Detached

by Christina Kilbourne

I barely heard the question I was thinking so hard, but it didn’t matter. There was only one question he could be asking.

  “Oh. Uh, my brother moved last weekend and lost a box of stuff off the truck. I thought maybe that guy might have seen it.” The lie dissolved on my tongue like a spoonful of ice cream.

  Kyle looked over the fence at the man picking up garbage and nodded.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked quickly before he could ask another question.

  “I have period-three lunch and I live down the street.”

  I followed his gaze to the new subdivision behind me, the kind where the houses are packed in like kernels of corn on a cob.

  We stepped into rhythm together on our way back to school.

  “Don’t you have period-two lunch this term?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  He pulled a cellphone from his pocket and checked the time.

  “You’re late,” he said.

  “Crap. I must have lost track of time.”

  “On the side of the highway?”

  “Yeah, I was thinking about a new painting.”

  Kyle looked down at the highway again, then at the overpass in the distance. He probably thought I was some sort of bridge-obsessed freak.

  “Either way, you shouldn’t go down there, you know. Especially at night. My cousin was hitchhiking along a highway at night and a truck hit him. The driver didn’t even know he’d killed someone, thought he’d hit some garbage on the road. It wasn’t until he got home and saw the blood that he called the police and they found my cousin’s body in the ditch. He probably didn’t even see it coming.”

  “Oh God, I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.

  “I was only a baby when it happened. But at least he didn’t cause a huge pile up,” Kyle continued. “I mean, if the driver had seen him and swerved, it could have killed a whole bunch of people.”

  “That would have been pretty awful.”

  When we got to school we said goodbye and headed in different directions. I walked to my locker and thought again about the busy highway. The idea that a desperate person could cause an accident and kill innocent people didn’t sit well with me. If there was a God and I had to meet him, explain to him why I took my own life, I sure didn’t want to have to be responsible for any other lives. I mean, just because I wanted to die didn’t mean I wanted anyone else to get hurt. I still had a conscience. I wasn’t a total sketch.

  I was just closing my locker when Aliya walked up.

  “Did you go out for volleyball?” I asked.

  “They ended up cancelling intramurals today. The gym is set up for an assembly. What happened to you, anyway? You missed class.”

  “Just walked around and stuff. Lost track of time. I hope they don’t call Mom. She’ll freak.”

  “Was Kyle enjoying the nice weather too?” Aliya threw back her head and laughed, then leaned close to me and started singing, “Anna and Kyle, sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g.”

  “Whatever. I just ran into him.” I kept my cool, but my hands started to sweat. I was afraid my lies were about to collide.

  When I got home after school and saw Mom’s car was already in the driveway, I knew I was in for it. But when I walked in the house and saw my bridge painting leaning against the living-room wall, I wanted to turn and run. Of course I couldn’t because Mom was sitting right there on the stairs waiting for me. Sherlock left her side and came to me. I patted his head absently. I looked at the painting and cringed, then I dared to look at her. She had that expression on her face, the one that means I’m in for a long talk and she’s expecting a lot of good explanations, not excuses. I knew the smartest thing to do was wait for her to start the conversation. So I stood there with my head down, like a dog that’s been scolded.

  “Your principal called. She said you ditched period three.”

  Kaboom! Mom likes to get right to the point.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. It’s always good to start off with an apology, never a defence. “I didn’t mean to miss class but I was working on a sculpture at lunch and lost track of time.”

  “You know your academic work is just as important as your art,” she said.

  “I know. I didn’t mean to miss class.”

  “I was worried about you. I tried to call but you didn’t pick up.”

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw there were three missed calls.

  “Oooops. I had the ringer turned off. Mrs. Galloway hates phones in her classroom.”

  Mom sighed out loud with defeat and I sighed inside with relief. If she hadn’t been blocking the stairs, I would have fled to my room. But when she turned her attention to the painting, I braced myself.

  “I don’t think I need to tell you where I found this.” The sarcasm in her voice was as thick as ketchup and she didn’t wait for me to answer. “I thought you said you gave it to Mrs. Galloway?”

  I wondered if I could get away with back-to-back apologies and decided it was my only chance.

  “I’m sorry I lied. I just don’t like the painting. I find it depressing.” The last word caught in my throat.

  “I’m beginning to worry about you, Anna.”

  I tried not to flinch. It was a bad sign when she said my name that way. It meant a lecture was coming. The dread made me feel dizzy.

  “You’ve been distant lately, not your regular self. Now you’re ditching classes and lying. Is there something going on at school?”

  “It was one class and nothing’s going on at school. I’m fine.”

  “You’re not having problems with your friends? I know how mean teenage girls can be. I was in high school once too, you know.”

  “I’m fine,” I repeated quickly, praying to any higher being who might be paying attention that she wouldn’t launch into one of her high school stories.

  “Boy trouble?”

  “Mom! There’s nothing going on. I’m fine. I just missed class because I have a sculpture due next week and it’s taking longer than I expected.”

  She stood up finally and I felt a rush of relief. At least there was a clear path to my bedroom. But then she stepped over and wrapped her arms around me.

