Cap nodded. “Good idea. Welcome aboard, Josh.”
Joshua mounted up, untying his pack horses. “Thanks, Cap.” He gave the old man a wink and rode off, inwardly disturbed at the frustrating realization that Marybeth MacKinder was a free woman.
The wagons rolled on with monotonous squeaks and groans, inching up tall, grassy hills, jolting over an occasional rock, pressing pretty wildflowers under heavy oxen hooves and iron-rimmed wheels. Marybeth tried to ease her pained feet and legs and her aching back from carrying Danny by picking flowers and sticking them around the wagon or into a buttonhole of her dress. She began sharing Danny with Ella again, but felt guilty whenever she let the older woman carry him. Ella had grown even more silent, and Marybeth guessed she was in pain and simply quietly putting up with it. She told Ella she should ride in one of the wagons once in a while, but the woman refused. “I’ll walk like the others,” she told Marybeth. “I’ll not be a burden.”
One of the Gentry children had taken sick, and her constant coughing upset Marybeth, whose fear of Danny getting sick had not subsided. The Gentry wagon was just behind the MacKinders, and Marybeth walked with Florence Gentry, reassuring the woman that eight-year-old Melinda would be fine.
Every day Delores Svensson joined them, and a close friendship was beginning to form among the three women. Marybeth wished Ella would join them, but she walked alone. Mac didn’t like his wife socializing too much. Marybeth knew it was because he was afraid she might get ideas of independence, might begin to realize she didn’t have to live the way she had been living.
Marybeth was determined that the MacKinder men would not hinder her own need to have friends, and she treasured the time she got to spend with Delores and Florence, who seemed to accept her the way she was, Irish, Catholic, and a widow. A few others shunned her, but their common travails made most of them friendly and receptive. Her heart ached at Florence’s worry over her little girl. They were beginning to pass graves now, almost daily. Some were fine, stone-covered graves, with wooden crosses bearing names still in place. Some were already overgrown, their markers lying on the ground; still others had been dug up. Whether it was by Indians or wolves, no one could know for certain, and the sight of the graves made Marybeth shiver with dread and hold Danny closer.
“That was fine rabbit we ate last night, thanks to that Mr. Rivers,” Delores spoke up as they walked.
Josh had been with the wagon train for ten days now. Marybeth shifted Danny to another arm. She didn’t reply. Every night Josh had come back to camp with rabbits, wild turkey or grouse, handing out food to someone different every night. But he avoided the MacKinder wagon, and she knew why. She hated John for it, for her stomach literally ached to taste some fresh meat instead of the daily boiled peas and beans.
“Mr. Rivers is a good hunter. I’m glad he came along,” Delores added. She glanced at Marybeth and offered to take the baby from her. Marybeth obliged. Danny was growing heavier every day. “You should let the baby ride in the wagon,” she told Marybeth.
“I’m afraid to leave him in there alone, and John and Mac won’t let me or Ella ride in the wagons. Cap says the less weight the better.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t ride once in a while for the baby’s sake,” Florence put in. “And for your own back. Those men are impossible.”
Marybeth reddened, saying nothing.
“I’m sorry, Marybeth. I had no right saying that.”
“It’s all right. I happen to agree with you.”
Delores turned and noticed the hint of tears in Marybeth’s eyes. “You told me once that your husband was just like his brother. Whenever I think of it, I am so grateful for my Aaron and how good he is to me. Forgive me for saying it, but your marriage must have been unhappy. I am sorry for you. You should think about taking another man, Marybeth. It isn’t good to be alone, with a baby and all.”
“I can’t think about another man right now. John would be furious, and when he is riled, he can be a vicious man. He’s a good fighter. I’ve told you, John intends for me to stay in this family. I’ll not try to do anything about that until we get to Oregon.”
“He can’t make you—”
“And who is going to go up against him? I can only do so much, Delores.”
“Well, there’s a long journey ahead, and I feel sorry for you having to go through it with that family,” Delores said.
“We do what we have to do,” Marybeth answered. She took Danny from her. “I’d better go ahead and walk with Ella for a while.”
