The Libertine

by Holden, William;

  He gasped and allowed my finger to linger. I let go of the tie and moved my hand over his chest, under his arm, and around to his back. I let my fingers trickle down his backbone. The stout muscles in his back quivered underneath my touch. I slipped my hand beneath the tail of his blouse and felt another lush mound of hair against the small of his back. My hand moved toward the front of his body. I touched the handle of a knife he had hidden beneath his blouse. My mind returned to my orders, to assure the men aboard The Libertine were not able to fight back.

  I rose and laid my lips upon his. They were soft and warm. The heat and scent of his body engulfed me. I traced my fingers over his back, all along knowing the knife was close at hand. I knew what I was expected to do. I lingered over the handle of the blade, perhaps for too long as my mind questioned what my next move should be. I readied myself to grab the dagger and thrust the sharp blade into him, to end his life and my torment, but then I felt him tremble against my body. He moaned as he pressed his body against mine and kissed me back with more passion and desire than I thought possible between two men. In those moments of pure, simple pleasure, I knew Gregor had ruined me for any other man.

  As we pressed our lips deeper into each other, I felt his mouth open. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I followed his lead and opened mine. His tongue slipped inside my mouth. Our tongues met in a flurry of passion. I could taste the spirits he had drunk, perhaps building the nerve to visit me. My body quivered again, and I felt his arm move to embrace me. My mind, without warning, returned to the Captain. I broke our kiss.

  “The Captain…he can’t find us like this. He’s expected any moment.”

  “Do not fret. I made sure the Captain consumed more spirits than he should. He’s out cold and won’t bother us for some time to come.”

  Gregor stood and began to strip off his garments. I watched with new and raw desire as he unveiled his body. His chest, broad and covered in a blanket of hair, rose and fell with his heavy breaths. A narrow trail of hair led down to is belly. The path then spread out before slipping under the waistline of his breeches. He unlaced his breeches and let them fall around his ankles. He stood in front of me, showing me for the first time the nakedness of a man’s body in all its glory.

  He lay down beside me and began to unbutton my undergarment. His large fingers touched and caressed my body with each release of the buttons. He kissed me again. His hand moved down to touch my swelling prick. I thought I would die from the sweet pleasure of his caress.

  His mouth left mine to kiss my chin, my neck, and my chest. I raised my hands to my head to keep the room from spinning. I felt his tongue graze across my erect tit. Lightning shot through my body as he nibbled and caressed it.

  “Be with me always.” Gregor’s words startled me. “And I will give you the world.” He looked into my eyes as he wrapped his hand around my prick and began to pump it.

  “But how?” I questioned through a moan. I felt moisture come.

  “I have watched you ever since you arrived on this ship, not out of mistrust but out of something far better. The moment my eyes laid sight of you, you captivated me. I have pleasured myself every night since with the thought of being with you.”

  He paused and placed his lips around the head of my prick and let my eagerness spill into his mouth. He kissed and sucked the sensitive head of my prick and ran his tongue down the thin but solid shaft. He looked at me from between my legs and continued.

  “I’ve never spoken these words to anyone and never thought right to do so. But you have changed me, Adam. If a man can feel this way toward another man as he can with a woman, then I believe I have fallen in love with you.” He crawled over my body and kissed me as he squeezed my prick. “Just say yes, and we can be together. I will pledge to you my life and my body.”

  The motion of his hand against my prick, combined with his words, broke any of the remaining barriers to my soul. My body shivered as the first spurt of seed spewed from my prick. He laughed at the spasms of pleasure coursing through me as I unleashed several additional spurts. My body rocked against the cot. I gasped and groaned, laughed and moaned, as my body took to a wave of violent but pleasuring quivers. He leaned down and licked my belly, taking in a good amount of my release. He stood and began to dress.

  “Why are you dressing? Have I offended you?” I wanted him to stay with me so I could feel his naked body next to mine.

  “I do not wish to rush this, Adam. Know my heart belongs to you, and once the Captain is out of the way, we shall share each other’s bodies.”

  “Out of the way?”

  “His death is in your hands. There is no one else who can get close enough to him when he is at his most vulnerable.” He handed me his dagger. “He must be dead before we dock. The others aboard the ship do not respect the Captain, but they do fear him. We cannot trust them to do the job.”

