The Cowboy Comes Home

by Patricia Thayer

  “You seem to be doing pretty well, so far.” She came up to the stall and Storm moved to get attention from her. She stroked the large animal as if he were a big puppy. “Give us a chance, Johnny.”

  She was killing him. “I don’t know how, Jess.” He stood back. “I’ve tried it before. I thought I could settle down with someone, be part of a family.” He paused. “In the end I broke it off, but I still hurt her. I hurt someone who was special to me. Don’t you see, I can’t do that to you or to Brady.”

  Jess refused to cry, but the hurt was almost unbearable. She was losing Johnny, but did she really ever have him? Her mind flashed back to nearly six years ago when Chad took off because he couldn’t handle parenthood, and didn’t love her enough to stay. Even though she knew that had been coming, this was worse. She was in love with Johnny.

  She drew a shaky breath and dug her hands into the pockets of her coat. She’d survived those heartaches and she’d survive this.

  Johnny reached out to touch her cheek. “Jess, I wish I could give you what you want.”

  She stepped back. There was no way she would fall apart. “Hey, I can’t say you didn’t warn me.” She cleared her throat and managed a smile. She would get through this. “When? When are you leaving?”

  Those gray eyes locked on to hers. “Tomorrow.”

  She drew in a breath, feeling the sharp pain in her chest. She held her head high, just as her father taught her. “I’ll have your check ready.”

  “Jess, I wish it could be different.”

  She raised a hand. “Please, Johnny, don’t say what you don’t mean.”

  He nodded, then said, “Goodbye, Jess.”

  Her gaze met his. She felt the intensity clear to her soul; the hurt went just as deep. It took everything in her to speak. “Goodbye, Johnny.”

  She turned and walked out of the barn before she burst into tears. By the time she reached the house all that was left was a big hole in her heart. As she went upstairs and looked in on her son, the tears started. She could handle the hurt, but damn, Brady wouldn’t be able to. Her son didn’t deserve this. The worst part was that she knew Johnny Jameson loved them as much as they loved him. Most of all, he needed them.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, it only took about thirty minutes for Johnny to pack up his life into his duffel bags and put them in his truck. The only thing he needed to do was load up Risky. He wanted to be on the road before he had to face anyone, but he wasn’t that big a louse. He needed to say goodbye to Brady. He had to find the words, somehow.

  He headed for the house in time to see the boy coming out the door. Jess wasn’t far behind. His heart was tight as he made his way up the drive.

  “Hey, Johnny. Are you ready for practice?”

  The boy stopped in front of him. “Sorry, son, not today.” Johnny knelt down, finding he was a little shaky. “I have to leave.”

  “For the day?”

  He hated this. “No, I’m afraid not. Since Storm is better, I have to go to another job.”

  “At another ranch near here?”

  Johnny released a breath. “No, it’s in Florida.”

  “Is that in Texas?”

  “No, it’s a few days’ ride from here.”

  Brady’s smiled dropped. “But what about the rodeo? You’re still going to help me. You promised.”

  He gripped the boy’s arms. “I’m sorry, son. I can’t.”

  Brady jerked away. “No, don’t call me that. You’re not my dad. And you broke a promise.”

  “It can’t be helped. You want me to help this horse, don’t you?”

  He shook his head, fighting tears. “No, I never want you to go away.”

  Pain slashed through him. “Sometimes it can’t be helped.”

  Brady swiped at the tears on his face. “You said if you promised somebody something, it isn’t right not to do it.” He was crying now. “You said it’s not the cowboy way.”

  Johnny stood. He had to get out of here. “I wish I could make it different, Brady.”

  “I don’t believe you anymore.” The boy ran to his mother. At least he had a mother that was there for him. Jess looked at him and he had to fight not to go to her.

  Then they both went back into the house. When the door shut, the loneliness hit like a slap. He’d been closed so many times before, he should be used to it. But this was worse than any other time. He turned and walked back to the barn to get Risky.

  “I thought you were a smart guy,” a familiar voice said.

