Saving Me

by Sadie Allen

  When we got to the bottom of the steps, I expected him to put me down, but he didn’t. He carried me back to the edge of the cafetorium to where my crutches were still propped against the table.

  I looked over his shoulder to see everyone staring at us, except Mrs. Cook, who looked oblivious. Blake was fanning his face, while Elodie looked like she was fighting a giggle. Then there was Raven who, if looks could do bodily harm, I would be on the floor in a pool of blood.

  Sterling carefully set me down and handed me my crutches. “I didn’t mean for you to make this so easy.”

  What was he talking about? I was pretty sure he made me stupid. Either that or I was still in a stupor from being in such close proximity to his body.

  “Wh-what?” I asked with no little confusion.

  “When I shared with you that I had a plan, it wasn’t to save you through musical theater. Even though, it doesn’t hurt.”

  I just stared at him without comprehension.

  His eyes were twinkling with humor, and his lips … those awesome lips weren’t curved up in a traditional smile. No, they gave a hint of a smile like he was fighting back laughter. It was a good look.

  “Haven’t you heard that music can rescue the soul?”

  Huh?

  “Oh, Allison! Here …” Mrs. Cook hustled up and handed me a sheaf of papers and something wrapped in white plastic. I looked at the package that said Cow Tales in orange with a picture of a brown cow. She then patted me on the arm before hoofing it away, yelling, “Blake, get down from there!”

  “It’s candy,” Sterling supplied helpfully.

  “Oh.” I was still staring down at the items in my hands.

  “Don McLean, ‘American Pie.’”

  My eyes shot up, and my brows drew together. “Excuse me?”

  “YouTube it.”

  “Okay …”

  He was giving me whiplash.

  “Well, I better get back on stage and help Mrs. Cook wrangle this group.” He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb.

  I nodded, my voice stuck in my throat. I wasn’t ready for him to leave, but I needed to get to the office, and he had to go.

  He gave me a crooked grin before turning and walking away. I was still standing there, watching him, when he then spun around and started walking backward as he called, “I still haven’t gotten a snap back from you.”

  I smiled. He probably wouldn’t anytime soon either.

  He winked then jogged the rest of the way back to where the class was gathered on the stage.

  I was surprised by how easy it had been to change my schedule, but from the number of times the counselor had asked how my parents were, that probably had something to do with it.

  When I was done in the office, I ran into Elodie, looking as tired as I probably felt. Whoever said crutches were helpful had lied. They were a pain.

  She asked where my backpack was, guessing I had left it somewhere, and then ran and got it from the locker room for me. I met her in the gym as she came out, wearing her practice clothes and holding my bright pink backpack. Elodie wasn’t in athletics, but she still participated in track. I was really beginning to like Elodie.

  Now, here I stood, outside on the sidewalk, waiting for my mom to come pick me up. She had declared I wasn’t driving today so I could rest my leg. My leg did hurt, and I was ready to sit down somewhere.

  School had let out and almost everyone was gone. The buses had already loaded up and taken off for the day, too. The parking lot still held the cars of the kids who were at either track, tennis, softball, or baseball practice. I noticed Sterling’s car was gone, but Miles’ bright red flashy truck was still there, as well as Laura’s white BMW. I rolled my eyes at the sight.

  I was hunched over the top of my crutches, trying to take the weight off my leg, when out strolled Miles and Laura.

  Have they been in there all this time?

  Miles saw me first and stuttered to a stop that caused Laura to crash into his back.

  “Hey!” she cried out as she looked up at the back of his head in confusion.

  “Ally, baby,” Miles greeted me with an uncomfortable smile and what looked like guilt etched on his face.

  Laura’s face showed irritation before she masked it and gave me a smile that reminded me of a cat who got its cream, which she had.

  She stepped around him so they stood shoulder to shoulder. They looked like a matching pair with their golden hair and blue eyes. She was dainty and petite to his tall and athletic frame.

  “Hey, Ally!” she said with a bright, fake smile.

  Anger flamed hot in me. I couldn’t stand looking at either of them. I couldn’t live like this anymore. The game had finally come to an end and, dang it, I was going to be the winner this time.

  “Look, I need to talk to you both.” No forced smile. No greeting. Straight to the point.

  Miles’ face morphed from discomfort to wariness, and Laura’s smile dropped as apprehension took over hers.

  “What’s up?” Miles grunted as he propped his hands on his hips and stared at me like he was trying to read my mind.

  “I’m not stupid, you know,” I blurted.

  Smooth, Ally.

  His brows furrowed, and his tone gentled as he replied, “I know. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

  Laura stayed silent, her eyes darting toward the parking lot like she was debating on making a run for it.

  “You and Laura have been screwing forever.”

  I was tempted to pull my phone out and take a picture of their faces. Both were frozen, except for their jaws dropping open. Laura made a strangled noise, while Miles’ mouth opened and closed like a fish. Then they both spoke at the same time.

  “That’s not—”

  “Of course not—”

  I cut them both off with a slash of my hand. “Don’t bother lying. I heard you both when I was in the training area during athletics. I went to the door of the locker room when I heard Laura yelling at you.”

