With Every Sunset

by Jane Stevie Lake

  He frowned. “Uhh, no. But I’ll tell you what you can do: leave her alone and stop sending flowers every damn day.”

  I stared at him and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. “Look, I promised myself something before I came here.”

  He smirked arrogantly. “And what’s that?”

  “That I would bulldoze past anyone that tried to stop me from seeing Charlie today. I came ready to run past your mother and your sister and shove you and your father away. Is that what we’re going to do?”

  “There’s that douchebag coming out of his shell,” he grinned. “Sorry, Mike Tyson. Not today.”

  He tried to slam the door in my face and I blocked him with my foot. He glared at me incredulously, but I was determined to see this through.

  “Look, I fucked up, alright?” I bit the inside of my cheek. “But I’m pretty sure you’ve done that too. I love your sister, she knows it. I just need to make her remember that.”

  He looked thoughtful, and right then, I could see the resemblances with my girl. However, those same brown eyes did not look as beautiful on him. Finally, he said, “The last guy who hurt her ended up with a broken jaw and had to get a nose job.”

  “I wouldn’t expect any less,” I said.

  “Would you fight back?” he asked.

  I smiled sadly, remembering a very recent conversation, “Not if it wouldn’t get Charlie to see me.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t deserve to fight back for myself. I also don’t deserve your sister, but for the smart girl that she is, she hasn’t realized that yet. So here I am, playing nice with you when I could just as easily throw you to the ground and ruin your face.”

  I expected him to throw the first punch and send me flying to the ground. I didn’t expect him to burst into genuine laughter. After a minute of confusing me, he opened the door wider, but still stood in the doorway.

  “I don’t know you, kid. But it looks like you care about my sister,” he said.

  “I do.”

  He moved from the doorway and gestured for me to enter. “I’m giving you ten minutes that you don’t deserve, because I’ve been on your end of a fight. And I hope you can fix the mess you made before I leave, so I can have a happy sister. If you make a bigger mess up there, you’re leaving this house on a stretcher and an ambulance will replace that fancy car of yours.”

  I nodded, careful to keep my angry retorts inside. I was grateful for the favour he was doing me and I wouldn’t want to risk him changing his mind. “Thank you.”

  I walked past him and up the stairs to Charlie’s room. Halfway up, he spoke from the bottom of the staircase. “Leave the door open.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said through gritted teeth, convinced he was enjoying every minute of my torture.

  “Oh, and Alexander?” he called out again, humour in his tone.

  I sighed in exasperation, but decided to continue my polite charade. Charlie. You need to see Charlie. You can take anything he dishes out, as long as you get to see her. “Yes?”

  “That is some long mane, I think you might need a trim…or a straight up haircut.”

  Fucker. I turned to him and smiled innocently. “Nope. Your sister likes it that way.”

  Charlie

  I was dreaming, and his voice sounded in the distance. It got closer and closer, and the pain of him fading away from me in another nightmare had me closing my eyes shut. This time, I wouldn’t wake up until I had touched him. This time, I would wake up stronger without him.

  But I knew that even when I awoke, I couldn’t unlove him. Even as his dream self vanished right before my eyes, my hands reached for him. I forgot what he had done to hurt me in real life because I needed so much to be with him, even it happened with my eyes closed. For the millionth time, he disappeared and I panicked at not being able to find him. I could still hear his voice calling out to me, something which had never happened in my other dreams. The Xander in my dreams still loved me, which was why I still ran to him. I turned and my eyes suddenly opened to see the boy of my dreams sitting on my bed, staring down at me with concerned eyes.

  “Hey,” he whispered, reaching out to help me sit up. “I think you were having a bad dream.”

  No, he was the bad reality, the Xander in my dreams wasn’t. But it wasn’t the dream version of him that had brought me back.

  “Please…don’t touch me,” I flinched from his touch, not wanting physical contact with him to take me back to the place I was days ago when he hurt me.