  Johnny turned and saw Wes. He ignored his comment. “I took some notes about Storm and left them up in the apartment.”

  Wes folded his arms. “Why didn’t you just sneak out in the middle of the night? It would have saved a lot of people a painful goodbye.”

  Johnny attached the lead rope on his horse and started out of the stall. “I know you don’t care much for me right now. I’m sorry about that.” He didn’t care much for himself, either. He released a breath. “I have a job to go to. It’s a commitment I made in Florida.”

  “What about your commitment here?” Wes challenged.

  He stood up to the foreman. “You aren’t satisfied with my work? I thought I did what I was hired to do.”

  “No complaints about that.”

  Johnny’s chest was so tight he could barely draw air into his lungs. “Spit it out, Wes.”

  “You had me fooled, Johnny.” The foreman shook his head. “I saw how you were with Brady. There was a bond there. And Jess. You know she hadn’t given another man a chance since Brady’s father, and then you came along.” Wes looked him in the eye. “If I thought it would do any good, I’d beat some sense into you. Good Lord, man. Do you have any idea what you’re leaving behind?”

  They got to the trailer. Hell, yes, he did. That was why he was heading out. “This is my job. I go where the work is. I can’t hang around here and sponge off the Calhouns.”

  Wes took hold of Johnny’s arm. “If there was one thing about Clay Calhoun that I want you to leave here knowing, it’s that he was a great judge of character. You could have made horses dance, but if Clay didn’t think you were a good person, he wouldn’t have bothered with you. Just remember, it was Clay who hired you.”

  Wes pulled a check out of his pocket and handed it to him. “I’m going to say what Clay would say. Thank you, Johnny, and if you ever want it, there’s always a place here for you at the Double Bar C.”

  * * *

  That night, Jess stayed at the ranch with Brady. With the rodeo the next day, they needed to load Goldie and Beau into the trailer to get them to the arena for the opening ceremony.

  It took a while to get her son asleep. Not because of the excitement of the next day, but because he didn’t want to go anymore. Between her and Wes, they managed to convince him to participate if only because he would be the only Calhoun to ride.

  She went downstairs and stepped into her father’s office. Memories of bedtime kisses and stern discussions about grades and broken curfews flashed into her head. It was still hard to believe he was gone. Clay Calhoun had been a big robust man. He loved his friends and his family. He’d been there so many times for her to count, but not this time.

  And she needed him now.

  She released a breath and sank down into the desk chair. She had to put Johnny Jameson out of her head. He was gone.

  Funny, when Chad had taken off, she’d been almost relieved that he chose not to stay by her. She didn’t love him. She hadn’t known what love was until she met Johnny.

  A knock sounded on the open door. “Hey, Jess. You busy?”

  She looked up to see Wes. “No, just missing Dad.”

  “We all do.” Wes walked in and placed the check that she wrote out that morning. “What’s this?”

  “Johnny wouldn’t take it.”

  “What do you mean? He spent weeks here working with Storm…and Brady.”

  “Sorry, I tried, but the man refused to take the money. I cou
ldn’t very well cram it down his throat. Not saying I wouldn’t have wanted to.” Wes started to leave and she stopped him.

  She swallowed back the tightness in her throat. “What did I do wrong, Wes?”

  “Oh, darlin’, this has nothing to do with you.”

  “Then what?”

  “Johnny’s been on his own for so long, I think he needs to keep going so the loneliness doesn’t catch up.” Wes nodded. “Trust is a hard thing to come by. I think he’s also afraid he’ll let you down.”

  She felt a surge of hope. “What?”

  “He doesn’t feel that he can live up to what you both need.”

  “He’s everything to me,” Jess admitted to him. “And you know how Brady feels about him.”

  The foreman shook his head. “But Johnny’s got to feel it. I never met a man so dead set on running away from belonging.”

  * * *

  Johnny’s truck was eating up the miles of road, and he hadn’t even gotten out of Texas. Yet even concentrating on the long drive, he couldn’t get Jess and Brady out of his head.