  They both paled then turned interesting shades of red.

  “What did you hear exactly?” Miles asked as he took a step toward me.

  I held up my hands to halt him. I really didn’t want him in my space.

  “You know what I heard.” I looked him dead in the eyes, hoping to convey my meaning.

  Their color deepened until they looked like a pair of tomatoes.

  I decided to put them out of their miseries, though they didn’t deserve it.

  “I didn’t hear y’all doing it, if that’s what you’re worried about. I left before someone’s genitals were exposed.” I cut my eyes to the side, not seeing anything, just not wanting to look at them.

  When Miles blew out a breath, I turned back to them.

  He was a step away from Laura, looking lost and unsure of what to do with himself. Laura just stood there and stared at me. I was tempted to wave my hand in front of her face.

  “How long were y’all going at it, if you are just now leaving the locker room? And how did you not get caught?” I tried for a teasing tone, but it fell flat.

  Their expressions changed, and both gave me a weird look.

  What? Had they expected me to scream and cry?

  “You’re not mad?” Laura asked hesitantly and like I might be slow. Yeah, she had expected hysterics.

  “Oh, I’m mad. I’m mad at both of you, but I’m more upset with myself for letting it go on this long.”

  “It was just the one time,” Miles said like I was going to believe he hadn’t been having sex with my best friend for almost three years.

  Laura and I both snorted, and she looked surprised.

  “You knew all along?” she whispered.

  “Uh, yeah. You’re not exactly great at hiding it.”

  “It didn’t mean anything,” Miles interjected quickly.

  I stared at him. Then my gaze flicked to Laura. To him it might not mean anything, but with the way Laura’s face had just crumpled, it meant somethin
g to her.

  She brushed by him, and Miles leaned as if he would grab her, but he didn’t. He rocked back as she speed-walked to the parking lot. Then we both watched her get in her car and drive off.

  “Playing games of the heart,” I stated quietly through my clenched teeth.

  I was seething. How could he treat someone like that? She had shared her body with him not even an hour ago, and he had just discarded her like trash.

  “What?”

  “We’re done,” I told him frankly.

  “What!” he bellowed, moving toward me. Putting my hands up didn’t ward him off this time. In fact, it did nothing. They were crushed between our bodies when he grabbed me by the upper arms and tried to bring me closer to him.

  “Let me go, Miles,” I hissed as I tried to lean away from him while trying to keep the crutches under my arms.

  “We’re not through. We’re supposed to be together. It’s always been you and me, and it will always be you and me.”

  I shook my head.

  “Those other girls never meant anything. I’m a guy, so yeah, I need to get some. That’s just what guys do. I didn’t promise them anything, not like you.”

  That’s just what guys do?

  A red haze came over me, and I tried to jerk away from him, which made my crutches crash to the ground. I wobbled, but he held me fast.

  “You giving them you, physically, is a promise whether you said the words or not. Being with someone that way should mean something. So, every time you say, ‘it didn’t mean anything,’ it makes me want to throat punch you,” I told him hotly.

  “It would mean something with you,” he said softly, ignoring my threat.

  I rolled my eyes. When they rolled back in his direction, he looked hurt.

  “No, it wouldn’t. I’d be just another name on your list. Another notch on your bedpost.”

  “No.” His fingers dug into my skin, but I ignored them.

  “Aren’t you tired?” I asked exasperatedly.

  “Tired?” He looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

  “Yeah, tired. Tired of everyone expecting something from you or to be something. You don’t love me. Not really.”

  This time, he was the one to shake his head, but I powered through.

  “Listen to me,” I said earnestly as I stared into those blue eyes that used to mean something to me, used to make me feel safe, comfortable. “Aren’t you tired of sneaking around? Wouldn’t you like to be a single guy for once, taking a different girl out each weekend without hiding it?”

  He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. “You’re serious?”

  “Deadly.” I paused before whispering quietly, “I don’t love you.” He winced, but I kept on going. “At least, not that way, and I don’t think you love me either. I think you love the idea of us. I think you love that it would make your parents happy, and you like making them happy.”

  Though he looked at something over my shoulder, I knew my words had struck a chord.

  “We don’t have to be this … You’re playing games of the heart, and these girls are losing. Right now, you’re ahead of the game, but sooner or later, all this playing is going to catch up to you, and then you’ll be the one to lose, one way or another.”

  “I think it’s caught up to me now. I’m losing you.”

  “No, you’ll see, and you’re going to thank me.”

  He closed his eyes and whispered, “I don’t know.”

  I put my hands on his shoulders and squeezed. “I do. Now, aren’t you way late for baseball practice?”

  He opened his eyes, stared at me for a beat, and then let me go. I dropped my hands and rubbed my arms where his fingers had gripped me hard.

  “Yeah … Sorry about …” He gestured in my direction then rubbed his brow.

  I made to reach down for my crutches, but he beat me to it, picking them up and putting them under each of my arms in turn. Then he moved back, putting a few feet between us, but it might as well have been miles.

  “What do we do now?”

  “We move on.”

  His throat moved as his beautiful blue eyes searched my face like he was memorizing it. “Prettiest girl I ever did see,” he whispered.

