The Spinster Sisters

by Ballis, Stacey

  “That might be a good start,” Aunt Ruth says.

  “Look, the truth is, Connor and I had a fight. A really stupid fight about exactly nothing. And we talked, and we both apologized, but I’m not sure what he thinks about me right now. And he is off fishing, and by the time he gets back, we’ll be out East, and so we are supposed to get together when I get back. I don’t even know if we’re technically still together or not right now, and I can’t think about it. For right now, I’m just going to live in the world and see what happens.” I really like Connor. I genuinely care about him, but I have to tread very lightly here. Just because I have recently come to the decision that I’m open to having an exclusive relationship with someone, and just because I was smart enough to recognize that it wasn’t Abbot, doesn’t mean I should suddenly throw myself at Connor and ask him to make all kinds of commitment. And now that things with Connor are all catawampus, I have to go on the assumption that I may very well be starting from scratch.

  “I think that’s very wise,” says Aunt Ruth. “You have come to this knowledge in your own time and in an organic way, and frankly it’s only fair that you give that boy an opportunity to do the same.”

  “Well, as long as you don’t wait too long,” Aunt Shirley says. “Sometimes those men need just a little push.”

  Jill reaches over and squeezes my arm. “I’m very, very proud of you.”

  I smile at her. “You know, I’m kind of proud of myself.” Which I am. Not to mention sad, and fucking terrified, and more than a little lonesome. But, you know, in a proud way.

  “But then who are you bringing to the wedding?” Shirley asks.

  “I’m going solo,” I say. “After all, there is no shame in that.”

  “Of course not,” Ruth says.

  “Are you sure there isn’t a friend or someone you’d like to call?” Aunt Shirley says.

  “I think at least one Spingold Spinster Sister ought to be represented at this party, and just because the three of you have dates doesn’t make it a requirement for me.” Shirley is bringing Gerald, a local illustrator who did the pictures on the last cookbook project she worked on. And Ruth is bringing Robert, an investment banker and former client who was recently relocated here from D.C. and relied on her to help him find the right apartment. She has been advising him on everything from where to get his shoes resoled, to where to take clients for business lunches.

  “I think it’s just fine,” says Jill.

  “So do I,” I say.

  And I do.

  EPILOGUE

  Do You Take This Man?

  I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.

  —From the Song of Songs, attributed to Solomon

  “It gives me great joy to present to all assembled here for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Hunter Charles,” the justice of the peace says, and the crowd erupts into delighted applause as Hunter and Jill kiss a second time and walk back down the aisle.

  Worth looks at me, offers his arm, and we follow behind them. Aunt Ruth and Aunt Shirley are dabbing their eyes and smiling broadly. Hunter’s mom is collapsed in her husband’s arms. It couldn’t have been a more beautiful ceremony. The vows that Jill and Hunter wrote themselves were both deeply moving and very funny, including things like Hunter promising not to tease her about her addiction to Dairy Queen with rainbow sprinkles, and Jill promising to try to learn how to play at least one video game.

  We all head out into the reception and mill around accepting hugs and kisses from friends and family and being sure to introduce Hunter’s family to everyone they didn’t meet at last night’s rehearsal dinner. It is a whirlwind of hugging and talking.

  “You look like you could use a drink,” says a voice behind me. I turn to find Connor, holding out a glass of champagne.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him, completely flabbergasted. “You’re supposed to be in the North Woods!”

  “I was, and this morning at five A.M., sitting in a boat in the middle of the lake with Mike, waiting for the fish to bite, I casually mentioned to him that Jill’s wedding was tonight. He asked if I was angry at not being invited. I told him I was invited, but that I couldn’t go because he and I had made these plans, and he yelled at me.”

  “He yelled at you?”

  “Yep. Told me I was a complete asshat and he was ashamed to have me for his brother. I asked him why, and he said that inviting someone to be your date at a wedding of a close family member was a very important invitation. He said he noticed I’ve never brought a date to any of the family weddings. Ever. And that if I had had any sense, I would’ve called him up and told him to take somebody else this weekend. He said he bet you were really pissed. I said I didn’t think you were angry, that you had taken it in stride, but then we had that fight, and that maybe this would explain it. And he said all the more reason that I shouldn’t be there with him. I should be here with you. He said that any woman so upset that you won’t be at her side at an important family event is the kind of woman you don’t want to let slip through your grasp. And I realized that he was right. So I made him row me back to shore, I packed up my gear, and I called Jill to ask if you were bringing someone else to the wedding. She said you weren’t and that it wasn’t too late. And I got on the road, and here I am. And I’m sorry that I didn’t make the right decision when I should’ve made it. It’s been a very long time since I was involved with someone that I wanted to be responsible to, and I’m so used to putting my family first that I forgot to pay attention when you invited me to be your date. And Mike’s right. You had every right to be angry with me.” He leans over and kisses me softly.

