With Every Sunset

by Jane Stevie Lake

  I looked into his black irises, inwardly wondering how one person’s face could look so perfect. “What?”

  “I may not be ready with answers to all your questions yet, but someday, I will be,” he said, now looking anxious. “But I like you, and I’ve never liked anyone else like that. If I wasn’t as worried about scaring you off as I am, I’d even go as far as telling you that I think I might be in love with you.” My heart beat so loud and so hard. As far as love confessions went, I was getting a pretty romantic one. “I guess what I’m asking from you is that you stay, Charlie. Please be patient with me while I figure out how to open up to you, because I swear, it’s not because I don’t trust you. If you’re touched by this, maybe I shouldn’t tell you that I practised it in front of the mirror so that it would be perfect for you,” he laughed nervously, and so did I, pulling his overgrown hair out of his eyes. “I’m fascinated by you a lot and I hope you like me enough to consider this. So, Charlotte Grace Welman-Cane, will you be my girlfriend?”

  I sat still, looking at him and thinking that he and sunset made an even better picture. He probably had no idea how romantic he could be, and I hoped he had never said that to anyone else. I smiled, a face-splitting grin that he returned with an anxious smile.

  “Well?” he asked finally.

  “I have a condition,” I stated firmly.

  “Then let’s negotiate,” came his reply.

  “I want a question answered every day,” I asked, hoping he would agree.

  “Just one?” he asked.

  “Yes, but honestly.” I added, enjoying our negotiation.

  “And if I’m not ready to answer the question of the day?”

  I considered it, wanting to understand his concerns and needing to stand my ground as well.

  “Then you tell me something else, something I wouldn’t have asked,” I decided.

  “So, I’m going to be like a gossip-mongering fifth grader, but on myself?” he smirked.

  “Well, yes but not exactly,” I giggled. Since when did I giggle?

  “And that will make you agree to be my girlfriend?” he asked solemnly, making me wonder what he had been like as a child. He probably wasn’t the trusting type.

  I laughed at the way he was simplifying it, “That and the speech you gave just now will help in convincing me. However, it will take more to make me remain your girlfriend once I agree.”

  “Done. Do you like me?” he asked seriously. I found it hard to believe that he could be unsure of anything.

  I considered my answer very carefully. I liked him more than I had liked anyone else in my twenty years of life, but what would be the repercussions of him knowing just how much I liked him? I remembered what he had said to me a few minutes ago, and what I had asked of him for this relationship to work. I needed to be open with him as well, despite my fear of exposing myself to heartbreak. “I do.”

  “Say it, Charlie,” he implored, the hopeful look in his eyes completely overwhelming me.

  “I like you, Alexander Hastings-Turner,” I said finally, and I found myself feeling much better after the confession.

  “So, are you saying yes?” he asked, taking my hand in his.

  My eyes shifted between our intertwined hands and his perfect face, and I considered mildly saying it. But I couldn’t give him a nonchalant response with the way I felt about him. I couldn’t give him a portion of everything I felt when I was around him, and the things that I continued to feel whenever he wasn’t there and I thought of him.

  “We don’t know each other well enough. I mean, I don’t even know your middle name,” I hedged, trying to find fault with the way we were diving into things.

  “We’ll get to know each other, I’ll keep my word and tell you what you need to know. You just need to be patient with me,” he stated seriously, and I knew he meant it.

  “What type of relationship would it be?” I asked.

  He frowned, confused by my question. “What do you mean?”

  “Would it be public knowledge? Will we be exclusive? Stuff like that,” I clarified.

  He laughed like I had asked him something absurd, “There is no way I’m hiding us, and were you thinking of seeing other people while at the same time being my girlfriend?”

  “No, I wasn’t planning on seeing anyone. I just wanted to be sure.”

  “Baby, I wouldn’t want to share you, so you won’t have to share me,” he said.

  I felt giddy, unable to conceal the way I felt about him calling me ‘baby.’