  He hit the steering wheel with his hand. Any man would want that boy for a son, and it nearly broke Johnny’s heart when Brady told him to leave. That feeling of rejection was something that Johnny knew all too well.

  He’d been rejected enough to know the hurt the kid was going through. It scarred you. It was worse for a kid. No, Brady would be better off without him. The boy would get over his leaving. Wouldn’t he?

  He remembered back to how he’d leave messages around the honky-tonk circuit for Jake but his old man had never contacted him.

  Johnny shook away the memory. He had to close those doors, knowing that it had stopped him from making any kind of life for himself.

  Life? This was his life. He lived out of his truck. He’d told himself for so long that this was what he wanted that he’d believed it. But he was still alone, even if he had somewhere to live.

  He thought back to his relationship with Amy and his need to move on. Maybe it wasn’t settling down that had been the problem as much as that fact that he didn’t love her enough.

  His feelings were different for Jess. He loved her. The breath caught in his lungs. Oh, God, he did love her, and the boy, too.

  It suddenly struck him. He was doing the same thing to Brady that his father had done to him. Running away.

  Damn, he’d run out on both of them.

  It was all clearing in his head. He wanted it all with Jess—a home, a family, a place to belong.

  The sun was high in the sky in front of the truck windshield and that was when he saw the sign, telling him he was entering the state of Louisiana.

  No, he didn’t want to go there. It struck him—he didn’t want to be anywhere but in Larkville, Texas. And with Jess.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  TODAY was the First Annual Little Buckaroo Rodeo. Jess was more nervous than if she was the one competing instead of her son. Brady had been quiet during breakfast. He didn’t eat much, or say much. She knew she had to leave him alone and let him decide how to handle today.

  It tore at her heart when she’d heard him crying last night, and even when she went to him she couldn’t help. She didn’t ask any questions, only murmured to her son how much she loved him and she’d never leave him. Finally Brady fell asleep. She’d stayed awhile longer, wishing she could find a way to make everything better.

  How could she? She felt the guilt of letting a man into her son’s life when she knew he wouldn’t stay around.

  Dear God. She had to forget about Johnny Jameson. He was gone and they had to move on. Maybe today would help, but she knew that she and Brady would get a lot of questions about Johnny’s absence. Hey, she’d handled it years ago, she could handle it now. She was a Calhoun.

  They’d arrived at the rodeo grounds early and Wes unloaded Beau and Goldie for the ride in the opening ceremony. She only wished Brady looked happier about it.

  “Hey, you look nice in your new shirt and jeans,” she told him.

  A week ago, they’d gone out and gotten Brady a new burgundy-colored Western shirt with white piping and a black jeans jacket. He wore the black Stetson his grandfather had given him for his past birthday.

  She heard her name and turned to see Molly coming toward her. “Hey, there, partner, you look sharp,” she told Brady.

  “Thanks.” The child wandered off toward the trailer.

  Molly turned to her. “You better hope I don’t run into a certain horse trainer. I won’t be held accountable for my actions.”

  Jess smiled. “You’re a good friend, Mol,” she said. “What’s up?”

  “Everything’s fine. The booth is up and running and we’re selling all the pastries we brought with us. Mom’s working it and Dad’s headed back to the bakery to get more.”

  Jess scanned the good-size crowd filing into the covered arena. “Good. At least the school will make money. We’ll hold off before we sell the cakes and pie slices.”

  “If we put it out they’ll probably buy it.” Molly studied her. “How are you doing?”

  She shrugged. “I’m a little cold, but hey, once all the people get here it’ll warm up.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

  Jess had called her friend late last night and given her a short synopsis of what had happened with Johnny. “I know, but that’s all I want to discuss right now. I’m trying to hold it together for my son. You and I can have a cryfest later.”

  “I’m sorry that I told you to go for it.”

  Jess smiled at her best friend. “It’s not your fault. I would have fallen for Johnny, anyway.”

  “I see a girls’ night out in your future.”

