by Quig Shelby
The kettle boiled just as Charles heard his mistress’ voice.
‘Charles it’s freezing down here,’ said Dela.
They were in the basement, and Plackcedes was blowing air through her hands.
‘Sorry,’ said Charles, moving the gas heater from the far corner, before turning it on.
‘Cup of tea anyone?’ asked Charles.
‘Please,’ said Plackcedes ‘milk and no sugar.’
Dela just nodded.
Plackcedes was getting used to being Dela’s most personal of assistants, and she had slipped into the role seamlessly. With the Goodyear’s she always felt beholden and timid, but Dela encouraged her to show more confidence, especially in the bedroom.
Charles placed the teas on the wicker table he had moved from the conservatory. Already the crocodile mask was leaning against the wall, watching him, as Dela and Plackcedes fastened up their lab coats. If Felix had seen them he’d probably be foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.
‘Well Charles?’ asked Dela sternly.
He looked mystified.
‘The specimens,’ reminded Dela.
Charles instantly threw the blanket back like a theatrical magician, and revealing the contents of the cages; six dogs all tranquilised and docile. Dela held out her outstretched arm, and Charles obediently handed her the keys; he had been trained too.
Leaving them in the laboratory Charles went into his back garden. The latest snowfall had melted away, and he diligently planted the tulip and daffodil bulbs. Deceased potted plants were hunted down, and the soil thrown onto the compost heap. The clay pots were allotted space in the greenhouse, where Charles proudly checked on his new Chinese elm, and Japanese red maple, bonsai trees.
Plackcedes had slaughtered enough wild animals back home not to be cautious, and the blood drained down the ceramic slab pooling at the bottom. Dela who was wearing the crocodile mask saw the mutt’s Spirit lift. The hound happily bounded towards the light but then, almost as an afterthought, stopped and looked at Dela. The jaws opened wide, and the snarling beast sprang towards her. Dela ripped off the mask somewhat startled.
‘Are you all right madam?’ asked a concerned Plackcedes.
‘Just a little fright Placky,’ said Dela.
She quickly returned the mask, and saw the last spotted Dalmatian paw go through to the other side. Incredible; now all she had too was bring Chester back.
Chester was running through a meadow when Dela finally tracked him down. He was chasing after the pack. Charles, who was bringing a new bottle for the gas heater down the stairs, gave her the command words, but a panting Chester couldn’t pass the threshold back to the surgery.
‘Stupid hound,’ said Dela ‘let’s try another one.’
Plackcedes had gone to freshen herself up, and Charles was about to do the honours; it was the first time Dela had seen him smile all day. He patted the powerful mastiff’s head one last time, and sent the beast on his way with a cut and a thrust. Dela saw Midway’s big brown eyes look sadly towards Charles.
There were no buttercups or sweet heather beneath his feet only burning coals to dance upon, and every time Dela whistled, Midway jumped in the air. Like a sheepdog he followed her towards the gate, and then suddenly he was there, back in the room.
Charles was in disbelief; the dog he had just killed was back to life before him on the marble altar, and with his neck miraculously healed. But Midway was growling and not wagging his tail. Fortunately the knife that Plackcedes held went straight through the demon dog’s heart.
‘I meant to ask,’ said Plackcedes ‘is this the cake knife?’
Hey presto Dela had done it, and she went to take a bath whilst Charles cleared up the mess. Plackcedes had a large slice of walnut sponge cake, and with her grey hair now dyed purple she looked rather delicious herself.
Felix was laced into a rubber body bag, and the heating was on. Grey canvas straps were buckled over him and under the bed; he was almost immobile. From the bedhead above his face hung a plastic phallus, and if he struggled to lift his head high enough he could suck out the orange juice, to stop himself dying of dehydration. Like a Ladyboy down on his luck he eagerly drained more sustenance, and glad to be alive.
They had to be quiet; none of them wanted the manimal next door listening in. Besides, in spite of finally being given Josh Templemead’s heart, Charles could still be a little sensitive; at least when it came to people.
