Out of the Shadows

by Loree Lough

  “I had a lovely time.”

  Wade blinked several times before a low chuckle began bubbling deep in his chest. “That was the general idea,” he said. “And for your information, so did I.”

  “Well, that’s a relief,” she teased, “because I’d hate to add that to my guilt burden, too.”

  His soft laughter wafted through her hair as he hugged her. “You’re something else, you know that?” He sighed into her ear. “You’re in big trouble now, missy.”

  She looked up at him, into his sparkling hazel eyes, willing him to kiss her.

  “Something is happening here,” he whispered, lifting her chin, “and I don’t know whether to run from it or straight at it.”

  Patrice trembled as his muscular body pinned her to the wall. She inhaled crisp aftershave and sweet cookie breath. If he isn’t the guy for me, Lord, she prayed, speak now or forever hold Your peace.

  When his lips touched hers, Patrice gasped. The soul-stirring taste of him sent silent shock waves straight to her heart. Weak-kneed and light-headed, she felt his arms encircle her, providing surefooted and much-needed support. Slowly, his fingers combed through her hair, traced down her shoulders and back, gently caressed her cheeks. His lips skimmed, light as feathers, from her earlobes to her throat to her forehead, before sliding back to her slightly parted, waiting lips.

  Between kisses, he stammered and stuttered, and his words made no sense to her. “It’s been…never thought I’d…you’re like…Patrice, oh Patrice….”

  When he said her name, it was a soft spring breeze, rustling the pines and sending dogwood petals floating gently through the air. Liking the way he’d warmed her lonely heart, she wanted to learn more about this strong-willed man—until her decision to keep a safe distance echoed in her head.

  He seemed to sense her sudden mood swing and gradually ended the delicious kiss. “I—I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” he murmured shakily. He kept her close, though, and looked deep into her eyes. “That’s a lie. I know exactly what’s gotten into me.”

  A tightrope walker could have balanced on the taut thread that linked their gazes. Wade stood back slightly, his eyes sliding over her features, reminding Patrice where his lips had been mere seconds ago. She waited for him to tell her exactly what had gotten into him.

  “I sure could use another cup of coffee,” he said instead.

  Small talk over the minimountain of chocolate chip cookies was companionable, and when he stood to leave the next time, she wanted to stop him. Wanted to feel his big, protective arms around her again, making her forget the horrible nightmares that disturbed her sleep. Wanted him to prove to her that the guilt and remorse she’d heaped onto her shoulders all these years truly was misplaced.

  “Wait,” she said.

  He’d made a stack of cookies while they talked, and now he was straightening a teetering column. “For what?”

  He sounded pleased, even happy, that she’d asked him to stay. “Let me pack a few of these for you to take home.”

  Grinning, he said, “Do you do this often?” Wade gestured toward the cookie pile.

  “Only when I’m upset. Baking…soothes me.”

  Wade chuckled softly. “From the looks of things, something had you real upset.”

  She was stuffing a small grocery sack with sweet treats when he bent to kiss her temple—the one with the scar. Her hands froze.

  “Beautiful,” he rasped.

  Her heart raced as she clutched the bag to her.

  “Well,” Wade said, “guess I’d better get home.” He hugged her and a cookie crumbled between them. He kissed the top of her head. “Lock up tight when I’m gone, you hear?”

  Nodding against his hard chest, she wondered about the myriad of sensations spiraling through her. What she felt with Wade was nothing like what she’d felt all those other times. If that had been love, what was this?

  Chapter Three

  Wade never really paid much attention to his home, such as it was, but those few hours at Patrice’s house made him see it differently. “Not your stereotypical bachelor pad,” his sister had said, the one and only time she’d seen it.

  He’d laughed along with Anna—and quickly dismissed her opinion. What did he need with suede sofas, an intricate stereo system, and sophisticated lighting designed to romance a woman? His beat-up foldout bed and mismatched lamps suited him just fine. The only females who’d ever seen them were Anna and his cleaning lady. If anyone had asked him, he would have said that’s how it would stay—until he saw the way Patrice lived.