  “Yes,” I breathed, willing myself to go all in.

  “Yes, what?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. He wanted me to say it.

  “I will be your girlfriend,” I laughed, feeling happier than I had since I moved here.

  He suddenly lifted me to sit on his lap, making me squeal with laughter. I breathed in the scent of leather and sunshine, the allure of sunset paling in comparison to being with this gorgeous boy who was now my boyfriend. The word felt so right, and so did the world.

  “My Charlie,” he declared, pulling me in for a hug. I already loved the smell of him.

  “Yes?” I answered in between laughing.

  He looked up at me happily, before leaning in to kiss me. It wasn’t our first kiss, but it felt like it. It felt legitimate, like we were always meant to be kissing each other. I placed my legs on either side of his and returned his sweet kiss, wrapping my hands around his neck.

  “Flynn,” he murmured in between our kisses.

  “What?”

  “My middle name is Flynn,” he smiled up at me.

  “Hmm, fancy,” I giggled, kissing my boyfriend again.

  Xander

  I sat on one of the bean bags in the library, pretending to study but really just watching my girlfriend try to solve whatever dilemma her assignment had put her in. My girlfriend. We had been dating for a week now, and I was still trying to get used to it. I silently thanked the her for going easy on me with the questions. So far, I had disclosed my favourite books, movies and a few embarrassing childhood stories. But I knew that eventually, she would ask the questions that really mattered, and I didn’t want to lie to her.

  “Earth to Xander,” she teased, waving her pen in front of me.

  I shoved my worries to the back of my mind and grinned at her, “You miss me, baby?”

  She glowed in that way she always did whenever I called her that. I hoped that I would still make her shine with happiness once she knew everything.

  “Yes, I feel neglected,” she pouted in that way that always made me want to kiss her. I still couldn’t get enough of her mouth.

  “Then let’s fix that problem,” I reached for her with one hand and gestured for her to sit on my lap with the other.

  She complied, straddling me and shutting everything in my brain off. I loved her smile, and the scent of apples that was always on her. I loved it on me. She kissed me slowly, and I pried my tongue into her mouth the moment her lips parted.

  “Xander,” she breathed heavily, fisting her hand in my hair. It was the second time this week that we were making out in the library, and I hadn’t been able to ignore the knowing look on the librarian’s face when she saw my hair the last time. After she got done with me, I found it hard to smooth it down again. In fact, I didn’t want to.

  “Yes,” I murmured, biting her full bottom lip gently.

  “No,” she countered, still kissing me in that maddeningly slow manner.

  I pulled back to look into her eyes, and she leaned in to put her lips on mine again, this time, grinding on me. I swallowed her moans with another kiss, breaking away to latch my mouth onto her slender neck, where I smelled more of that delicious, unforgettable fragrance. I was rock-hard, and knew I’d suffer for it later.

  “I thought I’d find you here,” a voice broke into my Charlie-infused mind.

  She scrambled off my lap to see Ron staring down at us, sneering.

  “What do you want, Ronald?” I asked, exasperated. />
  “I want you,” he smiled mockingly. “Oh wait, that’s what she said!”

  Charlie looked away in embarrassment, but I was not going to let him make my girl embarrassed about what we were doing. I reached for her hand and she reluctantly let me pull her back in to sit on my lap.

  “We have a meeting in ten, Captain,” he informed me, as if I hadn’t been the one to call for it.

  I sighed in annoyance, “And?”

  “And as a concerned member of the team, I came to fetch you, seeing as you missed the last one,” he replied in mock seriousness.

  I looked at Charlie, trying to erase his upsetting presence. She smiled, “You can go, I’ll see you later.”

  Ron clapped his hands dramatically, and I could hear other people in the library hushing him. “There, permission granted! Let’s sail away.”

  I ignored him, and focused on Charlie, “You going to the hospital today?”

  “No, I have to catch up on stuff,” she answered.