Plackcedes fastened the nipple clamps onto Dela’s plump breasts, and the chain hung in between. The butt plug was soft and flexible, and Dela always encouraged her to ram it home. Plackcedes obliged and Dela stifled a gasp. Waves of emotion were washing through her, and Plackcedes quickly stifled Dela’s moans with a warm invitation. They needn’t have worried about Charles listening in, getting his rocks off, he was at the front of his house admiring his Christmas tree. He skirted the last of the fairy lights around the bottom and flicked on the show.
Charles knocked gingerly on the door.
‘Breakfast is served,’ he announced.
Plackcedes went downstairs, with Dela still resting. Later, as Charles’ Christmas carols played through the house, Placky would bring her breakfast in bed.
Plackcedes found the duplicity exciting, the maid who was mistress, and to whom Dela would often bow down.
‘Well done Charles,’ said Dela ‘but I think we’ll be warm enough.’
He had left the heater on since morning, and the cellar was warm as toast; he turned off the gas.
Dela thoroughly expected to reproduce her trick with the very next canine, the lame poodle. She easily found her on the other side, but, in spite of the pawing and pining, Lassy couldn’t find her way home. Dela removed the mask, and scribbled some more notes. Despondently, Plackcedes reset the stopwatch.
Another specimen was slaughtered in the name of pseudo- science, but still only Midway had made it back. They broke for tea.
In the middle of a snowstorm it didn’t take long for temperatures to plummet, and the gas heater was back on. Dela realised having the body at her disposal was not a luxury she could take for granted. So Charles did the honours, and the two remaining animals were buried quickly in the snow-capped compost heap. Later, Everest didn’t make it back, but Hercules couldn’t wait for Charles to fasten the spiked collar back around his neck.
‘Thank you Charles,’ said Dela at the train station.
He attempted a smile.
‘Get me more specimens,’ said Dela ‘I’m almost there.’
‘Of course,’ replied Charles.
‘You can trot off back home now Charles and do whatever it is you do,’ said Dela ‘and don’t dare lose that bloody mask.’
‘Put my bags up there,’ said Plackcedes on the train to Dela who humbly obliged.
It was exhilarating to experience the orders she usually dished out, and with it came a hitherto unknown freedom, a subjugated invigoration from the abdication of responsibility. Dela was the magician, but Plackcedes was quickly learning some tricks of her own.
A couple of podgy middle aged manimals in suits sat close by, and were ready to try their luck, but Dela gave them the evil eye, and their guffaws meant to impress those around were silenced.
‘He must have been a good boy mistress,’ said Plackcedes, reversing their roles for the benefit of Felix.
‘If he’s still alive,’ replied Dela, prodding the rubber bag.
‘Let’s check,’ said Plackcedes.
Plackcedes undid the zipper, and Dela unlocked the cage, but before his freedom could swell too much she quickly locked him back up.
‘He’s still with us,’ said Dela.
‘Poor thing,’ said Plackcedes, mocking his torment.
They peeled off the rubber suit, but before Felix could thank them he was
gagged and blindfolded. Still, perhaps he could illuminate them on the role of a slave. With the headphones playing Charles’ festive carols, Dela gave the doubled over Felix an early present, the Cologne Christmas candle.
As they sipped rum on the sofa Dela was becoming annoyed with the bent over Felix’s whimpering. The candle was burning bright, and the wax running onto his behind. But as she watched the flame flicker it suddenly hit her; that’s what was missing, and the reason only Midway and Hercules had made it back. They needed fire. She hugged Plackcedes, who quickly shoved her tongue down her mouth. As for Felix, well candlelight was quite romantic.
Dela checked through her notes, she was right. And another thought crossed her mind; if the body wasn’t there could a memento suffice? After all Hercules was mightily drawn to his collar, unlike Everest who’d had a mountain to climb.