  Dozens of times, he’d been invited to women’s houses. Except for the blond nurse whose town house resembled the sty of a certain Muppets character, his other lady friends had lived in organized style.

  So why did Patrice’s place seem so…different?

  Like a home.

  Wade blew a stream of air through his teeth. Home is more than a place to store your clothes, eat TV dinners, spend the night, he thought dismally. It’s where a man goes to be with his kids…and the love of his life.

  Things he’d never have.

  A year ago this time, he would have been heading out the door in a tux and shiny black shoes, on his way to one gala or another. Either that, or rushing to pick up some model wannabe for dinner and dancing.

  Wade put the soda bottle on the end table, aimed the remote at the TV and hit the on button. He tucked one hand under his head and squinted at the screen, determined to block Patrice’s pixie face and sweet voice and cozy home from his thoughts. He scrolled through the channels, but nothing—not even the super-sucker vacuum cleaner on the shopping station or the lion-hyena war on the science station—could take his attention from Patrice.

  It was the chocolate chips, he thought, grinning to himself. But when he closed his eyes and licked his lips, cookies were the last thing on his mind.

  After that McMonkey display in Emily Kirkpatrick’s room, he should’ve known she’d be animated, funny, sweeter even than those homemade cookies. Even if the shenanigans with the sick kids hadn’t told him a thing or two about her personality, the visit to her office should have.

  Black-and-white photos of hospitalized kids lined the walls. Numerous illnesses kept them tethered to their beds by plastic tubes, slouching weakly in wheelchairs, leaning on IV poles—yet every child in the pictures had one thing in common: a Patrice-induced smile. On her bookshelves, she’d proudly displayed lumpy animals, flower vases, and candy dishes made of modeling clay—mementos for the young woman they’d lovingly dubbed Monkey Lady.

  She’d been caring for her father for more than a decade, but Wade hadn’t noticed a trace of distress in her demeanor, hadn’t heard a hint of bitterness in her voice. Her dad’s cheerful attitude seemed proof that not even he had detected so much as a note of regret or resentment.

  Wade started counting Patrice’s qualities on his fingers: smart, good sense of humor, a big heart… The spotless house told him she was an “attention to detail” kind of gal, and the tasty cookies she’d baked from scratch said she enjoyed the sweet things of life, too. With all that going for her, who’d expect her to have eyes that would inspire poetry, a figure like the porcelain ballerinas his mom used to collect, and a voice so velvety he couldn’t think of a word to describe it.

  And then there was that kiss….

  He caught himself grinning from ear to ear, like some girl-crazy schoolboy. Wade blocked the TV’s flickering light with the crook of his arm, and shook his head. If he wasn’t careful, this thing could take a nasty turn; if he didn’t watch his step, he’d end up asking her out a second time, a third, even—and he couldn’t let that happen. Anyone with eyes could see that she was an innocent, and he didn’t have a clue how to behave with a woman like that!

  Again he thought of their kiss. She’d felt so small, so vulnerable in his arms, that Wade had found himself wanting to shield her from all life’s woes. He’d kissed quite a few women in his time, but he’d never felt that, not once
, not even for an instant.

  Weird, because he got the sense Patrice had earned the right to say, “I can take care of myself.”

  If he believed that, why did he want to protect her, anyway?

  Because she was one of those people, he told himself, who shouldn’t have to struggle, that’s why. She deserved to have someone there, right beside her, to lean on at the end of a hard day, to fend off any trials and tribulations that dared force their way into her world.

  Wade didn’t know if he had what it took to be that someone, and the admission saddened him more than he cared to admit.

  After tossing and turning for more than an hour, Patrice gave up trying to sleep and headed downstairs for some herbal tea. With her mug on the end table and a plate of chocolate chip cookies beside her on the sofa cushion, she cuddled under an afghan, scanning the morning paper. Unable to concentrate, she folded it neatly and laid it on the coffee table.

  Maybe the plot of a good novel would take her mind off the evening with Wade…and that incredible, indescribable kiss….

  Standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that flanked the fireplace, Patrice ran a fingertip along the spines of ancient volumes and settled on the family Bible. Maybe, printed on one of its crisp, gold-trimmed pages, she’d find the answer to the question that had kept her awake: Do You want Wade to be a part of my life, Lord?

  As she slid the Good Book from its shelf, a photograph fluttered to the hearth. Even as she bent to pick it up, Patrice recognized her mother’s familiar blue script, identifying the event and the date: Timmy, first day of school.

  Nothing could have prepared her for the sudden, overwhelming sadness that brought her to her knees. Sitting back on her heels, Patrice clutched the Bible in one hand, Timmy’s picture in the other. And holding her breath, she slowly turned it over, gasping softly at first sight of her little brother’s pale yet cherubic cheeks, at his gap-toothed smile, at eyes too big…too filled with pain for a face so young.

  She hadn’t seen this snapshot in more than a decade, but she remembered the day well. It had begun like every other, with her fervent prayer for Timmy: “Make him well, Lord!” Even before breakfast, he had been sent to his room with a paternal admonishment never to put sugar in the saltshaker again.

  Patrice couldn’t help but smile at the bittersweet memory of the feisty child who, despite his diminutive size and infirmity, never once complained. Even as a girl, she’d suspected that Timmy knew, somehow, that his life would be short. Why else would he have worked so hard to squeeze so much living into every moment?

  Back then, she hadn’t understood why the Almighty didn’t answer her plea. In truth, she didn’t understand it any better now. Timmy had as much right as any boy to climb to the treetops, to chase fly balls in left field, to race two-wheelers with a mob of his pals, right?

  The why of Timmy’s death would remain a mystery, at least until she joined him in Heaven. She believed without question that the Lord had taken Timmy to Paradise for reasons of His own, believed just as strongly that she had no right to question those reasons.

  Wasn’t that the basis of faith?

  Her mother’s death, however, was another matter entirely…. Anger swirled in her heart, in her mind. Dangerous territory, Patrice reminded herself.

  Standing, she tucked the photo back into the Bible and returned to her corner of the couch. Resting her head against the back cushions, she closed her eyes.

  “So, how’d it go?”

  Patrice lurched and let out a tiny squeal. “Dad,” she said, one hand pressed to her chest, “honestly!”

  “Sorry,” Gus said. “But you’ll thank me later.”

  Grinning, she sat up. “Thank you? For scaring me out of the last ten years of my life?”

  “Sure,” he said emphatically. “Those are the years you’d spend in an overpriced nursing home, anyway.”

  Rolling her eyes, Patrice groaned. “Maybe this weekend I’ll drive you down to Water Street, so you can audition at the Comedy Club.”

  He chuckled. “There’s something else you have to thank me for—”

  She waited for his punch line.

  “—that rip-roarin’ sense of humor of yours.”

  “Wow,” came her dry reply. “And here I thought being thankful that I got your eyes was enough.” She regarded him carefully. “You feeling okay?”

  “Never better.”

  “Then, what’re you doing up so late?”

  “I could ask you the same question.”

  “And we could go back and forth like this till dawn….”

  “Good point,” Gus said. And winking, he added, “Couldn’t sleep, that’s all. Happens to the best of us, sometimes.”

  Patrice sipped her tea. “How ’bout I fix you a cup of—”

  “No, thanks. I mostly just came in ’cause I thought I’d forgotten to turn out the lights.” It was his turn to look suspicious. “You okay?”

  The question surprised her. She could only hope it didn’t show on her face. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Well,” he said, pointing with his chin, “there you sit, family Bible in hand, Timmy’s picture poking out….”

  Another sigh. “Well,” she answered, forefinger following the contours of the Bible’s gilded letters, “maybe I am feeling a bit wistful.”

  He rolled closer to the couch. “You’re a good kid, Treecie. Have I told you that lately?”

  Gus said it a dozen times a day. Oh, he substituted a number of words for good—terrific, fantastic, super, wonderful—but the meaning was always the same.

  “So, how’d it go?” he repeated.

  She flopped back against the couch cushions. “My date with Wade, you mean?”

  Gus nodded, grabbed her mug and took a sip of the tea.