  “Just promise you’ll talk to me if you do have a problem.”

  “I promise,” I said and waited for her to finish hugging me.

  Aliya

  Kyle moped around all summer and beat himself up about not asking Anna out for a cup of coffee the night of the art exhibit. He found me on Facebook at least once a week to ask how she was and what she was doing.

  “Why don’t you friend her so you can see for yourself what she’s doing?” I wrote. It was a reasonable suggestion.

  “I am her friend, but she’s never online anymore.”

  “OMG!” I wrote back that blistering August day when I was feeling impatient from the heat. “Stop torturing us both and call her then. Ask her to a movie or something.”

  “I don’t know what she’d like to see.”

  For once I was actually relieved we lived on opposite sides of the city. He was like a curly headed Eeyore — down about everything.

  “Then ask her what she’d like to see.”

  “It’d seem too weird. Maybe it’d be better if we went out all together. Something more random.”

  “You want me to be the third wheel and chaperone your date? No thanks!”

  “Some friend you are. Won’t even help a guy out. L”

  “Some friend YOU are, torturing a nice girl like me!” I logged off without saying goodbye. I didn’t feel bad either. I figured it would serve him right to suffer alone for the night.

  Kyle’s perfect random event finally happened near the end of September in grade eleven. His older brother, Sam, and a bunch of grade-twelve guys organized a party down at the forks, which is just below the West River Viaduct w
here the river splits in two. Organizing a party at the forks isn’t really all that difficult. You just have to put out the word about when you’re having a party and show up. The hardest part is being popular enough to interest a crowd. Sometimes three hundred kids will show up and make such a commotion the cops have to come and bust things up. That happened to Anna’s brother when we were in grade nine. He got charged with drinking under age. Anna’s parents were furious. I remember being over for dinner later that week and nobody spoke a word at the table. It was the most uncomfortable meal of my life. At least Mom and I watch TV so we don’t have to listen to ourselves chew.

  Anyhow, even by grade eleven I’d never been to a party at the forks or to any party where drinking was involved. My mom was not big on teenage drinking or partying or generally letting me have any fun. So when Kyle invited me and hinted that I should bring Anna, I laughed out loud in his face.

  “Do you listen to anything I say?” I asked. “Do you remember I have the most overprotective mother in the en-tire world? She makes the Queen of England seem laid back.”

  We were walking down the hall toward my locker at the end of the day.

  “Maybe you could sleep at Anna’s overnight. Then your mom wouldn’t know.”

  “So you’re asking me to lie to my mother?”

  “Not really. You’d still be sleeping at Anna’s.”

  “I dunno. When I sleep over at a friend’s place, she asks about everything we’ll be doing. And she can smell a lie ten miles away.”

  “Just try it. Say you’re working on some art assignment together.”

  “Let me think about it,” I said. Then I opened my locker and piled my books on the top shelf.

  That night I thought of nothing else but the party at the forks. I hated to admit it, but I really wanted to go and Kyle’s plan sounded like it might work. Finally I logged on to Facebook and saw Anna was online for a change.

  “There’s a big party down at the forks this weekend,” I wrote.

  “Really? You going?”

  “Mom wouldn’t let me go in a hundred years. What about your parents?”

  “Not likely since Joe’s adventure down there. But Mariam’s parents are going away this weekend. Maybe we could have a sleepover. Then nobody would know!”

  “Good plan. But I’d have to say I was staying at your place. Mom doesn’t know Mariam’s parents. She’d want to talk to them. It could get complicated.”

  “Tell your mom you’re sleeping over here and I’ll tell my parents I’m sleeping at Mariam’s. Then we can all go to the party and crash at Mariam’s. It’s closest to the forks anyway.”

  “Awesome plan! Check with Mariam and let me know.”

  About ten minutes later, Anna’s chat box opened up again.

  “Wooohooo! It’s all set. Mariam’s in,” she wrote.

  I could hardly wait to tell Kyle the good news in person. We were sitting in the cafeteria at lunch when I finally saw him. Anna, Mariam, Gisele, and I were talking about our sleepover when he walked up.

  “So are you guys coming to the forks Saturday night?” he asked. He set down his lunch and pulled up a chair.

  Mariam and Gisele made a hooting sound that meant “yes.” Anna looked unsure and I was afraid to say too much in case my mother figured out what we were up to and wrecked my plans at the last minute.

  “So that sleepover idea worked?”

  “Yep. My parents actually thought it was a good idea for me to have some girlfriends over so I wouldn’t be alone,” Mariam said.

  Kyle told us he’d be at the forks by nine o’clock. He also couldn’t help but mention this would be the third party he’d been to there. I’m sure he was trying to be helpful but it was kind of annoying.

  “Don’t wear any girly shoes. Boots or running shoes work best down there once it gets dark. And no skirts. Definitely jeans and sweaters.”

  I rolled my eyes and Anna said, “It sounds like we’re going camping. Should I bring my Swiss Army knife?”

  Anna can be pretty sarcastic when she wants to be.

  Kyle smiled. “If you have one.”

  “What about beer?” Mariam asked. She’s always one to be practical. If we were going to a party we needed something to drink.

