Your Hand in Mine: A Heartwood Novel

by Brea Viragh

  “I didn’t have enough arms to keep both of them in place.”

  “Sure. Elliot,” Jackie said. “He graduated a couple years ago. He shouldn’t be here with her. He’s supposed to be off at college in North Carolina.”

  “Shouldn’t be. Is. Dammit.” I dragged a hand through my hair, not sure whether it was from stress or wishing I could fix my sister’s unfortunate head and knowing I shouldn’t touch her. “Good thing I was here.”

  “You said a mouthful.”

  Jackie hustled her red-faced daughter out the door. I wished I hadn’t caught the tail end of disappointment on the kid’s face. Honestly, I knew I’d done the right thing by making the call. It would take a while to get Kaylen’s trust back, and she certainly didn’t deserve mine. A shuddering sigh shook my chest and I skimmed my hands over my skirt. Trying to get my thoughts in order while they spun all over the place.

  What was I going to do?

  “Looks like someone went past the point of no return.”

  His voice soothed over my frayed nerves and aching body like a river of warm water. It was horrible.

  “She’s not the only one about to get cooked in boiling oil.” I whirled on Fenton, prepared to unleash verbal hell on him. “How dare you give alcohol to my niece? How dare you!”

  “Come again?” He blinked in surprise.

  “Like you don’t know what’s going on here. I found Kaylen at a table with some guy drinking a beer. She’s underage, you jerkoff. Underage and using a fake ID. What kind of bartender are you? You’re supposed to be on the lookout for this kind of thing. Not handing out buds to whoever comes through the door. I can’t help but blame part of this catastrophe on you.”

  “I’m the kind of bartender who knows his patrons. The kind who can spot a phony license from a mile away,” he said, word edged with a warning.

  “My. Ass.” I couldn’t stop the emotion from bursting forth. I ground my teeth, eyes stinging, and tried really hard to keep it together. At once, the dams I’d erected to keep myself safe began to leak. I hoped they wouldn’t break before the night ended.

  Fenton took a step forward and leaned down so I could see the hard lines of his face. “I find it insulting that you can come in here and question my integrity.”

  “I’ll question you all I want until you offer me an apology,” I replied, voice raising. “I can’t believe you’re lying to me. You knew the second you saw Kaylen she was underage. You worked with her at the fair.”

  “I don’t give alcohol to minors,” he said through his teeth. “Ever. I’ll cop to being a little distracted tonight. Yes, I didn’t see her. But I swear if I had she would not have been allowed to step a foot over the line.”

  “Your word doesn’t exactly mean anything to me. After all, I’ve seen you argue both sides of the fence during a discussion. And I’ve experienced firsthand your waffling. I saw her drinking with my own eyes. You have the nerve to stand there and tell me you didn’t see her? You were distracted?”

  “She’s in a bar with a number of bartenders. You ever think it was one of my coworkers that your niece might have duped? It’s not that hard to understand. I. Didn’t. See. Her.”

  I watched him work his jaw, reluctant to go forward with the argument. Too bad, baby. We were in it together now. “It doesn’t matter,” I insisted. “You’re here and you should have caught the mistake. I can’t believe this is happening.” I turned in a circle, unsure where to go next, my body physically in need of movement.

  “You can’t believe me?” Fenton was incredulous. His head jutted forward on his neck, eyes wide, making his shoulders look ten times wider than normal. “You’re making ridiculous accusations without looking at facts and you can’t believe me? Typical female response.”

  I managed to sputter out, “Typical female!”

  “This is why I don’t want a relationship,” Fenton muttered under his breath, turning back to the bar. “You can never win.”

  It might not have been for my ears to hear but hear him I did. It was the final straw. I physically bit my lip to keep the scream inside of me. What came out was, “You don’t want a relationship because you’re a scared little boy who can’t accept how amazing it might be to find a woman who loves you.”