  “I’d be happy to make you a cup, Dad.”

  “Nah. Not thirsty,” he said, returning the mug to its coaster. Then he added, “You gonna keep me in suspense all night, or what?”

  She met his dark, teasing gaze. Smiling, Patrice said, “It went well.”

  “Where’d he take you?”

  “Mi Casa.”

  He scratched his chin. “Mi Casa, Mi Casa. Doesn’t sound familiar.” He squinted. “Is it new?”

  “Couple of years old.” She sipped the tea. “It’s at the corner of Route 40 and St. Johns Lane.”

  “Oh, yeah,” he said, nodding. “That new building behind the bank.”

  They’d already discussed this, briefly, before Wade arrived. “Enough small talk, Dad. Out with it.”

  Palms upturned and brows raised, he feigned innocence. “Out with what?”

  “May as well tell me what’s on your mind, save us both a lot of hemming and hawing.”

  Gus opened his mouth to respond, then snapped it shut again. For a long, silent moment, he only stared at her, a pensive, faraway expression on his rugged face. “Do you have any idea how much you remind me of your mom sometimes?”

  She’d never understood whether that was a good thing…or a bad thing. Patrice looked down, at the grain of the Bible’s leather cover. If she thought for a minute opening it would provide him with comfort and peace, if it would give him the healing he so richly deserved—

  “All I can say is, he’d better treat you with kid gloves,” Gus said roughly. “You remember what I said when the last bum broke your heart….”

  A sad smile lifted one corner of her mouth. “That you’d mow him down with your wheelchair, then back up and roll over him again.”

  “I would-a, too, if you hadn’t begged me not to.”

  He didn’t have it in him to squash an ant, let alone harm another human being. Still, he seemed to enjoy his little threat. Quiet laughter simmered in them, bubbled up and spilled softly out—proof of what they both knew.

  For a minute or two, father and daughter sat in companionable silence. Then Gus reached out and patted her hand. “Better get to bed, Treecie. Didn’t you say there’s some kind of multiward part
y at Child Services tomorrow?”

  She nodded. “Yep. Child Health Week starts this weekend.”

  “And let’s not forget what tomorrow night is….”

  Merriment twinkled in his eyes. She got up and crouched beside him. “What’re you dressing up as this year?”

  “Molly helped me build a box for this baby.” He slapped the armrests. “It’s the spittin’ image of an Indy 500 car!”

  “Cool beans.” She got to her feet. “But I think you ought to heed your own advice and get some shut-eye. Takes a lot of strength, setting up the stuff that’ll scare the willickers outta unsuspecting trick-or-treaters.”

  He chuckled.

  “Well, I’m off to Sandman Land. Need anything before I turn in?”

  He shook his head. When she bent to get her mug, he grabbed her hand. “You sure you’re all right, Treecie? This guy…this doctor…he was nice to you, right?”

  The image of Wade—sparkling hazel eyes, patrician nose, boyish grin—flitted through her mind. “Yeah.” She sighed. “He was nice.” She remembered the kiss. “Very nice.”

  “Good,” Gus said, popping a wheelie in his chair, “’cause I’d hate to—”

  “—mow him down,” they said in unison, laughing.

  He rolled out of the room.

  “G’night, Dad.”

  “Sweet dreams,” he called before closing his door.

  She licked her lips, remembering the cookie-sweetness of Wade’s kiss.

  Maybe, for a change, her dreams would be “sweet” too.

  Patrice parked in the multistoried garage adjacent to Ellicott General and yawned. The night had been one gruesome nightmare after another about the tragedies that had befallen her family.

  Thankfully, Molly had arrived a few minutes early, and Patrice had been able to sneak out of the house before her dad came down for breakfast. He’d know the instant he looked into her face that her dreams had been anything but sweet. And you’ve already put him through enough, she’d thought as she grabbed her briefcase and purse.

  Patrice locked up her car and headed for the elevator. But thinking maybe the walk would clear her head, she took the stairs, instead. On the first landing, head down and deep in thought, she plowed into a white-haired man and nearly sent him headfirst into the iron railing.