  Jess groaned as Molly took off. That was the last thing she needed.

  * * *

  Johnny drove as fast as possible and was relieved when he pulled onto Calhoun property. That soon disappeared when he saw that the ranch compound was deserted. He shouldn’t be surprised, as the rodeo was taking place today.

  He climbed out as Randy came out of the barn. “Hey, Johnny, what are you doing here? I heard you left for Florida.”

  “I forgot something.” He looked around. “Hey, do you think you can do me a favor?”

  The boy frowned. “What?”

  “I need you to take Risky out of the trailer. And I need to load Storm into it.”

  Randy didn’t look so sure of the request.

  “I’m taking him to the rodeo to ride in the opening ceremony.”

  The ranch hand grinned. “All right.”

  Johnny headed into the barn and hurried to Storm’s stall. The horse came to the gate and let out a welcoming whinny. “At least someone is glad to see me.” The animal nuzzled his hand. “Hey, buddy, you want to go with me to keep a promise to a little boy?”

  Ten minutes later Storm was loaded into the trailer, decked out in silver-studded tack. They headed to the rodeo grounds to where Johnny would hopefully have a second chance with Jess. He probably didn’t deserve one, but he was going to beg for one if he had to. He drove as fast as was safe. At least Storm was handling the ride. He hoped that his idea worked out, as well.

  He arrived at the entrance to the Larkville Corral to see a line of cars and trucks waiting to get in. When his turn came, it was Gus Everett taking the parking fee.

  “Well, hello, Johnny,” the old guy greeted him. “I thought you’d be here before now.”

  “Hi, Gus. I got held up so I need to get to the arena before the opening ceremony.”

  The older man glanced back at the trailer. “Well, I’ll be dammed—that looks like Clay’s horse?”

  “Yep, and he’s going to be in the opening ceremony, if I get there.”

  “You know when you first showed up here, I wasn’t sure you could hold your own.” The older guy pushed his hat back. “It’s not very often I’m wrong about a person, but I was about you. You’re the real deal, Johnny Jameson. I hope you decide to hang around town.” Gus grinn
ed, then gave him directions to the back of the arena.

  Excitement raced through Johnny as he drove over the grassy area. He was going to need help to convince Jess to take another chance on him.

  * * *

  “No! I don’t want to ride,” Brady insisted as he backed away from his pony. “I’m afraid.”

  Jess looked at Wes to catch his shrug. “Since when are you afraid of Beau?” she asked.

  “Since now.”

  “All right, son, if you don’t want to ride in the parade you don’t have to.”

  Just then the Carson family—Cheyenne, Derrick and their son, Tucker—rode their horses along the other side of the railing. “Jess, is there a problem?” she asked.

  This was the last thing she needed right now. “No. We’re fine. Just give us a few minutes.”

  “Don’t take too long. We can’t hold up the ceremony much longer,” Cheyenne said, and moved her horse along with the rest of the Carsons. Then Tucker turned and stuck his tongue out at Brady.

  “Are you going to let him get away with that?” Jess heard a familiar voice say.

  She turned around at the same time Brady yelled, “Johnny!”

  The child ran up to him. “I thought you had to go to Florida.”

  Jess tensed as Johnny crouched down in front of her son. “A funny thing happened—I discovered I couldn’t leave Texas.”

  Brady smiled. “So you came back?”

  Johnny tipped back his hat. “I had to. There were some important people here.”

  “Mom and me?”

  Johnny sobered. “I shouldn’t have left you, Brady. I made you a promise and I wasn’t keeping it.”

  “It’s not the cowboy way,” the kid reminded him.

  Johnny worked up a smile. “No, it’s not. The important thing was I should have been there for you and I wasn’t. I promise I won’t do that again.”

  His blue eyes rounded. “You’re gonna stay?”

  “I want to, but first there are a lot of things I have to make up for.”

  “Grown-up things, huh?”

  “Yeah.” He looked at Jess and she felt her chest tighten with emotion. “I let a lot of people down.”