  If I’d thought the eyes were on us before, now I felt their weight, their heft. I gave Fenton credit. He calmly reached behind him for my hand. Stared me down until I took it, his eyes locked on mine, the rest of the room forgotten. Then he pulled me toward the bar and through a back door to the stock room.

  “I suppose I’m looking at one?” He told me over his shoulder. “Am I?”

  “Yes, you damn sure are,” I answered, trying to catch my breath. My cheeks flushed, body reacting to the flash of desire I felt when I thought about Fenton. His intense gaze.

  He didn’t seem surprised by my statement so much as the fact that I said it casually and without hesitation. “I don’t believe you.”

  The fury was back. Only this time, it was red hot. An inferno needing an outlet before it burned me alive from the inside.

  This a terrible time to focus on our personal business, and he had the gall to doubt what I said? “Then you’re out of your mind. You’re looking at a woman who loves you and you have nothing better to say. You don’t believe me.” I scoffed. “Damn you.”

  His head tilted to the side. “Wow, you are not shy about speaking your mind.”

  “Right now, my mind is in chaos. I caught my fifteen-year-old niece chugging a Bud Light.”

  Fenton didn’t respond right away. His eyes continued to hold mine and he worked the inside of his cheek. “I told you it wasn’t me. Believe me when I say I’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ll find out which of my guys did the deed. I promise.”

  “Big man going to take care of the problem.”

  “Yes. Absolutely.” If he sensed I was upset about more than finding Kaylen, he didn’t let on. He kept his face blank and his tone purposely neutral. “Now go home. You’re upset and you need to rest.”

  “Upset. Rest. Right.”

  “You’re not going to go?”

  I shook my head and turned. “No, I’m not. I came here with my friends and I’m damn well going to stay and finish my drinks with them.”

  “Somehow I don’t see you as being in the right kind of mood for drinks.”

  “I’ll manage. Trust me. I didn’t wear this dress to go home and sit on my couch.”

  “All right, if you insist.” He slowly nodded and pointed back to the bar. “I’ve got work to do.”

  There was nothing more for me to say. Nothing constructive, anyway. There damn sure were things I wanted to say. Unfortunately, all the ears I wanted to hear them were temporarily unavailable.

  “Took you long enough,” Ray said when I returned to the table and claimed my seat again. “The kid’s taken care of. His dad came and drove him home. We made sure he got in the car.”

  “Great.” I grabbed the nearest bottle, which happened to be near empty and not satisfying in the least. I drained it to the bottom.

  “You wanna talk about what happened?”

  “Family issues. Now, who’s buying the next round?”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “I sent her to her room.”

  It was the first thing out of Jackie’s mouth when I came through the front door. Unlocked, of course. The woman had no sense for personal safety, even in the county where crime rates were low. You could never be too careful. I guess it was something I’d taken to heart and she had yet to understand.

  “I wanted to lock the door on her,” Jackie continued, “but I realized it locked from the inside when I tried the knob. Not my proudest moment. I don’t know what to do.”

  I let my bag drop to the floor, rolling my shoulders with a sigh. The alcohol still buzzed pleasantly in my system. I’d had one of the men drop me off at Jackie’s house rather than risk driving. I was too mad to concentrate on much. Add alcohol to the mix and it was a disaster in the ma
king.

  At least I had the presence of mind to find a ride. Who knows what might have happened if I’d been allowed behind the wheel?

  “How is she?”

  “She’s mad. Really mad, and I think it stems from embarrassment. But what do I know? I’m her horrible mother. Like you’re her horrible aunt and all we do is make her life a living hell.”

  “Hopefully, you managed to take away her electronics,” I answered. “Cell phone, at least. I’m betting she still has her television and computer in there. Am I right?”

  From the look on my sister’s face, she hadn’t. “Dammit.”

  “Why do you never think about these things?” I burst out. It was with great pleasure that I kicked off my high heels and watched them slap into the coat rack. It teetered precariously before falling into place again.

  “I’m sorry. Okay? I’m terrible at punishment. I’m always too lenient.”