  His eyes looked grim at my rejection, but that was nothing compared to the way mine had shed tears at his. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

  “What are you doing here? Where’s my brother?” I asked, knowing that he couldn’t have gotten past David that easily.

  I looked over at my window, and it was fastened. The door was ajar and the house silent.

  “I didn’t sneak in,” he clarified, seeing the direction my thoughts had taken. “I promise.”

  I didn’t respond, and instead chose to stare into the distance. His actions since he’d humiliated me in front of our friends gave me, and everyone else the idea that he was sorry about what he had done. But I couldn’t fall for another apology.

  “Please, go,” I whispered, tears already forming in my eyes. Because that’s what he made me do: cry. That and wonder whether I had done something to deserve the same harsh treatment from two different guys in the space of one year.

  His eyes shifted to mine, and when he reached out to wipe the lone tear sliding down my cheek, I flinched again. “Charlie, you have to hear me out. I’m so sorry…about everything.”

  I had been waiting to hear those words for days, maybe a year because Jesse had never bothered to apologize. But Xander wasn’t Jesse and this made it harder for me to forgive him. I loved him, and I hadn’t loved Jesse in retrospect. Therefore, his betrayal cut deeper.

  “How did you find out?” I asked flatly.

  He sighed, as if a weight rested on his entire soul. “Ron…he told me everything…after you walked out.”

  “But it shouldn’t have mattered,” I stared at him. “Since you had already run out of love for me.”

  He moved to kneel on the carpet in front of me. “Baby-”

  “Don’t. Call. Me. That.”

  “Okay…Charlie. I never did, I was just so caught in my own anger and pride. I could never stop loving you.”

  He loved me?

  “But did you ever start trusting me?” I asked, shifting to put some distance between us. He noticed the action and a hurt look flashed across his face. That beautiful, tormented face.

  “I trust you with my life,” he swallowed, closing his eyes. “The life you saved.”

  “I didn’t save your life, Xander. You were never going to do it, your love for Cole would have stopped you.”

  He smiled bitterly. “We don’t know that.”

  I remained silent, caught in between wanting to reach out and comfort him and shrinking away from him into the comfort of my blankets.

  “Baby...Charlie. I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you or make you think that I believed you would do that to me,” he said, his gaze imploring.

  Just like mine had been, seconds before he told me he couldn’t believe he ever loved me.

  “I love you, I never stopped and I always will,” he insisted, this time reaching for my hand before I could stop him.

  The familiar jolt of electric heat swept through my body at the sudden contact. I was angry at him, hurt by him, but my traitorous body was ready to welcome him with open arms. Argh.

  The tears started flowing unabated, and still, I wouldn’t let him touch me. His own eyes went from troubled, to concerned, to guilty and finally…tortured. I was crying, he was near tears. This was we did to each other.

  “You should stop saying that,” I sniffled.

  “I still won’t stop feeling it, Charlie.”

  “Three minutes!” my brother yelled from somewhere
in the house.

  Xander looked sadly at me. “I guess it’ll take more than the three minutes I have left to convince you of how sorry I am and that I’m not the same without you?”

  “How was the game?” I changed the subject.

  For the first time since I’d opened my eyes to see him beside me, he smiled. “It was one of the best ones in a while. I was distracted by…everything, but my teamwork with Ron more than made up for it.”

  I couldn’t hide my surprise. “You and Ron, huh?”

  “Yeah, we talked things out after your argument with him. I hope you’re okay with that,” he said cautiously, gauging my facial expression.

  I guess we had come full circle. Ron and Xander’s friendship had been restored, and Xander and I weren’t together anymore. But he had his friend back, and I was happy for him.

  “I’m fine with that,” I said, immensely touched by his question and the relief that showed on his face when I answered.

  “How have things been at the hospital?” he asked.

  I told him about the books the kids were starting to prefer, and he told about Cole’s latest hand movement. I was the only dark cloud hanging over his life.