  “I was trying to manipulate you into asking me why I was mad. I was playing the petulant victim, and when you called me on it, instead of being an adult, I acted even more idiotic.”

  He leans over and kisses me again, deeper this time. And then takes my face in both his hands, looks me deep in the eyes, and sighs. “I’m really, really sorry. I’m kind of an idiot about a lot of things, especially relationships. Promise me in the future that you’ll just tell me when I’m doing something that hurts your feelings so I can fix it.”

  “Done,” I say. “Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to me to have you here.”

  “It really means a lot to me that you asked. Even if I didn’t know it right away.”

  I take a sip of my champagne and look at him. “I’m just going to say this because I’m feeling particularly brave right now. I know that when we began I made myself out to be the kind of woman who wasn’t interested in a serious or committed relationship. But lately, I’ve started to change my mind about that. And as a result, I wanted you to know that I have officially stopped seeing any other people. I’m not suggesting that that is where you are, and it’s fine with me if you’re not. But I did want you to know.”

  He grins at me. “Want to know a secret?”

  “Sure,” I say.

  “I haven’t been seeing anyone else since before Christmas.”

  “What about New Year’s girl?” I ask.

  “What New Year’s girl?”

  “When I talked to you New Year’s Eve, I heard a woman’s voice calling you back to watch the movie.”

  He laughs. “That was my nephew Jimmy’s girlfriend.”

  “Oh,” I say. “I have to tell you you’re pulling a real Jake Ryan on me here.”

  Conner laughs. “I love Sixteen Candles,” he says.

  “You’re kidding?”

  “Not kidding. I love to watch it at about three in the morning.”

  Jill will be very relieved to hear that, I think.

  “Hey, you two,” Jill says, coming up behind us. Connor kisses her and slaps Hunter on the back.

  “I’m so glad you could make it, man. It’s good to have you here,” Hunter says, glowing more than any bride.

  “How was the drive?” Jill asks.

  “Seven hours door-to-door. I even had time to take a nap.”

  “Hey,” Hunt
er says. “Come here and meet my crazy family.” And he whisks Connor across the room to introduce them. I turn and look at Jill, who is beaming at me.

  “You couldn’t give me a little warning?”

  “He and I thought it would be a good surprise.”

  “It is. A really good surprise. I told him. I mean about wanting to be exclusive.”

  “And what did he say?”

  “Apparently he’s been dating me exclusively since December.”

  “I guess that makes you the ho in this situation.”

  “True. But let’s be honest. In almost any situation, I’m probably the ho.”

  “Not anymore,” she says and raises her champagne glass to mine. We clink and drink.

  “How do you think our fans will react?” she asks.

  “React to what?”

  “If neither of the Spinster Sisters are spinsters anymore?”

  “You know what?” I say.

  “What?”

  “We’ll just have to tell them to walk it off.”

  “I think that’s an excellent plan, Butthead.”

  “I think so, too, Moose Face.”

  “Well, well, well. Looks like you’re not solo anymore,” Aunt Ruth says from my right elbow.

  “Dears, I think we’re supposed to go sit down at our table, or they won’t be able to get anyone else to sit down for dinner,” Aunt Shirley says, coming up next to her sister.

  “Well, then we should do that,” I say, and the four of us head over to the next part of the celebration.

  “Hey, Jodi? You sleeping?” Connor whispers in my ear.

  “No, not really,” I say.

  “You don’t happen to have Sixteen Candles on DVD, do you?” he asks.

  I sit up in the bed and look over at him. “I’ll get the DVD set up. You go get that leftover wedding cake out of the fridge.”

  “Deal,” he says, kissing my cheek, and gets out of bed.

  Whoever said you can’t have your cake and eat it, too, never met a Spinster Sister.