  Jackie was on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. A blanket in the summer. I would have been nervous about the odd behavior had I not noticed the curled edges. The marks where she’d been twisting the corners, desperate for something to do with her hands.

  My sister looked older than her thirty-five years, and it wasn’t the stress. It was what she’d put her boy through from such a young age, the booze and the drugs. They had taken a toll on her physically and mentally.

  “Which is why your daughter was found at a bar with a fake driver’s license at nearly ten o’clock.”

  I fixed her with a look. A gut-wrenching worry crept over me again and made me want to be sick. What would have happened if I hadn’t been there? Kaylen could have been in serious trouble.

  “You know you’re going to have to sit down and talk to her,” I said.

  Jackie rubbed her face. Her shoulders drooped and with the overly large t-shirt she wore, she looked like a stick on a permanent diet. What was my sister eating? Or in this case, not eating? “Yeah, I know I will. I need a little more time to figure out what to say.”

  “Say she’s grounded until the end of eternity. It always worked for me.”

  “But did it work for me?”

  No. No, it hadn’t, as we both knew our parent’s threats were empty. Jackie and I had always been allowed too much autonomy from a young age, which led her to seek out other avenues and me to bounce from relationship to relationship.

  I didn’t want the same for Kaylen. With any luck, her mother and I had learned from our mistakes, in order to be better role models for her.

  “There’s some leftover pizza on the counter,” Jackie said with a sigh. “You can have some if you want. I couldn’t finish it all.”

  “I might.”

  “You been drinking?”

  “A round or two. I waited an hour before having one of the guys drive me over here. Thank goodness you’re only two minutes away. They might have gotten lost. I think I’m going to crash on your couch.”

  The thought of going home and being alone was one I couldn’t handle.

  Jackie sighed again before scooting over to make room for me. “Go ahead. You know where the extra blankets and pillows are kept.”

  “You look like you’ve seen better days,” I muttered, snagging a couple of slices from the brown box on the counter and dropping them onto a plastic plate.

  “I’m a little stressed. Okay? Stress means I don’t sleep.”

  “As long as stress means you aren’t using again, then it’s not so bad.”

  The look she sent me was hard. “No, I’m not using again. What a thing to say to me. If I weren’t out of my mind with the Kaylen thing, I might actually be insulted.”

  I tried for nonchalance and kept the sentence purposely light. “I’m making sure.”

  “You’re pushing my buttons and getting into dangerous territory.”

  “Excuse me for being concerned. You know I love you. I want to make sure you’re doing all right. You look like you’re not eating. You’re too skinny.”

  Jackie’s eyes filled and I wondered where I’d gone wrong in the conversation. “Do you think Kaylen is doing drugs?”

  “What? No.” I hurried to her side. “No, Jackie.” The pizza plate I dropped on the coffee table to take my sister’s hands in mine.

  “How can you be sure?” She leaned forward, her cheeks flushed. “She’s obviously drinking. What if she’s gotten her hands on something? Like meth. Oh god.” Jackie’s fingers trembled. “Oh, god!”

  “Kaylen is not doing meth,” I insisted. “She’s not doing anything. Except drinking.”

  “I was her age when I started dabbling.” Jackie sniffled. “It only got worse. What if she’s making the same mistakes I did? She could be predisposed. We have a long history of addictive personalities in our family. I tried so hard to do right by her, once I got my own life together. I couldn’t bear it if something happens to her. It’s all my fault.”

  “She’s acting out. It’s a totally teenage thing to do. She’s testing her limits, it doesn’t mean she’s…” I trailed off and thought about the hazards of speaking my mind. Yeah, I’ll go with it. “It doesn’t mean she’s going to fuck up. She’s not like us, Jackie. She’s too smart.”

  “You’re saying I wasn’t,” my sister replied. She broke the contact. “I got it.”

  I stood up and dusted off my knees, having knelt in front of her on the dirty wood floor. “Christ, you’re sensitive tonight. I’m saying that Kaylen is not you. Or me. Get it? She’s bound to push against her boundaries but you need to be prepared. You need to talk to her about tonight and be honest.”