Felix was sore but at least his beloved Dela was back, and in spite of her imperialistic frostiness she was just as glad to see him. Plackcedes was in the kitchen making him a supper to remember.
‘Felix we’re almost there,’ she said.
‘And you think this is the gift the Spirits have spoken of?’ he asked.
‘Undoubtedly,’ she replied.
‘And what are we to do with Joost?’ asked Felix.
‘I think we’ll let him play for a little longer,’ said Dela. ‘He may have escaped for now, but I hardly think he’ll come looking for trouble.’
‘I guess you’re right,’ said Felix, but he wished they’d finished the job, he didn’t like loose ends.
Plackcedes brought him the most magnificent pie with roast potatoes and gravy. Plackcedes had been taught never to waste food, but they didn’t tell him it was Midway.
Dela was feeling torn between lovers, but it made her heart feel young. Whether or not Felix sensed Plackcedes’ jealousy was neither here or there, he had always been Dela’s staunchest advocate, and deserved his moment of attention; uncaged.
Leaving Felix in his slumber, Dela couldn’t resist phoning Din, and telling him the good news.
‘Hello brother, where are you tonight?’ she asked.
He might be a thug but Dela always worried about him.
‘At the warehouse,’ he replied.
‘So you’re still going it alone?’
‘Kind of.’
‘Meaning?’
‘I’ve roped someone in to help,’ said Din.
‘Anyone I know?’
‘Yes.’
‘Can you trust them?’
‘You tell me sis, it’s James Middlemass.’
‘Well I don’t think he’ll do you over that’s for sure, but do you think he’s up to it?’ asked Dela.
‘He says so, and at least he can make the business look respectable.’
The business Din was referring to was the import side of the operation. James would be well out of his depth dealing with the drug pushers and the runners.
‘Well that’s good,’ said Dela.
‘But that’s not the reason you’re phoning is it. So tell me what’s happened?’ asked Din.
‘I’ve done it. I’ve brought one pooch back to life.’
Although Midway wasn’t exactly a pooch, he’d been marked for destruction after carelessly savaging three hikers in a bloody rampage.
‘That’s excellent news sis, but don’t bring Dilwood back just yet, I quite like running the business.’
‘On that point my dear brother I think we can both agree - best to let sleeping dogs lie.’
Chapter Forty Eight
The book of condolences was full, and the eulogies exhausted at The Church of Loving Saints.
‘Aah, there you both are,’ said Miriam to Joost and Bheki.
‘It’s so sad to see him leave,’ said Bheki.
‘He’s not leaving, he’s going home,’ said Miriam.
The police had released Abel’s body as soon as they could, and he was due for his final flight. Everyone whose heart he had touched was either here, or in Zimbabwe waiting for his coffin to touch down.
Eight of his closest friends carried the oak casket on their shoulders to the awaiting hearse.
The singing preacher who would love Bheki to call the tune came by her side to talk.
Everyone wanted a word with Miriam, so Joost was rightfully honoured when she whispered in his ear.
‘He was always fond of you, from the moment you first met.’
Joost was taken aback; after all, he’d not exactly led the life of a saint.
‘Oh he knew more about you than he ever let on, but he was like that,’ said Miriam.
‘Thanks Miriam, but you know there’s nothing special about me,’ said Joost.
‘We shall see,’ said Miriam ‘we shall see.’
‘What did Miriam say to you?’ asked Bheki.
‘Just how special I am,’ said Joost smiling.
Bheki pinched his hand.
‘Just joking,’ he said
‘So?’ asked Bheki.
Joost didn’t like this possessive side of her nature, and surely she couldn’t be jealous of a widow’s whisper.
‘She was saying that Abel liked me quite a lot.’
‘That’s all?’ asked Bheki.
‘Of course,’ he replied.
He was wearing the new black suit she had bought him, he had eyes only for her, as did half a dozen other men in the room, and she behaved like this! He might not have bought her an engagement ring but only because she was unfathomable. Perhaps he should take a good look around; there were plenty of other women on show.