  “I’m sorry I turned out to be just like him,” he said, his hand still holding mine.

  I knew who he was referring to, but the only thing they had in common was me. They were two strangers incapable of influencing each other’s actions.

  “I need to figure out what it is about me that is untrustworthy, but it is ironic that I was reminded of Jesse by you who wanted nothing more than for me to forget him. I almost did.”

  He put his hands over his eyes, and I immediately felt horrible for the latter part of my statement. He looked as bad as I felt, but we were both too broken to heal one another. When his hands left his face, I could see his wet eyes and it felt like a hot metal rod was searing my heart in half. Because Alexander Hastings-Turner was the other half of my heart, and that half was just was wrecked as its twin.

  “Don’t you ever for a second think that what he and I did was because of you. We were both stupid idiots who couldn’t appreciate the goodness in you because we knew that we had done nothing to earn it. That will never be your fault.”

  “Thirty seconds!” David yelled from the living room.

  It suddenly felt like this was the end, and I was supposed to wrap it up in half a minute. But I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. Xander stood up from the bed, and I wondered whether this would be the last time I got to smell his cologne in my room. How would I feel when he moved on? Would I be ready to transfer to another school like I did after the Jesse mess? Could I leave my friends and my family? Could I sit next to him in class and not wish to be in his arms again. Would we ever own each other’s bodies again?

  The answer to all those questions was no. Xander wasn’t Jesse and Jesse would never be half the man that Xander was. Yes, I was just twenty-one, but I knew that my feelings made time and age irrelevant.

  “I love you, Charlotte Grace Welman-Cane,” he whispered, his throat clogged with tears.

  My breathing had slowed, and I started to panic when he stood up and walked to the door.

  “Five seconds!”

  “I never deserved you but being with you made me happier and better than I’d ever been in my entire life,” he spoke from the doorway before turning to walk away.

  I surrendered to everything I felt and cast my thoughts into the dark, insecure parts of my brain. Xander had made one mistake, he couldn’t pay for the residue resentment I felt for Jesse. That had to go, if I were to give myself back to Xander. My feet rushed to the door of their own accord and before he could realize it, I had my arms wrapped around his middle. My tear stained face pressed into his back as I spoke.

  “I love you, Alexander Hastings-Turner,” I sobbed. “I love you so much that even though I’m scared that this might happen again, and I might end up not even trusting myself…I’ll give us another chance.”

  His body stiffened before he turned back to me. “It won’t ever happen again, I swear on my life. Thank you, baby. I’ll work so hard to deserve you.”

  It hurt me that he could be so self-deprecating sometimes. I wanted my cocky Xander back.

  “Listen, you deserve good things to happen to you,” I said fiercely.

  He nodded, drawing me into his arms, the place I now considered to be home. I’d missed the scent of him, the strength of him.

  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Charlie.”

  “I know,” I sniffled. “I also owe you for the bribes that my family and friends accepted from you.”

  We laughed and the source of my tears changed from agony to happiness. We would get past this because I had more love in me for this man than I did veins in my body. And like the veins in my body, he gave my heart what it needed to beat. We stood there, holding each other in the aftermath of the last couple days. We had emerged at the end of this together. Just the two of us…three, if you counted my brother who was rolling his eyes at the bottom of the staircase. He looked relieved too.

  Xander

  One Month Later

  “Remember to guard my boyfriend like your life depends on it out on that court, Ronald,” Charlie said as we got ready to get onto the court for one of the final games of the season.

  We were second in the state but I knew we were going to end up at the top of the table. Afterall, WU’s star duo was back together and we had spent the last few weeks proving what happened when we worked together.

  Ron rolled his eyes and I elbowed him in the stomach, enjoying Charlie’s pre-game instructions to him, which were becoming a tradition. “You know, if you care about your boyfriend that much, why don’t you cover him in bubble wrap and guard him yourself?”

