunt Elizabeth’s eyes darted to where her husband sat with Abram and Hope. “You’ll return for evening prayers before nine o’clock?”
“Yes, Aenti, I will.”
I froze as the Amish word for aunt passed my lips for the first time. Aunt Elizabeth must’ve noticed it, too, for she stopped and stared at me with true pleasure. Her face grew a rosy pink and an unusual warmth came to her eyes. She stepped closer and reached out to touch my elbow.
“Ach, Sally girl. I am your aenti for sure and for certain.” Moisture filled her eyes and she turned abruptly to walk back into the kitchen.
Why did I call her that?
Truth be told, the word had rolled from my tongue with no thought at all. But if I planned to distance myself from everything plain, that surely wasn’t the way to do it. Disgusted, I trudged out to the porch. The air had turned chilly, but the sky remained clear, and the sun, although lower in the sky, gave a glassy light to the landscape. I sank down onto the porch rocker to wait for Bryan.
Barely five minutes passed before the roar of his muffler announced his imminent arrival. I picked up my backpack and hurtled down the steps to meet him. When he pulled in, I jumped into the car before he came to a full stop.
“Whoa, Sally! Trying to hurt yourself?” The car lurched to a halt.
I leaned across the gear shift and pressed my lips on his. “Hi, Bryan.”
He flinched, and his brows rose. “What?” He glanced around me and up at the house. “I thought kissing was a definite no. As in with capital letters.”
I shrugged and buckled my seatbelt. “You’ve told me a million times I’m not Amish, so I don’t need to act it.” I pulled my backpack onto my lap. “Let’s go.”
Bryan grinned at me, shifted into first gear, and we took off. “I like it,” he said, then glanced at me. “As long as you don’t get yourself in trouble.”
“I don’t care,” I said with a toss of my head.
He looked at me, askance. “You don’t care? Okay, who are you, and what have you done with Sally?”
I slapped his arm. “Knock it off. Maybe you’re seeing the real Sally for the first time. Ever think of that?”
“Not really, but whatever,” Bryan shifted again, and we gained speed.
A sudden restlessness seized me, and I grabbed the dashboard. “Let’s do something. Something crazy.”
Bryan shook his head. “What is wrong with you? I’m serious. What’s going on?” He pulled the car to the side of the road and turned to me. “Did something happen?”
I shoved my backpack off my lap and fumbled with my seatbelt. It popped loose, and I grabbed the door handle. Bryan reached over and caught my hand. “Sally, talk to me. What’s going on?”
I shook off his hand and stepped out of the car. My shoes sank into the soft earth, and I took a few plodding steps into the field. Bryan got out and came around the car. “Sally.” His voice was serious.
“Can’t we just have some fun? Want to race me through the field?” I was being absurd, but something inside me had broken loose and if I didn’t move, I would crumple. I started running through the rows of young corn, checking over my shoulder to see if Bryan was following.
He was. I saw his concern fall away and a playful gleam come into his eyes. “All right!” he cried. “You’re on!”
He began to chase in earnest. I kicked up small dirt clods as I sprinted across the field. I picked up speed and cool air gushed into my lungs. I began to half-laugh, half -gasp as my legs zipped down the rows of corn plants, hurtling from one long plowed row to another. I heard Bryan chuckle right behind me. He grasped my waist, and we went down with a crash, sprawled out on the dirt and crushed stalks, panting and laughing.
My lungs heaved as I stared into the slowly darkening sky. Bryan cradled my head to his shoulder and we lay together, our breath mingling as we gulped air. He shifted and positioned himself so he could look into my eyes. The love there nearly made my heart stop. He hugged me roughly, and then his lips came down on mine, at first hard and searching and then surprisingly gentle. At first, I returned his kiss, but then I couldn’t continue. I just couldn’t. Not with Zeke’s face fighting its way into my mind.
The whole romp turned sour and a sick feeling swept through my stomach. I jerked back and pulled away.
“Sally?” Bryan asked, and his voice faltered.
I struggled to my feet and wiped the dirt off my legs. “If we’re going to study, we’d better go.” My voice was dull, and the thrill I’d felt earlier during the chase died in a swirl of regret. A suffocating sensation filled my lungs as I tromped back to the car, picking my way through the corn so as not to cause further damage.
Moments passed before Bryan followed me. I sat in the car, focused straight ahead. When he got in, I knew he was staring at me. I felt his eyes and his questions, but I kept my gaze fixed forward. With a huge sigh, he started the car. We proceeded down the street slowly, barely even reaching the speed limit.
In downtown Hollybrook, Bryan pulled the car into the library’s lot, cut the engine, and yanked up on the parking brake.
“What was that back there?” he said, not looking at me.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I don’t know. I’m in a mood.”
“No kidding.” His voice was harsh. He reached behind me and grabbed his trig book from the backseat. He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. I watched him go into the library, and his long stride and stiff bearing made my heart hurt.
He didn’t look back to see if I was coming.
Tears welled in my eyes. Now, I’d done it. I’d hurt him. And for what?
A useless yearning?
He’d been right to wonder. What was that back there? Had I become a tease?
I liked Bryan—I did. A lot.
My chin dropped to my chest and I closed my eyes against the image of the love glowing in his eyes. Bryan more than liked me. He loved me.
I sucked in air.
I knew what the problem was. I’d known what the problem was for months. And knowing it, I’d been cruelly unfair to Bryan. Grasping the door handle, I braced myself for the task ahead. Leaving my backpack on the floor of the car, I got out and headed into the library.
The comforting smell of thousands of books didn’t fill me with its usual pleasure. There was no thought of pleasure in me now.
I knew where Bryan would be. I headed straight for the cove of tables amidst the magazine racks at the back of the library’s main floor. Sure enough, there he was, unmoving, his book closed, watching me approach.
I sank into the chair opposite him. “I’m sorry, Bryan,” I whispered. I reached out to put my hand over his clenched fist. He winced at my touch and a shiver spread down his arm to shake my fingers. I swallowed hard.
His eyes were guarded and an invisible wall stretched between us.
“So it’s over.” His words were low and stiff and hard.
I nodded, tears threatening to spill.
“It’s that Amish guy. The one you hardly acknowledged.”
My mind raced back to when Bryan had asked me about Zeke. And how I had barely answered him, acting as if Zeke were nothing.
Bryan continued, “It’s him, right?”
I nodded again, and this time the tears did flow down my cheeks. “I don’t want it to be him. I don’t want—”
Bryan flicked my hand away and stood, his chair nearly toppling behind him. “Spare me the details, okay. The least you can do is spare me the details.”
I licked at the tears that ran to my chin. “I’m sorry,” I muttered.
He grabbed his book and walked off a few steps, then stopped and turned around. “You need a ride home.” His voice was flat.
I scurried up from the table and followed him to his car. I got in without a word and neither of us said anything until we reached the house. When he put on the brakes, I grasped the door handle to hurry out, but I seemed to be incapable of moving. My fingers wouldn’t work. My legs wouldn’t work.
Amish Romance BOXED Set: Amish Days: Sally's Story (Hollybrook Amish Romance) Page 5