Themba rushed up beside them.
‘It’s Eudy,’ he blurted out ‘I think she’s about to give birth.’
They went to see for themselves; Eudy was sitting down and breathing heavily.
‘Have your ...’ said Bheki.
‘Yes. I knew I shouldn’t have come,’ said Eudy.
‘Make way,’ shouted Themba ‘my wife’s about to give birth.’
A middle aged woman stood in front of them.
‘By the look of her she’s about to drop any minute.’
Themba looked annoyed.
‘Gracious Brooks, midwife at your disposal,’ said the woman holding out her hand.
‘Let’s get her upstairs quick, and you,’ Gracious looked at Joost ‘bring us some hot towels.’
‘And bring me a drink,’ added Eudy.
‘Tea?’ asked Joost.
‘Gin,’ said Eudy before disappearing with Gracious.
Joost rushed back from the off-licence, and followed Eudy’s wailing up the stairs to the Goodyear’s bedroom. Then he and Themba went outside for some fresh air. Themba looked like a ghost.
‘Don’t worry it gets better,’ said Joost.
‘That’s what Bheki just told her,’ said Themba.
‘I meant for you,’ said Joost smiling.
Joost couldn’t find any glasses so he had given Bheki the gin on its own, which was just as well for Eudy as she drank straight from the bottle.
‘I guess you’ve thought of a name,’ said Joost trying to distract the restless Themba.
‘Noah,’ said Themba.
He would have been inside the room, but Eudy didn’t want him there until all the bloody mess was over, besides Bheki was holding her hand.
Little Noah was born on a day without rain, which was good for Abel’s cortege. As one life bid farewell another had just begun its journey.
‘A healthy baby boy,’ said Bheki smiling, and joining them outside.
‘You can go up now,’ she said to Themba, and Joost and Bheki followed him inside before the singing preacher could get any closer.
Gracious stayed a little longer, making sure mother
and baby were fine. As she came down the stairs Joost asked her ‘when should we take them to hospital?’
‘I wouldn’t if I were you,’ said Gracious ‘the place is full of germs.’
‘And I thought we might keep them awake at night,’ said Joost with a grin.
‘Oh don’t worry,’ said Bheki ‘we can still practice making babies of our own.’
Miriam couldn’t help but perform a spontaneous christening. It was kept low key by everyone, but the singing preacher sang a delightful refrain that had everyone in tears.
‘Hi,’ said Mai.
‘Hello,’ replied Joost.
‘Have either of you seen Plackcedes lately?’ asked Mai.
‘No, why?’ asked Bheki.
‘The police want to see her,’ said Mai.
‘Probably an unpaid parking ticket,’ said Joost.
‘But she disappeared after Abel’s murder,’ said Bheki.
‘I know, I was just kidding,’ said Joost.
‘Well don’t,’ said Bheki.
‘Plackcedes is definitely involved, and I guess with Dela too,’ said Joost.
‘Quite the Detective aren’t you,’ said Bheki sarcastically.
‘Anyway guys I’m going to find Miriam, I’ll catch you later,’ said Mai.
‘What’s got into you?’ asked Joost.
‘What do you mean?’ replied Bheki.
‘You know, Miriam can’t speak to me, you don’t like what I say. I thought you were even going to accuse me of wanting to screw Mai.’
‘You mean you haven’t already,’ said Bheki.
‘You see, that’s exactly what I mean.’
Eventually Bheki gave in.
‘I’m sorry Joost, I guess I’m just broody.’
‘Oh,’ he said.
‘Are you angry?’ she asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Do you want to make me pay?’ she asked.
He looked at her high heels, and black seamed stockings underneath the sleeveless turquoise dress and red raincoat.
‘I guess so.’
‘So why don’t you fuck me then hero,’ she taunted.
‘Where?’ he asked ‘the place is packed’.
‘If you really wanted it you’d already know by now.’