  Ron interrupted our exchange, “Wait, you’ve been to the hospital with her?”

  I glared at him, willing him to shut his trap before I shut it for him. “I’ll see you later, babe.”

  “So, you and babe have been spending time at the hospital then?” he asked.

  “She is not your babe, and that is none of your business,” I snapped.

  Charlie’s eyes travelled between both of us, and I hated him for the questions hat I would have to answer later.

  “Right. Last year, you wouldn’t even set foot in that place, now you’re taking company.” He taunted, and I almost forgot that I had promised Charlie I wouldn’t assault him again.

  “Xander-” she started to speak but I wasn’t going to let him make us fight.

  “Charlie, I’ll see you tonight.” I gently lifted her off me and stood up. She stared up at me with curious eyes, and I found myself once again admiring their beautiful brown. I leaned in to kiss her, and I could sense Ron’s disapproval and hear his irritated grunt. I heard her gasp too, but all my senses clouded over in my feelings. All I felt was her, and I’d be damned if I allowed anyone to mess with those feelings.

  “What was that all about?” Ron asked as we walked out of the library. “I didn’t know you had the time to date.”

  I stopped to look at him, a part of me hating the distance that was now between us. For more than a decade, Ron had been like a brother to me. Last year, he had almost cost me my brother.

  “You don’t know a lot of things about me anymore,” I said flatly.

  “You’ve shut me out completely,” he replied.

  I sighed, the calming peace I had whenever I was with Charlie wearing off, “Well, you can’t blame me.”

  He looked hurt for a second, but that was quickly replaced by an expressionless face.

  “I guess that’s the problem. You’re too wrapped up in excuses to take blame for what happened to Cole,” I said, walking away from him.

  He followed me in silence and said nothing more during our practise session. For the first time in a year, I was happy about something, but the fact that I couldn’t have my best friend tease me about it hampered that joy. He had never apologised and taken responsibility, while I hadn’t forgiven myself and lived each day with a burdened conscience.

  Charlie

  “Have you decided on what to wear to the game on Friday?” Cat asked, going through my wardrobe.

  “Nope, it’s only Tuesday,” I replied, focusing on painting Lea’s toenails.

  I hadn’t talked to Xander all day, a first since we started dating. Then again, it was only six pm. Still, after he left me with questions about his visits to the hospital, I didn’t know whether we would have that conversation without fighting. Lately, he’d also been busy practicing for his first game of the season.

  “So, you have to know what you’re wearing by now!” she exclaimed, turning to stare at me in disbelief.

  Lea chuckled from her position at the edge of the bed, and Cat rewarded her with a chastising glare.

  “You’ll soon learn, Cat takes these things seriously,” she said to me.

  “Why don’t you? You know that basketball is as famous in this town as the super bowl.” Cat rolled her eyes at us, and I hid my laugh behind a cough.

  “And, you should be more concerned about this, seeing as you’re the captain’s girlfriend,” she reminded me. Like I could forget, with all the hateful looks I had been getting from girls on campus lately.

  After half an hour of going back and forth over what outfit to wear, I finally settled on ripped jeans, boots and resolved to buy a t-shirt in the navy and burgundy school colours. They left shortly after, and it was ten o’clock when Xander messaged me.

  X: Are you asleep?

  I considered leaving it for him to assume I was, but my curiosity got the better of me. Also, I missed him more than I wanted to.

  C: No, I’m not.

  X: I’m outside your house…in your garden. Please come out.

  Now? Hadn’t he ever had a girlfriend before? I had removed the minimal make-up I wore, my hair was braided into two cornrows and I wasn’t appropriately dressed. Come to think about it, I had only had one actual boyfriend before him, and I didn’t want to think about him. He had never been to my house, and he had never wanted to.

  X: Charlie?

  C: Just a second.

  Cursing my luck, I put on my silk nightgown and slippers and tiptoed out of my room. Nothing could be done about the hair and face though. I found him sitting on the bench next to the array of brightly painted flowerpots, fiddling with the two rings on his right hand.