“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Delores told her.
“No, you did not.” How could she tell them she had already thought about another man, a man she could never have. She hurried to catch up with her own wagon. To her surprise and relief Mac offered to take Danny. “Ah, he’s a MacKinder, all right,” he said, bouncing Danny and exclaiming about how big he was getting. “He’ll be as big or bigger than his father.” He suddenly scowled at Marybeth. “You’re spending too much time with those other women, Marybeth. You’d be best to walk with Ella and keep her company.”
“I need their friendship. And I think Ella does, too. You should let her walk with us.”
“And let you and those others plant ideas in her head? You’re getting more independent every day, Marybeth, and I do not like it, nor do I appreciate it. Why do you continue to embarrass and shame us?”
“Shame you? What on Earth have I done to shame you?”
“Talking back, like you’re doing right now. Maybe you won’t listen to John, but you’ll by God listen to me. If you insist on continuing to turn away from your own family, you’ll be doing it alone. My grandson belongs with us and that is where he will stay. If you don’t want to be left behind, you’ll stop gabbing with those women back there and stay here where you belong.”
Marybeth stopped walking and grabbed Mac’s arm. “Give me my child,” she demanded, her voice low but menacing.
“You heard what I said, Marybeth.”
“I’ll not turn into a frightened prune like Ella,” she seethed. “Nor will I stand for you threatening to take my child from me! If you want to be a grandfather to your grandson, you’ll think twice about trying to take him from me, Murray MacKinder!”
The man shoved Danny back into her arms. “That boy is family, woman; all that is left of my dead son. But you are not family! And apparently you don’t want to be. I’m tired of your ungratefulness, and if it keeps up, I’ll make good on those threats, even if it means separating from this train and taking Danny off with us. No one here is going to bother inerfering with that. They’re all too busy with their own problems to stick their noses into ours! You’re Irish, Marybeth! You will make life a lot easier for yourself if you stick to your own kind!”
Marybeth glowered at him. “I’ve come along with you because I had no choice, but you have no right dictating my life. I have no intention of keeping Danny from you and John and Ella, but I will have to eventually if you don’t start treating me like a human being.”
“And just where would you go? Would you shame yourself by forcing your company on one of the other families, people who have enough problems of their own? Would you go begging to them? I’m telling you how it will be, Marybeth. You will stay with us for this journey because you have no choice. And when we reach Oregon, you will have mourned Danny long enough. You will do the right thing by marrying John and you’ll settle down into your proper place!”
The man stormed away. Others, including Delores and Florence, had caught up while Mac and Marybeth argued. Some had stared, but Delores and Florence had looked away. Marybeth knew they could hear, and her humiliation knew no bounds. She stood there with Danny, feeling helpless, as the rest of the wagon train passed her. Dust rolled around her, and she turned her back to it, tears stinging her eyes. For a brief moment she considered walking in the opposite direction, just heading out over the plains and walking to nowhere—anyplace away from the MacKinders.
It was th
en she saw him riding toward her—Josh Rivers. An antelope bounced on the back of his pack horse. She stood there and watched, feeling literally lifted by his warm smile as he approached. Josh noticed the pain in her face, saw the lingering tears in her eyes. He rode closer, looking from Marybeth to the wagon train that passed her.
“You all right, Mrs. MacKinder?”
“Yes, I…I just got tired and stopped walking for a while.”
Josh’s eyes moved over her in a way that made Marybeth’s blood run warm. “I’d be glad to give you a ride forward.”
“There’s no need. I’ll catch up.”
He noticed her hitching the baby to her other arm, noticed she limped slightly. He realized that after a while even a baby would begin to feel like a fifty-pound flour sack to such a small woman. It irritated him that the MacKinder men didn’t let her ride in the wagon once in a while, or at least rig up a better way of carrying the baby.
“Please, ma’am, let me help you.”
“No!” She looked at him with nothing less than fear in her eyes. “Please, please go away, Mr. Rivers, before people see us talking. Please!”