  “Sam can hook us up. No worries. They’re going to have a bin with ice and a keg.”

  “How’re they going to get a keg down to the forks?” I asked, skeptically.

  “They have their ways.”

  To my surprise, it was easy letting Mom think I was sleeping over at Anna’s, probably because I did that fairly regularly. Anna’s parents barely blinked when we left together for Mariam’s sleepover and Mariam’s parents even left us a houseful of teenager-friendly food like pizza pockets and chocolate cake. It was almost dark when the four of us decided to leave Mariam’s house. We were at the door spraying ourselves with bug repellent when Mariam said, “Okay, girls, does everyone have their cellphone?”

  We patted our pockets and nodded.

  “Cash in case of emergencies?”

  Again we nodded collectively.

  “Flashlights?”

  We aimed our flashlights at Mariam and turned them on. She shielded her face and laughed.

  “I’ve got the house keys so were all set. Let’s head out.”

  We talked and laughed as we walked toward the river. I could tell we were all excited. Even Anna seemed more talkative than she had in a long time. I figured it was a good sign, that maybe she was finally getting over her grandparents’ death a little. Of course I knew I couldn’t come out and ask her, even though I’d wanted to many times. Mariam took up a good ten minutes of the walk talking about how hot Sam was, then Gisele asked if Ray was going. I assured her Ray would be there because wherever Sam was, Ray was always close by.

  When we got to the trail at the top of River Road, we started walking single file because although the path is paved, it’s narrow and steep. It wasn’t long before the glow from the streetlights got swallowed up by the trees, and we flicked on our flashlights.

  “It’s kind of creepy coming down here in the dark,” I said.

  “Don’t worry. We’re all together. We can protect each other,” Mariam said.

  “Easy for you to say, you’re in the middle.”

  Anna was leading us through the forest when she stopped and turned off her flashlight. We piled up behind her.

  “Stop for a minute,” she said. “Turn off your flashlights.”

  We stood quietly in the darkness. I could hear cars in the distance rumbling over the viaduct and along River Road. I could hear a siren wailing in the distance and a car horn blaring. Down the hill we could hear voices and laughter and see the faint glow of a bonfire rising up above the treetops.

  “That must be them. I can’t believe they lit a fire,” Gisele said. “Talk about a cop magnet.”

  “It’ll be fine,” Mariam said. “Let’s go.”

  Mariam tried to move forward but Anna was blocking the path.

  “Just hold on. Check out the stars,” she said.

  We looked up at the night sky through the gap in the trees. There were millions of tiny pricks in the darkness. I hadn’t seen so many stars in my life.

  “We’re far enough away from the streetlights we can see them for a change,” Anna said.

  “You should see them at our cottage,” Gisele said. “You can see Mars sometimes.”

  A gigantic whoop rose up from down the hillside. Anna sighed slightly and started walking again. As we got closer we could hear music and a chorus of voices. I felt like a warrior sneaking up on the enemy through the dark. The paved path gave way to a rough dirt path and although we weren’t sure where we were going, we followed the noise through the forest. Finally we came to where we could see a slight clearing below. We could see the backs of at least fifty people and
a bonfire blazing in the middle. When we got closer I saw Kyle, Sam, and Ray standing on the far side. Their faces were lit up and they were laughing. As soon as we walked into the circle of light, Sam whistled and hooted.

  “All right! More hot girls!” he shouted. A wave of cheers rose up in response.

  Beyond the fire there was a plastic tub full of ice and a keg of beer perched on top. A stack of red plastic cups was propped against a stump. A few kids were talking and waiting to fill up.

  Kyle walked around the fire to where we were standing.

  “Hey, you guys made it,” he said.

  “Hey, Kyle,” we said in unison.

  “It was a bit tricky getting down, but luckily Anna knows her way around the ravine,” I added.

  Kyle pulled over a log so we could sit down, then went to get some cups of beer. Mariam didn’t stay long before she went to chat up Sam, and Gisele followed at her heels. I glanced over at Anna. She was staring intently at the fire and glowing in the firelight.

  Kyle was back quickly. He sat down beside me and handed Anna and me each a beer. Mariam and Gisele were drinking theirs already.

  “So no trouble from your mom?” Kyle asked me.

  “It was pretty easy, actually.”

  We did a cheers with our plastic cups to celebrate our success in deceiving my mother.

  “Wicked bonfire, don’t you think?” Kyle leaned out past me and directed his question at Anna.

  She took a sip of her beer and smiled. “I love watching fires.”

  Kids kept arriving until they were standing three people deep around the fire. Off in the darkness of the forest, I could hear people stumbling around, talking and laughing. One girl screamed that she’d just peed on her foot and everyone howled. Most of the other kids were from Ray and Sam’s school, which was attached to Bachman by the cafeteria, so although I didn’t know them by name, I recognized most of them. There were also a lot of performance kids, but nobody from the visual arts stream. I watched one of the grade-twelve guys from Sam’s school head into the trees with one of the performance girls and a group of kids were dancing on the other side of the keg. One guy stumbled and tripped but two girls pulled him out of the way before he fell in the fire. When he was standing again they all hugged and laughed.