  “Be honest.” Jackie ran a hand underneath her nose. “I’ll try.”

  “Since we’re done with your problems, maybe we can talk about mine for a hot minute.” I swooped down to grab my plate and shoved the bottom half of a slice in my mouth. Even cold, there was nothing pizza couldn’t solve. I felt my stomach expand against the confines of my dress and regretted nothing.

  “Oh, wow, so sorry for monopolizing the conversation when you’re clearly suffering from selfish-itis,” Jackie insisted.

  The best medicine for getting a sibling out of a funk? Bait them. It had worked well enough on Jackie until this point. I flopped down next to her and kicked my feet up on the table, wiggling my bare toes. “This whole week has been a nightmare.”

  “Bring the pie over here and tell me about it.”

  I stared at her over my shoulder, pausing mid-chew. “You ask me as soon as I sit down?”

  She flashed me a tiny smile. “Pretty please?”

  Groaning, I made my way back into the kitchen before returning with the box. “Sure you don’t want to go to bed? It’s pushing midnight.”

  “My little sister needs me. I can spare some time. You keep your bitching under thirty minutes or I might start to fade on you.” She leaned back and crossed her arms over her stomach. Anymore, Jackie started fading around ten o’clock. We were already way past her bedtime.

  “Thirty minutes? I’m not sure I have the power to condense it down that far.”

  It was an incredible request. One I’d have to honor unless I wanted to cart Jackie off to bed and listen to her snoring. It wouldn’t be the first time. There were plenty of moments in the past where I’d caught Jackie coming down from a high and took it upon myself to care for her. Or moments when a well-meaning neighbor called me about my sister passed out on the side of the road. Talk about embarrassment. Thankfully we were well past those days and Jackie had been sober for almost a decade.

  “You know what? Fade away. I might go over thirty minutes. No promises. There’s a lot for me to bitch about.” I took another bite and chewed thoughtfully, wondering how I was going to start. Jackie had no clue what I’d been doing. Our relationship up until this point, while codependent in some ways, wasn’t exactly based on a line of open communication.

  I stared at her dark hair and eyes so similar to mine.

  “Hm, let me try to guess,” she began, shifting to face me better. S
he began to tick options off on her finger. “This is either about a man, a man, or a man. God, Shar, please tell me you aren’t dating two guys at once again. I don’t think I can handle it. The last time you tried, it blew up in your face, and I’m not always going to be around to lend a sympathetic ear.” She shook her head and reach forward to grab a cup of water. “Anymore, I can’t manage my own garbage.”

  “No, my last debacle pretty much cured me of any desire to balance anything more than one. It never works out in the end. Let’s go with the first one you said.”

  “A man.”

  “Yup. And he’s dreamy,” I said with forced lightness.

  “Uh oh, I know that face.”

  “What face?”

  “You totally dig this guy. No, more. Please tell me you don’t hear wedding bells.”

  “Ding, dong,” I intoned.

  My sister knew me too well in some respects. Once I set my mind on something, or someone, I would follow it through until it either worked or fell apart. Nine times out of ten my relationships fell apart, and for good reasons. They weren’t meant to be.

  “What’s the matter with this one?” she asked.

  “He’s my boss.”

  “Ugh, why do you do these things to yourself!”

  It was less a question and more a statement, her wondering how I’d gotten so low. “It’s not like I planned this,” I insisted. “It kind of happened. And he didn’t start out as my boss.”

  “Please tell me you haven’t slept with him yet.”

  “Do you want me to tell you I haven’t slept with him yet, or do you want the truth?”

  Her head dropped to the arm of the couch. Eyes closed. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you…I’m going to need more than this pizza to get me through.” Jackie pointed to the kitchen. “There is licorice on the counter. Grab some. I need fortification.

  “You and your disgusting licorice.” I rose, pushing my hair over my shoulders. “Anyway, yes, I do hear wedding bells. This one is the one, Jackie.”