  I took his weapon without hesitation and wondered how many men had felt the blade of his anger. He leaned down and kissed me then left my room. I lay on my cot, his knife close at hand beneath the thin cotton sheet. While what remained of my seed lay drying against my belly, I tried to understand the consequences of my actions and decisions, to reconcile myself to my true nature.

  Captain Blair was a wretched arse of a man. His death would give me great joy, but I had to consider Gregor, a man I knew little about. He sparked something inside of me, feelings I didn’t know could exist between two men. Could these feelings be love? I ran my fingers over my body and pulled the drying spunk from the hair around my navel.

  What if it’s a ploy to distract me from my mission? Does Gregor know the truth about me?

  My mind threw out questions I had no answers for as my fingers caressed the handle of the dagger. If Gregor was being honest and loved me as he said he did, could I murder him for the sake of the Dutch Army? Could I turn my back on the Kingdom and my heritage for a man I didn’t know? If so, I would be a fugitive, a pirate of the sea with no hope of ever going home. Could I give up my life and my country for Gregor?

  I closed my eyes amid all the unanswered questions and the onslaught of emotions. I let my thoughts return to Gregor and his hand upon my prick. I fell asleep at some point and woke a few hours later with Captain Blair standing over me.

  “I’ve had a bit too much to drink, boy, and have come with a stronger urge than usual. You should expect several long sessions tonight.” He unlaced his breeches as usual and pulled out his swelling member. I did not make any gesture toward beginning my service of him. I could see the anger on his face and in his eyes as he saw my neglect.

  “Boy, I should not have to tell you how this is to go. Get on your knees!” The consumed spirits slurred his words.

  “I will not service you tonight, Captain, or any night from this point forward,” I said without emotion.

  His face became red at my disobedience. His hands shook as he towered over me. He bent over me and reached for my throat. For a drunken bastard, he had a strong grip. I knew my time had come. I, like Rory, had become expendable. I felt his large meaty fingers digging into my flesh and cutting off my breath. In my panicked mind, I heard Gregor’s voice. I felt his breath against my face, the touch of his lips against mine and the gentleness of his hands as he fondled my swelling prick.

  My proximity to Captain Blair made my stomach churn. His noxious breath and sour spit made my anger toward him grow until I could no longer control my hatred. I retrieved the dagger from beneath the linen and plunged the blade into his chest. To use a weapon again felt good. The closeness of the kill was always the most exciting for me. And this moment with the Captain gave such a rise in my prick, I thought I might ejaculate then and there.

  His hands loosened from around my neck. I stood and stared at him. Shock and anger filled his aging eyes, but there was no fear in them. I pulled the blade out of his chest. I repositioned my grip and thrust the knife into his gut. I felt the blade cutting through his innards as my hand became saturated with his blo
od. I felt the life draining from Captain Blair, and still I held him up. I wanted to be sure I was the last thing he saw as he took his final breath.

  I stood with the captain’s lifeless body at my feet. My actions created no remorse. If I were to be truthful, killing the man felt good. An assassin’s instinct was never far from reach. I had started what I come to do. I took several long deep breaths with corresponding exhales to ease the stress from my body. My practiced breathing did not offer me the beneficial aspect I had expected. The loss of breath left me feeling anxious and troubled. My directives were clear, but my dismantling of The Libertine was not supposed to have been like this.

  I was not supposed to have fallen in love with the enemy.

  I paused with the unfamiliar words of my heart, words, and feelings, which were not part of the plan. My father had been an assassin as well, my mother a spy, and I was born into the fight. My orders had been clear from the moment General VandeMeer told me of the death of my parents at the hands of Captain Blair. I was to get aboard The Libertine at all costs and infiltrate the crew. I was to disarm their weapons, so when the Dutch Army attacked, The Libertine would stand defenseless.

  My hands were clean of the death of Rory. The death of the Dutch soldier was an unfortunate circumstance of the war building around the world. As I thought of Gregor, his words, and his touch, I began to reconsider my place in the war. I wasn’t sure I could go back to the Kingdom, knowing how I deceived Gregor and caused the death of the man who proclaimed his love for me.

  Time was running out. The attack was eminent. General VandeMeer would be at the hull of the ship in a few moments, where we would leave The Libertine and its unsuspecting crew and return to headquarters. I would arrive a hero for having avenged my parents’ deaths and conquered the enemies. But I no longer knew who the enemy was.