  “I thought about that, but I figured I also want to show off his pretty face and fine physique,” she quipped, winking at me.

  “You think anyone out there cares about that?” Ron scoffed.

  She raised her eyebrows in mock horror, “Everybody out there cares! Had I been a semester too late, you would have confessed your feelings for him, too.”

  I laughed at that and walked over to give her a kiss. She melted into me, just the way I liked it, as our tongues duelled and we blocked out the whistles sounding around us. Because when we were busy being consumed by each other, nothing else mattered. Nothing else existed.

  “I’ll see you later, angel,” I smiled, breaking the kiss.

  The words held so much promise because I had plans for her tonight. While she had spent the whole day at the hospital, I had been planning a romantic night. Just the thought of it threatened to make my cock twitch, and I needed that sucker composed right now.

  “Okay, baby,” she whispered, returning my smile with a dazzling grin of her own. Seriously, Charlie was the most beautiful girl I’d ever laid my eyes on. I actually still lived in fear of every other guy magically getting their eyes opened and realizing that. Then again, by a stroke of even greater miracle, she was in love with me. This girl, with everything going right in her life, loved me.

  “Aren’t we forgetting something?” I cocked my eyebrow quizzically. She better not have forgotten our pre-game ritual.

  She squinted her eyes, as if digging deep into her mind for the answer before shaking her head slowly. “Uhh, nope. I’d say we’ve got everything settled.”

  I scowled at her and turned to Ron who was waiting just a few feet away with her friends. Abruptly, she placed a hand on my shoulder and slowly turned me back to face her. A smirk was on her face as she reached up to hug me, and I couldn’t help wrapping my arms around that tiny frame of hers.

  Like the seductress that she’d recently become, she licked the inside of my ear before whispering in it. “Go forth and conquer, my precious Alexander.”

  Damn.

  Charlie

  Even on my death bed, I would stand by these words: God made Alexander Hastings-Turner on a weekend, and He must have spent
ample time carving each angle of that glorious body.

  I couldn’t remember how the game had gone, only that for its entire duration, my eyes had been locked on him. The fluid way he moved…the way he held that ball like he was promising it a reward if it did as he asked. Or maybe right now, as I thought about it, my mind was clouded by the way he held my waist, as if daring my body to explode before he was done.

  “You’re sooo delicious, baby,” he rasped reverently.

  I gasped at the hot air emitting from his mouth and involuntarily pressed his head deeper into my core. He chuckled, and the rumbling sound sent goose bumps from in between my legs to the rest of my body. I was getting to stage four of ‘Xander’s Pleasure Series’ and each one involved build-ups of the last ones. In the time that we’d been here, I’d gotten an orgasm from his fingers on my tits and his tongue in my mouth, which I would recommend to every girl out there.

  Just with their own man…never mine.

  He had followed it up with shooting me to climax with his fingers inside my pussy…those hands alone deserved their own Instagram account. Xander had this mindblowing ability to shatter me into a million pieces and then pick up those pieces and make me whole. And that’s exactly how it felt whenever his head was buried between my legs. Like the reverse process of a tornado, first demolish, then create.

  I moaned loudly as my orgasm wrecked though me, seemingly detaching my limbs from my body…my soul from my mind. It was a high unlike anything I’d ever experienced before, and it had me floating in space for what felt like forever.

  “There’s a good girl,” he gave me a cheeky grin, raising his head from my pussy.

  Damn, he looked beddable. That long, tousled hair was a soft tickle in contrast to the graze of his stubble against the soft skin on the inside of my thighs.

  “For you. Always,” I beamed.

  “Wait,” I held onto his sleeve just as he hovered above me.

  “What?” he asked, his brows knitted in concern.

  “Umm, well…I want to, you know,” I stuttered, squeezing my eyes shut in mortification. Sometimes I wished I could be one of those girls who took what they wanted without a second thought.