He rode closer again. “I’ll go—this time. But if you think I’m afraid of John MacKinder or his father, I’m not. And neither should you be, ma’am. You’re free to make your own choices.”
“And I choose not to make trouble.”
He rode very close and leaned down, pulling his hat lower on his forehead. “Suit yourself. Good-day, ma’am. I’ll bring some meat by your camp tonight.”
He rode forward. “Please don’t,” she called out to him. But he only waved and kept riding. Marybeth watched after him, touched by his charm and concern, upset at his brashness, yet finding it intriguing. She admired him for obviously holding no fear for John MacKinder. Most men shyed away from him. But Josh Rivers intended to walk right into his camp tonight and offer some meat. Marybeth put a hand to her heart at the thought of it. Josh Rivers was interested in her, she was sure. But she realized the tragedy that could bring him. She wanted nothing more than to welcome him into her life, but reason, and concern for his own well being, told her that could never be.
Chapter Six
“We’ll reach the Platte River soon,” Bill Stone spoke up. “Cap says we’ll have to cross it several times. We’ll follow it clean into Wyoming, so at least we’ll be near water most of the way.”
“Good. The women can keep things a little cleaner then,” Mac answered. He eyed Marybeth, the warning still there in his dark eyes. She glared back at him but said nothing. Inside she felt frantic. Could he really find a way to take Danny away from her if she tried to leave the family? She knew she would get no help from Ella, and she was too proud and too embarrassed to go asking any of the others to help her. Not only did they indeed have their own poblems, but she was not about to visit the MacKinder wrath on any of them.
“We eating those damn biscuits and boiled peas again?” John asked.
“We’ll have potatoes tomorrow,” Ella answered. “I’m trying to preserve them. All of you should eat a dried apple. The captain said it will help prevent scurvy—something about teeth falling out.”
Marybeth moved farther into the shadows, opening her dress and covering herself with a blanket to feed Danny. Mosquitoes buzzed around her, but the blanket helped keep them off the baby. She wondered how many more nights she could stand the insects without going insane.
Crickets sang loudly. Somewhere in the distance a child was crying and his mother was scolding. Ella dumped some dried peas into a pot of water and suddenly someone loomed into the light of their fire. It was Josh Rivers. He held a rabbit in each hand.
“Evening, folks,” he said casually.
“What in the name of the Saints do you want,” John sneered.
“I thought you might like some meat tonight. Everybody gets their turn.”
“We don’t need your handouts,” John growled.
“It’s not a handout. I’m hunting for everyone. The rest of you have enough to do. Each one does his share on a venture like this. My job is to provide meat. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it to Ben. I’m hungry, and I don’t intend to stand here all night forcing it on an ungrateful bastard like you.”
“You think you’re the great hunter, do you? Does that make you the better man?”
“John, don’t be such a fool!” Marybeth spoke the words from the shadows. Josh looked in her direction and could just make her out. She had a blanket over herself and he realized she was feeding her baby. He was instantly irritated at the rush of unwanted desire the sight stirred in him, and he looked away. “We need the meat,” she added, “Not two minutes ago you were complaining that we’d be eating peas again. I’m hungry for a piece of meat, and now here we have some for the taking! Are you going to let your stupid pride keep us hungry?”
John rose, clenching his fists. “You keep your thoughts to yourself in front of others, woman!”
“She’s right,” Ella spoke up, surprising all of them. She looked at her husband with a mixture of fright, apology and pleading in her eyes. “I’d like to cook the rabbit, Mac. I’m as tired of peas as everyone else.”
Mac watched her for a moment, then looked up at Josh. “Leave the rabbits, as long as we all understand it’s your duty. We won’t be accepting favors or feel we have to be grateful to the likes of you. Like you say, everybody gets his turn.”
Josh looked at the man with contempt in his eyes. He laid the rabbits in front of Ella, quickly surmising the poor woman’s situation. “You want me to help you skin them, ma’am?”
Ella looked at him as though shocked by the offer.
“She can do it herself,” Mac grumbled.
“I didn’t ask you,” Josh answered, his growing anger evident in his voice. He looked back at Ella.