  I smiled but only said, “Practice?”

  He nodded then cleared his throat. “So, I’ll see you around?”

  “Yeah, you’ll see me.”

  He gave me a small smile, a small wave, and then he was gone.

  I turned back toward the parking lot and stared at the runners on the track in the distance. What a difference a few days makes.

  My mother’s black Range Rover pulled right in front of me, cutting off my view. So absorbed in watching the bodies of my teammates in motion, I hadn’t seen her coming down the road.

  I blinked then moved to the back seat to put my crutches away before getting in the front. I buckled in then looked at my mother who hadn’t said a word, even though she was late.

  Her eyes were covered by huge black sunglasses, but the telltale blotchy redness on her face and her sniffles let me know she had been crying.

  “Are you okay, Mom?”

  She didn’t move her head, just kept looking straight ahead as she murmured, “I’m fine.”

  Now was probably not the time to tell her that I had made some changes to my life in the past couple hours … without their consent.

  “Okay.” I watched her for a moment, deciding that, yeah, telling her about dropping athletics and breaking up with Miles was probably not a good idea.

  I shifted forward and unzipped my backpack, pulling out my phone and headphones. A text lit up my screen.

  Laura: Tell anyone about today and you’re dead.

  Nice. Real nice, Laura.

  I cleared it and clicked on the YouTube app. I put Don McLean in the search bar, having no idea who he was or what he sang. The first video that showed up was titled “Don McLean, American Pie (with lyrics).” I wondered if it had anything to do with the movie, but paired with what Sterling had said, that made no sense. I put my earbuds in and clicked the video.

  The slow piano music and opening lyrics caught me off guard. I eyed the screen again, making sure I had the right song. Then it picked up and the lyrics changed. My eyes widened when he mentioned the day he would die. Since Sterling was the reason I was sitting here and knew my secret, I found this ironic.

  When the man sang the line that was similar to what Sterling had said to me, I could not keep the smile off my face. Then it died when he talked about her being in love with another man.

  Did Sterling think I was in love with Miles?

  I continued to listen and, despite my initial reaction, it grew on me. By the third chorus, I was swaying in my seat.

  When it was over, I opened Snapchat, went to Sterling’s chat thread, and typed:

  Me: Are you serious with those lyrics?

  I didn’t have to wait. His Bitmoji, which was adorable by the way because it looked almost like him without the bicolored eyes, peeked over the chat line.

  Sterling: What? <#Wink emoji>

  I exited the app and googled the lyrics, reading until I figured out what I wanted to say, then sent it before I could talk myself out of it.

  Me: So, Don did mention something about dancing really slow …

  Sterling: He also mentioned something about her having a boyfriend.

  I knew it! Now what do I type?

  I wanted to tell him that I had broken up with Miles without actually coming out and saying, “Hey, I broke up with Miles.” I looked through the lyrics, but I couldn’t find any inspiration. The Bitmoji peeping up at me seemed to mock me.

  Me: He didn’t say that exactly.

  I winced because it sounded lame after I had typed it out.

  Sterling: ?

  See? Lame.

  When the car came to a stop, I popped my head up to see we were home. I pulled my earbuds out—the music had long since stopped—and peeked over at my moth
er.

  She said nothing, just gazed straight ahead. I recognized the look on her face. She didn’t want to go in. She was thinking about driving away and never coming back.

  “Mom, you okay?”

  She seemed to shake herself out of it, pivoted toward me, and said in a flat tone, “Allison, I’m fine.”

  Before I could refute that, since she was so not “fine,” she changed the subject.

  “You should be okay to drive tomorrow. Don’t forget your physical therapy appointment at two p.m.” She then heaved herself out of the car.

  The mom from yesterday was gone. The robotic mom that I was used to had taken over again.

  When we walked into the house, she went directly to her room. I didn’t see her for the rest of the night.

  Tap, tap, tap …

  I blinked awake. My room was still dark, and my phone alarm was silent. My mind in a fog, I wasn’t sure what time it was or why I was even awake. I had been in a deep, dreamless sleep and was eager to return. It was hard most nights just to fall asleep, though that was all I ever wanted to do.

  I closed my eyes again and tried to sink back down into that comfortable abyss.

  Tap, tap, tap …

  My eyes shot open, and I sat up, letting the comforter pool around my waist. I surveyed my room, looking for the source of the dratted noise, and froze at the sight of a face in the window. I opened my mouth to scream, but then stifled it when I recognized the face peering into the room with his finger placed over his lips.

  I grabbed my phone from the night table and saw it was two o’ clock. Why was Sterling at my window in the middle of the night?

  I slid from the bed and stumbled over to the window, forgoing the crutches that were propped against the end of the bed. Then I kneeled and opened the window, the chill of the wind making me shiver.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered as I crossed my arms over my chest and rubbed my hands along the outside of my arms to warm up.

  “You never messaged me back.”

  “So, you just decided to show up at my house?”

  He shrugged like it was no big deal, but the smile he gave me was downright devilish. I could feel his eyes examining me, and I blushed since I was only wearing a pair of sleep shorts and a cami.