  I tried to convince myself I would be better off going back and waiting for my next order. I had almost succeeded when Gregor returned to my weary head and heart. I thought of him lying in his quarters. The smell of his body filling the air with his musk. I felt the warmth of his body still lingering against my skin and heard the words of love ring through my ears. As I stood with the smell of blood and death hovering in my quarters, I knew what I had to do. I needed to end this situation once and for all and give myself peace of mind.

  I stepped over the Captain’s body and walked out into the hallway. Being as quiet as possible so as not to wake the others, I mounted the stairs and climbed to the empty deck. General VandeMeer was waiting in his boat as planned. He looked at my appearance.

  “Adam. Are you hurt?”

  “It is not my blood, but the blood of the Captain. I have disarmed The Libertine. She is ready to attack.”

  “Excellent work, Adam. Your parents would be quite proud of you.” He stepped back to allow me to board the boat. “Why are you hesitating? We must leave now. The Dutch are approaching, leaving little time before they attack.”

  “Please, wait here. I must fetch a few items before we depart.” I didn’t give him time to question me. I ran away and headed below deck. I knocked on Gregor’s door before entering.

  “Gregor, get up. We must leave The Libertine now.”

  “Adam, what is going on?”

  “There is no time for explanation. Do you love me as you say you do?

  “Yes, of course. I am not the type of man to express those words without meaning.”

  “Then you must trust me. The Dutch Army plans to attack at any moment.”

  “Then let them. We shall fight back and triumph over the Dutch as planned. This is what we have waited for.”

  “If you fight, I guarantee you will not win.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I am an assassin for the Dutch Army. My training is in weapons.”

  “What are you saying, Adam?”

  “The weapons I made for The Libertine are useless. The crew will not be able to defeat the Dutch in battle. General VandeMeer is waiting for me at the hull. We can overtake him and leave this ship, but we must act now.

  He looked at me with my secrets revealed. “How do I know this isn’t part of your plan to sabotage The Libertine?”

  “The same way I knew you were not plotting my demise when you confessed your love for me. I felt it.”

  “Fair enough.”

  He stood and dressed without haste. We packed several pouches with food and necessary supplies we would need while at sea. As we approached the meeting place, I motioned to Gregor to stand back. I climbed down the rope and into the General’s boat. I looked him in the eyes. I could tell he saw someone different looking at him. I plunged the dagger into the General’s chest in the same manner as the Captain. I pushed his still-breathing body overboard. Gregor jumped into the boat. He kissed me and held me in his arms.

  “Thank you for trusting in me when no one else has.” He looked at me and smiled as he took the wheel of the ship in hand.

  I watched him maneuver the ship as we set out to sea. Within moments, the Dutch Army fired. The cannons roared through the night sky. The men of The Libertine never knew what happened. The boat and its crew sank as we drifted into the shadows of the blazing attack and out into the open sea.

  As I looked out into the vast nothingness, I somehow knew my parents were watching over me. They would not have agreed with my choice, but then again, they raised me to be my own man and to make my own decisions. I came up behind Gregor and placed my arms around his waist and kissed the stout muscles in his back. I didn’t know where we were headed or what we were going to face. All I knew was the excitement of the unknown, and that was enough for me as long as I had Gregor by my side.

  THE END

  ABOUT WILLIAM HOLDEN

  Originally from Detroit, William Holden now lives in Cambridge, MA with his partner of eighteen years. He has a Master's in Library and Information Science from Florida State University. Over the past decade, he had focused his work on collecting, and preserving, GLBT history and is a volunteer archivist at Boston's History Project.

  William has been writing for over fifteen years, accumulating more than seventy published short stories in the genres of erotica, romance, fantasy, and horror. He is an award-winning author of such titles as, A Twist of Grimm by Lethe Press (Lambda Literary Award Finalist), and by Bold Strokes Books, Words to Die By (2nd place Rainbow Book Awards for best horror) and (Finalist for the American Library Association’s Foreward Book Award for Best Horror). Secret Societies and its sequel, The Thief Taker were both finalists for the Lambda Literary Award.

  Crimson Souls, his forthcoming horror novel from Bold Strokes Books, is based on the 1920 purge of homosexual students at Harvard.

  William has also written encyclopedia articles on the history of gay and lesbian fiction and has authored five bibliographies for the GLBT Round Table for the American Library Association.

  For more information, visit williamholdenwrites.com.

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