“I…I can do it just fine,” she told him.
Josh sighed and rose.
“We’ve got something to settle between us,” John told him then. “I hope you don’t think it’s ended, Rivers. I won’t make trouble for Cap while we’re on this trip, but when we reach Oregon, you’ll find out you were just very lucky that night on the riverboat.”
Josh met his eyes boldly. “You might be a man in size and looks, MacKinder; but on the inside you’re about as mature as a six-year-old kid.”
John stepped toward him, but Mac barked an order to stay put. “You’ll get us banned from the wagon train,” he said. “Let it go for now, son. Your time will come.”
John stood glowering at Josh like a raging bull. “That it will,” he seethed.
Josh just shook his head and turned away.
“Mr. Rivers,” Marybeth called out.
He stopped and turned. “The rest of this family can be rude and ungrateful if they choose,” she told him from the shadows, “but I refuse to compromise my own ethics. Thank you very much for the meat. Please bring us more whenever you can.”
Josh turned away again. “Glad too oblige, ma’am.” He walked off into the night.
“You never quit, do you?” Mac growled at Marybeth. He looked at his wife. “When that rabbit is cooked, don’t you be giving any of it to Miss High and Mighty over there. She can eat the peas!”
Marybeth looked at him in wide-eyed astonishment. “I’ll remind you I’m feeding your grandson. If I don’t have enough nourishment, he doesn’t get enough either.”
“You’re looking healthy enough. A couple more days without meat won’t make any difference. Maybe after this you’ll learn to stop talking out of place. I’m damn tired of it.”
Marybeth rose and climbed into the wagon, not wanting the man to see her tears. She held Danny close, whispering that somehow, some day, she would get him away from the rest of the family. She cried until she fell asleep, then was awakened by the savory aroma of roasting rabbit. Her stomach growled and ached with hunger. Walking all day long, as well as doing heavy chores and breast-feeding a baby left her with a bigger appetite than normal. She wanted desperatel
y to eat, but she was determined she would not sit and eat peas while the rest of them chomped on rabbit.
She felt around inside the wagon for the gunny sack that held more biscuits. She pulled one out and chewed on it, hadly able to swallow because it was so dry. She choked it down, then took a dried apple from the bushel basket that held them. She ate that, then sat back, the tears wanting to come again. She thought about Joshua Rivers, how he had offered to clean the rabbits for Ella. He was so gentle and thoughtful. His woman would never go hungry or neglected. She would not want for affection and attention. She would never know fear. She realized then that she was picturing herself as that woman, and she also realized what a foolish thought it was.
She laid Danny into the feather mattress and sat back, trying to relieve her lingering hunger by thinking about other things. She decided it was useless and wrong to think about Josh Rivers. She turned her thoughts to Ireland, beautiful, green Ireland. Oh, how she missed it! She prayed that others with the wagon train wouldn’t judge all Irish people by the MacKinders. She missed her father’s raucous good humor, his twinkling eyes and immense affection. But he had been dead for a long time, and her mother was gone, too. Since joining the MacKinder family, all the joy had gone out of her life, wiped away on her wedding night.
Without realizing it her thoughts turned again to Josh Rivers. How would he have treated a frightened young virgin on her wedding night? With great care and affection, she had no doubt. Maybe that first night he wouldn’t even touch her.
She sighed, listening to John and Mac complain about everything they could think of. She knew they were drinking by now. Mac laughed about Marybeth refusing to eat anything. “If she wants to be that stupid, let her starve,” he grumbled.
“She’ll come around soon enough,” John put in.
“I’m going to sleep,” Bill Stone said.
“I think I’ll do the same,” John said.
The men’s voices quieted, and for several minutes Marybeth could hear Ella cleaning up. She left Danny sleeping inside the wagon and climbed out to help the woman, but Ella motioned for her to get back inside. Marybeth frowned with confusion. She sat down inside the wagon, and a moment later Ella handed her a plate and a tin cup of coffee. “Not for you,” she told her. “But you’ve got to stay healthy for Danny’s sake.”
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