  “Hey,” I whispered, going over to sit beside him.

  He smiled at me, running his eyes over my dressing, “You look beautiful.”

  I rolled my eyes and tried to conceal my smile. I couldn’t help smoothing my hair, and he gently tugged my hand away.

  “You look beautiful with the hair,” he said seriously.

  “Oh? Thank you.” I raised my eyebrows and turned my lips up at him, “You’re being nice. What’s up?”

  He turned his body to face me, “Can I ask you a question?”

  His seriousness worried me, “Yeah, sure.”

  “Am I good to you?”

  “Xander, I was just joking right now-” I started, but he interrupted me, holding both my hands in his.

  “I know,” he looked down thoughtfully. “But are you happy being with me?”

  I shook my hands from his grasp, “Where’s this coming from?”

  He let out a frustrated sigh, “I just want to know if you’re okay with everything, I guess.”

  My heart beat fast in my chest, and I wasn’t sure if this was him breaking up with me.

  “Aren’t you happy with the way things are?” I asked, my voice coming out smaller than I wanted it to.

  He kept his head down, alarming me, “Xander? Answer my question.”

  “I am happy, but part of me worries that you haven’t seen enough of this town. When you do, you might find this…us, more complicated than you can handle.”

  “So, what are you saying? That I cannot decide for myself who and what makes me happy?” I demanded, putting some distance between us and standing up to pace around the small garden.

  He winced at the anger in my tone, “No, Charlie. That’s not what I’m saying.”

  “Well?” I paused and waved a hand in front of him, signalling him to go on.

  “What would you do if someone else wanted you?” he asked nervously pulling at the ends of his navy-blue shirt.

  I stared at him in disbelief, not knowing whether to laugh or ask him to leave. Much worse was the fear that in future, even if he said something worth sending him away for, I would stay to reassure him.

  “Nothing, I don’t want anyone else.” I said firmly, trying to keep my voice low.

  He searched my eyes for any doubts or uncertainty, but there were none. I was his. “You sure?”

  “Xander, I�
�m not your girlfriend just because you want me.” I walked to stand in front of him, holding his face in my hands. “I’m here because I want you, too. I don’t know what caused these insecurities, but they are just void doubts.”

  He smiled sincerely, for the first time in this conversation, “I’m not insecure, Charlie, and I’m glad you put my…concerns to rest.”

  I knew it was pointless to argue about him being in denial about his insecurities, and I just wanted to hold him again.

  “Well, fine. Happy to be of service,” I remarked dryly.

  He grinned up at me, “Come here.”

  The butterflies in my stomach fluttered at his order, and I went back to sit next to him. He frowned his eyes in disapproval and sighed.

  “I mean, come sit in my lap,” he finally said, the black pools in his eyes gleaming in the dimly lit garden.

  I scooted over and positioned myself in his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. He dipped his head into the hollow of my neck, slowly tracing his tongue over my vein. I moaned at the sensation that that one action sent all over my body. I felt him stiffen beneath me, right where he met my burning heat.

  “Baby,” he groaned, gently biting that spot on my neck.

  I breathed heavily, wondering how I could be so responsive to him. We had been on the verge of a serious argument just minutes earlier, but he had quickly spun me on his axis. “Yes?”

  He pulled back to look at me, caressing me with his eyes, “I have to go, I have early practice tomorrow.”

  I lifted myself off his lap and he adjusted his jeans uncomfortably. He stood up, grabbed me by my waist, and slowly devoured my mouth again. I was helpless against his seduction, and met him halfway with a fire fuelled by an unprecedented desire. He slowly pulled away, tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth and laughed lowly.

  “What?” I asked, grinning at him.

  “Just…I’d come here to ask if you would wear my jersey to the game and got side-tracked by everything that happened today.”

  I rubbed my palms on his chest, “Is this a perk of being the captain’s girlfriend?”